Week 21 Short Video

 

Week 21 Art Project

 

 

This week's art project was: "...find artwork or a photograph (on-line or even from a catalog) of a horse (rearing, bucking, or just standing still) and cowboy and/or cowgirl (or draw them if you can) or use a horse statue or stuffed one if you like, along with a doll.  Print or write the words, 'Holding on and still going strong!' (or something along those lines) on the picture.  If using the toys, you can drape the paper over the horse like a blanket.  Frame if you like and be sure to place it where you will be reminded how committed you are to one another. Of course, you can skip the Western theme and just use the words however you choose!" 

P.S.  I made this is 2020, but we still have it hanging in our hallway!

Week 21: Keep Holding On & Keys to Success

 

Fun Activity this week: Do something kind for a neighbor, shut-in, or someone else in need such as making or buying a meal.

Week 21: Keep Holding On & Keys to Success

Keep Holding On:  Your wedding vows will be tested but keep holding on!  When most people stand before a minister on their wedding day and make vows promising to stay together no matter what life may throw at them, they do not actually believe those vows will be put to the test.  They are mimicking the words the official is telling them to repeat because they are tradition.  At that exact moment, life is full of love and promise.  They are marrying the love of their life and soon they will be on their way to a romantic honeymoon.  Financial problems, illnesses, sorrow, and temptation do not exist in those blissful moments.  Nor did they seriously consider such things while in the joyous moments they were falling in love and planning a future together.  Marriages fall apart when one assumes their love has made them exempt from real life after the “I dos” have been promised and the honeymoon has ended.

Thinking about worst-case scenarios is not a healthy way to build a relationship, so I am certainly not suggesting you waste time on doom and gloom.  This week is about analyzing our vows before we take them and every day after. 

If you marry a wealthy person, seriously stop and think if you love him/her or the money.  If your mate suddenly lost everything, would you leave him/her for someone else?  If you had to downgrade to a smaller house and car, would you throw a temper tantrum and make your partner miserable?  Or would you stand by each other’s side and hold hands as you both wait in line at the food bank?  Will you keep holding on?

Will you stand by your spouse no matter what he/she looks like?  If you married a beautiful woman that turns the head of other men, are you prouder of the fact that she is eye candy, or do love her for her character as well?  What if she gains weight after having babies or going through menopause?  Will you insult her and make her feel horrible for a natural occurrence most woman go through, or will you tell her she is sexy no matter what size dress she wears?  What if that super handsome man gets into a car accident and his face is scarred?  Will you still tell him how good-looking he is and mean it?  What if your wife loses all of her beautiful hair to cancer?  Will you hold her hand as she vomits after chemotherapy?   Will you run away if mental illness surfaces because you cannot stand to see him/her change?  Or will you do all you can to get him/her the help needed?  Will you keep holding on?

There are many scenarios under categories that I cannot begin to touch them all.    Nevertheless, I think you can see where I am coming from.

I did not marry a wealthy man, but our finances became even less comfortable a little over a year after we married.  Facing tough financial times, even losing a home, was difficult.  However, I knew before I married Mel that I would live in a tent with him.  He is my home.  If he suddenly became a millionaire, I would not love him any more based on money just as he did not love me any less after our finances suffered because I chose to quit a job in an abusive working environment.  Our love is based on each other’s character, not on things we can and cannot afford to buy that month.  Yes, there was stress, and as money issues are the number one reason marriages fall apart, our marriage was tested.  There was never talk of divorce, only talk of regret that we did not do more to protect our finances.  Neither of us played the blame game.  We clung together and our love and marriage grew stronger.  We kept holding on.

Will we be tested in our marriages only once?  While I would love to say that is the case, I am certain we all know that we will be tested repeatedly.  Whether it is money, illness, or an attractive co-worker/friend/acquaintance, you will face temptation.  That is why it is so very important to make up your mind now that you will always honor every part of your wedding vows, no matter what.  You will you keep holding on.     

Keys to Success:  If you want the keys to unlock a successful marriage, the number one rule is to let God be at the center of your marriage, and the number two is to learn to let the husband be the leader.  I can guarantee that if you follow these two principles, your marriage will be romantic, loving, and joyful.

I once had a woman ask me how (I think she meant why) she could (or should) submit to her husband who insisted on making every decision.  First, not all husbands know how to be leaders in a marriage and women do not know how to be led.  Our society has become so brainwashed, and roles are often reversed in the media.  Men are over-the-top bullies or too passive.  Women are too independent and aggressive.  There needs to be a good balance.  There needs to be love, respect, and communication. 

Men know how to be leaders in a job, but not necessarily in their own home. A good boss allows his employees to have their opinions, but he is ultimately the boss and his final decision stands.  This is true also in a marriage.  Spouses should be free to debate issues when they disagree, and the husband does not automatically make every decision as a dictator.  However, if it comes to a point where no compromise can be made, the husband gets the final word, and his decision ultimately stands.  Genesis 2:24 states that the two become one flesh, which means marriage is a partnership and the two of you make decisions as a team.  God meant for Eve to be Adam’s helper as a part of him, not as his servant. 

A good husband will never be a bully and refuse to listen to his wife’s opinion on any matter.  Of course, not every husband operates this way.  It does not mean he is a bad man, just improperly "trained."  I worked in law enforcement (as a civilian) for seven years, and cops do not become chief overnight.  It takes many years of training and experience to reach your way to the top. You must learn to be a good leader and that takes studying and learning from others.  No one becomes an expert spouse overnight.  Reading marriage books (not just this one, of course) is an excellent way to learn as well as talking to others that have successful marriages.  There is never any shame in asking for help from a spiritual leader or counselor if no solutions can be reached on your own.  It is better to seek help from a neutral party rather than a family member or friend who will be sure to take sides. 

We all learn by example and not all men come from homes where the father was the leader.  I have seen far too many homes where the wife rebelled against the husband and refused to let him lead because she was too set in her ways or did not want to be, what she considered, controlled.  For example, I knew a husband who did not want his wife wearing cleavage-bearing tops or short skirts.  Rather than respect her husband (or the Lord) and dress modestly, she rebelled because she felt he was being too controlling, not respecting that as a wife, and especially as a Christian, she should dress modestly, and not to attempt to attract other men

In addition, some wives are the leaders because the man is too passive.  I knew a family with thirteen children where the mother ruled the home.  Each son married an aggressive woman who also ruled their home, and their daughters married men they could control.  I spoke with one of the daughters that confided in me that she had been given a bad example by her parents. She and her husband were learning he was to be the head of the home.  She said they now believed in the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33 and were beginning to apply them to their family.  She said it made for a much happier marriage and things naturally fell in place, as it was more natural to let the husband be the leader.  They both had to learn to change their patterns and make adjustments, but it proved to me that it could be done.  The passive husband had become a loving leader.  The aggressive wife was still a very strong woman, but now much more respectful of her husband’s role and enjoyed it more that way.  She said their marriage finally now felt more like a partnership for the first time in almost twenty years. 

The absence of a mother or father in the home will also make it very difficult for a man to know how to lead if he has never seen it in action.  You cannot fault a man or woman who does not know the proper Biblical roles if they have never seen how it is supposed to look.  One or both of them may not have grown up in Godly homes. 

The only way to deal with all these issues is through Biblical guidance, communication with each other, and outside counseling if necessary.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Keep holding On:  Make the decision here and now that, no matter what, you will always hold on tightly to one another and never let your circumstances come between you.

Art Project Option: For some reason, this phrase keeps making me think of a rodeo cowboy.  This week find artwork or a photograph (on-line or even from a catalog) of a horse (rearing, bucking, or just standing still) and cowboy and/or cowgirl (or draw them if you can) or use a horse statue or stuffed one if you like, along with a doll.  Print or write the words, “Holding on and still going strong!” (or something along those lines) on the picture.  If using the toys, you can drape the paper over the horse like a blanket.  Frame if you like and be sure to place it where you will be reminded how committed you are to one another. Of course, you can skip the Western theme and just use the words however you choose!

Keys to Success:  Are you practicing the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33?  If you are having issues in your marriage where the wife is the leader, the husband does not know how to lead, or it is every person for him or herself, then please talk things through and seek counseling if needed.

Week 20 Fun Activity

 

 

This week's fun activity was to "Put a jigsaw puzzle together!  If you do not have any, or you do not enjoy puzzles, find something else to do together that challenges both your brains and causes you to work in juxtaposition with one another."  Here is our puzzle.

Week 20 Short Video

 

Week 20 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to create a booklet titled something similar to “Funny Bone Lane” (as in taking a trip down such a lane). On your paper squares, write as many funny memories as you can think of. As always, you can view the video that goes with this art project on the Facebook page.

Week 20: Jokes & Juxtaposition

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Put a jigsaw puzzle together!  If you do not have any, or you do not enjoy puzzles, find something else to do together that challenges both your brains and causes you to work in juxtaposition with one another.

 

Week 20: Jokes & Juxtaposition

 

Jokes:  In week twelve, I wrote about having fun.  Another layer to having fun is being able to joke with one another. Mel and I have a great many jokes between us.  Our sense of humor is nearly identical, and I love that I can be comfortable enough with him to be a total goofball.  No matter what we are going through, there is always plenty of laughter in our home. 

I know that not all marriages enjoy such frivolity.  Whether it is because they grew up in a humorless household and were never taught to loosen up or have been through so much tragedy that joking around seems a luxury they cannot afford, or maybe he/she is simply lacking a sense of humor.  However, if the problem can be remedied, then I say try, or seek counseling if one or both of you are so depressed you cannot make an effort to laugh. 

Use this week to lighten up and find humor in life.  When I was a police dispatcher and later a veterinary technician, there were often situations where one had to laugh or fall apart.  My colleagues and I usually chose the latter.  Laughing when you feel like crying can actually be healthier as you learn to face the tough situations with a more positive attitude rather than crumbling.  I am not dismissing or diminishing grief. I can say this based on personal experience, it is okay to give yourself permission to laugh even while grieving.  Being able to see the silver lining can make it easier to cope.

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22

 

Juxtaposition:  I will admit, the reason I chose this word for the letter J was merely that I think it is an enjoyable-sounding word; I was not certain how I would use it.  I always thought if people or items were in juxtaposition to each other, they were merely in relation to one another.  However, when I looked up the dictionary definition of juxtapose it states, “to situate side by side; place together.”  I knew then exactly how to approach this amusing word.

Just as God made Eve for Adam (Genesis 2), He also made you and your mate for one another.  You were “placed together” with your other half for a very specific purpose.

One of the things Mel and I love to do is to read a book aloud together (or have the Kindle read for us or listen to an audio book).  We are both history buffs, and we have a collection of autobiographies and biographies of historical figures.  While I was writing this entry, we had just finished reading the biography of Pierre and Marie Currie written by their daughter Eve.  Pierre and Marie were so perfectly made for one another; their upbringings, ambitious intelligence, and love of physics were all remarkably similar.  While Marie (also known to many as Madam Currie) is the more recognized name, it was working many long hours with her much beloved husband that brought about the discovery of both polonium and radium.  Together, they accomplished life-saving feats for science and medicine.  While it could be argued that alone one of them may have achieved such triumph, I choose to believe their successes came because they worked so beautifully as a team.   

God placed you in juxtaposition with your soul mate for a specific purpose as well.  Perhaps it is to raise wonderful Godly children.  You may be meant to minister together teaching Sunday school or a home Bible study, working at a soup kitchen, or building orphanages.  As with the Curries, you may also be of one brilliant mind and, as a team, do great things that help save lives.  Whatever it is, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31), and you will always be blessed.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  Ecclesiastes 4:9

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Jokes: Take time out this week to laugh over clean jokes.  You could even buy or borrow a book of clean jokes, even if you have to shop in the kid’s section!

Art Project Option: Create a booklet titled something similar to, “Funny Bone Lane” (as in taking a trip down such a lane).  Remember how you made the booklets in weeks 1 and 11, follow the same concept.  On your paper squares, write as many funny memories as you can think of.  Make certain you leave plenty of blank pages at the end to fill in new events.  Illustrate it, use stickers, or just your words.  When you have a nice stack, punch holes in the sides, and tie it together.  You can work on this together and each make suggestions or one of you can make it as a surprise gift.  Read it together when finished and enjoy a time of laughing so hard it will make you cry!  P.S.  This booklet is great therapy when one or both of you are having a blue day.  When I was down, I got out the one I made for Mel, and by the time I had finished reading it, my frown had been turned upside-down!  

 

Juxtaposition:  Celebrate how alike you are this week.  Find something to do together that you both enjoy.  If you are history buffs, go to a museum (or an online museum tour).  If you love music, go to a concert or take up lessons for a new (or familiar) instrument together.  Love sports, play one of them together, or take up a new hobby such as tennis.  Love to cook, take classes together or make a special dinner together (don’t forget dessert).  You get the idea!  The point is not to enjoy your similar interests alone, but in juxtaposition to your partner!

Week 19 Fun Activity

 

 

(These photos were taken May 10, 2020) This week's fun activity was to journey to another city or county.  We just happened to have plans to go to Salem, OR on Monday, so this was our journey to another state.  It was a little over 6 hours, round trip.  With so many things closed right now (this was during Covid), we did not stop to do any tourists activities, but our reason for going to Salem was to rescue two puppies (in the last two photos). It was a fun day!  

Week 19 Short Video

There is a part 2 to the word of the week, "Joy" but Blogger will not post it. If you would like to view it, you can view it on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554421138800

Note: I recorded this around 4 years ago, but I still fully believe that joy in the Lord will help us get through any circumstance, whether the situation changes or not. I have mentioned this before, but when I went through 2 cancer surgeries in 2023, it was knowing that no matter the outcome, that the Lord loved me and would get me and my husband through the tough times. That hope brought much peace and joy during a physically and emotionally difficult time. And praise God, both of my cancers were stage 1!

Week 19 Art Project

 

Week 19: Jealous & Jesus

 

Fun Activity This Week: Journey outside your own city or county for some new fun!  If you do not know anything about the next city or county, use the Yellow Pages (on or off-line) as your guide. 

Week 19: Jealous & Jesus 

Jealous:   Love does not envy [is not jealous].  1 Corinthians 13:4

Some people interpret the above scripture by stating that we are not to be jealous of other people in our spouse’s life.  Others say it means we are not to be jealous of our spouse.  While I agree with the latter, that we are to rejoice in all our spouse's accomplishments, I actually disagree with the former.  Guarding your relationship with jealousy is prudent.

Jealousy may seem like a negative thing to write about, but it can actually be very positive when it comes to you and your mate.  It is a wise thing to guard your marriage with a jealous love just as Christ has for us.  Christ does not want us to pursue other interests that take our focus off our relationship with Him, and we should have the same focus when it comes to our marriage. 

I am also speaking of being possessive of your spouse.  I am not talking of unhealthy paranoia or unwarranted mistrust of your mate.  What I am referring to is keeping your eyes wide open to anyone who may want to corrupt your marriage either for their own sake or for the sake of trying to break you up based on their own jealousy.

I have always felt that cheating on your spouse was abhorrent, but since I have been married, I see it one hundred times more so. It helps me realize even more why The Bible says in Exodus 34:14, “For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." I am also a very jealous wife. This jealousy is based on how much I love and adore Mel. I am possessive of him just as God is with me. That makes so much more sense to me now than before I was married. I would not cheat on my husband because I love him so much, and he loves me. In turn, I would not cheat on God with a false god (or worship a religion, or put an idol before Him, etc.) because I love God and He loves me.

Mel and I have a very jealous love for one another, and I believe God designed our marriages to be that way. It is very healthy and there is nothing wrong with being possessive of your spouse. I am not talking about being a creepy bully; you can read more about having a healthy grip in week 14.  In fact, I tend to think there is something wrong in your marriage if you are not jealous of other people actively seeking to take your spouse's attention away from you. You should want to guard your marriage with a fortress and arsenal full of weapons (this includes God and prayer). 

It does not mean you mistrust your spouse. I trust Mel, but I also do not want any woman near him that flirts with him. I know my Mel is trustworthy, but it is a matter of protecting my marriage against predators. Even those that inflict unwanted attention but say they would never act on their feelings must be kept at arm’s length and even removed from our lives if necessary. Our love for each other goes far higher and deeper than any friendship and we are more loyal to each other than to anyone else. If you cannot say that about your partner in life, then I think your marriage needs evaluating. For when you get married, you are truly flesh of one flesh (Genesis 2:23-24) which means you are one - you are bonded. No one should come between you. No one means no one. 

Jesus:  Of all the advice I have and will ever give, this is the most important.  If all you read from this website are the next few paragraphs, it will be enough.  When you make the precious trinity, Jesus Christ, God, and the Holy Spirit, the center of your marriage, everything else falls into place.  This is not just a statement people make to placate one another; it is a proven fact. That is not to say that all marriages that call themselves Christian are healthy.  Going to church and reading your Bible is not enough to sustain your marriage.  You must put into practice God's commandments and live lives holy and pleasing unto to Lord (Romans 12:1-2).  Marriages with a sincere faith in Christ that walk the walk and talk the talk are less likely to divorce.   For one thing, you are not striving just to please your spouse, but to honor the Creator of the Universe, and He will honor you and your marriage for choosing to separate yourselves from the world.

The principles of Jesus Christ are the perfect foundations for marriage.  I believe in reading the entire Bible.  Especially focus on the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), particularly the words spoken by Jesus, and put them into practice, and you will have a lasting marriage.

When you both imitate Jesus, not Moses, not Paul, not your mama and papa, or any celebrity or politician, I guarantee that your marriage will flourish and be full of love.  I am certainly not promising a strife-free life (John 16:33), but whatever you face, your marriage will not only survive but also thrive when you endeavor to be like Jesus.  

When you humbly spend time in prayer and communication with the Lord, it affects your entire attitude.  The better you get to know God, the kinder and gentler you will be with your spouse. Your marriage will be more peaceful, more respectful; it will be a pure and safe place.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

 

Jealous:  This week listen to your gut instincts.  Is there anyone that creates jealous feelings whenever they are around because he/she flirts too much with your spouse?  Talk about it with your mate.  If one of you chooses to confront that person, do so in love.  If you need to put space or even a permanent separation between you and said person, do not feel guilty; your marriage comes first!  

Art Project Option: This project will cost money, but the cheapest option is $1 or less.  Show your mate you love him/her with a healthy, jealous love!  When I think of jealousy, I think of the color green (green with envy).  Cover a little box with green construction, wrapping, or scrapbook paper.  Be as creative as you can and place in one or all of the following fun green things such as green candles, a nice smelling perfume that comes in green, green soap or body wash, green candy (such as green M&Ms or jellybeans, etc.) or cookies (for all these things think apple, pear, watermelon, even basil or pistachio).  You could even find sexy lingerie or boxers in green to add to your box.  Make a little sign for the box out of cardboard attached to a Popsicle stick that says something like, “I Love you With a Jealous Love.” And of course, you do not have to choose green, any color will do; the theme of a healthy form of jealous love is all that matters here!    

Jesus:  To further understand the teachings of Jesus, read together any (or all) of the four gospels and focus on the verses about loving one another.  Discuss what you have read and how it relates to how you should treat each other.