Week 17 Fun Activity

 

This week's fun activity was to have ice cream together and try each other's flavor. We are trying to do better with our sugar intake, so we chose the ice cream in the photo, although the cones are not low sugar as I thought, just considered diet. Oh well, LOL!  We purchased the ice cream bowls in 2013.

Week 17 Short Video

 

Week 17 Art Project

 

I chose art project option #2 this week, which was: "You can make any award to celebrate a quality you admire in your spouse.  You choose the theme and present it to your spouse in whatever way you choose. I know this seems very vague, but you know what to celebrate about your partner and so have fun coming up with ideas!"

As always, you can view the video that goes with this art project on the Facebook page (tap or click on the photo link on the top right side of this blog site). In the video I read the letter I wrote that matches this award and explain that your project this week doesn't really have to match the letter I!

You can also read the letter below:

The Endurance Award

My Darling Mel,

This award is to represent what you are the best of or best at.  The obvious awards to grant you would be for being the best husband, best lover, best friend, and overall best man.  I wanted to go beyond the obvious and explore all you are as Mel, or more specifically, Lynn Melton Ludeke.

Thinking about your entire life, I knew the best award to give you had to be the “Endurance Award.”  There are several layers to this award.

At the tender age of eleven, you were forced to endure the first major tragedy of your young life, the death of your beloved father, Paul.  Not only did you face your own heartache, but had to watch your sweet mother, Marie, suffer as a widow.  Financially, times were tough.  Emotionally, the grief would always hold a place in your heart for the loving father that never got to see the man his son became.  Spiritually, you have become your father’s son.  In spite of his absence, Paul left a lasting legacy of spiritual strength and wisdom in the characters you now possess.

Losing your dad was hard enough, but you also had to endure a condition with no cure.  Your body betrayed you with Tourette’s Syndrome, forcing you to suffer with pain, exhaustion, and worse still, rejection from those who did not care enough to understand your torment.  Being the man you are, you face this syndrome with grace and strength.  You push forward and do your best not to complain.  Lesser people become bitter over lesser conditions, but you are a loving, tender-hearted man, who has learned to be humble and patient, in spite of it all.

For most, either the loss of a parent or a non-curable condition would be more than enough to endure.  Unfortunately, life was not done dealing its devastating blows.  Just twenty years after the death of your dad, your devoted mother, Marie, left this world to join to her beloved Paul.  For Marie, I am certain this was a joyous occasion as she had grieved her true love for two decades, and she was finally meeting the Jesus she had faithfully served.  However, for you, the loss of your kind mother was unadulterated tragedy.  She also would leave an unfillable hole in your heart.  Yet, also like your father, Marie’s strong faith in Christ left a shining example to her beloved sons, and you knew to cling to the robes of Christ rather than push away.

I wish I did not have to add more to this sad tale, but you know as well as I, that you were about to face two more earth-shattering losses.  First came the devastating death of your only sibling, Larry.  Your older brother had been such a good friend, as well as a surrogate father, and many memories are still painful. 

While still in mourning for your brother’s sudden death, just nine months later, your first love, partner and friend passed away.  The one you had planned to spend forever with.  So many plans made together were now devastated as you were now facing the death of your wife, Kim.

How much more, Lord, must this faithful child of yours be forced to endure?  Well, a little over two years later, the nephew you were closest to, Bob, who was like another brother, suddenly died as well.  Grief overtook your world again.

The beauty of the “Endurance Award” is that it has a lot more to do with than just what you have had to endure in the area of tragedy and hardships.  It celebrates whom you have become, in spite of all the tears you have been forced to cry.

You are choosing to fight the good fight of faith and you are choosing to endure to the end.  You are an obedient servant to Christ and readily preach the gospel, spread the message of holy living and share your dreams and visions.  You press forward in spite of criticisms and rejections.  You write and share what God wants you to share and write.  You are brave, bold, strong, and willing to be used by Christ.

Have you had moments of doubt?  Of course!  Anyone would.  In fact, most would have fallen away many, many years ago.  But you have endured in strength, spirituality, and in character.

Had you wallowed in self-pity and not forced to get up each day and see daylight, I would have lost out on the most precious gift of my life.  I am grateful you have an enduring heart and allowed yourself to heal and love again.  I am so grateful you opened your heart up to me and made me the happiest woman alive by giving me the privilege of being your wife!

Thank you for choosing life.  Thank you for listening to God’s Voice.  Thank you for enduring.

I hereby grant you with this, the “Endurance Award.”

Love Forever,

Julie   

Week 17: In-Laws & Intelligence

Fun Activity This Week:  Have ice cream together and enjoy each other’s flavor! (You can enjoy any dessert; I chose ice cream because it is one of my favorite desserts and it coordinates with the letter I!)

Week 17: In-Laws & Intelligence

In-Laws:  Let’s face it, in-laws can either be a wonderful asset to a marriage, or a huge detriment.  While we cannot control the behavior of our parents, there are several rules we can follow to make certain in-laws are a delight and not a disaster.  Just to be clear, this is not about saying anything against either Mel's parents or mine, nor is this week is not about insulting anyone. I am also not telling you to disrespect your elders. This week is all about presenting another good tip for keeping your marriage joyful. Setting healthy boundaries actually promotes harmony and joy rather than anger and resentment.

When Genesis 2:24 says that you and your spouse become one, please note the first part of the verse mentions leaving your family, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Too often parents are allowed to interfere in their children’s marriages.  However, these verses were not written as a whim, God was serious when He said we must leave our parents and cling to our mate.  This verse was obviously not written for Adam and Eve, as they had no parents to leave; God clearly said these words for the sake of all future generations to the end of this world.  Even well-intentioned parents can cause problems in a marriage by assuming a newly married couple needs constant advice.  They are not being intentionally cruel, just unaware of how their interference is Biblically wrong.  However, you are an adult when you marry, and you need to stop relying on mamma and papa to tell you what to do.  If they raised you right then you can follow their good examples for a happy, healthy marriage.  If not, then you can use all their bad examples for how not to conduct your marriage.  Truly, it is that simple!  The first time you call a parent to complain about your mate, you undermine your spouse and are allowing hard feelings to exist.  Even after you have long forgiven the issue, your parents will most likely still be thinking ill of your mate.

I am not saying all in-laws need to be held at arm’s length.  You can have a great relationship with them when they respect that you are adults and treat you as equals.  Spending time with in-laws can be quite enjoyable.  Afterall, I am talking about family, and I would never encourage anyone to not spend time with family as long as they treat you and your mate with love and respect.  Just know your boundaries on both sides and always put your honey first.

I adore my in-laws.  Mel’s father Paul and mother Marie are the perfect example of a loving, successful, Godly marriage.  They are mentors to me, and I love them.  Yet, sadly, all I know about them is through a series of photographs and memories my husband shares with me.  Paul passed away in 1976 from a brain tumor, and Marie died in 1996 from heart issues complicated by diabetes.  I often wish I could have long, meaningful conversations with them.  I want to thank them for the gift of Mel and for raising the "perfect" son.  I miss them without having met them.  Additionally, Mel's in-laws, (my parents and stepparents), have showed love to Mel as a son.

The sad truth is, too many parents find it difficult to let go of their children even well into middle age.  When a parent becomes too meddlesome, quarrelsome, and critical, you very well may need a separation, either temporally or permanently.  God wants us to love and forgive all who cause us hurt, but do not feel guilty for placing your spouse above an over-bearing parent, as this is exactly as God commanded.  You are to stand bold for your marriage above everyone else.  Remember, God said the two become one, not three, four, or more. 

With divorces so prevalent, it is quite common that between the two of you, you may have as many as eight parents to deal with (four by birth and four stepparents) and this can overwhelm a marriage, especially come holiday time.  But relax and put your and your mate’s needs first.  You can always create a rotating schedule for which family is visited when.  However, I know from reports from friends, that at least one parent always gets their feelings hurt because it is difficult to create a schedule that makes everyone happy.  If you cannot all spend a holiday together as one big, blended family, my opinion is to spend holidays with just the two of you (and underage children of course, but respect your adult kids need for space as needed) and visit relatives throughout the year at non-obligated times. Less stress and less hurt feelings equal more fun and more bonding with relatives when you can relax and not worry that someone is feeling neglected.

Intelligence:  One of the many things I had asked God for when praying for a husband was that he would be a man of intelligence.  I am very attracted to a man with a brain much more so than brawn.  Mel is far too humble to admit it, but he is very intelligent.  His IQ is above the genius level and he is very knowledgeable on numerous subjects.  Mel is the perfect package as he is both handsome and smart!

Some people are put off by intelligence, but I cannot figure out why.  The best I can assume is that they are insecure and a smarty makes them feel inadequate.  There is nothing wrong with having a lower IQ than your mate, or a higher one.  Rejoice in the amount of intelligence God chose to give each of you.

I mentioned earlier that I was a veterinary technician, but before that, I worked in law enforcement for seven years.  I was a police dispatcher for nearly three years, then transferred to the office as a Community Service Officer (a civilian job that consists of a lot of paperwork as well as helping in the field as needed) and ended my last year as a Crime Analyst (analyzes crime statistics, not a crime scene investigator).  Both veterinary medicine and law enforcement required many years of training; I never stopped learning.  My point is that we should treat our marriages with the same enthusiasm as learning a new skill.  Not just about each other as I stated ten weeks ago but learning with each other. 

Teach each other all you know about all you know.  Teacher, do not be arrogant or condescending.  Pupil, be an eager student and ask many questions.  If you disagree, be respectful, and do your research together if one of you insists on being proven right.

Now, even more fun, learn something new together, and encourage each other’s intelligence.  If you are the faster learner, do not gloat, but be supportive.  If you are the slower learner, do not resent your mate or give up and be a spoilsport.  The point is just to have fun and find a new way to bond.     

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

In-Laws:  If you are having any issues with your in-laws use this week as an opportunity to speak to your spouse about it.  Sincerely listen to all your mate has to say and remember Genesis 2:24 to cling to your soul mate, and to leave mama and papa behind.  There is nothing wrong with dialing back time spent with any family member, especially if you are using them as a crutch or they are using you.  Anyone who truly supports your marriage will respect the decision to focus more on your marriage and less on the lives of the parents or in-laws. 

Make sure to communicate with the in-laws that you feel may be crossing a line.  Give them the opportunity to correct the problem in attempt to salvage the relationship rather than just give up.  Remember, they may not be being purposefully interfering, and a simple reminder can save a lot of hard feelings later on.  However, if all attempts to communicate fail to produce positive results, take a break to send a clear message until the offenders can learn to treat you and your partner with more respect.  But, as I said, I would never discourage time with family, so make it a temporary break and try again later, even if it takes several breaks to work out all the kinks. Time is short and precious, so it is better to co-exist happily with all issues settled than be apart because you are afraid to communicate. Remember, God expects us to forgive one another without limit!

On the other hand, I would also encourage you to use this week to celebrate those in-laws with whom you have a good relationship.  Invite them to or take them out to dinner and let them know how much you appreciate their love and support of your marriage.  If you live in separate states, send them a card, give them a call, and/or send a small gift (if you can afford it) as a token of your appreciation. 

Intelligence:  Encourage each other’s intelligence!  Play a trivia game together or go to a museum and lovingly listen to all he/she can tell you about the artifacts (or view museums on-line).  Do not correct a fact you may think is wrong, but just have fun.  Learn a new skill together such as a new language, playing an instrument, cooking classes, etc.  Art Project Option #1:  If you are learning a new skill together, create a graduation ceremony of sorts when the lessons (or first stage of lessons) are completed.  Create diplomas, decorate with streamers, and make a banner celebrating your joint accomplishments.  You could even take it a step farther and create fun award certificates for “sexiest student,” “cutest pupil,” etc.  If you like, include homemade treats as part of your ceremony, such as cookies or a cake you can decorate with words of congratulations.    Art Project Option #2: I am including 2 options since the money for lessons or other resources may make it difficult to learn a new skill. You can instead make any award to celebrate a quality you admire in your spouse.  You choose the theme and present it to your spouse in whatever way you choose. I know this seems very vague, but you know what to celebrate about your partner and so have fun coming up with ideas!

Week 16 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to go for a hike.  Mel, our dog Dresden, and I hiked this trail near our house. We like to go here often as we can walk to it from the house and save gas!  We all had a great hike!

Week 16 Short Video

 

Since I recorded this video 3 years ago, as I have mentioned, I had 2 cancer surgeries in 2023. My husband, Mel, continues to be my hero and my support as it was a very difficult time not only while facing the fears of cancer, but I also had a very long recovery process due to the extensive second surgery (still having pain and other side effects now). Mel has never abandoned me or threatened to walk away through the cancer or the Multiple Sclerosis-type issues I face. In turn, I am also Mel's hero as he deals with his own neurological disorder and I never will abandon him and only do my best to learn more about his condition and help him as much as I can. And, of course, we praise God, because without Jesus, we couldn't get through it all!

Week 16 Art Project

 

The art project option this week was:  To show that you are both committed to serving the Lord in holiness, create a piece of art using Joshua 24:15, As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  There are several ways in which you can do this:  Make a scrapbook page using photos of your family (include kids and even pets) with the scripture verse prominently displayed.  You can also draw your family, or just print the words from the computer.  If you can sew, you can embroider or cross-stitch the verse with or without a house and/or people that represent your household.  Frame and display where all your family can enjoy it and be reminded that you choose to follow God and practice the ways of righteousness. 

Week 16: Holiness & Honesty

Fun Activity This Week:  Go hiking together!  Pack a picnic and enjoy a day outside.  Nowhere to go: just have an indoor picnic (Even if doesn’t match the letter “H”, LOL!).  If it’s the wrong time of year, you can save this one for later.  Mel and I have been hiking in all sorts of crazy weather, so even when snow or rain is pouring on your heads, it can still be fun, but just be safe and avoid slippery areas. If you can't find a place to hike such as any wooded area or hillside, just "hike" around your neighborhood. Wherever you choose, be safe. If it's a remote location, let others know where you are going and when to expect you back.   

Week 16: Holiness & Honesty

Holiness:  The absolute best way to assure a joyful marriage is to practice the principles of The Bible. When you both strive to live holy lives, you will be more likely to have a peaceful marriage. 

In today's modern church, pastors have quit preaching lessons of repentance and holiness.  I am not saying every single pastor out there is preaching a lukewarm message, but sadly, the majority are.  They are preaching feel-good sermons that are putting the church to sleep, and in turn, are harming marriages. 

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light." Ephesians 5:8-14

A popular message of the church is that there is grace for everything, without first repenting of your sins.  Refusing to be accountable for your actions is detrimental to your marriage.  When we think there is grace for everything, and that our actions suffer no consequences because our salvation is guaranteed with one simple prayer, we can easily slip into a life of sin and comfortably stay there.  Yes, God is full of mercy, love, and grace, but we must ask for forgiveness, repent of our sins, give up habitual sins, and make the daily decision to continue to walk down paths of righteousness.  The free gift of salvation begins with the "sinner’s prayer," but does not end there.  It is the beginning of a wonderful walk with the Lord, but, as with any relationship, we must nurture it and work at producing good fruit.  

It is true that Christ accepts us as we are and He gave His life on the cross for our sins so we can have eternal life.  Yet it is also true that, though we may come just as we are with all our faults, God expects us to change.  Jesus is a loving Father who readily forgives our sins as long as our repentance is sincere and we do not continue to live in sin.  He is holy and it is His desire that we live holy lives if we are to follow Him.  That does not mean we have to be perfect, but we must seek out to destroy our sinful nature.

So how do we strive for holiness in marriage?  Studying God's Word daily is a wonderful start (or at a minimum, once a week outside of church).  Really devouring what you read and making sure you understand it will help you avoid falling for false teachings.  When you know what The Bible says on a certain subject, then you are less apt to fall for false doctrines. 

I never want you to take my word for anything.  Study on your own.  I am overly logical and highly skeptical on most subjects; I always want second and third opinions on everything. Many cunning and manipulative people will try to force or trick you to believe their way is the only way.  I am not one of those people.  God's way is the only way, so read His words, and really let them sink in. Pray before and/or after you read The Bible and/or attend church, that God will reveal His Truths to you. 

Honesty:  You may think it is no big deal to tell your wife you loved the new recipe she tried when you actually hated it.  However, it is unfair to lie, even over the little things. Soon it will be easier and easier to be dishonest, and the small things turn into much more harmful issues.  Of course, you should always use tact, and not be insulting. Although I appreciate his politeness, I always ask Mel to be honest when he does not like my cooking, so I do not waste my time and ingredients making it again. P.S.  If your mate is so unreasonable that he/she will throw a temper tantrum if you do not like what was prepared, this is an issue that requires help, maybe even professionally!  

There is never any excuse to lie to your spouse, and you will always end up with a mess on your hands.  You may justify your actions saying the truth hurts worse, or you are just sparing feelings.  We have all been lied to, and I can guarantee the lie never hurt less because the deceiver’s motivations were to keep me from getting hurt.  The ugly truth is that when people use that excuse, the only people they are attempting to protect are themselves!  As soon as the sin is exposed to the light, the pain of being lied to often hurts more than the truth.  Just one lie can ruin trust in a relationship.  You can forgive the action of dishonesty, but you will find yourself wondering for a long time after if he/she is telling you the truth or if he/she a master manipulator. This is very unhealthy for a marriage.  The obvious solution is for you not to lie to your mate.  All the negative things you think about when your mate lies, he/she will be certain to think of you.

Putting it bluntly, when you lie, you show your spouse disrespect, and you are basically saying you do not love your partner enough to tell him/her the truth.  Do you really want to convey the message to your mate that you do not love him/her enough to be honest?

If you have a chronic problem with being honest, please pray and ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse you of this habitual and damaging sin.  You may even need to seek counseling to get to the heart of why you have such a compulsion to lie.  Being dishonest can permanently damage any relationship in marriage, so please take this issue very seriously.  If you are willing to lie about whether or not you liked a dish your wife made to spare her feelings, you very well may graduate to bigger and bigger tales right down to whether or not you are attracted to someone else, and you may even find it no big deal to hide a flirtation or an affair.  Dishonesty is a cancer in marriage.  Get rid of this sin before it kills your relationship altogether!

Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13

Another thing to consider, keeping secrets from your mate is another form of dishonesty.  Unless you are planning a good surprise, it is wrong to keep secrets.  We have had more than one friend that would say things behind my back to Mel and then say to him, “Don’t tell Julie I said that.”  Because Mel and I do not keep secrets, it never worked because he always told me each and everything said behind my back and vice versa.  The only reason to keep a secret is to cover something you know is wrong.  If a friend tells one of you to keep something from your mate, tell them that you never withhold anything from one another.  If it is something confidential just be honest with that person that you will tell your mate, but that he/she will indeed keep their confidence as well.  The only exception to that rule is if you work for a company where you have to legally keep things only within the company such as a law or medical profession, so know I would never encourage you to break the law. 

For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light.  Mark 4:22

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Holiness:  Pray David’s Prayer in Psalm 139:23 together, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Make this a week of prayerful reflection and repentance, asking God where you can improve in ways of holiness.  Be accountable to one another and help each other in areas that need work.

Art Project Option:  To show that you are both committed to serving the Lord in holiness, create a piece of art using Joshua 24:15, As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  There are several ways in which you can do this:  Make a scrapbook page using photos of your family (include kids and even pets) with the scripture verse prominently displayed.  You can also draw your family, or just print the words from the computer.  If you can sew, you can embroider or cross-stitch the verse with or without a house and/or people that represent your household.  Frame and display where all your family can enjoy it and be reminded that you choose to follow God and practice the ways of righteousness. 

Honesty:  Is there anything you have been keeping from your mate?  Now is the time to have that serious talk.  Pray first and ask God to direct your words and ask that your spouse will have an open and forgiving heart.  Too afraid to speak eye-to-eye, it is okay to write a letter.  Without getting on the defensive, allow him/her to respond as he feels the need.  If you are on the receiving end, remember to be gracious and forgiving.

Week 15 Short Video

 Note: I recorded this around 4 years ago, but I still fully believe that hope in the Lord will help us get through any circumstance, whether the situation changes or not. When I went through 2 cancer surgeries last year, it was knowing that no matter the outcome, that the Lord loved me and would get me and my husband through the tough times. That hope brought much peace and joy during a physically and emotionally difficult time. And praise God, both of my cancers were stage 1!

Week 15 Art Project

 

Week 15: Healing & Helpful

Fun Activity This Week: Help out at a charity, such as Habitat for Humanity (or any other you so choose). This does not have to include money, but preferably your time.

Week 15: Healing & Helpful

Healing:  I have heard experts say we are not to be our spouse's therapist.  I disagree.  The very first person your spouse should be able to come to when he/she needs help, be it physically or emotionally, is you.  If your spouse feels he/she cannot come to you when he/she needs help, there may be trust issues in your marriage.  I fully believe that God, of course, is our number one source of healing and help, but our spouse should absolutely be number two.  The only person I want to talk to is Mel because Mel is my best friend, and he is the only one I trust with my all my needs.  He is the only one who makes me feel safe with my emotions.

Obviously, some things require a physician or even a psychologist.  There is no shame in seeking outside help when the need arises.  I am saying, however, that our first instinct when we are sad should not be to run to an outside source for healing, but into our spouse's arms. Moreover, we should be ready and willing to be his/her place of healing.  This does not require a degree; it requires love, compassion, and two listening ears.  It requires praying for each other every day. 

You can help if your spouse has physical needs as well.  My husband has a medical condition that causes him pain in his neck and shoulders.  One way I try to offer to be his healing place is to give him a massage.  If he has stomach issues, I will fix him some rice, oatmeal, tea, or grape juice.  If he has a cold, it is orange juice and chicken soup!  You get the idea.  I love taking care of him, not as a mother figure, but as a wife who is crazy in love with him and wants to see my husband feeling the best he can. 

Do not ever diminish what your spouse is feeling.  Do not ever call him/her a "big baby” because you handle physical or emotional pain differently.  Be each other’s caretaker and psychologist, and when he/she feels better, you can have some fun playing doctor in a whole new way!    

Make your home a place of healing and safety for your mate.  Make him/her want to come to you whether it is for a headache or heartache.  Do your very best to follow through and either get a Tylenol or give your shoulder to cry upon.

On the other side, it is also an act of love to allow yourself to be the vulnerable one and ask for your mate’s healing aid.  Do not believe the experts that say you will be a burden to your mate if you seek him/her for healing.  Afterall, Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

I John 4:18 states, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." First, God's perfect love is the best solution for casting out fear, which is what this particular verse is about. However, I want to explore perfect, healing love in marriage.

There are so many fears we face in life: death, divorce, financial trouble, wars, famine, etc., and our fears can often overwhelm us. When a very close family member died in 2012, the loss of her brought to the surface the reality of the possibility of losing my precious Mel. I kept having nightmares of being separated from him. I found myself begging God never to take Mel away from me. I know this is normal. What is also normal is that I tend to keep my feelings bottled inside. I have always been the strong one who suppresses tears and holds the other person's hand while they weep. When you are married, there comes a time to let go and know it is okay to crumble into your honey's arms. That does not make you weak. We are only weak when we do not share our feelings.

On the day before the funeral, at around 2:00 a.m., Mel and I found our emotions bubbling over. We had only been married for 5 months at the time and were still learning the balance of when to be strong and when to cry.  We had both been trying so hard to be strong for the other, but we finally let our emotions out and shared all we were feeling. Our perfect love for one another cast out our fears and we were able to honestly communicate and cry together. We felt better emotionally, and our bond grew even stronger. We were each other's healing strength.

You should let your spouse be your therapist. If you are afraid to lean on him/her and make yourself vulnerable, try it anyway. Most husbands want the opportunity to be your rock; they want to be strong for you. Men, most wives will not think less of you if you need to cry on her shoulder. She will be honored that you love and respect her so much you are willing to allow her to hold you up for a change. Any wife who is not willing to be there for her husband needs a serious attitude adjustment!

Mel is my rock and my spiritual leader, yet he is man enough to lean on me when he needs to, and I am willing to let go of past patterns of being an ice princess and open up and make myself vulnerable to my very trustworthy husband.  He melted the ice around my heart the day he smiled at me with beautiful dimples, gazed at me with amazing two-tone eyes, and said with the sweetest accent that he was in love with me!  Our perfect love casts out all my fears!

I want to encourage you to hold each other tight and talk about your fears. You will truly find that a "perfect” healing “love casts out fear." You will feel more bonded, and your fears will even diminish and possibly even disappear. Share your hearts, share your tears, and your love will grow even stronger as you become each other’s healer. You will never feel weak again as long as you trust, love, and lean on each other.

Helpful:  Being helpful can mean many things.  You can help your spouse by simply taking over what may be considered one of his/her chores.  Because I have a neurological condition that causes pain and weakness, Mel will offer to help with the work that strains my back such as vacuuming, putting away the dishes (or any task that requires me to stand on my toes to reach shelves, which can be a lot of help since I am only 5’), and is a big help at the laundrymat.  This is very helpful, and I greatly appreciate it.  Please make sure you thank each other for help, even for the small things.

Be helpful with your attitude as well.  As I mentioned in the above section, do not ever diminish what your spouse is feeling.  Be a cheerleader and encourage all he/she does.  Offer to help in any way you can and then follow through. 

Wives, we are called to be our husband's helper.  When you truly love your mate, it is not an obligation, but a huge privilege.  That does not mean husbands are excluded from being our helpers as well.  When we truly love someone, we do our best to make life easier for him or her.

And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."  Genesis 2:18

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Healing:  Make a genuine offer to be each other’s therapists this week.  Make an effort to spend uninterrupted time together so that you and your mate can get anything off your chests that need to be released. 

If your partner has a medical need that you cannot help, encourage a trip to the doctor and go along.  Sitting in on the appointment shows support and makes it easier for you to be able to help in your mate’s treatment plan.  Whether something simple like a cold, or more major, be your sweetie’s caretaker and help speed up the healing process.  

Art Project Option: Present a card to your partner.  On the outside draw a heart or make one out of any type of paper.  In the middle of the heart, draw a crack.  Now cover the crack with a real Band-Aid (or you can draw one).  On the inside of the card express how much you appreciate how he/she is your healer.  Be specific in recalling actual events where his/her love and support have helped you physically and/or mentally.  Alternatively, you could make the inside of the card an offer to be his/her healer. 

Helpful:  What can you do to unburden your mate this week?  Fill the car with gas and/or have it washed. Take over a household or yard chore he/she hates to do.  Watch the kids so she can take a nap or long bath, or he can slip out for coffee.   If you don’t have the time, or if you can afford to do so, you could even hire a maid, yard worker, dog walker, or buy dinner, etc.  The ideas are endless from simple to a little more complicated.  If you are on the receiving end, please remember to be gracious and say, “thank you.”  Do not criticize if he does not do a specific chore exactly as you would do, or she chooses a different gas station; just appreciate the effort!