The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage

Sunday, October 26, 2025

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

Fun Activity This Week: Start a planning and saving for a fun vacation! It can be in your own state or another country, but set goals (for example, within 6 months, a year, or even five years), and do you best to stick with your plans.

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

Victory: Claim the victory in Jesus' name for whatever circumstances you are facing. I cannot stress enough that in times of personal or marital crisis trust that God has your best interest in mind. Believe that God can heal and restore you and/or your marriage. Do not give up!

In the past, Mel and I were "scolded" by a friend trying to place us under unjustified condemnation. This person kept telling us that the tough situations we were facing were God's punishment. Let me assure you that, while God does chasten those he loves (Hebrews 12:7), His desire is that we prosper (Jeremiah 29:11). By this I mean physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually, and sometimes, but not always financially. When things go wrong or seem to take a long time to be resolved, it could simply be a timing issue. That does not mean that we should fail in examining our lives to see what may need to be cleansed and assure our actions are not blocking our prayers (as I stated in week 23), but God is a loving God and longs to bless His children. Mel and I waited more than four years to move near the ocean and be free from the oppressive price we paid for rent. During those long years of financial struggle, we daily examined our lives, and when we felt the Holy Spirit’s correction, we worked hard at changing where He prompted (and we still do and will continue to always heed the correction of the Holy Spirit). Let me point out that if we ever are financially secure, that does not mean that we will cease to ask for God’s continual guidance in our daily walk with Him, and we indeed still seek His holy face no matter what we are going through.

If you are facing tough times, let me give you some encouraging words from one of my favorite verses. It is difficult to put into words just how amazing these verses are. We see here how the three, which are one, work together on our behalf. Jesus himself prays for us with the aid of the Holy Spirit based on God's will for our lives.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Romans 8:26-28 & 34

Let us then follow the example of Jesus and practice interceding for each other and pray for whatever victory is needed individually and especially as a couple.

Virtuous:

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10

This is my description of what I feel the concept of a virtuous spouse (not just a wife but a husband also) should be. I am going to be literal, use the definitions from dictionary.com, and then expand from there.

1) Moral excellence; goodness; righteousness. This is a good start. Obviously, "no one is good but One, that is God," (Matthew 19:17), but we should strive for righteousness or living right. To live a life set apart and holy (Romans 12:1-2 & II Corinthians 6:17). I know I have said it before, but my number one goal in life is to please God and be a woman after His own heart, but my number two goal will always be to bring my husband honor by living a life that will never shame him. I want to please Mel by being a wife that tries her best to live according to the laws of Jesus Christ. A spouse of virtue strives to bring his/her partner honor by living a pure life.

2) Conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude. There have been very few areas where I have needed to conform or change my point of view since I married Mel. This is because, as I mentioned before, we saw and still see life pretty much the exact same way and there has been little to adjust. The most important thing I wanted in a husband was that our religious beliefs were the same. I hate the term "religion," but we are identical in our spiritual thought patterns. The truth is, we have both learned to adjust some of our thought patterns not to each other's ways, but to the ways of the Bible as together we have learned to find the perfect balance of holiness combined with God's grace. If necessary, and as long as He was Biblically sound, I would conform because I love him so deeply and trust him to look out for my best interests. A virtuous woman trusts her husband as her head and conforms when necessary and a virtuous husband will be respectful also of her opinions and not be a bully.

3) Chastity; virginity: to lose one's virtue. I was indeed a virgin on my wedding night. Let me tell you how very happy I am that Mel is the only man to whom I gave myself. It is such an intimate, bonding, beautiful experience. I am beyond grateful Mel will be the only man with whom I will ever have such experiences. So, if any non-marrieds read this, please stay pure until you marry. No matter how old you are, it will be worth the wait. If you have made mistakes, God forgives, and so will a loving husband, but please do not stay living in sin. And for the marrieds: please save sex for only your spouse. There is never any excuse to cheat. Sex is sacred. Marriage is sacred. A spouse of virtue gives his/her body only to his/her mate.

4) A particular moral excellence. I will say it again, no one is perfect, but the goal as a spouse of virtue is to strive to live a life of "moral excellence." How do we excel at anything? Practice, study, learn, and grow. In other words, read The Bible, know the laws of Jesus, and follow them. Know the character of Christ and make it your goal to imitate it. Avoid temptations and cling to your honey. Have amazing communication with your spouse every single day. Talk about every issue you can think of and know where you both stand on every issue. Keep each other accountable. God is your number one source, but use your spouse is your number two moral compass. Follow each other’s good examples and ask him/her to help you as well. A virtuous spouse seeks out excellence in his/her marriage and in his/her walk with God.

5) A good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one's weaknesses. I have so many weaknesses I cannot count them all. Mel and I know that, though we are perfect for each other, we are not perfect people. I am not going to be self-deprecating and list all my faults, but I know what work I need to do in my life. I know where I need to change. Most of us usually do, even when we do not want to admit it. Above all, pray the prayer, "Change my heart oh, God, make it ever new," or "Create in me a clean heart, oh God and renew a right spirit within me." Also, be ready for the honest discussions with your spouse and ask him/her to lovingly but honestly tell you where he/she thinks you need improvement. Ask your partner to help you with areas you feel you need help. Self-examination and a loving hand from your soul mate will help you become a more virtuous spouse.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Victory: Pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17) for one another and for whatever issue is troublesome and claim the victory in Jesus’ name!

Art Project Idea: Two great scripture verses on victory are: Matthew 12:20, “A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench, Till He sends forth justice to victory.” and I Corinthians 15:57, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” I realize the second verse has to do with victory over death, but you can still apply it to this week’s art project. Choose one or both of the above verses and write or computer print them out. You can mount them on scrapbook paper and frame them and/or add a photograph or symbol of an instance where you and your spouse were (or even need to be) victorious. Hang this where you can be reminded that Jesus is Lord of all, and He cares for Your needs and will always help you claim the victory in His name (as long as it is within His will).

Virtuous: Reread the definition of virtue and see where what positive qualities you can identify in your mate. Write him/her a letter and thank your sweetie for being a man or woman or virtue.

On the flip side, are there any areas where you are lacking in virtue? Promise yourself that this is the week you will do your best to be the spouse God intended you to be.

Saturday, January 4, 2025

Week 53: The Number 13: 1 Corinthians 13

NOTE: While waiting for the new year to start so I can start again with the letter A, I thought I would reshare the few writings I did on the "123s of a Joyful Marriage," I will cover only the numbers 1, 2, 3, 7, & 13. (P.S. The number series was originally posted before Christmas, which is why the artwork is Christmas-themed.)

Fun Activity This Week: Instead of singing about the 12 things your true love gave to you for Christmas make a list of the 13 things you want to do for your spouse. I am not speaking of things that cost money, but you can add those if you choose (and you can add more than 13). I am suggesting writing a list as a sort of pledge such as, "Twice a week I will take over one of your household chores," or "I can get up half an hour earlier at least once day a week to have a Bible study with you." Or offer to do any helpful things for one another and stick with it all year! Other ideas are baking a favorite dessert once a month, take over carpool for a week, wear sexy lingerie once a month, give a back massage once a month, go for a walk together once a week, etc... If you are having difficultly coming up with ideas, then ask your mate where he/she could use some help.

Week 53: The Number 13: 1 Corinthians 13

This week is such an easy topic it practically writes itself. Well, actually the apostle Paul wrote it for us. After you read the verses on love, I suggest you also read Galatians 5 (also listed below) and note how very similar the fruits of the Spirit are to qualities of love listed in 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

I love all of 1 Corinthians 13, so I also suggest you read the entire chapter together. In fact (I think I mentioned this before) 1 Corinthians 13:12 is my favorite scripture verse.

As I stated, there really is nothing to add to Paul's description on love, it's pretty self-explanatory. I highly suggest memorizing this list, and when you are feeling anger or frustrated in your marriage, remind yourself of all the things that love is, and do your best to practice those ideals in your marriage!

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

Marriage-Enhancing Idea for the Week: Read the two lists above from 1 Corinthians and Galatians together. Honestly evaluate your actions in your marriage and confess to one another where you need help. Are you being patient, kind, envious, rude, trusting, etc.? If not, pray together to ask the Holy Spirit for help to improve, then do your best to reflect all that love is to one another from now on!

Art Project Idea: As I was finishing up a box of tissues this week, I realized that the beautiful pattern and sturdy cardboard on the box would be great for this week's art project. Or better yet, to start saving different beautiful patterns from an inexpensive boxes of tissues to make this project more colorful! Cut out hearts and write all the descriptions of love on them listed in I Corinthians 13. You can also add your own words. You can either tape them on the walls or refrigerator, punch holes in them and make a mobile out of them, make a mini book, or whatever you choose. Of course, you can choose any material for this project, just be creative and have fun!

Thursday, January 2, 2025

Week 53: The Number 7: Seven Abominations

Fun Activity This Week: Choose 7 bible verses this week to memorize. I know that sounds like a lot, but they can be short verses such as John 11:35, which is only two words, "Jesus wept." But make sure you focus on the significance of those words and don't just choose them because they are brief. Since all my activity suggestions are to be done as a couple, you can split the 7 verses so you do not both have to learn all 7. I realize this means one of you will have to memorize 4 verses and the other 3, but I'm sure you can find a way to make that work for you! At the end of the week, recite your verses to one another and discuss why you chose those verses. Do so over coffee or tea and an optional dessert.

Week 56: Seven Abominations

I realize I last left off with the number 3, but I am jumping ahead to focus on subject matter that better fits the issues I believe are important.

Although this was written for a marriage blog, these issues can be applied to anyone married or single.

(Proverbs 6:16-19 & 27-28) These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

I am not sure why Solomon (who wrote Proverbs) writes, "six," then "seven," but there are 7 items listed. All of these issues can absolutely apply to marriage (or even to non-married relationships). Let me briefly break them down.

To be technical, the word "abomination" is listed in Proverbs 20 times. Some of the same issues listed below are repeated as well as saying God hates things such as a false balance (Proverbs 11:1), the sacrifice and ways of the wicked (Proverbs 15:8-9), he that justifies the wicked (Proverbs 20:10), etc. There are more items in the Bible than listed in Proverbs that God hates as well (see also Galatians 5:19-21 & Revelation 21:7-8), but for the sake of this writing, I will narrow it down to just Proverbs 6:16-19.

A proud look: How often have you acted superior to your mate in a prideful manner? You may even have made fun of the other when you think he/she is wrong and laughed and ridiculed the other when you were proved right. Next time you are tempted to act this way, remember how much God hates pride. Psalm 51:17 says that the Lord will never despise a broken and contrite heart. It is essential to your walk with the Lord to be humble before Him, but also vital to your marriage to be gentle with one another. Do not ever think yourself better than others (see Philippians 2:3), and that includes your spouse. As I always say, yes, the husband is the head of the home, but you are equal partners in every way. Remember to act in love the next time you have a disagreement and know that God hates pride.

A lying tongue & a false witness who speaks lies: I'm including these together because they are both reminding us to always be honest. The second part of that statement probably also has to do with making up stories about another person as well as lying about something. So do not lie to your mate, and do not lie about him or her either. Even exaggerating good qualities is the same as lying. God does not want us to lie even if we are falsely trying to build up someone else's reputation (especially your own). Honesty is absolutely always the best policy.

Hands that shed innocent blood: Murder is not the only way to shed blood. Physical abuse can also bring such harm. You do not have to put up with an abusive spouse (even in blood isn't technically shed, but any form of violence still occurs)! It is not wrong to send him/her to jail. If they adamantly refuse to get help, I do not believe divorce is wrong in such a case. Also, do not keep silent when someone else is the victim, related or not. God expects us to speak up for the innocent, and I will even add that this includes violence towards animals as they are also God's creation.

A heart that devises wicked plans: Notice that one does not even have to carry out wicked plans but just dreaming them up is an abomination to God. The Lord knows all your thoughts and if you are considering harming someone or breaking the law, you will be held accountable for your thoughts. Matthew 5:28 says we commit adultery just by thinking about having sex with someone not our spouse. Proverbs 23:7 says that we are what we think. The Bible also says that whatever we sow in our hearts we will reap in our actions. Remember that song, "Be careful little mind what you think? For the Father up above is looking down in love." Well, sing that to yourself every time you are devising wicked thoughts. Repent, and change your thought process! (You can read more about this from a writing from my other blog (Julie's Bible Journey https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/ ), "Is the abundance of your heart dark and crooked?" here: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/11/is-abundance-of-your-heart-dark-and.html )

Feet that are swift in running to evil: Do not be quick to jump on the band wagon with everyone else doing wrong. That wagon is headed straight to hell! Be swift to run away from evil. If your first instinct is to run toward the sinful things of this world, you need to repent of your ways and get back to living for Christ! Running to evil includes cheating on your mate and pornography. You do not have to participate if your spouse wants you to do something you know is sinful. It is okay to say no and encourage him/her to repent and walk away from sin. Pray together that you will be strong enough to flee temptations in your marriage individually and as a couple.

And one who sows discord among brethren: There are so many, many ways we can sow discord. Gossip is the biggest thing that comes to my mind. Remember the above verse speaking against lying? Gossip is rarely truthful or at the most half-truths. I cannot stand to be around a gossip as many people have harmed me and/or my precious husband with false gossip (I am including from before we knew each other as well). Again, do not talk about your spouse behind his/her back. Also, sowing discord in your home could mean simply being antagonistic and argumentative. Be kind to each other and sow peace and joy. Those are things God loves!

Marriage enhancing idea for the week: Carefully go over the seven things that are abominations. Be honest with yourselves and repent of any of these acts of which you are guilty. If you need to also ask your mate's forgiveness, do so and be quick to forgive if he/she needs to ask it if you as well.

There is no art project suggestion for the number 7.

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Week 53: The Number 3: A Threefold Cord

Fun Activity This Week: Two options. Option 1: Create at home (or go to a restaurant), a three-course meal. You can include any three courses, even something simple like coffee before or after the meal. Celebrate as if it was a holiday and/or have the meal by candlelight! Option 2: One or both of you choose 3 of your favorite food items and create a fun meal out if it. In the above artwork, I have made a similar dish with the items (I realize this equals 6 items, but you can each choose 3 so it fits the category 😉.) You can add additional items of course such as seasonings, olive oil, etc. (such as for above I added quinoa and white gravy),but have fun and be creative together!

Week 53: The Number 3: A Threefold Cord

Here is the rest of the verse from the previous post on the number 2:

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

The "threefold cord" to which Solomon was referring was God. In other words, when you include God in your marriage, your relationship is less likely to end up broken. You are less likely to cause harm to one another when you want to please God with your actions. When you follow Biblical principles, you are less likely to cheat, steal, lie, or participate in other dishonest and harmful actions that could ultimately break your marriage.

Also, note in the verse that it is easier to stand against something or someone wanting to cause harm to you and/or your marriage when you stand as a united team. Do not let adversity, tragedy, or opposition tear you apart. Stand united and allow God to help hold you and your marriage together.

The more you include God in your marriage in such things as Bible study, prayer, and praise time, the healthier and more joyful your marriage will be!

Marriage-Enhancing Tip for the week: When making any major decisions this week, make sure you both pray about it. When you consider God's will above both of your own and stop and think you just may end up surprised how much better the results will be.

Art Project Idea: Make a friendship bracelet out of three different colors. One to represent the husband, one for the wife, and the third for God. You can either wear them, put them on a keychain, hang them in your car, etc. but the idea is that each time you look at them, you will be reminded to make all the right decisions when you acknowledge that Jesus is a part of your marriage. It will also be an encouraging reminder as well that you have the Lord God Almighty fighting for and with you and your marriage! If you do not know to how make a bracelet, there are multiple examples on You Tube (I've been making these since the 1980's!) but here is the result of a search; you can choose which video(s) to watch: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+make+a+friendship+bracelet Below are the bracelets I made:

Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Week 53: The Number 2: Teammates

Fun Activity This Week: Pick two charities, or two people, or two families (or a combination) that you can help this week. You can each pick one with a total of two, or each pick two - it's your choice! If you are in financial need, then volunteer time, donate used (but nice) items, or find other ways to help such as babysitting for free, running errands, or visiting a shut-in. Whatever you choose, do it as a couple to honor the Lord!

Week 53: The Number 2: Teammates

I know I say it often, but I cannot emphasize enough that the two of you are a team. Help each other out whenever needed. From big projects to little ones, no task is too insignificant. Don't wait to be asked to help, and do not forget to say thank you, even when your spouse helps with a simple task.

Helping each other does not just include housework and taking care of the kids etc., but includes physical, emotional, and spiritual support as well. Lift up each other in prayer and be each other's counselor. Do not belittle or downplay feelings you do not understand, or think are beneath you. Be his/her teammate and help him/her get through all tough times, no matter what it takes; all others can wait!

Marriage-Enhancing Idea for the Week: Read the verses below aloud together and thank God that you have a spouse to be there for you. And promise to always be there for one another, no matter what you face, and no matter what it takes.

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

(Next time, I will write about verse 12 that follows the above verses!)

Art Project Idea: Use a version of the phrase I just wrote above. Write something such as, "No matter what we face, and no matter what it takes, I promise to always be there for you!" I am leaving whatever you do with those words up to you. You could add them to a scrapbook style page with some of your favorite photographs; turn the words into a card by writing them on cardstock (or any type of) paper and use your own words inside to make the same promise as well as tell him/her how much his/her support means to you; just use the words alone and frame in a creative way; create computer art and share in private or post on social media; etc... Whatever you choose, have fun, and, if you choose, add the words to Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 to your project.

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Week 53: The Number 1: First

Fun Activity This Week: Find a way to show the world that the 2 became 1! Wear husband and wife shirts, matching clothing, or whatever else you can think of. You don't have to buy shirts if it's not in the budget, but trust me, even when you color coordinate, people notice. Whatever you choose, send a clear message that you and your spouse are one.

Week 53: The Number 1: First

When we put God first in our marriage, all else will fall into place. Take time out to read the Bible and/or pray together before all other activities (a minimum of once a week, but preferably more often) and you will notice how peaceful you feel and act the rest of the day. Placing the Lord first in all you do obviously will not suddenly cause you to have a stress-free life, but it will enable you to handle the stressful things better as a team.

Other than placing God first in your priorities in your marriage, we must also seek Jesus out before all others, even our spouse. Do not seek wealth or fame but seek Jesus and His righteousness. When we strive to live holy lives, it will automatically make our marriages more joyful because our actions are a lot less likely to harm one another. Seeking righteousness means you will not want to have an affair, mentally or physically harm one other, see divorce as an option, or a multitude of other sins that could be detrimental to your marriage. Seek Jesus first, place your mate second, all others a distant third, and your marriage will beautifully fall into place!

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Evaluate your daily/weekly routine. Notice how many things you do before reading your Bible. Consider postponing some activities for later in the day or even eliminating idle time to spend more time with the Lord as a couple.

Art Project Idea: Write, type, or print out a meme from the Internet with the words to the above scripture to Matthew 6:33. Add the words to patterned scrapbook paper and frame them. Place these words near your car keys, purse, or briefcase. If you have not yet spent time with the Lord that morning (I realize this may not be possible on a work morning since you may not be leaving the house at the same time or one of you may still be home asleep, you may need to wait until evening or the weekend). Stop everything and say a prayer thanking God for each other and your marriage and the strength to shine for the Lord as individuals and as a couple.

Here is a collage I made in May 2018 in of us wearing our "I love my Husband/Wife" t-shirts: