Fun Activity This Week: Donate time, money, food and/or any miscellaneous items to charity.
Week 8: Divorce & Dream
If there are issues that cause you and/or your children physical or sexual harm, you do not need to stick around for the illegal and immoral actions of a partner that refuses to change. However, most other problems can be resolved, even, in some cases, adultery. The first step is for both of you to commit your marriage to Jesus and promise to follow His principles.
Admitting you have a problem is step number two. If you need to seek counseling, please do so. Even if you are leery of being too personal with a stranger, then please realize that being vulnerable very well may prevent a divorce. Do not refuse reconciliation because you are scared of opening up to explore your faults or sins. You need to face your fears to save your marriage. Choose an unbiased party such as a pastor from a church you do not attend or a seek out a (preferably) Christian counselor.
The worst thing you can do is give up. In addition to counseling, there are other courses of action I would suggest. Even if just for a day, take a trip together, away from the kids and other outside influences. There are many resources on the Internet and in books but be careful whom to trust. Not all people that label themselves as a Christian ministry are of God. If they suggest you do anything that does not line up with Biblical principles, walk away.
Even if you are not in danger of divorce, I still highly recommend seeking out any kind of couple’s retreat or conference hosted by a Biblically sound church (even if you have to drive a little out of your way). If you cannot afford their fees, most offer scholarships. Do not be embarrassed to ask for financial help, think of it as a priceless way of helping your marriage.
Additionally, you may assume that if you are currently unequally yoked with an unbeliever that you must get divorced, but it is clear that the Lord does not expect you to get a divorce, but just the opposite. (More on this in week 49.)
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. I Corinthians 7:10-16 & 27
Dream: It is a bonding experience to dream with your mate. When you share your deepest dreams and desires with one another, you learn all about your mate’s heart. Mel and I both have the dream to travel. Traveling abroad would be wonderful, but not very affordable, and not always safe. Therefore, our dream is to discover more of our own country. I started a notebook around seven years ago with fifty-one sections, one for each state, the extra one is a page for Washington, DC. Each time we find free travel magazines, we snatch them up. I began cutting out pages and articles on all the places we would love to see.
Beyond just the dream of travel, Mel and I have always dreamed of being used for the Lord. We want to help win souls for eternity. We are both writers and want to use our gifts to help others. We support each other’s books, blogs, Facebook pages, and write together on occasion. Knowing that God has given us the same dreams and desires to help people in the same ways has enhanced our marriage.
There are times when your dreams may entice you to go in the opposite direction from your spouse. Say you want to open a BBQ restaurant in Kansas City, but your wife wants to start a bed and breakfast in Maine. Do not split up and go your separate ways even temporality. While I believe both partners have a right to follow their dreams, your ultimate goal is to keep your marriage together. This is where the art of compromise will come into play. If neither one is willing to yield on location, the couple with two locations in mind could split the difference and live somewhere in the middle and open a bed and breakfast that specializes in succulent BBQ. (Sign me up for that place!)
What you should not do when your dreams do not line up is to try to manipulate the other into changing his/her mind, as you would not want this tactic used on you. Do not pout until you get your own way, but calmly learn to talk about your plans or let the issue go altogether. The best thing to do, however, is to pray that both of you are within God’s will and that He will open all the right doors to your dreams He deems acceptable.
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Divorce: Take the time to examine your marriage this week. Whatever you need to do to divorce-proof your relationship, please do so. (Week 9 will give more ideas on this.) Plan at least one full day this week apart from work and kids to reconnect. If you can afford it, go to a hotel on neutral territory. If not, try to send the kids to friends’ homes, turn off all electronic devices, and focus on each other; make the goal to fix whatever is tempting to split you apart. Problem solve as necessary but do your very best not to fight. Be rational and listen to what the other has to say. P.S. Getting away for at least twenty-four hours is revitalizing to do even if you are not in danger of divorce.
Dream: Five weeks ago, for the word, “believe,” I suggested giving your spouse a notebook that shows you believe in his/her ambitions. Now is a good time to go over the notebook(s) and continue to show your support.
Art Project Option: You can now create a new notebook (or scrapbook) that is about the dreams you share together. Be specific when you create the cover and name your dream in the title of the book such as, “Our Dream to see all 50 States,” “Our Dream Ministry,” “Our Dream House,” or “Our Dream for Children,” etc. You can cut out pictures from magazines to paste onto the pages, or simply write about your dreams and track your progress.
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