Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary!

 

Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary!

Our 14th Wedding Anniversary is tomorrow, June 10, but I am posting this now becasue we will be celebrating by packing a picnic lunch and taking it to the beach tomorrow.  

God truly blessed me with my perfect match and soul mate.  Thank you, Jesus for the blessing of marriage to my precious Mel! 

In honor of our special day, here are two of the poems I have written for Mel:

My Knight

Surrounded by cold, grey walls,

With no window in sight,

Not seeing a way out,

And no light coming in,

Locked inside a dark, meaningless life;

Then I heard the lock clang to the ground,

The door opened,

Light flooded the room,

And Sir Melton entered;

The silver from his armor

Created an ethereal glow;

He held out his hand,

And I greedily took hold -

I knew this knight had come to rescue me;

There was strength in his grip,

Yet gentleness and love;

"I've been dreaming about you,"

He said with a melodious voice

That soaked into my soul;

I smiled with tear-filled eyes -

He had been the one from my dreams as well;

"Will you come with me?"

I nodded as we walked out the door;

All things were lovely and bright,

And as I gazed into his eyes,

My whole life became clear -

We could serve a purpose together,

I would follow my knight,

For he was a man of Godly character -

Brave, noble, decent, and loving -

Our love would be epic

As we served our Lord Jesus Christ,

Loved, adored, and cherished one another,

And strived to help others;

Ours would be a life of purity,

And I would never look back -

My knight had rescued me from despair,

Creating a life of hope and purpose,

We would live forever in each other's arms -

Happily ever after!

(Song of Solomon 3:4) I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go.

No Matter Where

There's no castle or mansion large enough,

That could hold my love for you.

There's no shack or doghouse small enough,

Where I wouldn't feel at peace with you.

There's no tropical island warm enough,

That could match the heat I feel for you,

There's no iceberg cold enough,

That could quench my fire for you.

There's no mountain high enough,

That could out-reach my love.

There's no ocean deep enough,

That could contain my love.

There's no place isolated enough,

Where I would feel lonely with you.

There's no place crowded enough,

That could keep me from feeling safe with you.

There's no place north or south enough,

No place east or west enough,

Where I would never cease to feel at home with you.

No matter where I am,

I am happy because you are by my side.

(Matthew 19:4-6) And [Jesus] answered and said unto them, "Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, 'For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?' Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

I am updating this post to include a few pictures from our fun day at the ocean. I made and packed a lunch of deli meat hoagies and deviled eggs w/ bacon bits (Mel's favorite picnic lunch items):

Week 23: Lovable Art Project

 

Week 23: Lovable Art Project

Week 23: Loss & Lovable

 

Fun Idea This Week:  Spend a lot of time laughing at all your funny memories and create new ones too!

Week 23: Loss & Lovable

Loss:  In the course of one’s life, loss is inevitable.  My husband and I have both lost loved ones before we were married, and we both lost more family after.  Grief is a one of the most difficult emotions a marriage can endure, and when mishandled, has ended many marriages.

I have written about showing compassion toward one another and being each other’s healing instrument and those principles especially apply in the area of grief as well.   

We do not all grieve the same way.  You may know about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (based on personal experiences, I would also add fear as a stage of grief). However, we do not always follow these in order.  Keep that in mind when your spouse is experiencing a broken heart and do your very best to let your honey grieve in their own way and do what you can to be supportive.

One thing I have had difficulty adjusting to as a married woman is learning not to give in to old patterns I gave into when I was single. I am referring to my need to want to retreat into myself when I am hurting. My normal instinct when I am grieving is to want to be alone. There were days I fought getting in the car and driving off by myself for a few hours. This is no way means I love my precious Mel any less or that I think he is insensitive. In fact, he is extremely supportive and proves to me even more that he is the perfect man of my dreams. This is simply a need I have to want to withdraw into myself when my heart is breaking.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with needing time alone. In fact, if this is how your mate chooses to deal with loss, please respect their need for temporary space, and allow the grieving process to run its natural course.  My concern is when one refuses to allow their mate to console them, and the retreat takes longer than a week but stretches into months. When one is married, you need to run to your spouse, not run away.  Cling to your spouse; be of one flesh and, as Galatians 6:2 states, “bear one another's burdens.”

Romans 12:15 says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." That not only means being there for my husband, which is easy, but allowing him to be there for me. I do not need to be stoic and strong. I can trust and honor my husband by leaning on him physically and emotionally.

Grief is never wrong, and even The Bible reminds us it is acceptable, so do not ever let anyone tell you tears are wrong. Psalm 30:5 - Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. & Ecclesiastes 3:4 - A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance.   

I suffered six great losses in 2014 that I still cry over from time to time, but with God’s help and Mel’s compassion, my sorrow does not overwhelm me any longer, and I can recall memories with less pain.  If you or your spouse cannot function after several months or after a year are still weeping every day, please seek professional help.  The sadness may not ever completely disappear, but the ability to function should get easier. 

When dealing with any kind of hurt (even a loss of a job, move, or friendship can be equated to grief), please allow yourself to lean first into the arms Jesus, and then into the spouse God granted you, and thank God every day you do not have to face it alone!　

Note: I originally wrote this in 2018. In January 2022, I lost my beloved father. I can now say with more clarity, that this above writing about loss rings true. I was very close to him and miss my Daddy every day, but with the help of God and my husband, the grief has been more bearable than if I was alone or refused to let them be my comfort.

Lovable:  When we are going through times of stress, it is natural to lash out at the person closest to us, usually our spouse.  We take things out on each other because the one we live with is the easiest target.  Yet, no matter what you are going through, be lovable with your words and actions.  Do not ever make your mate wonder why they married you.  Do not let him think, "She seemed so sweet when we were dating, but now all she ever does is nag.  If I had known she was going to turn out to be so critical, I never would have married her."  You certainly do not want her to worry, "He seemed so happy and cheerful when we were dating.  He seems so depressed and moody now.  Doesn’t he love me?  What am I doing wrong?" 

We cannot help having grouchy or sad days now and again.  Men, whether you want to admit it or not, women truly have no control over their hormones, this includes both PMS and menopause.  Rather than making snide comments during your wife’s time of the month, or saying every unhappy mood is hormone-related, try to be patient and do not take things personally.  Besides, men, you know you have your own masculine version of monthly mood swings and even male menopause as well.  Women, we can still check our attitude at the door and do our best to catch the way our tones sound even when it is difficult to fight the crabby days. 

Also, I realize there are some medical and psychological disorders that cause depression that one is not capable of controlling.  In these cases, please seek professional help, as there is nothing wrong with pursuing natural or doctor prescribed remedies.  There are even a number of medications that cause uncontrollable depression.  If a long-term medication is causing such side effects, do not be afraid to ask your doctor for a different remedy.  If you do not want to seek a doctor’s help for your own sake, then do it for the peace of your home life.

Other than instances we cannot control, we need to fight against the urge to blame and mistreat each other when we are angry, frustrated, or depressed.  When you cling to one another during times of crisis rather than bicker, your marriage will grow stronger, and your bond will be unbreakable.

Do your utmost best to be lovable in good times and bad.  Even if you are facing scary, frustrating, angry, or sorrowful situations, continue to hug, kiss, snuggle, and tell each other how much you love each other.  When God sees you through the crisis you are facing, you will be very glad you kept your heart open and continued to treat your mate with lovable actions. 

Just one more tip: Often, I have found focusing on someone else can help lift my mood, so doing something kind for someone else when fighting negativity is the best therapy of all. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Loss:  Whether your loved one is dealing with past or present loss, allow him/her to open up to you and say all that is on his/her heart.  The best way to handle grief is to acknowledge it and allow your partner to heal at a natural pace.

Lovable:  Whatever situation you may be facing this week, please do not take it out on your mate.  You did not get married just to have someone whom you can take out your frustrations.  Let your honey be your therapist and treat each other with kindness and love.

Art Project Option: To show your honey that you appreciate all his/her lovable qualities, write a list of all the things you love about your mate.  To turn this into an art project, cut out hearts either in different colored construction paper or scrapbook paper of varying patterns (you can even use plain paper and decorate as you choose).  Write on each of these hearts the phrase, “Love is…” and fill in the blank in big, bold letters underneath.  Make as many as you can think of and hang them (scotch tape works fine) all over one section of the house or scattered throughout the house.  The point is to get your honey’s attention that you appreciate all his/her lovable ways.  You do not have to use the above phrase, you could also say, “I see love in you when you…” or “You are lovable when…”, a combination of phrases, or any other phrase including the word love.

Week 22 Fun Activity for Flying a Kite

 

 

Week 22 Fun Activity for Flying a Kite

This week's fun activity is to fly a kite (or do something else fun outdoors). 

These photos are from 2020. Mel and I drove to Ocean Shores and flew a kite!  This was actually the first time we have flown a kite together, and the winds at the Pacific Ocean were prefect for it!  I also packed us a simple lunch of tuna salad sandwiches, granola bars, and (a rare treat for us) cans of coke.

Week 22: Kindness Short Video

Week 22: Kindness Short Video

Week 22: Kingdom Art Project

Week 22: Kingdom Art Project

Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

 

Fun Idea This Week:  Go fly a kite!  If this is not an option, then just do something fun together outside!

Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

Kindle:  No matter what you are going through, never let the flames of romance die.  In fact, keeping the kindling fires of romance alive during times of difficulty will make you feel much closer as well as make whatever you are going through more bearable.

Being and staying romantic is much easier than you think.  Here are some tips of keeping the fires burning.  I know that not all my ideas seem romantic, but they all have to do with strengthening your bond with your mate.  Trust me, the better your bond with your spouse, the more intense the romance. Even if one of you is ill and physicality is not an option, remember love is more than just physical.  Marriage is actually more about keeping an emotional connection healthy and active so that the physical times will be more meaningful.

Write your spouse a “naughty” poem (it is not really naughty when you are married).  Write a poem or short story that lets him/her know how much you enjoy your sexual life.  You do not have to be a good writer, just emphasize what you enjoy most about your intimate times.  This is not about writing smut for the sake of being sleazy; it is about letting your spouse know how much you desire each other.  Reading these together is a fun and creative way to set the mood! Worried God doesn't approve of steamy, respectful love in marriage? Just read the Song of Solomon, written between husband and wife, and you will see that God intended us to be romantic with our spouse (and ONLY our spouse)!

Remind each other why you fell in love.  Compliment each other often and be specific.  Tell him how handsome he is and what you love about his character.  Tell her how beautiful she is and what you love about her personality.  Look into each other’s eyes, hold hands, lean your head on his shoulder, or whatever you choose, do not rush through.  Truly make each other feel loved, adored, desired, wanted, and needed.

Listen to each other’s needs, and do not interrupt or talk about your needs.  This is about the other person.  If advice is wanted, freely offer it, but if not, be respectful and keep silent.  Hug, kiss, and comfort each other, or whatever is needed.  Offer to do whatever you can to help and follow through.  Most likely, your honey just wants to know you have their back and are willing to listen. So do not be thinking of what to fix for dinner or tomorrow’s meeting while your spouse is talking.  Be sympathetic and empathetic, and care about all that is said.  Your partner loves you enough that he/she is willing to come to you with their problems, do not betray that trust by minimalizing your loved one’s feelings. 

Pray aloud together.  In your prayers be sure you always thank God for sending you such a wonderful mate and thank God for such an amazing gift (even when you are upset with your mate, thanking God for your marriage can help ease tensions).  Ask God to help you be a Biblical husband and wife with respect, honor, love, and to always remain faithful.  Lay hands on each other and pray for each other’s needs. 

Wear something sexy in the bedroom around once a month.  You do not have to buy something new every month, especially if you are on a tight budget.  You can rotate through lingerie you already have, or do something creative with ribbons, bows, stickers, etc.  Ask what he/she likes, and if you are comfortable with it, try to match these requests.  You may not be comfortable dressing like a naughty nurse, but you can buy white lingerie and wear white stockings.  Bottom line is to be creative.  You will both benefit by adding spice to your sex life.  If you have never tried dressing in a flirty costume, try it, it is more fun than you think!  There are many ideas floating around!  The key here is not to be self-conscious, but to enjoy the mate God gave you! And, yes, there are lines that should not be crossed, so just to be clear, I DO NOT endorse S & M or anything that represents pedophilia, bestiality, or any of the LGBTQ etc. letters, or introducing another person (including asking your partner to pretend to be or dress like someone else you are attracted to).

Make a meal your spouse loves complete with dessert.  You do not always have to make the top five favorite dishes every week but ask each other’s opinion while planning the dinner menus and when choosing the restaurant.  You know each other’s likes and dislikes.  Do not make sweets every night because it is not healthy but surprise each other once or twice a month with dessert (or a salty treat if that is the preference).  If you hate to cook or bake or just are not very good at it (there is nothing wrong with either of those things), then buy a tasty meal or go to a favorite restaurant when you can afford it.  You could even ask a friend to make something special as they will probably charge you less than a restaurant (or you can swap favors).  For special occasions, go a bit overboard and make an extra special meal and dessert or custom order it.  It is also fun to surprise each other unexpectedly with a candle-lit meal or breakfast in bed! 

Write each other love letters.  Surprise your mate at random intervals with a romantic card.  It is up to you what to say on top of the mushy card.  You can let the card do all the talking and/or add your own message. You can also write love letters without the card.  Slip the card on his or her pillow and the two of you can read it together.  You will be pleased with the reactions to the affectionate, complimentary, romantic, and sexy things you write.

Make a genuine effort to spend time every day on an activity that requires interaction. Go for a walk, play a game, read a novel together, or just have a great conversation while sipping your coffee in the morning.  No matter how busy you are, you can always find the time.

Flirt, tease, and joke every day!  Remember how much fun it was to flirt when dating?  Do not stop now!  Mel still makes me blush.  I love it when he teases and flirts with me, and I love to return the favor.

Do not be afraid of public affection.  Let the whole world know you are very much spoken for! Hold hands, snuggle, and sit on the same side of the table when out to eat.  Keep it clean (especially if kids are around), but there is nothing wrong with kissing your mate in public.  You will get more smiles than frowns and those that complain are just jealous.  So, I say, make them jealous: enjoy married life! 

Every idea above that may seem like it costs money, does not have to cost a penny.  Mel and I have been on an extremely tight budget for most of our marriage, but that does not mean we stop spoiling each other.  You can hand write cards or use items around the house.  Make each other something from items you already own or that only cost a little.  You can even write love coupons for a future date.  Packing a picnic, giving massages, making love, and spending quality time in conversation talking of the past, present, and future are all wonderful ways not to spend money while kindling your marriage!      

Kingdom:  No matter what your housing situation may be, make your home your kingdom and treat each other like royalty.  As I just stated above, spoiling each other does not have to cost money.  It can include treating each other respectfully or giving each other lots of snuggles.  Sure, it is fun to buy each other little gifts as money allows, but do not let the lack of money be an excuse not to spoil one another.  Never be so materialistic that if your spouse cannot treat you to a nice dinner or a small gift that it causes hard feelings.  Love has nothing whatsoever to do with money!  I know plenty of wealthy people who have unhappy marriages because money and possessions take precedence over their mate.  They have to spend so much time at work trying to pay for all their “toys” that their marriage suffers.

My husband treats me like a queen by talking to me with respect and continually telling me how beautiful I am.  He tells me all day long that he loves me.  He honors me with his actions by being faithful.  He also listens to me when I talk, consoles me when I am sad, romances me all the time, takes care of me when I am sick, and our time together is focused only on us.  I am definitely a spoiled queen in my castle! 

Mel is the king of our castle, and I treat him as such.  He is the head of our home, and I give him all the respect he deserves.  I honor his decisions and have no desire to try to take control of the castle away from him.  I make sure he is satisfied in every single way and try to be his helpmate as much as I possibly can. 

The gift of ourselves to one another is what makes our castle a true stronghold of love, loyalty, and happiness.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Kindle:  In order to kindle your romantic fires this week, use any of the ideas from above to show your mate a little extra love.

Kingdom:  Let each other know you respect the other as the king and queen of your castle.

Art Project Option:  Create a castle out of cardboard, paper, boxes, Legos, or whatever you choose.  I made our castle out of a cardboard box and cut the top to look like a castle. I then glued on artwork of a price/knight and princess. Create flags for the towers out of felt, paper, or anything else and design a symbol for the flag that is unique to the two of you.  I just used a heart with the letter L (for our last name).  Use this symbol to tell each other you are the king and queen of each other’s hearts.

Or instead of the castle, or in addition to it, simply draw (or print out) your images as a king and queen a use the words something along the line of "Our Home is a Kingdom of Love," with the artwork.

Week 21: Keeper Short Video

Week 21: Keeper Short Video 

Week 21: Keep Holding On Art Project

 

Week 21: Keep Holding On Art Project

 

This week's art project is: "...find artwork or a photograph (on-line or even from a catalog) of a horse (rearing, bucking, or just standing still) and cowboy and/or cowgirl (or draw them if you can) or use a horse statue or stuffed one if you like, along with a doll.  Print or write the words, 'Holding on and still going strong!' (or something along those lines) on the picture.  If using the toys, you can drape the paper over the horse like a blanket.  Frame if you like and be sure to place it where you will be reminded how committed you are to one another. Of course, you can skip the Western theme and just use the words however you choose!" 

This is the picture I drew.  I know the proportions are way off, but I think it's still kind of cute.  I made it in 2020 and gave it to Mel as one of his anniversary gifts, and we still have it hanging in our hallway!