Week 11: Faithful & First

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Go to a farm!  Feed the animals, gather eggs, milk a cow, or do whatever sounds fun to you.  No farm in the area that allows visitors: Look at books about farms, go to a farmer’s market, or anything else you can think of that celebrates the life and hard work of farming!

 

Week 11:Faithful & First

 

Faithful:  There is so much to say on the subject of being a faithful partner that I could write a separate book on the subject.  So, bear with me, this will be the longest blog in this series, but consider it marriage-saving advice! You can always read some now and some later of you are too busy to read all at once.

Let me start with an easy issue.  Being faithful includes flirting only with your spouse. Flirting is not as innocent as some may think, it sends a message that you are finding the other person appealing. This is why I say this is an absolute no-no. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between being friendly and flirting. The problem is that so many times people assume you are flirting, even if you are just being friendly. Of course, do not stop being kind to people, but be careful not to cross a line.  In doubt, ask your spouse and do not get defensive but really examine your actions if they perceive you as flirting. Mel is very handsome and has the most beautiful eyes, smile, and dimples. As soon as he flashes that illuminating grin, women swoon. I am not exaggerating. Even when I am right next to him, other women openly show an interest in him; wedding rings mean nothing to most people. I hate it so much that I could not possibly ever do that to Mel. That would be cruel, and my goal in life is always to do right by him, not to hurt him in any way.  Besides, I do not want to. I only have desire for my husband and have no interest in flirting with anyone other than Mel.

I try to avoid eye contact with men I do not know and limit it even with those I do know. If I think a man may be looking at me, I immediately look away; even if he is not, I do not want to give him any indication that I would ever do anything to dishonor my precious husband.  I want to honor Mel by my actions in every way and keep myself 100% pure for him. 

Flirting is never harmless and often leads to much more dangerous territory.  So please be aware of how you act around the opposite sex.  Are you simply friendly, or are you outright flirting?  Would you still act that way if your spouse were in the room?  By the way, the dictionary definition of flirting is, "to act amorously; play at love; to trifle or toy, as with an idea."  Says a lot doesn't it?  Says right there that it's “toy[ing] with an idea,” such as an affair.

(Proverbs 6:32) Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. 

There is NEVER any excuse for pornography. This includes not just movies and magazines, but smutty novels or even provocative clothing ads. This taints your sexual relationship and is absolutely considered being unfaithful.  Remember this verse from a last week that Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." 

Exodus 20:14 states, “You shall not commit adultery."  Also do not even consider being with someone else as Exodus 20:17 says, “You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.”  Could it be any clearer?   

Affairs are not glamorous, sexy, exciting, fun, funny, or romantic.  They are raunchy, soul-destroying, family-ruining, nasty, evil things.

I have known too many people who have had affairs, and I have heard far too many excuses.  Here are just a few: mid-life crisis, I was hurt as a child, he/she cheated on me first, he/she is too controlling, we had a fight, I was lonely, I have a deeper desire for sex than he/she does, I no longer desire him/her, I want to teach him/her a lesson, men in The Bible were allowed to have more than one wife, it makes me feel sexy, or just because I want to.  There is no such thing as a good excuse because there is never any good reason to have an affair.  All of these issues are fixable if you are willing to do the work rather than seeking revenge through sex with another person.  There is no shame in seeking professional help.  If you truly love your spouse, you will risk the awkwardness of talking to your spouse, a spiritual mentor, or psychologist in order to save your marriage before an affair happens.  Afterwards it may be too late.

If you truly love your spouse as I so crazily love mine, you would never even dream of cheating.  The idea would make you want to vomit.  Affairs make me sick!  Bottom line to me is that if you are willing to cheat, you do not truly love your spouse.  In my opinion, those who cheat are clearly showing they are not in love with their mate.  But even if you believe the love is no longer there, that is still no excuse to dishonor your wedding vows.  After all, you chose to get married, and you can always rekindle the love if you are willing.

A note to any unmarried people reading this: Keep this in mind if you choose to be the one cheating with a married person, he/she does not love you.  Even if they leave the spouse for you, statistics say they will not be faithful to you either.  If he/she is willing to trade the spouse in for a younger or better-looking person, they will most likely trade you in as well.

Affairs ruin more than marriages; they destroy families.  I have seen it repeatedly: a once bright and sunny child becomes sullen and possibly even a troublemaker after such an event. It makes them see everyone around them as untrustworthy.  Children are affected no matter what age they are when they learn of a parent's infidelity.  I have known adults whose parents got divorced due to an affair (or two), and it deeply wounded them to their very souls.  Devastated by her mother cheating on her father, a twenty-four-year-old woman almost committed suicide.  She would have succeeded had not a friend discovered her in the midst of trying to end her own life.  Another woman was terrified of marriage because she was afraid there was no such thing as true love if those who claimed to be in love were willing to betray a spouse in such a horrible fashion.  She shied away from even getting a crush on a man because of her trust issues.  She pushed away anyone who tried to get close and stayed single more than half her life.

If you are in the middle of an affair, stop!  Seek help immediately.  You may or may not be able to save your marriage, but if you repent, you will save your soul.

Whether you are married or single, if you are ever tempted to have an affair, please remember this from 1 Corinthians 10:13,  No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. There is always a way out and the opportunity to walk away.  There are no excuses.   

(Proverbs 6:24-29 & 32-33) To keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?  Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent.  Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away.  

One way to affair-proof your marriage is for you and your spouse to be accountable to each other.  It is healthy in a marriage to have no fear of knowing where your spouse is at all times.  In other words, Mel should never have to worry about what I am doing when we are apart.  He should always trust that I am being faithful and that I would never, in all eternity, do something that would dishonor him in any way.  This includes my time on the phone and computer.  If you feel your spouse is being too nosy when he/she wants to know your plans, it is probably because you have a guilty conscience.  Quite truthfully, everyone I have known that complained they thought their mate or boy/girlfriend was too controlling were people that were indeed sneaking around.

Affairs are not only physical; they can also be mental and emotional. Although seemingly not as dangerous, be warned that they have great potential to lead down darker paths.  Chatting too much with someone other than your spouse online or through texts is still cheating.  Yes, affairs happen in the mind as well.  Again, remember Matthew 5:28.

I know many people are on some form of social media and spend hours communicating with those of the opposite sex; this includes texting as well.  They do this apart from their spouse and sometimes even in secret.  This may start innocent enough, but it is proven to be dangerous ground where affairs start (this is not just my opinion, but fact).  We have both known people who continually talk with someone they are not married to rather than going to their spouse.  If your spouse really is not available, find a relative and/or someone of the same sex to whom you can talk.  If there is no one, then keep a journal and write things down.  However, you should make your spouse your number one source of communication.  If others feel left out, that is okay.  When you are married, your spouse should be your focus and all others can wait.  After your relationship with Jesus, your marriage is the most important relationship in your life.  

Mel and I always allow the other to see what we texted as well as all e-mails, Facebook PMs, etc.  If there is something you do not want him/her to see, then you need some serious help in your marriage.  You should also have each other’s passwords to all e-mail and social media accounts.  I am not telling you to be a spy, but just know if your partner chooses to read your e-mail, you have nothing of which to be ashamed! (Or just have joint accounts as we do.)  If you have to hurt feelings by ending Facebook or texting relationships, then so what.  If it is more important to you to hold onto another person and you cannot stand the thought of only talking to him/her in the presence of your spouse, this is a very dangerous sign.  Afterall, whom did you choose to marry and say sacred vows to before God? 

 

First:  When you place God first, your spouse second, and all others last, your marriage will naturally be joyful. 

As a childless woman, I am not qualified at giving advice on how best to balance married life while trying to take care of one or many children.  What I have learned is by reading books on marriage, by observation of married couples with children, and by simply talking with friends that have children.  What I can tell you is that your spouse should always come first.  Always make him/her a priority even over your children.  The secular world will tell you I am wrong, and they will place driving the kids to multiple activities over having a romantic dinner with their spouse.  When you spend more time catering to the kids (in this I mean driving them to a thousand different locations) and not saying no to them, it gives a clear message that the kids are in charge.  The truth is that kids are proven to be happier when the pressure is removed from them participate in less activities and just focus on being a kid.  Limit driving your children to two to three activities a week (total, not per child) or at the most once a day, not all day long. There is nothing wrong with carpool, letting the older kids drive, tutors, housekeepers, babysitters, or cutting down on the children’s activities.  I have known many couples that schedule a date night once a week or once a month and those are the happier marriages.  They are more united as a team when it comes to raising their children, and their children are more stable and happier for it.  Those that let their kids rule their lives are the ones that often end in divorce and/or their children can see a weakness in the marriage and will take full advantage of it.   I am certainly not suggesting neglecting your children; they need nurturing and love every bit as much as you do.  In fact, I highly support family time such a devotionals, playing games, family outings, etc.  However, a healthy marriage where the parents are so united nothing will ever tear them apart will lead to happier, more secure, and more successful and less self-centered children, end up with happy marriages of their own, and are less likely to get into trouble.  The more generous you are spending time alone with your spouse, the happier your whole family will be. Note: When the children are babies, you will inevitably neglect each other to care for the little one’s many needs but still take the time out to assure each other of your love.  Sex and intimate time may be shortened when the baby keeps you awake and exhausted, but even quick sessions or just snuggling are bonding moments.  Take advantage of nap and bedtimes and use babysitters as the child gets older, even if only for a few hours.

Marriages do not just suffer when there are children demanding time, they suffer when jobs interfere.  If your wife wants to spend a romantic night snuggling (or more) on the couch, please do not brush her off for work, mandatory or not.  I know there are some jobs that demand an awful lot of time, and job security is important in order to keep a roof over your head.  With that said, money will not buy love or a happy marriage.  Buying a house or vehicle you have both always wanted will not make your spouse love you more.  If you really have an itch to spend money, go on a romantic getaway.  Spend long nights gazing into each other’s eyes on the beach or kissing in a hot tub in the mountains.  Those types of memories build lasting relationships, not long hours at work trying to get a promotion.  It is better to be generous with your time with your spouse and be stingy with your boss.  What good will recognition from your coworkers or boss do for you if your spouse walks out the door because he/she feels neglected?   

I am certainly not a perfect wife, but I can say with full conviction that no one will ever accuse me of placing my housework above spending time with Mel.  Yes, that means I also have never been accused of being a neat freak - LOL!  Yet, I have known many women that truly believe cleanliness is next to Godliness.  That phrase is not even in The Bible, and yet far too many people spend more time making sure their home is spotless rather than sitting down and having a long chat with their spouse over a cup of coffee each day.  Reading a book together, playing a game, or taking a walk is much more beneficial to your homelife than making sure every dust bunny has been evicted from your home. 

The only thing you should place before your mate is your walk with the Lord.  I really want to stress the importance of putting your mate before everything except God.  And by “everything,” that is exactly what I mean: children, other people, work, hobbies, etc.  Let not money, fame, pride, power, nor any material thing ever be worth more than the love between you and your spouse.   

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

 

Faithful:  Use this week to evaluate all the relationships you have with people of the opposite sex.  Is there anyone you are placing above your mate?  Are there any friendships you feel guilty about and/or try to keep secret?  Are you deleting conversations?  Let these people go!  If you work with one of these people and cannot change shifts or quit your job, then at least back off and be less friendly; make certain you are never alone with him/her.   

This is also a good week to put being accountable into practice.  Share passwords with one another and do not erase any texts, e-mails, or social media conversations unless your spouse does not care if he/she sees every message between you and your friends of the same sex.  But make sure you have that agreement before you hit “delete.”  It is best to share one account for all electronic communication, so consider merging all your sources.     

 

First:  Are you placing anything over spending time with your spouse?  Work, sports, hobbies, other people?  Experiment for at least one week by saying, “no” to all of these things and giving your extra time to your soul mate.  You will be surprised at how much closer you feel to your partner after you make an active decision to put him/her first.

Art Project Idea:  To show your mate how important your life with him/her is, and that he/she takes first place in your life, make a little booklet that celebrates all your firsts together.  Make it the same way you made the book in week 1.  The cover for this one can say something such as, “You are my #1 priority, and I love remembering the first time we…”  On each page you can fill in the blank such as: met, had our first date, kissed, said I love you, made love, etc.  You can draw pictures on the pages, use stickers, or just use words.  If you have any photos of these events, you can use them as well and even add a little memento if you so choose.  You can also make this a dual IOU coupon book by adding a gift certificate to recreate all your firsts.  Such as an IOU to return to the first place you ate together, or where you had your honeymoon (or similar places if you no longer live in the same area).  If money is tight, these gift certificates can be non-expiring to give you time to save up for a hotel or a trip.

Week 10: Fun Activity for Exercising

 

 

Week 10: Fun Activity for Exercising

This week's fun activity is: Exercise together; even something simple, such as going for a walk.  Remind each other that being healthy will allow you to have each other as long as possible.

One of our favorite places to exercise is at the nearby Pacific Ocean.  We love to hike the trials, stroll the boardwalk, and walk on the beach. These photos are from various dates.

Week 10: Expressing Your Love Short Video

 

Week 1o: Expressing Your Love Short Video 

I know I'm looking in the wrong direction and I said, "This week for the letter A," instead of E, but hopefully the rest of the video still makes sense! LOL!

Week 10: Eye Candy Art Project

 

 Week 10: Eye Candy Art Project

This week's art project is: This project could cost money, but does not have to if you use items you already own.  Create a box out of a pre-existing one such as a shoebox, or use a basket you own, or even plastic food container.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper that has a candy design or even glue real candy to the outside (Keep glued candy away from children - LOL!).  There are several options you could use to fill it.  The number one idea, however, is lingerie for one or both of you.  If you cannot afford to buy something new (thrift stores are also good sources for lingerie), use something you already have or find a way to be creative and turn existing clothing into something sexy.  Such as a slip you may wear under a dress or even just underwear that’s in good condition.  You could also add a bag of his/her favorite candies.  Write a note on scrapbook paper and glue it to a Popsicle stick that sticks out of the basket.  On the sign, write something like, “Let’s be each other’s eye candy” or “I only want to be eye candy for you!”

I know my box is basic, and not even very pretty.  I just used what I had a home to decorate the box and then purchased sugar free chocolates for the inside and added some items are private!

Week 10: Expectations& Eye Candy

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Exercise together; even something simple, such as going for a walk.  Remind each other that being healthy will allow you to have each other as long as possible.

Week 10: Expectations& Eye Candy

 Expectations: Although it is wonderful to have excited expectations to see your spouse again when separated, this week is about negative expectations spouses tend to place on one another.  

Do not expect your spouse to be a carbon copy of anyone else, especially of a parent or previous spouse. It is a popular theory that we marry a mate that has a similar personality to our parent of the same sex as our mate.  Gratefully for me, I had a great relationship with my father, so I married a man that, yes, has similar traits to my dad.  Both lost their fathers at early ages, both are ministers, both are tender-hearted and kind, both have ADD, have a good sense of humor, love the Lord, etc.  They also share some negative traits as well (as Mel knows so this is not speaking behind his back), but I choose to focus on the positive.  However, I am very aware that my dad and Mel are two different men with different personalities, and I never expect Mel to behave a certain way just because my dad did.  Some people had a very negative experience with a mother and/or father and may expect their honey to be a be a bully or a cheater as their parent was.  But do not assume all men and women are the same. 

Second marriages can sometimes be tricky when you expect the new spouse to react in the same way the ex- or deceased mate did (good or bad).  Do not expect a spouse to slam doors when angry just because the former mate did as such.  Also, the first spouse may have been more romantic than the current one, but do not berate the second mate for not buying flowers (etc.) but let him/her show you love in a way that makes him/her comfortable.  Try not to ever make the second marriage feel like a competition to the first one.  It is a different marriage, not a repeat or continuation of the previous one.  Remember you are no longer married to the first person and let the second spouse make his/her own mistakes and perform good deeds without the expectations of the way the former mate acted.  As a second spouse myself (Mel’s first wife died), I know it can sometimes be a sensitive issue but talk through all your emotions.  Your lover may not realize he/she is expecting you to act a certain way based on the former marriage, so you may need to lovingly remind him/her that this marriage is the one that matters now.  Mel, by the way, only made a few negative comparisons in the first year or so, but he is now very aware how different I am from his first wife, so this is a reminder that talking things through works wonders!

God designed us all differently we should allow our mate to be an individual, not a robotic duplicate of anyone else.  Celebrate each other just for who God made him/her to be!

Eye Candy:  God is a creative genius, and beauty is everywhere we look, including in people.  It is in our human nature to be attracted to good-looking people, but there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it.

First, please keep this verse in mind: Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Please take that verse seriously!  It is not the quick glance that is harmful, it is the second and beyond glance, and it is the thoughts going through your mind while you are looking. There is nothing wrong with finding someone other than your spouse attractive, but that is absolutely where it should end.  You should not dwell on anyone else.  In other words, do not keep looking.  If you feel tempted to keep gawking, turn your head, move your chair, leave the room, (if you watch television) change the channel - whatever it takes!  And no matter what, do not continue to obsess about this person.  

There is never any excuse to fantasize about anyone other than your spouse.  Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that finding another person attractive means you are cheating, but it is never okay to place that person above your spouse in your thoughts or actions.  I really hate it when I hear married people go on and on about how someone other than their spouse is attractive.  Do not insult your mate this way by discussing how attracted you are to someone else; it is not okay just because the other person is a celebrity and you will probably never meet them.  As I said, it is dwelling on another person that makes it wrong, and this includes so-called casual talk with your buddies. 

I do not like the excuse that you cannot control how you feel.  You absolutely can!  If you find yourself drawn to someone other than your mate, pray and ask God to remove your lustful thoughts.  You can immediately replace those thoughts with those of your spouse.  It truly is a conscious choice to dishonor your vows.  If you work with this person, do your best to switch shifts but if you cannot, never allow yourself to be alone with him/her.  If this person is on television, quit watching that show, even if you have to explain to your spouse why you cannot watch that show any longer.  It is better to embarrasses yourself and be honest than to betray your spouse.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."  In other words, there is always a way out - it is your own fault if you choose to ignore it.

I know that in today's society, the way women dress begs for attention.  The short shorts, miniskirts, skintight pants/leggings, low cut tops, crop tops, and all bathing suits are designed to show off as much as possible for no other reason than to stir up lust in the opposite sex.  Men are turned on by sight alone, and women are not naïve enough to let this fact pass over her head.  Women like to tease and titillate.  Why do you think pornography is a million (or is it billion) dollar industry?  Because women are vain and love the attention.  I am not one of those women, and hopefully neither are you!  I do not want to be eye candy for anyone other than Mel.  I do not want any man gawking at me, thinking twice about me, and certainty not lusting after me other than my husband.  It makes both my husband and me very angry when anyone openly stares at either one of us.  I am sure it makes you mad when anyone looks lustfully at your spouse as well.  So why would you give anyone a second thought other than your spouse? 

When I say we need to honor our souse with our bodies, I am not just talking about sex. When you get married, it is, as Genesis 2:23-24 states, becoming one flesh. You belong to each other. We may not be property in the literal sense, but in a way, we are each other’s property. My body belongs to Mel and Mel alone, and he belongs to me and me alone.

I wear makeup, try to dress feminine, and try to fix my hair to look nice, but I am not doing it to gain attention of other men. I always tell Mel that it is all only for him, which is also why I try to look nice even when we stay home (even if I am just wearing sweats at home, I still usually put on makeup and fix my hair).

Do not dress provocatively. The only man I want looking at me with lust is Mel. I cannot control who looks at me, but I can control the way I dress outside our home. I am not talking turtlenecks and only ankle-length skirts (although I feel decent length for skirts should be at least mid-calf length and shorts should be at least to your knees), but I use common sense on what would be considered inappropriate. 

If you are in doubt, ask yourself, "Would I wear this if Jesus was in the room?"  Because, guess what, Jesus is always in the room!

(1 Timothy 2:9-10) Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Expectation:  Are you placing any unfair expectations on how you expect your spouse to act based on your parent(s) and/or past spouse?  Remember to see your loved one as an individual this week and not a carbon copy of anyone else.

Eye Candy:  You may not like this one, but this issue is all about putting your marriage first.  Go through your closet and seriously analyze your wardrobe.  Anything too low cut, tight, short, or see-through?  Learn to dress in layers to be more modest, or trash those raunchy clothes (or only wear them around the house)!  I am all for donating to charity and I hate to waste anything I spent money on, but please do not pass these immodest clothes on to someone else and contribute to their improper wardrobe.  (Unless you know how to sew and you can alter them.)  I know we cannot all afford new clothes, but I shop at thrift stores and yard sales all the time and you can gradually rebuild your wardrobe to reflect a woman of God a little each month.  And men, this also goes for you as I have known men who like to wear their clothing too-tight as well. 

Art Project Option:  This project could cost money, but does not have to if you use items you already own.  Create a box out of a pre-existing one such as a shoebox, or use a basket you own, or even plastic food container.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper that has a candy design or even glue real candy to the outside (Keep glued candy away from children - LOL!).  There are several options you could use to fill it.  The number one idea, however, is lingerie for one or both of you.  If you cannot afford to buy something new (thrift stores are also good sources for lingerie), use something you already have or find a way to be creative and turn existing clothing into something sexy.  Such as a slip you may wear under a dress or even just underwear that’s in good condition.  You could also add a bag of his/her favorite candies.  Write a note on scrapbook paper and glue it to a Popsicle stick that sticks out of the basket.  On the sign, write something like, “Let’s be each other’s eye candy” or “I only want to be eye candy for you!”

Week 9: Entertainment Short Video

Week 9: Entertainment Short Video

(2 Corinthians 6:14-18- 7:1) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness...  for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, "I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate," saith the Lord, "and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. 

 

Week 9: Escape Art Project

 Week 9: Escape Art Project

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Eliminate all electronic entertainment for one day and focus more on one another.  Save your phones for only very important calls, and instead of texting all your friends, talk to your spouse.  Turn off the computer games and play a game together instead.  Use this day to plan something fun together that you not done in a while such as go on a picnic, go for a scenic drive, explore a favorite or new park, etc. You get the idea! 

 

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

 

Escape:  Escaping the lives of the everyday stresses of life is a wonderful way to keep your marriage alive.  Simply taking a relaxing bath together is a romantic and blissful way to relieve whatever the world has thrown at you this week.  However, the reason I chose this word has nothing to do with escaping from the outside world; it has to do with resisting the negative forces that could destroy your marriage.

We are all faced with many temptations throughout the course of marriage. There are many, some of which I am sure I am not even aware.  The most common are temptations to give up and walk away when the going gets tough, temptations to be disrespectful or cold to one another, seeking an independent life apart from your spouse, not following God’s design for leadership, and temptations to cheat.  God, however, knows our weaknesses and The Bible promises that He will always give us many opportunities to escape all temptations.  

(1 Corinthians 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 

All one needs to do is walk away.  It really is that simple.  Better yet, do not even get to the place where you need an escape.  You would not intentionally walk across four lanes of heavy traffic at night in a big city wearing all black, so why would you put your marriage at risk.  If you are addicted to pornography, turn off the Internet and television and do not pick up filthy magazines.  If you are so tempted that you cannot even turn on the Internet without seeking scantily clad women on social media or "innocent" clothing websites, as well as going to the more obvious pornographic sites, cancel your Internet service. 

Hotels all have fire escape routes posted in each room, so you should also have a solid plan of escape from ever being tempted to cheat.  Mel and I have a rule other people in successful marriages also have, and which I suggest you should adopt as well: never be alone with a person of the opposite sex unless he/she is a family member related through blood (in other words even some in-laws, some step relatives, or your spouse's relatives could still be a temptation or even dangerous).  If you have a job where this is inevitable, then do not be in a location where you are shut alone in a room; open the door or invite a coworker to join.  If you start to feel even small pangs of feelings for another person, walk away.  Change shifts at work or quit if the urge is too strong.  It is better to change jobs than defy God and lose your marriage.  On a positive note: I have often worked jobs where I was alone with a man but felt zero desire to betray my husband. Therefore, if you truly are not tempted to cheat, then changing jobs is not necessary. I only suggest this if you are struggling with being unfaithful.

Do not even allow yourself to be involved in more than a very casual friendship with someone of the opposite sex.  Most people spend more time with their co-workers than their own spouse, and for some it is easy to form unhealthy attachments to the wrong person.  If you find yourself feeling distant from your mate, rather than cling to the wrong person, make an effort to reconnect with the one with whom you made vows of fidelity.  You can always find at least half an hour before work for coffee together.  It is better to lose a little sleep than lose your marriage.  Husbands, rather than sitting alone at the computer while your wife cooks dinner, join her in the kitchen and reconnect.  Help her out, or just chat. (Same for the wife if the husband is cooking dinner.)  Wives, don’t say you are too busy to talk, you can talk to him and work at the same time.  You get the idea! 

Other than simply walking away from the things and people that tempt us, we need to pray a wall of protection against our family and ourselves.  When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he told them they should ask to be kept far away from unholy enticements.  Remember to ask God to keep you from evil every day.  

(Matthew 6:8-9 & 13) For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore, pray: And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.   

(Matthew 26:41) Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. 

Evangelize:  It is a great blessing as a couple to reach out to others and share the Word of God.  Not everyone is called to be a Paul or Peter.  However, we can reach out in small ways, one person at a time.  I am a very shy person, which is why I write.  My husband is very outgoing, which is why he can get behind the pulpit.  Utilize your strengths rather than shrinking behind your weaknesses. 

Other than witnessing to a friend or co-worker, I recommend evangelizing with another person (preferably your mate) or with a team because this can be a very dangerous world, and this not only protects your marriage from false accusations and unwanted attention but also protects you from physical harm as well.  If you feel called to help people in dangerous areas of a town, make sure you check in with the local police so they know you are there and can give you advice as well as protection as needed. God is able to protect us, but we also need to be wise. 

Pray where God would like to use you.  If you are serious about ministry, I recommend fasting and praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit.  Ask God to reveal His plans to you in a dream or through the mouth of another person.  Just be careful that any person that uses the words, “God told me…” this or that, that what they are suggesting is not anything that goes against Biblical principles or that their false prophesies will put money in their pocket!  If God puts a desire in your heart, He will find a way to equip you with the money, talent, and other resources required.  

If you and your mate feel you have two entirely different dreams of evangelizing (she wants to build orphanages in Africa, he wants to preach in American cities), find a way to do both, do not dismiss what God is calling each of you to do.  Most likely, however, God put the two of you together to serve as a team because you are like-minded and have the same evangelical goals.

Pray also that God will bring people into your lives to whom you can share the love of Jesus Christ on an individual basis such as co-workers, neighbors, family members, and even strangers.  If you do not quite know what to say, simply hand them a gospel tract.  However, if God brings a particular person to you, He believes you can help.  The Holy Spirit will let you know what to say; just say a silent prayer for guidance before you speak. 

Before I was married, I once had a deaf roommate whose alarm clock would go off for an hour or longer before she would hear it and get ready for work.  Because she had a little bit of hearing left, she would eventually hear the alarm, rise, and go to work.  Our evangelistic mindset must be like an alarm clock for those who are spiritually deaf.  Somewhere deep down they can still hear what we say and want to know the Truth.  It will eventually sink in, and they will be ready to rise and go to work for the Lord.  We must not cease praying for God to open their eyes and soften their hearts, so they are receptive to hearing the Truth. 

It is very difficult for anyone to swallow their pride and admit they have been wrong for many years, especially if this person sees himself as a leader or expert.  We must pray for patience and understanding for these people.  Pray they will be spiritually sensitive enough to hear God’s voice and accept correction from Him. As you ask God for evangelistic opportunities, I pray you will also have an open heart to hear all that God wants to teach you.

When you share Jesus together, it will truly bond you together tighter.  Whether it is teaching Sunday school, serving in a soup kitchen, singing for Jesus, handing out tracts, writing blogs, or just speaking with people in Wal-Mart, sharing your faith is a great way to build your marriage.

(Mark 16:15) And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”  

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Escape:  Start making it a habit this week to pray together that God will keep your marriage pure and keep all temptations at bay.  Pray also that you will always use the escape route God has pre-planned for you.

Art Project Idea:  A Mizpah is a Biblical term that means “watch,” taken from Genesis 31 when Jacob and his father-in-law parted ways.  Most people use the word Mizpah to describe a piece of jewelry that is two hearts broken in half, and two different people each wear half.  Sometimes Genesis 31:49 is written across the two halves.  For the sake of this week, and the significance of the Mizpah, I want you to also consider verses 48-50:  Therefore its name was… Mizpah, because he said, "May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another. If you afflict my daughters, or if you take other wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us--see, God is witness between you and me!"

You do not have to use all three verses but make a Mizpah this week using the words at least from verse 49 and make sure you and your partner understand the significance that God is always watching both of you, even when you are apart.  When you look at your half of the Mizpah, think of it as a good escape plan: to be mindful that God’s eyes are very vigilant. 

Make a heart as large or as small as you would like out of any material you would like.  I suggest cardboard to keep it from falling apart.  Color it or paste colored paper on it if you like but write or type and print the words to Genesis 31:49 on it in bold letters, then cut it in half.  You and your spouse will each carry a half with you when you are apart such as placing it on your desk at work or home, on a dresser, or even on the refrigerator.  You could also make a tiny one (with just the verse reference since the words will not fit) and you can each keep half in a wallet or pocket.   

Note:  Of course, you can always spend the money to buy a Mizpah in jewelry (or keychain) form if you so choose.  

Evangelize: Find a unique way to share your faith together this week.  At a restaurant, tell your server you are about to pray over your meal and ask her if she has any prayer requests.  Tell the clerk at the store you appreciate his hard work and smile and offer to pray for him.  Or if he is grouchy, tell him you are sorry he is having a bad day (without using sarcasm) and offer to pray.  Just a few examples, but there are hundreds of opportunities to share the love of Jesus if we remain sensitive to the leading of His Holy Spirit.

On another important note: I realize that in today's world, people are becoming increasingly sensitive and sometimes violent when it comes to certain issues. Know when to respectfully walk away and pray for divine protection. Also, please keep politics out of your evangelizing. We are called to preach salvation through Jesus Christ, not to promote any human being or political agenda.