Fun Activity This Week: Go outside at either sunrise or sunset. Snuggle in each other’s arms and marvel at the beauty of God’s creation.
Week 37: Safe & Servant
Safe: True love is not hurtful, dangerous, or abusive, but makes you feel safe. Make your home a place of safety and security. Do not make your spouse dread wanting to come home because he/she will be nagged at all night after enduring a demanding boss all day. Also, do not make your spouse dread it when you come home because you will scream if the dinner is not cooked perfect, the floors are dirty, or the kids (and/or pets) are getting on your nerves. Make each other want to come home to a warm, inviting place where one feels they can relax and feel loved. Greet each other with a hug and kiss. Ask about how each other's day went. Even if you both work, you can still come home to a peaceful, non-demanding home. There is nothing wrong with frozen or boxed dinners or take-out if having to cook a meal is a demand that causes tension. You can always negotiate how often one or both of you cook rather than adding dinner to the list of things that creates stress. In fact, pretty much everything is negotiable when you love someone and want to make sure your home is one of peace and joy!
I have written about the importance of submitting to your husband as it states in Ephesians 5:22-23; this does not give the husband an excuse to act like a bully. A decent man would never use these scripture verses as a foundation for treating his wife poorly. For this same passage also states, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself." Neither men nor women should ever go along with anything immoral or illegal your spouse asks you to do. This includes abuse towards you and/or your children. I know some women consider it abusive if their husband asks them to dress modestly or wants to know where they are going, but this just shows your husband cares about you (he doesn't want ungodly men lusting after and potentially harming his wife), and you should be accountable to each other! However, I think we all know what real abuse is and that very obviously involves physical violence. I am not dismissing mental abuse, but unless your husband degrades you by saying you are fat or stupid, etc. (which also is NOT acceptable), then you need to evaluate him honestly and determine if he is truly being a bully or if he is showing his love for you by expressing genuine concern. I do not mean to make it seem as if husbands are the only ones capable of abuse. I have known many marriages where the wife is the bully and/or it is mutual abuse.
It is also very worrisome when spouses try to introduce another person into the marriage. I do not want to be vulgar, but you all know what I mean. Threesomes, swinging, and open marriages are very disturbing popular trends, and I know this is not anything new. The husband or wife says they need more sex to feel fulfilled. I even knew a wife who said she felt sorry for her husband because in Biblical times men had more than one wife. She used this justification as a way to give her husband permission to have an affair and even allowed the other woman to move into her home where all 3 shared a bed. People may say their sex drive is stronger than what their spouse has to offer so they need a second (or more)artner. If you truly feel you could never be with only one partner and refuse to live a holy life, then do not get married!
I heard another woman say it was a mid-life crisis that caused her to cheat. And yet another one say that her husband cheated, so she did too. Yes, I have known way too meany people admit affairs to me and I know there are many excuses that they and others use to justify affairs, but nothing justifies sin. So, I am obviously saying what I have said many times before, there is never any excuse to cheat in God's eyes. My additional point is that you should also not help your mate cheat. Do not agree to swinging, or a threesome or any other practice that you know in your heart is wrong. We are not living in the old covenant days, and in this modern day, marriage is meant to be one man and one woman. In addition, so-called open marriages that give each other permission to cheat almost always end up in divorce.
If your spouse wants you to break the law by stealing, doing drugs, cheating on taxes, or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you do not have to do it. The Bible says to respect your husband, but it does not say to break the law if your spouse says it is okay. It did not work for Adam when he told God that Eve made him sin; he was still punished for his disobedience. It will not work today in court either. Telling a judge you are in love and just wanted to make your spouse happy will not make the judge tip his head and say, "Aww, how cute!" No; you will still be punished by man and by God!
Asking a spouse to help you break either a legal or moral rule is not keeping them safe. It is putting them at risk for both jail and hell!
It is our goal to make our spouses as happy as we can, but that does not mean we do it at the expense of our souls. Plus, if your mate really loves you, he/she would never ask you to break your moral code. True and pure love is not abusive and does not corrupt; it keeps you safe from ALL manner of harm.
Servant: In week 6, I wrote about how God often pairs couples up with the perfect match so you can complement each other’s personalities. I want to expand a bit on that today in the area of serving as a team.
(Mark 9:35) And [Jesus] sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, "If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."
Mel and I have enjoyed serving our community through our church. We served (and I cooked) meals for the Salvation Army twice a month and ministered to the residents. Mel was an associate pastor and preached once a month and was the co-leader of a home Bible study group. Whatever Mel planned with the church, I was at my husband's side as his eager and ever-present helpmate. I am not writing about this to brag about what we have done; I am writing about this as an encouragement to serve with your spouse. It will truly enhance your marriage and bring you closer together.
(John 12:26) "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor. "
It is a humbling experience to help those less fortunate and truly allows me to be more grateful for what I have. Our marriage is pretty close to perfect, but there used to be other areas that were not. In the past, we lived in two different houses that were in bad shape. We often ate cereal for dinner, utilized food banks, and would walk in bad weather to conserve on gas. Yet when we served others, we could always see there were people worse off than we were and we were able to be grateful that we have always had a roof over our heads, some sort of food to eat, and most of all, we have each other. So, helping others also helps one to be more grateful for their life. In addition, having a grateful heart makes one a much better spouse!
(2 Timothy 2:23-25) But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth.
Being “a servant of the Lord” is bound to cause friction with people outside your marriage. I would much rather "avoid disputes" and just have peace. Why is it when we say we love people but have a difference in so-called religious issues that even others often feel the need to "quarrel" and try to prove you wrong? Nonetheless, we will press forward with "humility" and continue to serve. Mel and I have been facing spiritual warfare from several different people since before we got married and a few after. God revealed to me that some of them are being used as a distraction and to discourage us, but that we are not to let either of those weapons be effective and to continue serving in the name of Jesus Christ no matter what. Facing such spiritual warfare will teach a couple of what they are made. Opposition has not torn us apart nor made us less willing to serve but has caused us to bind even closer together.
(1 Corinthians 9:18-19) What is my reward then? That when I preach the gospel, I may present the gospel of Christ without charge, that I may not abuse my authority in the gospel. For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more.
Another great reason to serve with your spouse is that you learn together where the rewards truly lie in this world. We have never been paid to serve God, and it will never be money that drives us, but winning souls and helping those in need. Every time someone says "thank you" at a place we have worked or comes to Bible Study, it truly blesses us to see we are touching hearts.
(John 9:4) I must work the works of Him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
Finally, what better reason to serve Christ together than simply because God wants us to occupy until He comes (Luke 19:13, NIV)? We will keep busy serving God right where we are. For as the last verse states, a time will come when we will no longer be able to do so. Truly, serving even in a small way (which does not have to cost money) such as sitting with a grieving friend, babysitting for free, praying for needs, spending time with those who live alone, etc. are a great way to bond with the love of your life. Don't believe me? Spend a day hauling dirt and planting onions in a community garden and see how energized and alive you feel afterward (even when exhausted and in pain). Humbling yourselves and taking on the heart of a servant is one of the top ways to feel closer with your best friend and soul mate!
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Safe: Is there some way in which your mate is making you feel unsafe? Talk about it and seek counseling if necessary. On the flip side, whatever you can do this week to make your home feel like a safe and inviting place please do so.
Art Project Option: One way to make your lover feel safe is to help him/her release tension. Using a piece of cardboard (the side flaps on a packing box are the perfect size for this), write something along the lines of, “Time to De-Stress: Good for a day of pampering. Non-Expiring – Multiple Uses Are Encouraged.” Make certain your spouse uses this coupon whenever they need a stress reliever, or even just for some healthy bonding time. If you would like, draw a clock on it and the word stress with a circle and line through it (to represent no stress). Ladies, if you so choose, kiss the cardboard with a sexy shade of lipstick (or draw them on).
In order to make each other feel extra safe and sheltered this week, the day of pampering could include: starting the day off with breakfast in bed, setting a warm bath with bubbles or something else scented for the other (even better to take the bath together if you have a tub big enough), then dry each other off with a warm and fluffy towel. Add a massage before or after the bath for an extra special morning. All throughout the day do little things that will make your mate feel pampered (you know what the other likes). Ending the day by serving comfort foods (even if it is just dessert) under low lights will enhance your feeling of security even further! Make promises throughout the day to always do your best to keep each other safe physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Servant: Serve together this week. Serve at a soup kitchen, pass out food at a food bank, volunteer at an animal shelter, contact your local senior center and see what needs they need met, or use your imagination. You can simplify this and even find one person in need and help in any way you are able. The possibilities are endless!
