Week 10: Fun Activity for Exercising

 

 

Week 10: Fun Activity for Exercising

This week's fun activity is: Exercise together; even something simple, such as going for a walk.  Remind each other that being healthy will allow you to have each other as long as possible.

One of our favorite places to exercise is at the nearby Pacific Ocean.  We love to hike the trials, stroll the boardwalk, and walk on the beach. These photos are from various dates.

Week 10: Expressing Your Love Short Video

 

Week 1o: Expressing Your Love Short Video 

I know I'm looking in the wrong direction and I said, "This week for the letter A," instead of E, but hopefully the rest of the video still makes sense! LOL!

Week 10: Eye Candy Art Project

 

 Week 10: Eye Candy Art Project

This week's art project is: This project could cost money, but does not have to if you use items you already own.  Create a box out of a pre-existing one such as a shoebox, or use a basket you own, or even plastic food container.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper that has a candy design or even glue real candy to the outside (Keep glued candy away from children - LOL!).  There are several options you could use to fill it.  The number one idea, however, is lingerie for one or both of you.  If you cannot afford to buy something new (thrift stores are also good sources for lingerie), use something you already have or find a way to be creative and turn existing clothing into something sexy.  Such as a slip you may wear under a dress or even just underwear that’s in good condition.  You could also add a bag of his/her favorite candies.  Write a note on scrapbook paper and glue it to a Popsicle stick that sticks out of the basket.  On the sign, write something like, “Let’s be each other’s eye candy” or “I only want to be eye candy for you!”

I know my box is basic, and not even very pretty.  I just used what I had a home to decorate the box and then purchased sugar free chocolates for the inside and added some items are private!

Week 10: Expectations& Eye Candy

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Exercise together; even something simple, such as going for a walk.  Remind each other that being healthy will allow you to have each other as long as possible.

Week 10: Expectations& Eye Candy

 Expectations: Although it is wonderful to have excited expectations to see your spouse again when separated, this week is about negative expectations spouses tend to place on one another.  

Do not expect your spouse to be a carbon copy of anyone else, especially of a parent or previous spouse. It is a popular theory that we marry a mate that has a similar personality to our parent of the same sex as our mate.  Gratefully for me, I had a great relationship with my father, so I married a man that, yes, has similar traits to my dad.  Both lost their fathers at early ages, both are ministers, both are tender-hearted and kind, both have ADD, have a good sense of humor, love the Lord, etc.  They also share some negative traits as well (as Mel knows so this is not speaking behind his back), but I choose to focus on the positive.  However, I am very aware that my dad and Mel are two different men with different personalities, and I never expect Mel to behave a certain way just because my dad did.  Some people had a very negative experience with a mother and/or father and may expect their honey to be a be a bully or a cheater as their parent was.  But do not assume all men and women are the same. 

Second marriages can sometimes be tricky when you expect the new spouse to react in the same way the ex- or deceased mate did (good or bad).  Do not expect a spouse to slam doors when angry just because the former mate did as such.  Also, the first spouse may have been more romantic than the current one, but do not berate the second mate for not buying flowers (etc.) but let him/her show you love in a way that makes him/her comfortable.  Try not to ever make the second marriage feel like a competition to the first one.  It is a different marriage, not a repeat or continuation of the previous one.  Remember you are no longer married to the first person and let the second spouse make his/her own mistakes and perform good deeds without the expectations of the way the former mate acted.  As a second spouse myself (Mel’s first wife died), I know it can sometimes be a sensitive issue but talk through all your emotions.  Your lover may not realize he/she is expecting you to act a certain way based on the former marriage, so you may need to lovingly remind him/her that this marriage is the one that matters now.  Mel, by the way, only made a few negative comparisons in the first year or so, but he is now very aware how different I am from his first wife, so this is a reminder that talking things through works wonders!

God designed us all differently we should allow our mate to be an individual, not a robotic duplicate of anyone else.  Celebrate each other just for who God made him/her to be!

Eye Candy:  God is a creative genius, and beauty is everywhere we look, including in people.  It is in our human nature to be attracted to good-looking people, but there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it.

First, please keep this verse in mind: Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Please take that verse seriously!  It is not the quick glance that is harmful, it is the second and beyond glance, and it is the thoughts going through your mind while you are looking. There is nothing wrong with finding someone other than your spouse attractive, but that is absolutely where it should end.  You should not dwell on anyone else.  In other words, do not keep looking.  If you feel tempted to keep gawking, turn your head, move your chair, leave the room, (if you watch television) change the channel - whatever it takes!  And no matter what, do not continue to obsess about this person.  

There is never any excuse to fantasize about anyone other than your spouse.  Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that finding another person attractive means you are cheating, but it is never okay to place that person above your spouse in your thoughts or actions.  I really hate it when I hear married people go on and on about how someone other than their spouse is attractive.  Do not insult your mate this way by discussing how attracted you are to someone else; it is not okay just because the other person is a celebrity and you will probably never meet them.  As I said, it is dwelling on another person that makes it wrong, and this includes so-called casual talk with your buddies. 

I do not like the excuse that you cannot control how you feel.  You absolutely can!  If you find yourself drawn to someone other than your mate, pray and ask God to remove your lustful thoughts.  You can immediately replace those thoughts with those of your spouse.  It truly is a conscious choice to dishonor your vows.  If you work with this person, do your best to switch shifts but if you cannot, never allow yourself to be alone with him/her.  If this person is on television, quit watching that show, even if you have to explain to your spouse why you cannot watch that show any longer.  It is better to embarrasses yourself and be honest than to betray your spouse.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."  In other words, there is always a way out - it is your own fault if you choose to ignore it.

I know that in today's society, the way women dress begs for attention.  The short shorts, miniskirts, skintight pants/leggings, low cut tops, crop tops, and all bathing suits are designed to show off as much as possible for no other reason than to stir up lust in the opposite sex.  Men are turned on by sight alone, and women are not naïve enough to let this fact pass over her head.  Women like to tease and titillate.  Why do you think pornography is a million (or is it billion) dollar industry?  Because women are vain and love the attention.  I am not one of those women, and hopefully neither are you!  I do not want to be eye candy for anyone other than Mel.  I do not want any man gawking at me, thinking twice about me, and certainty not lusting after me other than my husband.  It makes both my husband and me very angry when anyone openly stares at either one of us.  I am sure it makes you mad when anyone looks lustfully at your spouse as well.  So why would you give anyone a second thought other than your spouse? 

When I say we need to honor our souse with our bodies, I am not just talking about sex. When you get married, it is, as Genesis 2:23-24 states, becoming one flesh. You belong to each other. We may not be property in the literal sense, but in a way, we are each other’s property. My body belongs to Mel and Mel alone, and he belongs to me and me alone.

I wear makeup, try to dress feminine, and try to fix my hair to look nice, but I am not doing it to gain attention of other men. I always tell Mel that it is all only for him, which is also why I try to look nice even when we stay home (even if I am just wearing sweats at home, I still usually put on makeup and fix my hair).

Do not dress provocatively. The only man I want looking at me with lust is Mel. I cannot control who looks at me, but I can control the way I dress outside our home. I am not talking turtlenecks and only ankle-length skirts (although I feel decent length for skirts should be at least mid-calf length and shorts should be at least to your knees), but I use common sense on what would be considered inappropriate. 

If you are in doubt, ask yourself, "Would I wear this if Jesus was in the room?"  Because, guess what, Jesus is always in the room!

(1 Timothy 2:9-10) Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Expectation:  Are you placing any unfair expectations on how you expect your spouse to act based on your parent(s) and/or past spouse?  Remember to see your loved one as an individual this week and not a carbon copy of anyone else.

Eye Candy:  You may not like this one, but this issue is all about putting your marriage first.  Go through your closet and seriously analyze your wardrobe.  Anything too low cut, tight, short, or see-through?  Learn to dress in layers to be more modest, or trash those raunchy clothes (or only wear them around the house)!  I am all for donating to charity and I hate to waste anything I spent money on, but please do not pass these immodest clothes on to someone else and contribute to their improper wardrobe.  (Unless you know how to sew and you can alter them.)  I know we cannot all afford new clothes, but I shop at thrift stores and yard sales all the time and you can gradually rebuild your wardrobe to reflect a woman of God a little each month.  And men, this also goes for you as I have known men who like to wear their clothing too-tight as well. 

Art Project Option:  This project could cost money, but does not have to if you use items you already own.  Create a box out of a pre-existing one such as a shoebox, or use a basket you own, or even plastic food container.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper that has a candy design or even glue real candy to the outside (Keep glued candy away from children - LOL!).  There are several options you could use to fill it.  The number one idea, however, is lingerie for one or both of you.  If you cannot afford to buy something new (thrift stores are also good sources for lingerie), use something you already have or find a way to be creative and turn existing clothing into something sexy.  Such as a slip you may wear under a dress or even just underwear that’s in good condition.  You could also add a bag of his/her favorite candies.  Write a note on scrapbook paper and glue it to a Popsicle stick that sticks out of the basket.  On the sign, write something like, “Let’s be each other’s eye candy” or “I only want to be eye candy for you!”

Week 9: Entertainment Short Video

Week 9: Entertainment Short Video

(2 Corinthians 6:14-18- 7:1) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness...  for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, "I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate," saith the Lord, "and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. 

 

Week 9: Escape Art Project

 Week 9: Escape Art Project

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Eliminate all electronic entertainment for one day and focus more on one another.  Save your phones for only very important calls, and instead of texting all your friends, talk to your spouse.  Turn off the computer games and play a game together instead.  Use this day to plan something fun together that you not done in a while such as go on a picnic, go for a scenic drive, explore a favorite or new park, etc. You get the idea! 

 

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

 

Escape:  Escaping the lives of the everyday stresses of life is a wonderful way to keep your marriage alive.  Simply taking a relaxing bath together is a romantic and blissful way to relieve whatever the world has thrown at you this week.  However, the reason I chose this word has nothing to do with escaping from the outside world; it has to do with resisting the negative forces that could destroy your marriage.

We are all faced with many temptations throughout the course of marriage. There are many, some of which I am sure I am not even aware.  The most common are temptations to give up and walk away when the going gets tough, temptations to be disrespectful or cold to one another, seeking an independent life apart from your spouse, not following God’s design for leadership, and temptations to cheat.  God, however, knows our weaknesses and The Bible promises that He will always give us many opportunities to escape all temptations.  

(1 Corinthians 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 

All one needs to do is walk away.  It really is that simple.  Better yet, do not even get to the place where you need an escape.  You would not intentionally walk across four lanes of heavy traffic at night in a big city wearing all black, so why would you put your marriage at risk.  If you are addicted to pornography, turn off the Internet and television and do not pick up filthy magazines.  If you are so tempted that you cannot even turn on the Internet without seeking scantily clad women on social media or "innocent" clothing websites, as well as going to the more obvious pornographic sites, cancel your Internet service. 

Hotels all have fire escape routes posted in each room, so you should also have a solid plan of escape from ever being tempted to cheat.  Mel and I have a rule other people in successful marriages also have, and which I suggest you should adopt as well: never be alone with a person of the opposite sex unless he/she is a family member related through blood (in other words even some in-laws, some step relatives, or your spouse's relatives could still be a temptation or even dangerous).  If you have a job where this is inevitable, then do not be in a location where you are shut alone in a room; open the door or invite a coworker to join.  If you start to feel even small pangs of feelings for another person, walk away.  Change shifts at work or quit if the urge is too strong.  It is better to change jobs than defy God and lose your marriage.  On a positive note: I have often worked jobs where I was alone with a man but felt zero desire to betray my husband. Therefore, if you truly are not tempted to cheat, then changing jobs is not necessary. I only suggest this if you are struggling with being unfaithful.

Do not even allow yourself to be involved in more than a very casual friendship with someone of the opposite sex.  Most people spend more time with their co-workers than their own spouse, and for some it is easy to form unhealthy attachments to the wrong person.  If you find yourself feeling distant from your mate, rather than cling to the wrong person, make an effort to reconnect with the one with whom you made vows of fidelity.  You can always find at least half an hour before work for coffee together.  It is better to lose a little sleep than lose your marriage.  Husbands, rather than sitting alone at the computer while your wife cooks dinner, join her in the kitchen and reconnect.  Help her out, or just chat. (Same for the wife if the husband is cooking dinner.)  Wives, don’t say you are too busy to talk, you can talk to him and work at the same time.  You get the idea! 

Other than simply walking away from the things and people that tempt us, we need to pray a wall of protection against our family and ourselves.  When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he told them they should ask to be kept far away from unholy enticements.  Remember to ask God to keep you from evil every day.  

(Matthew 6:8-9 & 13) For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore, pray: And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.   

(Matthew 26:41) Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. 

Evangelize:  It is a great blessing as a couple to reach out to others and share the Word of God.  Not everyone is called to be a Paul or Peter.  However, we can reach out in small ways, one person at a time.  I am a very shy person, which is why I write.  My husband is very outgoing, which is why he can get behind the pulpit.  Utilize your strengths rather than shrinking behind your weaknesses. 

Other than witnessing to a friend or co-worker, I recommend evangelizing with another person (preferably your mate) or with a team because this can be a very dangerous world, and this not only protects your marriage from false accusations and unwanted attention but also protects you from physical harm as well.  If you feel called to help people in dangerous areas of a town, make sure you check in with the local police so they know you are there and can give you advice as well as protection as needed. God is able to protect us, but we also need to be wise. 

Pray where God would like to use you.  If you are serious about ministry, I recommend fasting and praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit.  Ask God to reveal His plans to you in a dream or through the mouth of another person.  Just be careful that any person that uses the words, “God told me…” this or that, that what they are suggesting is not anything that goes against Biblical principles or that their false prophesies will put money in their pocket!  If God puts a desire in your heart, He will find a way to equip you with the money, talent, and other resources required.  

If you and your mate feel you have two entirely different dreams of evangelizing (she wants to build orphanages in Africa, he wants to preach in American cities), find a way to do both, do not dismiss what God is calling each of you to do.  Most likely, however, God put the two of you together to serve as a team because you are like-minded and have the same evangelical goals.

Pray also that God will bring people into your lives to whom you can share the love of Jesus Christ on an individual basis such as co-workers, neighbors, family members, and even strangers.  If you do not quite know what to say, simply hand them a gospel tract.  However, if God brings a particular person to you, He believes you can help.  The Holy Spirit will let you know what to say; just say a silent prayer for guidance before you speak. 

Before I was married, I once had a deaf roommate whose alarm clock would go off for an hour or longer before she would hear it and get ready for work.  Because she had a little bit of hearing left, she would eventually hear the alarm, rise, and go to work.  Our evangelistic mindset must be like an alarm clock for those who are spiritually deaf.  Somewhere deep down they can still hear what we say and want to know the Truth.  It will eventually sink in, and they will be ready to rise and go to work for the Lord.  We must not cease praying for God to open their eyes and soften their hearts, so they are receptive to hearing the Truth. 

It is very difficult for anyone to swallow their pride and admit they have been wrong for many years, especially if this person sees himself as a leader or expert.  We must pray for patience and understanding for these people.  Pray they will be spiritually sensitive enough to hear God’s voice and accept correction from Him. As you ask God for evangelistic opportunities, I pray you will also have an open heart to hear all that God wants to teach you.

When you share Jesus together, it will truly bond you together tighter.  Whether it is teaching Sunday school, serving in a soup kitchen, singing for Jesus, handing out tracts, writing blogs, or just speaking with people in Wal-Mart, sharing your faith is a great way to build your marriage.

(Mark 16:15) And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”  

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Escape:  Start making it a habit this week to pray together that God will keep your marriage pure and keep all temptations at bay.  Pray also that you will always use the escape route God has pre-planned for you.

Art Project Idea:  A Mizpah is a Biblical term that means “watch,” taken from Genesis 31 when Jacob and his father-in-law parted ways.  Most people use the word Mizpah to describe a piece of jewelry that is two hearts broken in half, and two different people each wear half.  Sometimes Genesis 31:49 is written across the two halves.  For the sake of this week, and the significance of the Mizpah, I want you to also consider verses 48-50:  Therefore its name was… Mizpah, because he said, "May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another. If you afflict my daughters, or if you take other wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us--see, God is witness between you and me!"

You do not have to use all three verses but make a Mizpah this week using the words at least from verse 49 and make sure you and your partner understand the significance that God is always watching both of you, even when you are apart.  When you look at your half of the Mizpah, think of it as a good escape plan: to be mindful that God’s eyes are very vigilant. 

Make a heart as large or as small as you would like out of any material you would like.  I suggest cardboard to keep it from falling apart.  Color it or paste colored paper on it if you like but write or type and print the words to Genesis 31:49 on it in bold letters, then cut it in half.  You and your spouse will each carry a half with you when you are apart such as placing it on your desk at work or home, on a dresser, or even on the refrigerator.  You could also make a tiny one (with just the verse reference since the words will not fit) and you can each keep half in a wallet or pocket.   

Note:  Of course, you can always spend the money to buy a Mizpah in jewelry (or keychain) form if you so choose.  

Evangelize: Find a unique way to share your faith together this week.  At a restaurant, tell your server you are about to pray over your meal and ask her if she has any prayer requests.  Tell the clerk at the store you appreciate his hard work and smile and offer to pray for him.  Or if he is grouchy, tell him you are sorry he is having a bad day (without using sarcasm) and offer to pray.  Just a few examples, but there are hundreds of opportunities to share the love of Jesus if we remain sensitive to the leading of His Holy Spirit.

On another important note: I realize that in today's world, people are becoming increasingly sensitive and sometimes violent when it comes to certain issues. Know when to respectfully walk away and pray for divine protection. Also, please keep politics out of your evangelizing. We are called to preach salvation through Jesus Christ, not to promote any human being or political agenda.

Week 8: Disease Short Video

Week 8: Disease Short Video

When I made this video in 2019, I was trying out my web cam for the first time. Sorry for the weird angle, LOL! 

Also, on another note, in this video I mentioned I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. After my initial diagnosis in 2019, in 2022 my neurologist strangely and unexpectedly recanted his findings and said he did not know what type of neurological disorder I have and refused to classify my condition as MS. It is a very long and frustrating story, but more than 7 years of trying to find out what is wrong with me, I still do not have a definitive diagnosis, other than confirmed lesions in my brain and a long list of issues I will not bore you with, (basically every symptom of MS). After dealing with 2 types of cancer in 2023, I no longer stress over a neurological diagnosis and choose to live in God's strength and joy one day at a time.

Week 8: Dream Art Project

 

Week 8: Dream Art Project

This week's art project was to "create a new notebook (or scrapbook) that is about the dreams you share together."  

This is the cover of ours that I made with scrapbook paper and cut out artwork from gift cards.  Inside are pages of written plans, copies of inspiring articles, lists of books to read, etc.

Week 8: Divorce & Dream

 

Fun Activity This Week: Donate time, money, food and/or any miscellaneous items in good condition to charity.


Week 8: Divorce & Dream

Divorce: (Malachi 2:16) For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence, Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously.


If there are issues that cause you and/or your children physical or sexual harm, you do not need to stick around for the illegal and immoral actions of a dangerous partner. However, most other problems can be resolved, even, in some cases, adultery (although the Bible does allow a divorce in cases of cheating see Matthew 19:1-7 - so it is up to you if you want to try to save the marriage after an affair). The first step is for both of you to commit your marriage to Jesus and promise to follow His principles.

Admitting you have a problem is step number two. If you need to seek counseling, please do so. Even if you are leery of being too personal with a stranger, then please realize that being vulnerable very well may prevent a divorce. Do not refuse reconciliation because you are scared of opening up to explore your faults or sins. You need to face your fears to save your marriage. Choose an unbiased party such as a pastor from a church (whether you attend it or not) or a seek out a (preferably) Christian counselor.

The worst thing you can do is give up. In addition to counseling, there are other courses of action I would suggest. Even if just for a day, take a trip together, away from the kids and other outside influences. There are many resources on the Internet and in books but be careful whom to trust. Not all people that label themselves as a Christian ministry are of God. If they suggest you do anything that does not line up with Biblical principles, walk away.

Even if you are not in danger of divorce, I still highly recommend seeking out any kind of couple’s retreat or conference hosted by a Biblically sound church (even if you have to drive a little out of your way). If you cannot afford their fees, most offer scholarships. Do not be embarrassed to ask for financial help, think of it as a priceless way of helping your marriage. You can also seek out free marriage conferences that are offered on-line. Again, just be careful of the source.


Additionally, you may assume that if you are currently unequally yoked with an unbeliever that you must get divorced, but it is clear that the Lord does not expect you to get a divorce, but just the opposite. (More on this in week 49.)


(1 Corinthians 7:10-16 & 27) Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed.

Dream: It is a bonding experience to dream with your mate. When you share your deepest dreams and desires with one another, you learn all about your mate’s heart. Mel and I both have the dream to travel. Traveling abroad would be wonderful, but not very affordable, and not always safe. Therefore, our dream is to discover more of our own country. I started a notebook around eight years ago with fifty-one sections, one for each state, the extra one is a page for Washington, DC. Each time we find free travel magazines, we snatch them up. I began cutting out pages and articles on all the places we would love to see.


More importantly than the dream of travel, Mel and I have always dreamed of being used for the Lord. We want to help win souls for eternity. We are both writers and want to use our gifts to help others. We support each other’s (unpublished) books, blogs, Facebook pages, and write together on occasion. Knowing that God has given us the same dreams and desires to help people in the same ways has enhanced our marriage.

There are times when your dreams may entice you to go in the opposite direction from your spouse. Say you want to open a BBQ restaurant in Kansas City, but your wife wants to start a bed and breakfast in Maine. Do not split up and go your separate ways even temporality. While I believe both partners have a right to follow their dreams, your ultimate goal is to keep your marriage together. This is where the art of compromise will come into play. If neither one is willing to yield on location, the couple with two locations in mind could split the difference and live somewhere in the middle and open a bed and breakfast that specializes in succulent BBQ. (Sign me up for that place!)

What you should not do when your dreams do not line up is to try to manipulate the other into changing his/her mind, as you would not want this tactic used on you. Do not pout until you get your own way but calmly learn to talk about your plans or let the issue go altogether. The best thing to do, however, is to pray that both of you are within God’s will and that He will open all the right doors to your dreams He deems acceptable.


Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Divorce: Take the time to examine your marriage this week. Whatever you need to do to divorce-proof your relationship, please do so. (Week 9 will give more ideas on this.) Plan at least one full day this week apart from work and kids to reconnect. If you can afford it, go to a hotel on neutral territory. If not, try to send the kids to friends’ homes, turn off all electronic devices, and focus on each other; make the goal to fix whatever is tempting to split you apart. Problem solve as necessary but do your very best not to fight. Be rational and listen to what the other has to say. P.S. Getting away for at least twenty-four hours is revitalizing to do even if you are not in danger of divorce.

Dream: Five weeks ago, for the word, “believe,” I suggested giving your spouse a notebook that shows you believe in his/her ambitions. Now is a good time to go over the notebook(s) and continue to show your support.

Art Project Option: You can now create a new notebook (or scrapbook) that is about the dreams you share together. Be specific when you create the cover and name your dream in the title of the book such as, “Our Dream to see all 50 States,” “Our Dream Ministry,” “Our Dream House,” or “Our Dream for Children,” etc. You can cut out pictures from magazines to paste onto the pages or simply write about your dreams and track your progress.

Week 7: Dummy Short Video

 Week 7: Dummy Short Video

Week 7: Desire Art Project

 

Week 7: Desire Art Project

The art project this week was to "draw (or print one from the computer) a small tree and write the words, 'Welcome to the Garden of Allowable Fruit,' on it.  Include apples (or other fruit), flowers, and/or leaves as well (stencils are a big help).  Write, 'Enjoy' on at least one of the apples.  Now, you could place these on your bedroom wall by your bed later on if you so choose, but first, what is even more fun is to tape them to yourself in strategic locations!"  P.S. Sorry for the bad photo quality.

Week 7: Desire & Dig Deep

 

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Dance with your partner!  I do not endorse ungodly environments such as bars/clubs, so I am only suggesting dancing around your own house.  Play romantic music or hum your own tune.  Sway in each other’s embrace and enjoy the romance!

Week 7: Desire & Dig Deep

 

Desire:  Desire in your marriage is a very good thing.  A healthy sexual relationship will make your marriage much happier and bind your union with chords that will not be broken.  As I have stated before, I have no degrees or professional accolades, but my marriage is very joyful and very stable, so all I write about is from the perspective of a marriage that is satisfied in every way.

In order to maintain desire in your marriage, try to find romance in even the simple things.  Once while eating a bowl of "ABC's & 123's" I took the time to spell out, “Mel Julie 4Ever.”  Totally silly, but also romantic!  Mel and I are very loving with one another and find romance everywhere. My favorites are (not necessarily original): writing our names in the sand, drawing romantic sayings on him with my finger, whispering sweet and suggestive things in his ear in public places, writing poems (yes, "naughty" poems included), giving him mushy cards, singing silly songs with our names, writing messages on the bathroom mirror with dry-erase marker (wipes clean with a paper towel), drawing hearts with the ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce, taking lots of pictures of each other, simply holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes, and a million other things!

Also consider spicing it up in the bedroom around once a month.  After all, God gave us our spouses for pleasure, so enjoy each other!  Although I believe what happens in the bedroom should be private, I cannot write a book on marital advice without giving away a few of our bedroom secrets.  Therefore, in order to offer some suggestions that add the spice of desire to your love life, I will have to break my own rule for the sake of this blog.  One idea I have come up with is finding a theme and having a lot of fun with it.  Begin with a nice meal, decorate your bedroom with some sort of fun accessories (you can make them if you cannot afford to buy decorations), dress up in a unique outfit, play music (if you do not have a CD with matching music, stream it from the Internet), and if you can afford it, give a gift that is related.  One way to do this is to play with a location theme such as Germany, the ocean, a castle, etc.  If you cannot spend money on specific themed lingerie, try using stickers, gift bows, or your own artwork to place strategically on yourself. The idea is to be creative and make your love life fun, romantic, and exciting.  

Ask and answer questions about each other’s fantasies and attempt to fulfill the fantasies as closely as possible.  If he has always wanted to be intimate on a boat, you may not literally be able to fulfill that wish, so decorate your room to look like a ship (I used a blue sheet, hand-drew fish, and played ocean sounds).  Have an outdoor fantasy but live in a crowded neighborhood, then make the room look like the outdoors (think green blanket, real and fake flowers, and even animal decorations and outdoor sounds).  You can draw or buy decorations to simulate water, flowers, stars, etc.   Places, outfits, decorations, music, scents, lighting… use your imagination and make it special and unique. 

If you truly plan to spend forever with your spouse, it is a good idea not to ever let him/her get bored.  However, just to be clear: I absolutely do NOT endorse anything perverted or immoral and there are obvious lines not to cross.  

Ask questions, be honest telling him/her what you do and do not like.  Be creative with showing your spouse just how much you desire your best friend, soul mate, and lover.  Be respectful, be romantic, and have fun!   

Dig Deep:  When you are dating, you want to know everything about each other.  You ask all about each other’s childhood, jobs, and, even if you really do not want to know, you will ask about past relationships.  Just because you are married, that does not mean the questions should stop.  Nor should you stop sharing information.  Even after almost fourteen years of marriage, Mel and I are still discovering and telling new stories. 

Doctors never stop studying and learning all they can know about their profession; it is essential to their career that they keep up to date on all there is to know about medicine.  Consider yourself a perpetual student of your mate.  Digging in deep to know all about your spouse does not just mean knowing about the past, but about daily emotions as well.  It is a good idea to check in with each other on a regular basis and ask how the other is doing.  When necessary, ask what you can do to help and do your very best to follow through.  You honor your marriage by knowing all there is to know about each other and not taking your honey for granted just because you have a ring on your finger. 

Digging in deep goes beyond the two of you.  Dig in deep in your relationship with the Lord.  Bible studies may be difficult to do every day but commit to a minimum of once a week and pray together at the same time.  You can increase it from there as your hunger for the things of God grows.  You may find you want to set aside at least one day a month for fasting and praying on your knees.  You may even choose to set aside several days a month where you shut off the Internet and other forms of secular entertainment, stay away from all negative influences, and focus only on God’s Voice.  You could even include an extended fast during this time.  Just as you do not want your martial relationship to grow stale, you absolutely do not ever want your spiritual relationship to diminish.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Desire:  Make certain your lover feels desired this week.  Ask each other about your fantasies and do your best to fulfill one this week. 

Art Project Option:   Using plain or scrapbook paper draw (or print one from the computer) a small tree and write the words, “Welcome to the Garden of Allowable Fruit,” on it.  Include apples (or other fruit), flowers, and/or leaves as well (stencils are a big help).  Write, “Enjoy” on at least one of the apples.  Now, you could place these on your bedroom wall by your bed later on if you so choose, but first, what is even more fun is to tape them to yourself in strategic locations!

 

Dig Deep:  Create for each other a fun game of trivia.  Write (or verbally ask) around ten questions about you.  Make at least half of them questions you think he/she will not know the answer to and use this time to open up about something new.  Do not use this time to berate each other for things he/she has forgotten or does not know, simply (and calmly) relate the facts that may have slipped his/her mind.  Find a fun way to reward correct answers such as a sexy kiss, a snack food item, or anything else you can think of (if you combine this with the above word you could turn this into a more intimate game).  After completing the questionnaires about yourselves, ask around ten questions you would like answered.  Do not be shy about digging deep and being personal.  Afterall, this is your lifetime partner, and the more you know the richer the marriage!   

Also, on this blog site I have post questions I created titled "Conversations of Love." So, if you are stuck on how to dig deeper in your conversations, please search the search bar for "conversations of love" at the top of this blog site and use the questions created to help your marriage grow stronger.