Week 20: Jokes & Juxtaposition

Fun Activity This Week:  Put a jigsaw puzzle together!  If you do not have any, or you do not enjoy puzzles, find something else to do together that challenges your brains and causes you to work in juxtaposition with one another.

 

Week 20: Jokes & Juxtaposition

 

Jokes:  In week twelve, I wrote about having fun.  Another layer to having fun is being able to joke with one another. Mel and I have a great many jokes between us.  Our sense of humor is nearly identical, and I love that I can be comfortable enough with him to be a total goofball.  No matter what we are going through, there is always plenty of laughter in our home. 

I know that not all marriages enjoy such frivolity.  Whether it is because they grew up in a humorless household and were never taught to loosen up or have been through so much tragedy that joking around seems a luxury they cannot afford, or maybe he/she is simply lacking a sense of humor.  However, if the problem can be remedied, then I say try, or seek counseling if one or both of you are so depressed you cannot make an effort to laugh. 

Use this week to lighten up and find humor in life.  When I was a police dispatcher and later a veterinary technician, there were often situations where one had to laugh or fall apart.  My colleagues and I usually chose the latter.  Laughing when you feel like crying can actually be healthier as you learn to face the tough situations with a more positive attitude rather than crumbling.  I am not dismissing or diminishing grief. I can say this based on personal experience, it is okay to give yourself permission to laugh even while grieving.  Being able to see the silver lining can make it easier to cope.

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22

 

Juxtaposition:  I will admit, the reason I chose this word for the letter J was merely that I think it is an enjoyable-sounding word; I was not certain how I would use it.  I always thought if people or items were in juxtaposition to each other, they were merely in relation to one another.  When I looked up the dictionary definition of juxtapose it states, “to situate side by side; place together.”  I knew then exactly how to approach this amusing word.

Just as God made Eve for Adam (Genesis 2), He also made you and your mate for one another.  You were “placed together” with your other half for a very specific purpose.

One of the things Mel and I love to do is to read a book aloud together (or have the Kindle read for us or listen to an audio book).  We are both history buffs, and we have a collection of autobiographies and biographies of historical figures.  While I was writing this entry, we had just finished reading the biography of Pierre and Marie Currie written by their daughter Eve.  Pierre and Marie were so perfectly made for one another; their upbringings, ambitious intelligence, and love of physics were all remarkably similar.  While Marie (also known to many as Madam Currie) is the more recognized name, it was working many long hours with her much beloved husband that brought about the discovery of both polonium and radium.  Together, they accomplished life-saving feats for science and medicine.  While it could be argued that alone one of them may have achieved such triumph, I choose to believe their successes came because they worked so beautifully as a team.   

God placed you in juxtaposition with your soul mate for a specific purpose as well.  Perhaps it is to raise wonderful Godly children.  You may be meant to minister together teaching Sunday school or a home Bible study, working at a soup kitchen, or building orphanages.  As with the Curries, you may also be of one brilliant mind and, as a team, do great things that help save lives.  Whatever it is, do it all for the glory of God (I Corinthians 10:31), and you will always be blessed.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  Ecclesiastes 4:9

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Jokes: Take time out this week to laugh over clean jokes.  You could even buy or borrow a book of clean jokes, even if you have to shop in the kid’s section!

Art Project Option: Create a booklet titled something similar to, “Funny Bone Lane” (as in taking a trip down such lane).  Remember how you made the booklets in weeks 1 and 11, follow the same concept.  On your paper squares, write as many funny memories as you can think of.  Make certain you leave plenty of blank pages at the end to fill in new events.  Illustrate it, use stickers, or just your words.  When you have a nice stack, punch holes in the sides, and tie it together.  You can work on this together and each make suggestions or one of you can make it as a surprise gift.  Read it together when finished and enjoy a time of laughing so hard it will make you cry!  P.S.  This booklet is great therapy when one or both of you are having a blue day.  When I was down, I got out the one I made for Mel, and by the time I had finished reading it, my frown had been turned upside-down!  

 

Juxtaposition:  Celebrate how alike you are this week.  Find something to do together that you both enjoy.  If you are history buffs, go to a museum (or an online museum tour).  If you love music, go to a concert or take up lessons for a new (or familiar) instrument together.  Love sports, play one of them together, or take up a new hobby such as tennis.  Love to cook, take classes together or make a special dinner together (don’t forget dessert).  You get the idea!  The point is not to enjoy your similar interests alone, but in juxtaposition to your partner!

Week 19 Fun Activity

 

(These photos were taken May 10, 2020) This week's fun activity was to journey to another city or county.  We just happened to have plans to go to Salem, OR on Monday, so this was our journey to another state (we live in WA).  It was a little over 6 hours, round trip.  With so many things closed right now, we did not stop to do any tourists activities, but our reason for going to Salem was to rescue two puppies (in the last two photos). It was a fun day!  

Week 19 Short Video

There is a part 2 to the word of the week, "Joy" but Blogger will not post it. If you would like to view it, you can view it on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554421138800

Note: I recorded this around 4 years ago, but I still fully believe that joy in the Lord will help us get through any circumstance, whether the situation changes or not. When I went through 2 cancer surgeries last year, it was knowing that no matter the outcome, that the Lord loved me and would get me and my husband through the tough times. That hope brought much peace and joy during a physically and emotionally difficult time. And praise God, both of my cancers were stage 1!

Week 19 Art Project

 

Week 19: Jealous & Jesus

Fun Activity This Week: Journey outside your own city or county for some new fun!  If you do not know anything about the next city or county, use the Yellow Pages (on or off-line) as your guide. 

Week 19: Jealous & Jesus 

Jealous:   Love does not envy [is not jealous].  I Corinthians 13:4

Some people interpret the above scripture by stating that we are not to be jealous of other people in our spouse’s life.  Others say it means we are not to be jealous of our spouse.  While I agree with the latter, that we are to rejoice in all our spouse accomplishments, I actually disagree with the former.  Guarding your relationship with jealousy is prudent.

Jealousy may seem like a negative thing to write about, but it can actually be very positive when it comes to you and your mate.  It is a wise thing to guard your marriage with a jealous love just as Christ has for us.  Christ does not want us to pursue other interests that take our focus off our relationship with Him, and we should have the same focus when it comes to our marriage. 

I am also speaking of being possessive of your spouse.  I am not talking of unhealthy paranoia or unwarranted mistrust of your mate.  What I am referring to is keeping your eyes wide open to anyone who may want to corrupt your marriage either for their own sake or for the sake of trying to break you up based on their own jealousy.

I have always felt that cheating on your spouse was abhorrent, but since I have been married, I see it one hundred times more so. It helps me realize even more why The Bible says in Exodus 34:14, “For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." I am also a very jealous wife. This jealousy is based on how much I love and adore Mel. I am possessive of him just as God is with me. That makes so much more sense to me now than before I was married. I would not cheat on my husband because I love him so much, and he loves me. In turn, I would not cheat on God with a false god (or worship a religion, or put an idol before Him, etc.) because I love God and He loves me.

Mel and I have a very jealous love for one another, and I believe God designed our marriages to be that way. It is very healthy and there is nothing wrong with being possessive of your spouse. I am not talking about being a creepy bully; you can read more about having a healthy grip in week 14.  In fact, I tend to think there is something wrong in your marriage if you are not jealous of other people actively seeking to take your spouse's attention away from you. You should want to guard your marriage with a fortress and arsenal full of weapons (this includes God and prayer). It does not mean you mistrust your spouse. I trust Mel, but I also do not want any woman near him that flirts with him. I know my Mel is trustworthy, but it is a matter of protecting my marriage against predators. Even those that inflict unwanted attention but say they would never act on their feelings must be kept at arm’s length and even removed from our lives if necessary. Our love for each other goes far higher and deeper than any friendship and we are more loyal to each other than to anyone else. If you cannot say that about your partner in life, then I think your marriage needs evaluating. For when you get married, you are truly flesh of one flesh (Genesis 2:23-24) which means you are one - you are bonded. No one should come between you. No one means no one. 

Jesus:  Of all the advice I have and will ever give, this is the most important.  If all you read from this website/Facebook page are the next few paragraphs, it will be enough.  When you make the precious trinity, Jesus Christ, God, and the Holy Spirit, the center of your marriage, everything else falls into place.  This is not just a statement people make to placate one another; it is a proven fact. That is not to say that all marriages that call themselves Christian are healthy.  Going to church and reading your Bible is not enough to sustain your marriage.  You must put into practice God's commandments and live lives holy and pleasing unto to Lord (Romans 12:1-2).  Marriages with a sincere faith in Christ that walk the walk and talk the talk are less likely to divorce.   For one thing, you are not striving just to please your spouse, but to honor the Creator of the Universe, and He will honor you and your marriage for choosing to separate yourselves from the world.

The principles of Jesus Christ are the perfect foundations for marriage.  I believe in reading the entire Bible.  Especially focus on the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), particularly the words spoken by Jesus, and put them into practice, you will have a lasting marriage.

When you both imitate Jesus, not Moses, not Paul, not your mama and papa, or any celebrity or politician, I guarantee you, your marriage will flourish and be full of love.  I am certainly not promising a strife-free life (John 16:33), but whatever you face, your marriage will not only survive, but also thrive when you endeavor to be like Jesus.  

When you humbly spend time in prayer and communication with the Lord, it affects your entire attitude.  The better you get to know God, the kinder and gentler you will be with your spouse. Your marriage will be more peaceful, more respectful; it will be a pure and safe place.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

 

Jealous:  This week listen to your gut instincts.  Is there anyone that creates jealous feelings whenever they are around because he/she flirts too much with your spouse?  Talk about it with your mate.  If one of you chooses to confront that person, do so in love.  If you need to put space or even a permanent separation between you and said person, do not feel guilty; your marriage comes first!  

Art Project Option: This project will cost money, but the cheapest option is $1 or less.  Show your mate you love him/her with a healthy, jealous love!  When I think of jealousy, I think of the color green (green with envy).  Cover a little box with green construction, wrapping, or scrapbook paper.  Be as creative as you can and place in one or all of the following fun green things such as green candles, a nice smelling perfume that comes in green, green soap or body wash, green candy (such as green M&Ms or jellybeans, etc.) or cookies (for all these things think apple, pear, watermelon, even basil or pistachio).  You could even find sexy lingerie or boxers in green to add to your box.  Make a little sign for the box out of cardboard attached to a Popsicle stick that says something like, “I Love you With a Jealous Love.” And of course, you do not have to choose green, any color will do; the theme of a healthy form of jealous love is all that matters here!    

Jesus:  To further understand the teachings of Jesus, read together any (or all) of the four gospels and focus on the verses about loving one another.  Discuss what you have read and how it relates to how you should treat each other.

Week 18 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to give your spouse an invitation to any event you so choose.  You do not have to make it yourself if you do not want to. You can buy the invitation, or you can use any leftover ones you may have had from a party.  The inside is private, but I am sure you can figure out the gist of this invitation I made for my hubby!

Week 18 Short Video

 

Week 18 Art Project

 

This week's art project for the letter I was to create art you could share on the Internet. Here are a few of the various "art" projects I have made throughout the years. 

Week 18: Internet & Introspective

Fun Activity This Week:  Write each other an invitation for something special.  Be creative!  It can be as simple as time uninterrupted in the bedroom, to more complicated such as an entire evening or day of planned entertainment.

 

Week 18: Internet & Introspective

 

Internet:  This is going to be brief because I will say more on the topic of pornography later on, and I previously addressed being accountable in the areas of Facebook and other social media sites.  What I would like to add is that the Internet could be a wonderful tool used to serve the Lord alone or as a couple.  Writing blogs, starting a Facebook and/or YouTube ministry page and simply sharing scriptures with family and friends are all great ways to minister for Christ.

On the flip side, the Internet is also a weapon of mass destruction.  It destroys marriages and souls.  If there are any web sites you feel you cannot view with your spouse sitting next to you, then that is a clear indicator that you should not be viewing it at all.  Would you view it if Jesus was sitting next to you?  Well, guess what, your spouse may not be ever-seeing or all-knowing, but God is!

Can anyone hide himself in secret places, so I shall not see him?” says the Lord; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord.  Jeremiah 23:24

Set a time limit for computer time. I have known too many people who spend their spare time on-line when they could be interacting with their mate.  Games and research can be fun, but not at the expense of a relationship with your loved one.  I am not saying taking down time to de-stress on the Internet is wrong. Mel and I each have our own blogs and Facebook pages and work independently on them.  However, even when working on different projects or even just playing games we still take time out to interact in-between (or even in the midst of) tasks.  We are not strangers sitting side by side; we still chat, flirt, and discuss what we are working on.  Simply stated, do not become so engrossed in personal playtime, that your mate feels like last place in your priorities.

 

Introspective:  Take time out to ponder seriously over what you could be doing to be a better mate.  Pray over these issues and ask God to reveal what you need to change.  In addition, ask your spouse for honest feedback and do not use this time to fight, but to listen and do all you can to make changes.  These issues can be from the simple request of wearing lingerie more often, to having more homemade meals and less frozen ones, to changing how you make fun of him/her in front of your friends. This is not a time to be demanding or a bully, but to work on communication on where you think improvements can be made within your marriage.  You both need to feel comfortable with all changes discussed and make sure they match up with the principles in the Bible.

If you do not want your partner's opinions because your mate can be overly critical, then, as suggested, still take time for self-examination at least once a month.  What can you do that is more helpful?  What in your marriage do you feel needs work?  This is not the time to play the blame game; this is all about what you are responsible for in making your marriage as good as it can possibly be.  I know I like to "boast" that my marriage is pretty close to perfect, but I also know that I can always be a better wife.  I often ask Mel what I can do to be better.  He always says I am a perfect wife and there is nothing he would change.  I am certain he is just being sweet, as I know I am flawed and there is always room for improvement.

It is also a good idea as a couple to ask yourselves how you can improve in your spiritual walk.  Could you spend more time in prayer and worship, read The Bible more often, give up ungodly entertainment, etc.?  As with marriage, there is always room for improvement in our walks with God and we should never cease wanting to make it better.

Anyone who knew me prior to 2012 would have seen I had a faith in God, but I was not as spiritual as I could have been.  I laughed at some filthy jokes, watched movies and television shows filled with violence, sex, and occultism, and talked about people behind their backs.  I knew I needed more than my own desire to be a better person; I needed a strong, spiritual man to be my influence and guide. 

I wrote a list in 2006 asking God for specifics in what I wanted in the man I would marry.  It is amazing that Mel fits that exact list, even in physical description!  I want to focus on part of one paragraph I wrote six years before I met Mel: "Spirituality: This is the most important. This I absolutely will not compromise on: He must be a Christian.  I want someone who has a fire in his belly for God that will help challenge my faith and we will help each other’s spiritual walk grow.  We will have awesome spiritual discussions and our marriage will be extremely Christ-based." 

Since I have been married to Mel, he has truly been a wonderful influence on me.  I am a much calmer person than I was ten years ago.  He is not a bully but has gently helped me realize what things in my life were a hindrance not only to my spiritual walk, but to my personality as well.  I have given up all forms of entertainment that have any aspect of witchcraft in them, are violent, sexual in nature, or have profanity in them.  I want to number one please God, but I also very much want to please Mel and make him proud to be my husband. That alone makes it easy to want to do what is right.

Asking God will change you is one thing, being willing to change is a completely different animal entirely! Do not just say, “God has been dealing with me on...”  and continue in sin. You have to actually change your behavior, not just feel guilt over doing what you know hurts others. Our daily prayers are honestly and humbly, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit,” (Psalm 51:10-12) and then eliminating the areas in our lives we feel are stumbling blocks. Prayer is not passive; it is being active and proactive. Moreover, so is marriage.  It is actively helping your mate change where he/she feels he/she needs it. 

Let me just clarify that too. Helping your mate be introspective is not an excuse to be critical.  I see too many spouses correct their mate for things like bad grammar usage, how to drive, etc.  This is genuine change that needs to take place such as alcoholism, gambling, gossiping, lying, etc. 

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Internet:  Unless it is for work or an emergency, pretend the World Wide Web does not exist at least for one day, all weekend, or even for the entire week.  Do not substitute Facebook (or other social media outlets) for texting or you are missing the point of this exercise.  Exchange the time you would usually give to the net with time spent with your mate. If he/she is at work when you are usually on-line, then find something else to do.  Read, enjoy a hobby, or try a new recipe for dinner that you have wanted to try but have been too busy to attempt.  The point is to let the world pass you by and let it revolve around you and your mate instead.

Art Project Idea:  Although I just suggested you take a break from the Internet for one or more days, you can do this without being connected to the web.  Create something on the computer that you and your mate can show off on his/her (or preferably your combined) social media page, blog(s), or just to e-mail to friends after you complete your Internet break.  You can embellish a photograph with some loving words or write a poem and interpose it onto a fancy background.  Be creative but fight the urge to use an existing design someone else made and simply sharing it.  Make it personal and put some time and effort into it to show off how much you love your soul mate. 

I will show you a few of my ideas in my next post.  By the way, you do not need a fancy computer program; I simply used a combination of Microsoft Publisher and the Paint program that is standard on most computers to insert the backgrounds, photos, words, hearts, etc.   The other thing I have done more than once, and that is to use a set of themed pictures (such as wedding or a special event/location) and add romantic music to it and play a slide show for your mate.

Note: If you do not know how to create designs on a computer, no problem!  You can create something off the computer and take a photo of it to share with your friends & family.

 

Introspective:  Ask each other the hard questions this week such as, “Where do you think I need to improve in my walk with the Lord?” and, “How can I be a better partner?”  Do not be on the defensive to the answers and take the time to listen and try to improve in the areas suggested.  When it is your turn to answer the questions, do not be critical, but offer up the truth in love.   

Week 17 Fun Activity

 

This week's fun activity was to have ice cream together and try each other's flavor. We are trying to do better with our sugar intake, so we chose the ice cream in the photo, although the cones are not low sugar as I thought, just considered diet. Oh well, LOL!  We purchased the ice cream bowls in 2013.

Week 17 Short Video

 

Week 17 Art Project

 

I chose art project option #2 this week, which was: "You can make any award to celebrate a quality you admire in your spouse.  You choose the theme and present it to your spouse in whatever way you choose. I know this seems very vague, but you know what to celebrate about your partner and so have fun coming up with ideas!"

As always, you can view the video that goes with this art project on the Facebook page (tap or click on the photo link on the top right side of this blog site). In the video I read the letter I wrote that matches this award and explain that your project this week doesn't really have to match the letter I!

You can also read the letter below:

The Endurance Award

My Darling Mel,

This award is to represent what you are the best of or best at.  The obvious awards to grant you would be for being the best husband, best lover, best friend, and overall best man.  I wanted to go beyond the obvious and explore all you are as Mel, or more specifically, Lynn Melton Ludeke.

Thinking about your entire life, I knew the best award to give you had to be the “Endurance Award.”  There are several layers to this award.

At the tender age of eleven, you were forced to endure the first major tragedy of your young life, the death of your beloved father, Paul.  Not only did you face your own heartache, but had to watch your sweet mother, Marie, suffer as a widow.  Financially, times were tough.  Emotionally, the grief would always hold a place in your heart for the loving father that never got to see the man his son became.  Spiritually, you have become your father’s son.  In spite of his absence, Paul left a lasting legacy of spiritual strength and wisdom in the characters you now possess.

Losing your dad was hard enough, but you also had to endure a condition with no cure.  Your body betrayed you with Tourette’s Syndrome, forcing you to suffer with pain, exhaustion, and worse still, rejection from those who did not care enough to understand your torment.  Being the man you are, you face this syndrome with grace and strength.  You push forward and do your best not to complain.  Lesser people become bitter over lesser conditions, but you are a loving, tender-hearted man, who has learned to be humble and patient, in spite of it all.

For most, either the loss of a parent or a non-curable condition would be more than enough to endure.  Unfortunately, life was not done dealing its devastating blows.  Just twenty years after the death of your dad, your devoted mother, Marie, left this world to join to her beloved Paul.  For Marie, I am certain this was a joyous occasion as she had grieved her true love for two decades, and she was finally meeting the Jesus she had faithfully served.  However, for you, the loss of your kind mother was unadulterated tragedy.  She also would leave an unfillable hole in your heart.  Yet, also like your father, Marie’s strong faith in Christ left a shining example to her beloved sons, and you knew to cling to the robes of Christ rather than push away.

I wish I did not have to add more to this sad tale, but you know as well as I, that you were about to face two more earth-shattering losses.  First came the devastating death of your only sibling, Larry.  Your older brother had been such a good friend, as well as a surrogate father, and many memories are still painful. 

While still in mourning for your brother’s sudden death, just nine months later, your first love, partner and friend passed away.  The one you had planned to spend forever with.  So many plans made together were now devastated as you were now facing the death of your wife, Kim.

How much more, Lord, must this faithful child of yours be forced to endure?  Well, a little over two years later, the nephew you were closest to, Bob, who was like another brother, suddenly died as well.  Grief overtook your world again.

The beauty of the “Endurance Award” is that it has a lot more to do with than just what you have had to endure in the area of tragedy and hardships.  It celebrates whom you have become, in spite of all the tears you have been forced to cry.

You are choosing to fight the good fight of faith and you are choosing to endure to the end.  You are an obedient servant to Christ and readily preach the gospel, spread the message of holy living and share your dreams and visions.  You press forward in spite of criticisms and rejections.  You write and share what God wants you to share and write.  You are brave, bold, strong, and willing to be used by Christ.

Have you had moments of doubt?  Of course!  Anyone would.  In fact, most would have fallen away many, many years ago.  But you have endured in strength, spirituality, and in character.

Had you wallowed in self-pity and not forced to get up each day and see daylight, I would have lost out on the most precious gift of my life.  I am grateful you have an enduring heart and allowed yourself to heal and love again.  I am so grateful you opened your heart up to me and made me the happiest woman alive by giving me the privilege of being your wife!

Thank you for choosing life.  Thank you for listening to God’s Voice.  Thank you for enduring.

I hereby grant you with this, the “Endurance Award.”

Love Forever,

Julie