Week 6: Compassion & Complement

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Compile a collection of memorabilia and create a collage.  If you do not want to take on an additional art project this week, then just spend time with your honey and look through old photos and keepsakes, and the take an enjoyable trip down memory lane.

Week 6: Compassion & Complement:

 

Compassion:   It is important to have compassion for your spouse even when you cannot relate to what he/she is going through.  Do not ever make your loved one feel weak for crying or feeling down.  Instead, encourage each other and pray for one another.  If your spouse cannot feel comfortable coming to you with problems because he/she feels you may downplay his/her feelings or simply not listen, this could lead to more serious issues down the road.  Be there for one another in good times and bad.

(Galatians 6:2) Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 

When I was a receptionist at a veterinary clinic (not the same one where I was a veterinary technician), I observed one of the saddest displays of spousal disrespect I have ever seen.  When a husband and wife came in to pick up their deceased dog's ashes, the wife was in tears as soon as she saw the urn.  Instead of the husband embracing his wife, saying a kind word, or even patting her on the shoulder, he roughly said, "I should have left you at home."  I immediately saw a look of even worse pain come over the wife's face.  One can only assume this husband was an even worse bully in private if he was so willing to show such an ugly, heartless side in public.  I felt very badly for the wife.  Even if he could not relate to her pain because he did not love the dog, or thought it was "just" as pet, he still should have showed compassion.  Instead, he made her feel worse, and, I am certain, very much alone.  More than eleven years later, recalling that moment still makes my chest tighten in grief for that poor woman. 

It is so very important to show compassion to your spouse even when you have no idea what he/she is feeling.  Mel's tears are my tears, and his joy is my joy. 

(Romans 12:15) Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 

Go the extra mile and buy flowers or stuffed animal, etc. or give (or make) a card to show your compassion.  I know material items are not an instant fix to a broken heart, but just knowing your mate genuinely cares about your hurt, makes the pain more bearable.  Less than two years into our marriage we lost a dog and then a cat that had both been mine long before I married Mel.  Both times Mel brought me to Build-A-Bear, one of my favorite stores, and suggested I make a stuffed animal to represent the losses. Mel’s compassion was a great comfort during my grief.

(Ephesians 4:2-3) With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bear one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

Please remember to be sensitive to your spouse's emotions.  Do not ever make him/her feel it is wrong to be sad or scared.  Instead, hold his /her hand, cry, and pray together. 

Be sensitive to physical pain as well.  Some people have a higher tolerance for pain than others and/or were taught not to complain.  While others are more dramatic either because the literally feel the pain worse or want the attention.  It is not up to you to judge which is the case.  (However, if this sounds like you, remember over-exaggerating pain is the same as lying.  Do not manipulate your spouse by pretending.)  Show compassion and do all you can to help ease the pain, and do not ignore the cries of physical discomfort.  If you only offer sincere words of kindness to show you feel bad for your mate’s discomfort, that can be enough.  However, bringing your mate his/her medication, going to the doctor together, and helping with tasks that may be difficult, and buying or preparing comfort foods are also welcome acts of compassion.   

 

Complement:  This is not about paying compliments, but about learning to use your personalities to complement one another.  In other words, accepting how well you balance each other out.  Celebrate the areas in which you are like-minded but also embrace your differences.

Mel and I are very much alike.  Our fathers were pastors, we both love history and museums, we have the same taste in books and (most, but not all) music, we love animals, we love the outdoors, we crave travel, we love toys and antiques, we have the same sense of humor, we both desire to please the Lord, and the list goes on.  The main area where we are different is that he loves to be surrounded by lots of people, where I tend to be an isolationist.

When I met Mel, the first thing I admired about him was his boldness for and obedience to Christ. His spirituality was what drew me to him and made me want to get to know him better.  I am still impressed by his wealth of knowledge and his fearless willingness to stand up for what he believes. He has taught home groups, has been involved in street ministry, and was the associate pastor at the first church we attended as a couple, where he was also the overseer of evangelism and outreaches.  

    I, on the other hand, am a shy little mouse. I sometimes dislike that about myself. As Mark 14:38 states, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." I know this verse has to do with temptation, but for me it has to do with my willingness to serve Christ but being afraid to speak in public. I truly want to be a vessel to be used for His kingdom, but I am so shy, I shrink like a wallflower every time I am around people. I pray for boldness often.

Yet I also believe that God does not make mistakes for as Isaiah 43:1 says, "But now, thus says the Lord, who created you... And He who formed you.'" And Isaiah 44:2, "Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb." Therefore, I have to believe God did not design me to be the leader-type. This is why I am very comfortable behind the scenes, and why God has called me to write.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor." Therefore, I know for absolute certain that Mel and I are a perfect pair. His boldness helps my shyness. And my cautious nature helps protect him from being too trusting with strangers. We lean on each other for strength and wisdom. I am his helpmate as I very much love being.  I am meant to be my husband's support system and I am pleased to accept the mission! I will be his shoulder to lean on, his prayer warrior, and his hand to hold.  As much as I can, I will gladly stand by his side and assist him, but I know my main goal is being his cheerleader. Go, Mel! Mel says he loves that I am shy and quiet. He said he even prayed for a shy woman that was a gentle peacemaker and not interested in shallow social scenes. Yet another sign we were made for each other! Especially since I prayed for a man that would be very Godly and would be my spiritual leader.  (P.S., I never once felt shy around Mel, not even on the day we met, which is extremely rare for me, and further proof we were destined to be together!) 

I am certain many of you can relate to my story.  While your differences may be entirely unlike ours, we all have at least one area where we see things in a different light from our mate.  I do not like to think of them as strengths and weaknesses, but rather as the way God made us.  We can use our separate personalities to complete each other.  When you become one with your partner in marriage, it only makes sense that he/she fills in the gaps.  Think of it as being two sides of one a priceless coin and praise God for having enough wisdom to lead you to your perfect match! 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Compassion:  Check in with your mate this week and see if there is anything on his/her mind that needs to be discussed.  There may be an issue pent up inside for months that your honey has been afraid to talk about for fear of your reaction.  Let your sweetie know you want him/her to unburden him/herself to you, and you will be his/her rock.  Listen without judgment and with a heart full of compassion.  Be ready to lend a shoulder and supply the tissues.

Also ask about physical needs and offer to take him/her to the doctor if necessary.  Do whatever you can that helps lessen his/her pain by taking on chores, etc.

Complement: Art Project Option: In order to celebrate the ways in which you complement each other, create a poster and say silly things such as, “We go together like bagels and cream cheese.” Use a piece of poster board or cardboard (I like to take apart packing boxes or use clean pizza boxes). Illustrate it if you wish or cut out the labels to the items you are using, such as for the phrase, “We go together like toothpaste and mouthwash,” you could be the labels from a box of Crest and a bottle of Scope.  Use a wrapper from a fast-food burger (restaurants will usually give you a clean one for free) and a jar of pickles for going together like “hamburgers and pickles.”   The ideas are endless but try to personalize it to include inside jokes such as, “We go together like tacos and salsa” because he is a fan of Mexican food.  Or “We go together like blueberries and cheesecake” because that is her favorite dessert.  You can also go on-line and print out logos or type the list with fun fonts.  Glue your fun ideas onto the piece of cardboard or whatever you choose.  

Week 5: Fun Activity for Camping

 

Week 5: Fun Activity for Camping

 

Week 5's activity was to go camping! Wrong time of year or no place to go: Set up a tent in your living room, complete with flameless candles to imitate a campfire.  No tent: Create one out of blankets like you did as a kid.  Don’t forget the marshmallows!  Indoor camping: you can still make S’mores by toasting the marshmallows over the stovetop on a long-handled fork or something similar but watch closely for messy drips! I have also made s'mores in an air fryer by melting the chocolate (I used white chocolate chips) and the marshmallows onto the graham crackers on a tray in the air fryer.  (Since I am posting this in February, you can always put this activity on a checklist and save it for warmer weather.)

 

Since it is definitely too cold to go camping and, unfortunately, we do not own a tent, we sent up a blanket tent for indoor camping.  Silly, but fun! We used flameless candles for the ambience and played fire cracking sounds on our Echo speaker.  I decided to make air fryer s'mores.  I used mini peanut butter cups (cut in fourths) in place of candy bars, then added bananas (which were not air fried) to the toasty marshmallows and graham crackers for my version of s'mores.  Very good and sweet, ate them open faced, and only ate one each as they are pretty sweet.  If you make these, I cooked them at 400 degrees on the top shelf for about 1.5 minutes (pre-heated air fryer for a few minutes first.).  These are so good Mel says he prefers them over cake, so they will be a good treat even on non indoor camping days, LOL!

Week 5: Can & Can't Short Video

 Week 5: Can & Can't Short Video

Week 5: Charity Art Project

 

Week 5: Charity Art Project

This week's art project was to create a can or box out of anything you choose... to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving... Save up as long as you choose and then donate to a reliable charity.  

Our charity of choice is World Vision, and I decorated the can from one of their catalogs as well as using a picture of the sweet boy we have sponsored since 2019 (In the red shirt when he was 6 years old).  

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Go camping! Wrong time of year or no place to go: Set up a tent in your living room, complete with flameless candles to imitate a campfire.  No tent: Create one out of blankets like you did as a kid.  Don’t forget the marshmallows!  Indoor camping: you can still make S’mores by toasting the marshmallows over the stovetop on a long-handled fork or something similar but watch closely for messy drips! I have also made s'mores in an air fryer by melting the chocolate (I used white chocolate chips) and the marshmallows onto the graham crackers on a tray in the air fryer.  (Since I am posting this in February, you can always put this activity on a checklist and save it for warmer weather.)

 

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

 

Charity:  I am a big believer in donating to charity (this will also be clear when you see the fun idea suggested for week 8).  I am not ashamed to admit for most of our marriage, Mel and I have relied heavily upon food banks and heating assistance in the winter.  During this time my attitude changed toward people in need.  Sure, I had worked at soup kitchens before and even delved into our meager budget to make meals to feed the homeless.  I have donated to my own favorite charities since I first started working at the age of seventeen.  Yet somehow, I still held the same negative perception I see in nearly everyone I know against the poor.  Are they lazy and just taking advantage of free assistance?  After the first week of standing in line with the same type of people I once looked down upon, and after hearing one too many judgmental people spout off to me with, “Don’t you want to work?” my heart has been forever changed.  It is not our place to judge those who ask for help; it is our job to try to meet their needs or point them in the right direction toward an organization that can help. (On a side note, I do actually work as often as I can, and when unemployed I am continually seeking another job that my health issues can handle.  I have even worked jobs I knew would be physically difficult but stayed as long as I could until my medical condition insisted I leave.)

(1 John 3:17) But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? 

Donations do not have to cost money when you are also in need.  You can give your time as well as clothing and other items in good condition.  When you give as a couple, and practice the principles of Jesus Christ, it will strengthen your bond.  When I worked at the state park, I befriended an eighty-year-old lonely widow, so Mel and I made sure we spoiled her by treating her to a nice dinner.   This is something you can do, or even babysit for free, make dinner and/or dessert for a shut-in neighbor, or other things to help someone with a physical or emotional need. Often, just listening to someone and praying with them is a huge blessing to them and to you.

(James 2:15-17) If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.  

Commiserate:  Too many people are quick to dismiss their partner’s negative traits as nothing more than a personality flaw.  Yet, when you can learn to commiserate with your honey’s past, you will be a lot more understanding.

We all have things in our past that have caused us pain.  Some things may seem small to one person but monumental to another.  Do not dismiss the way a difficult past affects your spouse just because you do not believe you would handle the situation the same way.

Ask each other to be open and honest with your pasts.  The more you know, the more you can commiserate.  When you understand that a rejection complex is due to dealing with losing multiple family members, you will learn to be less defensive every time he/she thinks you are rejecting him/her.  If you know your mate has been abused, you should find yourself feeling less judgmental every time he/she overreacts to a simple correction or disagreement.

Pray to see each other through God’s eyes of love and compassion.  Romans 12:15-16 gives us this good advice, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.”  When you can place yourself in each other’s shoes and try to understand why certain things are triggers to bad moods or bad habits, it will be easier to work through your problems.  You can then truly, “Be of the same mind toward one another.”

Do not assume all the anger or hurt is directed at you; you just happen to be the closest target, so the past becomes transferred onto you.  The more you can commiserate, however, the easier it will be to work through the problems so bad behaviors are not repeated. 

I am certainly not justifying bad behaviors just because one has faced a painful past.  We are always responsible for our actions toward others and must do our best to heal from the abuses of life, so we do not become the offender.  Oft times one is unaware he/she is taking out past hurts on others.   That is why it is best to talk things out and gently remind your mate his/her transference is not fair to you and remind each other to treat one another with kindness and respect.  And of, course, ask the Holy Spirit to heal all wounds, and seek professional help if needed. 

     

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Charity:  If you do not have one in mind already, use this week to research out a charity you would like to start supporting.  Make certain they are legitimate and represent your moral beliefs and local/global concerns.

Art Project Idea:  Create a can or box out of anything you choose (coffee can, oatmeal box, tissue box etc.) to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving.   The fun activity for Week 8 will suggest donating to charity that week.  Save up until then (and even beyond). If you rarely use cash and therefore seldom have change, set aside a designated amount to put in the can each month by using an IOU slip of paper or however you choose the save the money.

 

Commiserate:  If you have not shared all of your past hurts with your mate, make it a priority this week to do just that so that he/she can commiserate with you and better understand why you tick the way you do. Do your very best not to turn your spouse into your scapegoat.  Rather than taking out past hurts on your honey, learn to deal with the real issues causing you pain so you can heal and be a better partner.

If you are the one wondering why your mate gets angry, standoffish, rude, defensive, or frightened at certain triggers, ask him/her about it and be quick to commiserate.  Be open and nonjudgmental to all your mate shares.  Pray that God will heal past wounds for the both of you.

Week 4: Fun Activity for Bible Study

 

Week 4: Fun Activity for Bible Study

This week's fun activity is to start a new (or continue a current) Bible Study together.  This is one of those activities that does not have to be a one-time-only event but can and should be on-going.

We study our Bibles every day, so this is not a onetime activity for us (I usually two or three different Bibles a day and take notes in a journal).  We pray that when it is within God's timing, to someday host or teach a home Bible study group.

Week 4: Boldness Art Project

 

Week 4: Boldness Art Project

This week's art project was to create a poem out of the letters "bold" or "boldness" to show that you are always willing to boldly take a stand for your spouse and your marriage.

Here is my poem.  I used cutout letters and scrapbook paper.  If I had a printer, I would have created a better-looking project on the computer as I have horrible handwriting, but it is the message here that counts the most.  As with all projects, you can make them as simple or fancy as you choose.

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Start a Bible study together.  It can be any length on any subject.  If you regularly read the Bible together, you can still think of a new subject into which you would like to delve deeper and plan a new study as soon as you can.  Also, if you are comfortable with it, consider leading or hosting a study in your own home.  However, if you are the teacher, make sure God is calling you to be a leader and follow through on practicing what you preach! This is one of those activities that does not have to be a one-time-only event but can and should be on-going.

 

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

 

Boldness:  It is vital to the health of our marriage that we are bold in taking a stand for each other.  

(Proverbs 31:10, 11, & 23) Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.  The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.  

This is not, I am sure, the actual translation of these verses, but I believe what I am going to write about falls in the same category.  They do not specifically instruct the wife to boldly stand up for her husband when others mock him, but can’t you see where that would fit with the theme? I will explain further.  The virtuous woman’s husband “safely trusts her,” which means he can trust that her conversation behind his back will be pure and honorable.  She will not backstab him, and she will defend him when her friends or family speak ill of him.  This ties in with verse 23 as well.  To me this says her husband has a good reputation.  He is “known in the gates” and even “sits among the elders,” which could also mean he holds a position of authority.  Would a man be held in high regard if his wife gossiped about him to her friends and said nothing when others insulted him?  Of course not!  They would wonder why his wife was so disrespectful and he would most likely lose his place of honor.  These same principles apply for the husband in the way he treats his wife as well. 

The subjects that God puts on my heart to write about for this blog are not all based on personal circumstances, some are simply what come to my mind when I pray about what to write.  This subject, however, is both personal and God-inspired.  It comes in two parts:  

Back in 2014 when Mel was posting scriptures and speaking out against the gay lifestyle on his blog and on Facebook, he got a lot of heat for speaking the Truth of scripture.  There were some people I had been friends with for a long time that came against my husband.  I was able to forgive what they said, but when someone turns against the man I love with hateful words/actions, they are no longer welcome in my life.  Of course, I agree with my husband’s Biblical views against homosexuality, and I will always take a stand for Christ, but this was just as much about boldly showing solidarity with my spouse.  Mel and I are of one mind as we are one.  I am very proud of my hubby; his boldness and strength of character are some of the things that made me fall in love with him!

Now I come to the second part of why I wanted to write on this topic.  We had some issues with friends not supporting our marriage.  There were quite a lot of instances, but for the sake of not dwelling on the negative (all issues have been forgiven), I will not go into specifics.  The point is that these people dishonored our marriage when they were disrespectful to my husband.  I will not tolerate that from anyone, nor does God expect me (or you) to.  My husband and I are one.  If you insult him, you insult me.  When he hurts, I hurt.  If you make it clear you do not want to be around him and make him feel unwanted, then I have no desire to be with you. 

I know this may sound harsh, but I believe that a Biblical couple stands up for each other and stands by each other’s side no matter what!  Therefore, I will speak the Truth in love, and hope all of you boldly stand up for your spouse when others criticize him/her or your marriage.  I did not marry my friends or even family members, I married Mel, the love of my life, and he is whom I will defend. 

Just one quick note to make things clear: This week is only from the perspective of standing up for a Godly spouse that is being unfairly treated for whatever reason and being loyal to him/her above anyone else.  I would never tell anyone to stand up for a spouse doing anything immoral or illegal.  Obviously, if your spouse needs to be punished by the law, you must do the right thing and alert the police, especially if it involves injury to you, a child, or another adult!  

Bride of Christ:  I am aware that when The Bible speaks of the bride of Christ, it has to do with the church.  However, the idea that formulated in my heart revolves around more of a personal relationship as an individual bride. 

I was prompted to write on this topic while Mel and I were both miserably suffering with a flu that lasted longer than two weeks (this was around 2017, before COVID).  It was one of those flus where all we could do was sleep for twenty hours a day and everything hurt.  I was running a 102-degree fever for four days, and Mel ended up in the emergency room because he passed out twice.  Not fun!  In a rare moment when I was awake and somewhat alert, I started thinking of how frustrating it can be to live in a fallen world where such potentially deadly flus exist.  Just because we make Jesus Lord of our lives, it does not make us exempt from such things.  Life happens, and we have to learn to roll with the punches.   Part of such an attitude is thinking of my relationship with Christ as I do my wedding vows.  I will be loyal to God in sickness and in health and in richer and poorer.  The good news is, I do not have to add, “Until death do us part,” because God has given us the gift of eternal life with Him if we repent of our sins and daily walk in ways of holiness.

Just as I will always be faithful to my precious earthly husband, I always want to be an honorable bride for my heavenly husband as well.  Jesus will come back for a bride who has done her best to live a life separated from the world, daily died to the flesh, followed the teachings and attributes of Christ, and placed Jesus as Lord of her life above all others.  We are not expected to be perfect, but we must choose to cast off our old natures and sins, and desire to be the best we can be in order to be a Light for others and please our Creator. 

(Ephesians 5:27) That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  

Being a loving wife to my Mel does not end after the honeymoon, I must make the right daily choices to be respectful, romantic, and kind. And, yes, it is a daily choice with my relationship with Christ as well, not a one-time prayer.  Getting on your knees to ask Jesus into your heart is not a prayer of salvation, it is a prayer of new beginnings.  Only those who endure to the end will be saved, salvation is a free gift, but you have to choose to accept it, and it can be lost (at the very least, read Revelation chapters 2 & 3), just as earthly marriages can be lost to infidelity, abuse, and lack of love and respect. 

In June 2026, Mel and I will have been married for 14 years, but people still tell us how cute we are and think we are newlyweds.  Our bond grows stronger because we put forth the effort to communicate and never stop learning about each other.  We are still discovering and telling new stories of our pasts.  Even telling or hearing the same stories multiple times reemphasizes how well we know each other when we realize how well we know a particular story.  (In other words, don’t be rude when your spouse repeats something; smile that you know exactly what he/she is going to say next because you two are so bonded.)  We are best friends and spend hours a day talking, going for walks, playing games, reading, and praising the Lord.  If we ignored each other all day, let the romance fade, and spent the majority of our time apart, our marriage would fizzle.  Instead, we keep the flames of love and romance alive because we are so much in love, we never want to extinguish our inferno.  The same is very true in my approach with my walk in the Lord.  I want to make certain I never cease trying to learn all I can about His teachings.  I read my Bible to remind myself of His Truths.  Even after hearing or reading the Word of God for more than fifty-one years, I still discover new things I never considered or simply overlooked.  Just as I keep the lines of communication open with Mel, I make sure to tell God how I feel. 

One of the best ways to show Mel I love and accept him is to pay him compliments.  As you know, I am very much against spouses being nags.  Treat your honey like a cherished partner, not like your child.  I have made the majority of the same art projects I suggest in this book for my hubby as well other items not listed here.  It is a fun and romantic way to show Mel each week how much I love him and how much he means to me.  Although I am obviously not going to make art projects for the Lord, I should still put forth the effort to always tell God how much I love Him and appreciate all He does for me; tell God I love Him just for Who He is.  Prayer, praise, and worship are the best ways to show Jesus how much I love Him, as well as using my talents to bring glory to His name.

For scripture verses on being the “literal” bride of Christ, or more specifically, the verses that relate to the church see Revelation 21:1-7 & Revelation 22:16-17.  You can make these personal and apply them to your individual actions.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Boldness:  Make a conscious effort this week to keep your ears open for any negative talk about your spouse.  Be quick to boldly defend each other, no matter who the speaker may be.  In addition, make sure you are not being a hypocrite; do not speak behind each other’s back unless it is to plan a surprise or unless you are saying words of commendation.

Art Project Option:  Create a word poem out of the letters in the word BOLD or BOLDNESS.  You can use the simple one I wrote or write your own personalized version.  You can make the letters out of patterned paper, use stencils, or even simply write it or type it and print it out.  Here is the one I wrote.  It is not really a poem, but each letter is advice meant to inspire boldness in your marriage.

 

Honey, I will:

Boldly and

Openly

Learn to be

Daring;

Never let anyone

Ever harm you; I will

Stand up for you and I will

Stand up for our marriage!

 

Bride of Christ: Are there any ways in which you are not reflecting the image of a bride of Christ to your husband or others?  Do your words and actions represent Christ?  If not, ask your mate to help you work on changing your behaviors to help you be a better Christian and a better spouse.

Week 3: Fun Activity for Baking

 

Week 3: Fun Activity for Baking

This week's fun activity was to bake one or both of your favorite desserts together. 

Instead of baking for each other, we made cookies for my boss' husband's birthday! I love to bake for my friends' birthdays, and we decided to turn this week's fun activity into baking for my good friend's husband. He requested dark chocolate chip cookies, and he also likes walnuts and coconut, so we added both to these cookies. Yum! Therefore, you can also choose to share the "wealth" of your fun time in the kitchen with your friends by giving baked goods as gifts! Of course, be sure to keep some for yourselves as well! (P.S. That first photo is of us in our aprons.)