Week 5 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to "create a can or box out of anything you choose... to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving... Save up" as long as you choose and then donate to a reliable charity.  Our charity of choice is World Vision and I decorated the can from one of their catalogs as well as using a picture of the sweet boy we have sponsored since 2019 (In the red shirt when he was 6 years old.)

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

Fun Activity This Week:  Go camping!  Wrong time of year or no place to go: Set up a tent in your living room, complete with flameless candles to imitate a campfire.  No tent: Create one out of blankets like you did as a kid.  Don’t forget the marshmallows!  Indoor camping: you can still make S’mores by toasting the marshmallows or over the stovetop on a long-handled fork but watch closely for messy drips! I have also made s'mores in an air fryer by melting the chocolate (I used white chocolate chips) and the marshmallows onto the graham crackers on a tray in the air fryer. (Note: Since I am posting this in January, you can always put this activity on a checklist and save it for warmer weather.) 

 

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

 

Charity:  I am a big believer in donating to charity (this will also be clear when you see the fun idea suggested for week 8).  I am not ashamed to admit for most of our marriage, Mel and I have relied heavily upon food banks and heating assistance in the winter.  During this time my attitude changed toward people in need.  Sure, I had worked at soup kitchens before and even delved into our meager budget to make meals to feed the homeless.  I have donated to my own favorite charities since I first started working at the age of seventeen.  Yet somehow, I still held the same negative perception I see in nearly all of our everyone I know against the poor.  Are they lazy and just taking advantage of free assistance?  After the first week of standing line with the same type of people I once looked down upon, and after hearing one too many judgmental person spout off to me with, “Don’t you want to work?” my heart has been forever changed.  It is not our place to judge those who ask for help; it is our job to try to meet their needs or point them in the right direction toward an organization that can help. (On a side note, I do actually work as often as I can, and when unemployed I am continually seeking another job that my health issues can handle.  I have even worked jobs I knew would be physically difficult, but stayed as long as I could until my condition insisted I leave.)

But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? I John 3:17

Donations do not have to cost money when you are also in need.  You can give your time as well as clothing and other items in good condition.  When you give as a couple, and practice the principles of Jesus Christ, it will strengthen your bond.  When I worked at the state park, I befriended an eighty-year-old lonely widow, so Mel and I made sure we spoiled her by treating her to a nice dinner.   This is something you can do, or even babysit for free, make dinner and/or dessert for a lonely neighbor, or other things to help someone with a physical or emotional need. Often, just listening to someone and praying with them is a huge blessing to them.

If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.  James 2:15-17

Commiserate:  Too many people are quick to dismiss their partner’s negative personality traits as nothing more than a personality flaw.  Yet, when you can learn to commiserate with your honey’s past, you will be a lot more understanding.

We all have things in our past that have caused us pain.  Some things may seem small to one person but monumental to another.  Do not dismiss the way a difficult past affects your spouse just because you do not believe you would handle the situation the same way.

Ask each other to be open and honest with your pasts.  The more you know the more you can commiserate.  When you understand that a rejection complex is due to dealing with losing multiple family members, you will learn to be less defensive every time he/she thinks you are rejecting him/her.  If you know your mate has been abused, you should find yourself feeling less judgmental every time he/she overreacts to a simple correction or disagreement.

Pray to see each other through God’s eyes of love and compassion.  Romans 12:15-16 gives us this good advice, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.”  When you can place yourself in each other’s shoes and try to understand why certain things are triggers to bad moods or bad habits, it will be easier to work through your problems.  You can then truly, “Be of the same mind toward one another.”

Do not assume all the anger or hurt is directed at you; you just happen to be the closest target, so the past becomes transferred onto you.  The more you can commiserate, however, the easier it will be to work through the problems so bad behaviors are not repeated. 

I am certainly not justifying bad behaviors just because one has faced a painful past.  We are always responsible for our actions toward others and must do our best to heal from the abuses of life, so we do not become the offender.  Oft times one is unaware he/she is taking out past hurts on others.   That is why it is best to talk things out and gently remind your mate his/her transference is not fair to you and remind each other to treat one another with kindness and respect.  And of, course, ask the Holy Spirit to heal all wounds, and seek professional help if needed. 

     

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Charity:  If you do not have one in mind already, use this week to research out a charity you would like to start supporting.  Make certain they are legitimate and represent your moral beliefs and local/global concerns.

Art Project Idea:  Create a can or box out of anything you choose (coffee can, oatmeal box, tissue box etc.) to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving.   The fun activity for Week 8 will suggest donating to charity that week.  Save up until then (and even beyond). If you rarely use cash and therefore rarely have change, set aside a designated amount to put in the can each month by using an IOU slip of paper or however you choose the save the money.

 

Commiserate:  If you have not shared all of your past hurts with your mate, make it a priority this week to do just that so that he/she can commiserate with you and better understand why you tick the way you do. Do your very best not to turn your spouse into your scapegoat.  Rather than taking our past hurts on your honey, learn to deal with the real issues causing you pain so you can heal and be a better partner.

If you are the one wondering why your mate gets angry, standoffish, rude, defensive, or frightened at certain triggers, ask him/her about it and be quick to commiserate.  Be open and nonjudgmental to all your mate shares.  Pray that God will heal past wounds for the both of you.

Week 4 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity is to start a new (or continue a current) Bible Study together. We have decided to study the book of Isaiah. Our goal is to someday start a Bible study group with my husband as the leader or co-leader.

Week 4 Short Video

 

I apologize I made this week's video a few seconds too long (It is only 1 minute and 3 seconds long) and Blogger won't post it, but you can view it on the Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 4 Art Project

This week's art project was to create a poem out of the letters "bold" or "boldness" to show that you are always willing to boldly take a stand for your spouse and your marriage. To see the video associated with this week's art project, please see my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

Fun Activity This Week:  Start a Bible study together.  It can be any length on any subject.  If you regularly read the Bible together, you can still think of a new subject into which you would like to delve deeper and plan a new study as soon as you can.  Also, if you are comfortable with it, consider leading or hosting a study in your own home.  However, if you are the teacher, make sure God is calling you to be a leader and follow through on practicing what you preach! 

 

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

 

Boldness:  It is vital to the health of our marriage that we are bold in taking a stand for each other.  

Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.  The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.  Proverbs 31:10, 11, & 23

This is not, I am sure, the actual translation of these verses, but I believe what I am going to write about falls in the same category.  They do not specifically instruct the wife to boldly stand up for her husband when others mock him, but can’t you see where that would fit with the theme? I will explain further.  The virtuous woman’s husband “safely trusts her,” which means he can trust that her conversation behind his back will be pure and honorable.  She will not backstab him, and she will defend him when her friends or family speak ill of him.  This ties in with verse 23 as well.  To me this says her husband has a good reputation.  He is “known in the gates” and even “sits among the elders,” which could also mean he holds a position of authority.  Would a man be held in high regard if his wife gossiped about him to her friends and said nothing when others insulted him?  Of course not!  They would wonder why his wife was so disrespectful and he would most likely lose his place of honor.  These same principles apply for the husband in the way he treats his wife as well. 

The subjects that God puts on my heart to write about for this blog are not all based on personal circumstances, some are simply what come to my mind when I pray about what to write.  This subject, however, is both personal and God-inspired.  It comes in two parts:  

When Mel was posting scriptures and speaking out against the gay lifestyle on his blog and on Facebook, he got a lot of heat for speaking the Truth of scripture.  There were some people I had been friends with for a long time that came against my husband.  I was able to forgive what they said, but when someone turns against the man I love with hateful words/actions, they are no longer welcome in my life.  Of course, I agree with my husband’s Biblical views against homosexuality, and I will always take a stand for Christ, but this was just as much about boldly showing solidarity with my spouse.  Mel and I are of one mind as we are one.  I am very proud of my hubby; his boldness and strength of character are some of the things that made me fall in love with him!

Now I come to the second part of why I wanted to write on this topic.  We had some issues with friends not supporting our marriage.  There were quite a lot of instances, but for the sake of not dwelling on the negative (all issues have been forgiven), I will not go into specifics.  The point is that these people dishonored our marriage when they were disrespectful to my husband.  I will not tolerate that from anyone, nor does God expect me (or you) to.  My husband and I are one.  If you insult him, you insult me.  When he hurts, I hurt.  If you make it clear you do not want to be around him and make him feel unwanted, then I have no desire to be with you. 

I know this may sound harsh, but I believe that a Biblical couple stands up for each other and stands by each other’s side no matter what!  Therefore, I will speak the Truth in love, and hope all of you boldly stand up for your spouse when others criticize him/her or your marriage.  I did not marry my friends or even family members, I married Mel, the love of my life, and he is whom I will defend. 

Just one quick note to make things clear: This week is only from the perspective of standing up for a Godly spouse that is being unfairly treated for whatever reason and being loyal to him/her above anyone else.  I would never tell anyone to stand up for a spouse doing anything immoral or illegal.  Obviously, if your spouse needs to be punished by the law, you must do the right thing and alert the police, especially if it involves injury to you, a child, or another adult!  

Bride of Christ:  I am aware that when The Bible speaks of the bride of Christ, it has to do with the church.  However, the idea that formulated in my heart revolves around more of a personal relationship as an individual bride. 

I was prompted to write on this topic while Mel and I were both miserably suffering with a flu that lasted longer than two weeks (this was around 2017, long before COVID).  It was one of those flus where all we could do was sleep for twenty hours a day and everything hurt.  I was running a 102-degree fever for four days, and Mel ended up in the emergency room because he passed out twice.  Not fun!  In a rare moment when I was awake and somewhat alert, I started thinking of how frustrating it can be to live in a fallen world where such potentially deadly flus exist.  Just because we make Jesus Lord of our lives, it does not make us exempt from such things.  Life happens, and we have to learn to roll with the punches.   Part of such an attitude is thinking of my relationship with Christ as I do my wedding vows.  I will be loyal to God in sickness and in health and in richer and poorer.  The good news is, I do not have to add, “Until death do us part,” because God has given us the gift of eternal life with Him if we repent of our sins and daily walk in ways of holiness.

Just as I will always be faithful to my precious earthly husband, I always want to be an honorable bride for my heavenly husband as well.  Jesus will come back for a bride who has done her best to live a life separated from the world, daily died to the flesh, followed the teachings and attributes of Christ, and placed Jesus as Lord of her life above all others.  We are not expected to be perfect, but we must choose to cast off our old natures and sins, and desire to be the best we can be in order to be a Light for others and please our Creator. 

That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:27

Being a loving wife to my Mel does not end after the honeymoon, I must make the right daily choices to be respectful, romantic, and kind. And, yes, it is a daily choice with my relationship with Christ as well, not a one-time prayer.  Getting on your knees to ask Jesus into your heart is not a prayer of salvation, it is a prayer of new beginnings.  Only those who endure to the end will be saved, salvation is a free gift, but you have to choose to accept it, and it can be lost (at the very least, read Revelation chapters 2 & 3), just as earthly marriages can be lost to infidelity, abuse, and lack of love and respect. 

In June 2024, Mel and I will have been married for twelve years, but people still tell us how cute we are and think we are newlyweds.  Our bond grows stronger because we put forth the effort to communicate and never stop learning about each other.  We are still discovering and telling new stories of our pasts.  Even telling or hearing the same stories multiple times reemphasizes how well we know each other when we realize how well we know a particular story.  (In other words, don’t be rude when your spouse repeats something; smile that you know exactly what he/she is going to say next because you two are so bonded.)  We are best friends and spend hours a day talking, going for walks, playing games, reading, and praising the Lord.  If we ignored each other all day, let the romance fade, and spent the majority of our time apart, our marriage would fizzle.  Instead, we keep the flames of love and romance alive because we are so much in love, we never want to extinguish our inferno.  The same is very true in my approach with my walk in the Lord.  I want to make certain I never cease trying to learn all I can about His teachings.  I read my Bible to remind myself of His Truths.  Even after hearing or reading the Word of God for more than fifty-one years, I still discover new things I never considered or simply overlooked.  Just as I keep the lines of communication open with Mel, I make sure to tell God how I feel. 

One of the best ways to show Mel I love and accept him is to pay him compliments.  As you know, I am very much against spouses being nags.  Treat your honey like a cherished partner, not like your child.  I have made the majority of the same art projects I suggest in this book for my hubby as well other items not listed here.  It is a fun and romantic way to show Mel each week how much I love him and how much he means to me.  Although I am obviously not going to make art projects for the Lord, I should still put forth the effort to always tell God how much I love Him and appreciate all He does for me; tell God I love Him just for Who He is.  Prayer, praise, and worship are the best ways to show Jesus how much I love Him, as well as using my talents to bring glory to His name.

For scripture verses on being the “literal” bride of Christ, or more specifically, the verses that relate to the church see Revelation 21:1-7 & Revelation 22:16-17.  You can make these personal and apply them to your individual actions.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Boldness:  Make a conscious effort this week to keep your ears open for any negative talk about your spouse.  Be quick to boldly defend each other, no matter who the speaker may be.  In addition, make sure you are not being a hypocrite; do not speak behind each other’s back unless it is to plan a surprise or unless you are saying words of commendation.

Art Project Option:  Create a word poem out of the letters in the word BOLD or BOLDNESS.  You can use the simple one I wrote or write your own personalized version.  You can make the letters out of patterned paper, use stencils, or even simply write it or type it and print it out.  Here is the one I wrote.  It is not really a poem, but each letter is advice meant to inspire boldness in your marriage.

 

Honey, I will:

Boldly and

Openly

Learn to be

Daring;

Never let anyone

Ever harm you; I will

Stand up for you and I will

Stand up for our marriage!

 

Bride of Christ: Are there any ways in which you are not reflecting the image of a bride of Christ to your husband or others?  Do your words and actions represent Christ?  If not, ask your mate to help you work on changing your behaviors to help you be a better Christian and a better spouse.

Week 3 Fun Activity

 

Originally posted on 01/22/20: This week's fun activity was to bake one or both of your favorite desserts together.  Instead of baking for each other, we made cookies for my boss' husband's birthday! I love to bake for my friends' birthdays, and we decided to turn this week's fun activity into baking for my good friend's husband. He requested dark chocolate chip cookies, and he also likes walnuts and coconut, so we added both to these cookies. Yum! You can also choose to share the "wealth" of your fun time in the kitchen with your friends by giving baked goods as gifts! Of course, be sure to keep a few for yourselves as well! (P.S. That first photo is of us in our aprons.)