Week 22 Art Project

 

Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

 

Fun Idea This Week:  Go fly a kite!  If this is not an option, then just do something fun together outside!

Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

Kindle:  No matter what you are going through, never let the flames of romance die.  In fact, keeping the kindling fires of romance alive during times of difficulty will make you feel much closer as well as make whatever you are going through more bearable.

Being and staying romantic is much easier than you think.  Here are some tips of keeping the fires burning.  I know that not all my ideas seem romantic, but they all have to do with strengthening your bond with your mate.  Trust me, the better your bond with your spouse, the more intense the romance.

Write your spouse a “naughty” poem (it is not really naughty when you are married).  Write a poem or short story that lets him/her know how much you enjoy your sexual life.  You do not have to be a good writer, just emphasize what you enjoy most about your intimate times.  This is not about writing smut for the sake of being sleazy; it is about letting your spouse know how much you desire each other.  Reading these together is a fun and creative way to set the mood! Worried God doesn't approve of steamy, respectful love in marriage? Just read the Song of Solomon, written between husband and wife, and you will see that God intended us to be romantic with our spouse (and ONLY our spouse)!

Remind each other why you fell in love.  Compliment each other often, and be specific.  Tell him how handsome he is.  Tell her what you love about her personality.  Look into each other’s eyes, hold hands, lean your head on his shoulder, or whatever you choose, do not rush through.  Truly make each other feel loved, adored, desired, wanted, and needed.

Listen to each other’s needs, and do not interrupt or talk about your needs.  This is about him/her.  If advice is wanted, freely offer it, but if not, be respectful and keep silent.  Hug, kiss, and comfort each other, or whatever is needed.  Offer to do whatever you can to help, and follow through.  Most likely, your honey just wants to know you have his/her back and are willing to listen. So do not be thinking of what to fix for dinner or tomorrow’s meeting while your spouse is talking.  Be sympathetic and empathetic, and care about all that is said.  Your partner loves you enough that he/she is willing to come to you with his/her problems, do not betray that trust by minimalizing your loved one’s feelings. 

Pray aloud together.  In your prayers be sure you always thank God for sending you such a wonderful mate and thank God for such an amazing gift (even when you are upset with your mate, thanking God for your marriage can help ease tensions).  Ask God to help you be a Biblical husband and wife and respect, honor, love, and remain faithful.  Lay hands on each other and pray for each other’s needs. 

Wear something sexy in the bedroom at least once a month.  You do not have to buy something new every month, especially if you are on a tight budget.  You can rotate through lingerie and you already have, or do something creative with ribbons, bows, stickers, etc.  Ask what he/she likes, and if you are comfortable with it, try to match these requests.  You may not be comfortable dressing like a naughty nurse, but you can buy white lingerie and wear white stockings.  Bottom line is to be creative.  You will both benefit by adding spice to your sex life.  If you have never tried dressing in a flirty costume, try it, it is more fun than you think!  There are many ideas floating around!  The key here is not to be self-conscious, but to enjoy the mate God gave you! And, yes, there are lines that should not be crossed, so just to be clear, I DO NOT endorse S & M or anything that represents pedophilia, bestiality, or homosexuality.

Make a meal your spouse loves complete with dessert.  You do not always have to make the top five favorite dishes every week but ask each other’s opinion while planning the dinner menus/choosing the restaurant.  You know each other’s likes and dislikes.  Do not make sweets every night because it is not healthy, but surprise each other once or twice a month with dessert (or a salty treat if that is the preference).  If you hate to cook or bake, or just are not very good at it (there is nothing wrong with either of those things), then buy a tasty meal or go to a favorite restaurant when you can afford it.  You could even ask a friend to make something special as they will probably charge you less than a restaurant (or you can swap favors).  For special occasions, go a bit overboard and make an extra special meal and dessert or custom order it.  It is also fun to surprise each other unexpectedly with a candle-lit meal or breakfast in bed! 

Write each other love letters.  Surprise your mate at random intervals with a romantic card.  It is up to you what to say on top of the mushy card.  You can let the card do all the talking and/or add your own message. You can also write love letters without the card.  Slip the card on his or her pillow and the two of you can read it together.  You will be pleased with the reactions to the affectionate, complimentary, romantic, and sexy things you write.

Make a genuine effort to spend time every day on an activity that requires interaction. Go for a walk, play a game, read a novel together, or just have a great conversation while sipping your coffee in the morning.  No matter how busy you are, you can always find the time.

Flirt, tease, and joke every day!  Remember how much fun it was to flirt when dating?  Do not stop now!  Mel still makes me blush.  I love it when he teases and flirts with me, and I love to return the favor.

Do not be afraid of public affection.  Let the whole world know you are very much spoken for! Hold hands, snuggle, and sit on the same side of the table when out to eat.  Keep it clean (especially if kids are around), but there is nothing wrong with kissing your mate in public.  You will get more smiles than frowns and those that complain are just jealous.  So, I say, make them jealous: enjoy married life! 

Every idea above that may seem like it costs money, does not have to cost a penny.  Mel and I have been an extremely tight budget for most of our marriage, but that does not mean we stop spoiling each other.  You can hand write cards or use items around the house.  Make each other something from items you already own or that only cost a little.  You can even write love coupons for a future date.  Packing a picnic, giving massages, making love, and spending quality time in conversation talking of the past, present, and future are all wonderful ways not to spend money while kindling your marriage!      

Kingdom:  No matter what your housing situation may be, make your home your kingdom and treat each other like royalty.  As I just stated above, spoiling each other does not have to cost money.  It can include treating each other respectfully or giving each other lots of snuggles.  Sure it is fun to buy each other little gifts as money allows, but do not let the lack of money be an excuse not to spoil one another.  Never be so materialistic that if your spouse cannot treat you to a nice dinner or a small gift that it causes hard feelings.  Love has nothing whatsoever to do with money!  I know plenty of wealthy people who have unhappy marriages because money and possessions take precedence over their mate.  They have to spend so much time at work trying to pay for all their “toys” that their marriage suffers.

My husband treats me like a queen by talking to me with respect and continually telling me how beautiful I am.  He tells me all day long that he loves me.  He honors me with his actions by being faithful.  He also listens to me when I talk, consoles me when I am sad, romances me all the time, and our time together is focused only on us.  I am definitely a spoiled queen in my castle! 

Mel is the king of our castle and I treat him as such.  He is the head of our home and I give him all the respect he deserves.  I honor his decisions and have no desire to try to take control of the castle away from him.  I make sure he is satisfied in every single way, and try to be his helpmate as much as I possibly can. 

The gift of ourselves to one another is what makes our castle a true stronghold of love, loyalty, and happiness.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Kindle:  In order to kindle your romantic fires this week, use any of the ideas from above to show your mate a little extra love.

Kingdom:  Let each other know you respect the other as the king and queen of your castle.

Art Project Option:  Create a castle out of cardboard, paper, boxes, Legos, or whatever you choose.  I made our castle out of a cardboard box and cut the top to look like a castle. I then glued on artwork of a price/knight and princess. Create flags for the towers out of felt, paper, or anything else and design a symbol for the flag that is unique to the two of you.  I just used a heart with the letter L (for our last name).  Use this symbol to tell each other you are the king and queen of each other’s hearts.

Or instead of the castle, or in addition to it, simply draw (or print out) your images as a king and queen a use the words something along the line of "Our Home is a Kingdom of Love," with the artwork.

Week 21 Short Video

 

Week 21 Art Project

 As always, you can view the video that goes with this art project on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/theabcsofajoyfulmarriage/ . P.S.  I made this is 2020, but we still have it hanging in our hallway!

Week 21: Keep Holding On & Keys to Success

Fun Activity this week: Do Something Kind for a neighbor or shut-in such as making or buying a meal.

Week 21: Keep Holding On & Keys to Success

Keep Holding On:  Your wedding vows will be tested but keep holding on!  When most people stand before a minister on their wedding day and make vows promising to stay together no matter what life may throw at them, they do not actually believe those vows will be put to the test.  They are mimicking the words the official is telling them to repeat because they are tradition.  At that exact moment, life is full of love and promise.  They are marrying the love of their life and soon they will be on their way to a romantic honeymoon.  Financial problems, illnesses, sorrow, and temptation do not exist in those blissful moments.  Nor did they seriously consider such things while in the joyous moments they were falling in love and planning a future together.  Marriages fall apart when one assumes their love has made them exempt from real life after the “I dos” have been promised and the honeymoon has ended.

Thinking about worst-case scenarios is not a healthy way to build a relationship, so I am certainly not suggesting you waste time on doom and gloom.  This week is about analyzing our vows before we take them and every day after. 

If you marry a wealthy person, seriously stop and think if you love him/her or the money.  If your mate suddenly lost everything, would you leave him/her for someone else?  If you had to downgrade to a smaller house and car, would you throw a temper tantrum and make your partner miserable?  Or would you stand by each other’s side and hold hands as you both wait in line at the food bank?  Will you keep holding on?

Will you stand by your spouse no matter what he/she looks like?  If you married a beautiful woman that turns the head of other men, are you prouder of the fact that she is eye candy, or do love her for her character as well?  What if she suddenly gains weight after having babies or going through menopause?  Will you insult her and make her feel horrible for a natural occurrence most woman go through, or will you tell her she is sexy no matter what size dress she wears?  What if that super handsome man gets into a car accident and his face is scarred?  Will you still tell him how good-looking he is and mean it?  What if your wife loses all of her long, beautiful hair to cancer?  Will you hold her hand as she vomits after chemotherapy?   Will you run away if mental illness surfaces because you cannot stand to see him change?  Or will you do all you can to get him the help he needs?  Will you keep holding on?

There are many scenarios under categories that I cannot begin to touch them all.    Nevertheless, I think you can see where I am coming from.

I did not marry a wealthy man, but our finances became even less comfortable a little over a year after we married.  Facing tough financial times, even losing a home, was difficult.  However, I knew before I married Mel that I would live in a tent with him.  He is my home.  If he suddenly became a millionaire, I would not love him any more based on money just as he did not love me any less after our finances suffered because I chose to quit a job in a bad working environment.  Our love is based on each other’s character, not on things we can and cannot afford to buy that month.  Yes, there was stress, and as money issues are the number one reason marriages fall apart, our marriage was tested.  There was never talk of divorce, only talk of regret that we did not do more to protect our finances.  Neither of us played the blame game.  We clung together and our love and marriage grew stronger.  We kept holding on.

Will we be tested in our marriages only once?  While I would love to say that is the case, I am certain we all know that we will be tested repeatedly.  Whether it is money, illness, or an attractive co-worker/friend/acquaintance, you will face temptation.  That is why it is so very important to make up your mind now that you will always honor every part of your wedding vows, no matter what.  You will you keep holding on.     

Keys to Success:  If you want the keys to unlock a successful marriage, the number one rule is to let God be at the center of your marriage, and the number two is to learn to let the husband be the leader.  I can guarantee that if you follow these two principles, your marriage will be romantic, loving, and joyful.

I once had a woman ask me how (I think she meant why) she could (or should) submit to her husband who insisted on making every decision.  First, not all husbands know how to be leaders in a marriage and women do not know how to be led.  Our society has become so brainwashed, and roles are often reversed in the media.  Men are over-the-top bullies or too passive.  Women are too independent and aggressive.  There needs to be a good balance.  There needs to be love, respect, and communication. 

Men know how to be leaders in a job, but not necessarily in their own home. A good boss allows his employees to have their opinions, but he is ultimately the boss and his final decision stands.  This is true also in a marriage.  Spouses should be free to debate issues when they disagree, and the husband does not automatically make every decision as a dictator.  However, if it comes to a point where no compromise can be made, the husband gets the final word, and his decision ultimately stands.  Genesis 2:24 states that the two become one flesh, which means marriage is a partnership and the two of you make decisions as a team.  God meant for Eve to be Adam’s helper as a part of him, not as his servant. 

A good husband will never be a bully and refuse to listen to his wife’s opinion on any matter.  Of course, not every husband operates this way.  It does not mean he is a bad man, just improperly trained.  I worked in law enforcement (as a civilian) for seven years, and cops do not become chief overnight.  It takes many years of training and experience to reach your way to the top. You must learn to be a good leader and that takes studying and learning from others.  No one becomes an expert spouse overnight.  Reading marriage books (not just this one, of course) is an excellent way to learn as well as talking to others that have successful marriages.  There is never any shame in asking for help from a spiritual leader or counselor if no solutions can be reached on your own.  It is better to seek help from a neutral party rather than a family member or friend who will be sure to take sides. 

We all learn by example and not all men come from homes where the father was the leader.  I have seen far too many homes where the wife rebelled against the husband and refused to let him lead because she was too set in her ways or did not want to be, what she considered, controlled.  For example, I knew a husband who did not want his wife wearing cleavage-bearing tops or short skirts.  Rather than respect her husband (or the Lord) and dress modestly, she rebelled because she felt he was being too controlling and even encouraged their daughters to dress provocatively, which was also against the husband’s beliefs. 

In addition, some wives are the leaders because the man is too passive.  I knew a family with thirteen children where the mother ruled the home.  Each son married an aggressive woman who also ruled their home, and their daughters married men they could control.  I spoke with one of the daughters that confided in me that she had been given a bad example by her parents. She and her husband were learning he was to be the head of the home.  She said they now believed in the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33 and were beginning to apply them to their family.  She said it made for a much happier marriage and things naturally fell in place, as it was more natural to let the husband be the leader.  They both had to learn to change their patterns and make adjustments, but it proved to me that it could be done.  The passive husband had become a loving leader.  The aggressive wife was still a very strong woman, but now much more respectful of her husband’s role and enjoyed it more that way.  She said their marriage finally now felt more like a partnership for the first time in almost twenty years. 

The absence of a mother or father in the home will also make it very difficult for a man to know how to lead if he has never seen it in action.  You cannot fault a man or woman who does not know the proper Biblical roles if they have never seen how it is supposed to look.  One or both of them may not have grown up in godly homes. 

The only way to deal with all these issues is through Biblical guidance, communication with each other, and outside counseling if necessary.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Keep holding On:  Make the decision here and now that, no matter what, you will always hold on tightly to one another and never let your circumstances come between you.

Art Project Option: For some reason, this phrase keeps making me think of a rodeo cowboy.  This week find artwork or a photograph (on-line or even from a catalog) of a bucking bronco and cowboy (or draw them if you can), or use a horse statue or stuffed one if you like, along with a doll.  Print or write the words, “Holding on and still going strong!” (or something along those lines) on the picture.  If using the toys, you can drape the paper over the horse like a blanket.  Frame if you like, and be sure to place it where you will be reminded how committed you are to one another. Of course, you can skip the Western theme and just use the words however you choose!

Keys to Success:  Are you practicing the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33?  If you are having issues in your marriage where the wife is the leader, the husband does not know how to lead, or it is every person for him or herself, then please talk things through and seek counseling if needed.