Week 9 Art Project

 

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

Fun Activity This Week:  Eliminate all electronic entertainment for one day and focus more on one another.  Save your phones for only very important calls, and instead of texting all your friends, talk to your spouse.  Turn off the computer games and play a game together instead.  You get the idea! 

 

Week 9: Escape & Evangelize

 

Escape:  Escaping the lives of the everyday stresses of life is a wonderful way to keep your marriage alive.  Simply taking a relaxing bath together is a romantic and blissful way to relieve whatever the world has thrown at you this week.  However, the reason I chose this word has nothing to do with escaping from the outside world; it has to do with resisting the negative forces that could destroy your marriage.

We are all faced with many temptations throughout the course of marriage. There are many, some of which I am sure I am not even aware.  The most common are temptations to give up and walk away when the going gets tough, temptations to be disrespectful, seeking an independent life apart from your spouse, not following God’s design for leadership, and temptations to cheat.  God, however, knows our weaknesses and The Bible promises that He will always give us many opportunities to escape all temptations.  

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

All one needs to do is walk away.  It really is that simple.  Better yet, do not even get to the place where you need an escape.  You would not intentionally walk across four lanes of heavy traffic at night in a big city wearing all black, so why would you put your marriage at risk.  If you are addicted to pornography, turn off the Internet and television and do not pick up filthy magazines.  If you are so tempted that you cannot even turn on the Internet without seeking scantily clad women on social media or "innocent" clothing websites, as well as going to the more obvious pornographic sites, cancel your Internet service. 

Hotels all have fire escape routes posted in each room, so you should also have a solid plan of escape from ever being tempted to cheat.  Mel and I have a rule other people in successful marriages also have, and which I suggest you should adopt as well.  Never be alone with a person of the opposite sex unless he/she is a family member related through blood (in other words not in-laws, some step relatives, or your spouse's relatives not related to you).  If you have a job where this is inevitable, then do not be in a location where you are shut alone in a room; open the door or invite a coworker to join.  If you start to feel even small pangs of feelings for another person, walk away.  Change shifts at work or quit if the urge is too strong.  It is better to change jobs than defy God and lose your marriage.  On a quick note: I have worked jobs where I was alone with a man but felt zero desire to betray my husband. Therefore, if you truly are not tempted to cheat, then changing jobs is not necessary. I only suggest this if you are struggling with being unfaithful.

Do not even allow yourself to be involved in more than a very casual friendship with someone of the opposite sex.  Most people spend more time with their co-workers than their own spouse, and for some it is easy to form unhealthy attachments to the wrong person.  If you find yourself feeling distant from your mate, rather than cling to the wrong person, make an effort to reconnect with the one with whom you made vows of fidelity.  You can always find at least half an hour before work for coffee together.  It is better to lose a little sleep than lose your marriage.  Husbands, rather than sitting alone at the computer while your wife cooks dinner, join her in the kitchen and reconnect.  Help her out, or just chat. (Same for if the husband is cooking dinner.)  Wives, don’t say you are too busy to talk, you can talk to him and work at the same time.  You get the idea! 

Other than simply walking away from the things and people that tempt us, we need to pray a wall of protection against our family and ourselves.  When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he told them they should ask to be kept far away from unholy enticements.  Remember to ask God to keep you from evil every day.  

For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore, pray: And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.   Matthew 6:8-9 & 13

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  Matthew 26:41

Evangelize:  It is a great blessing as a couple to reach out to others and share the Word of God.  Not everyone is called to be a Paul or Peter.  However, we can reach out in small ways, one person at a time.  I am a very shy person, which is why I write.  My husband is very outgoing, which is why he can get behind the pulpit.  Utilize your strengths rather than shrinking behind your weaknesses. 

Other than witnessing to a friend or co-worker, I recommend evangelizing with another person (preferably your mate) or with a team because this can be a very dangerous world, and this not only protects your marriage from false accusations and unwanted attention, but also protects you from physical harm as well.  If you feel called to help people in dangerous areas of a town, make sure you check in with the local police so they know you are there and can give you advice as well as protection as needed. God is able to protect us, but we also need to be wise. 

Pray where God would like to use you.  If you are serious about ministry, I recommend fasting and praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit.  Ask God to reveal His plans to you in a dream or through the mouth of another person.  Just be careful that any person that uses the words, “God told me…” this or that, that what they are suggesting is not anything that goes against Biblical principles or that their false prophesies will put money in their pocket!  If God puts a desire in your heart, He will find a way to equip you with the money, talent, and other resources required.  

If you and your mate feel you have two entirely different dreams of evangelizing (she wants to build orphanages in Africa, he wants to preach in American cities), find a way to do both, do not dismiss what God is calling each of you to do.  Most likely, however, God put the two of you together to serve as a team because you are like-minded and have the same evangelical goals.

Pray also that God will bring people into your lives to whom you can share the love of Jesus Christ on an individual basis such as co-workers, neighbors, family members, and even strangers.  If you do not quite know what to say, simply hand them a gospel tract.  However, if God brings a particular person to you, He believes you can help.  The Holy Spirit will let you know what to say; just say a silent prayer for guidance before you speak. 

Before I was married, I once had a deaf roommate whose alarm clock would go off for an hour or longer before she would hear it and get ready for work.  Because she had a little bit of hearing left, she would eventually hear the alarm, rise, and go to work.  Our evangelistic mindset must be like an alarm clock for those who are spiritually deaf.  Somewhere deep down they can still hear what we say and want to know the Truth.  It will eventually sink in, and they will be ready to rise and go to work for the Lord.  We must not cease praying for God to open their eyes and soften their hearts, so they are receptive to hearing the Truth. 

It is very difficult for anyone to swallow their pride and admit they have been wrong for many years, especially if this person sees himself as a leader or expert.  We must pray for patience and understanding for these people.  As a former preacher’s kid, I was once one of those too stubborn to listen to alternate theories.  I thought I knew it all.  Ultimately, my daily Bible study opened my eyes to the contradictions taught in most churches.  I was at a point in my life where I was spiritually sensitive enough to hear God’s voice and accept correction from Him.  My Bible studies continue to keep my eyes wide open to the Truths in the Bible that are misrepresented in most churches.  A typical prayer for me is that God will reveal any errors in my theologies so I may adjust them.  As you ask God for evangelistic opportunities, I pray you will also have an open heart to hear all that God wishes to teach you.

When you share Jesus together, it will truly bond you together tighter.  Whether it is teaching Sunday school, serving in a soup kitchen, singing for Jesus, handing out tracts, writing blogs, or just speaking with people in Wal-Mart, sharing your faith is a great way to build your marriage.

And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”  Mark 16:15

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Escape:  Start making it a habit this week to pray together that God will keep your marriage pure and keep all temptations at bay.  Pray also that you will always use the escape route God has pre-planned for you.

Art Project Idea:  A Mizpah is a Biblical term that means “watch,” taken from Genesis 31 when Jacob and his father-in-law parted ways.  Most people use the word Mizpah to describe a piece of jewelry that is two hearts broken in half, and two different people each wear half.  Sometimes Genesis 31:49 is written across the two halves.  For the sake of this week, and the significance of the Mizpah, I want you to also consider verses 48-50:  Therefore its name was… Mizpah, because he said, "May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another. If you afflict my daughters, or if you take other wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us--see, God is witness between you and me!"

You do not have to use all three verses but make a Mizpah this week using the words at least from verse 49 and make sure you and your partner understand the significance that God is always watching both of you, even when you are apart.  When you look at your half of the Mizpah, think of it as a good escape plan: to be mindful that God’s eyes are very vigilant. 

Make a heart as large or as small as you would like out of any material you would like.  I suggest cardboard to keep it from falling apart.  Color it or paste colored paper on it if you like but write or type and print the words to Genesis 31:49 on it in bold letters, then cut it in half.  You and your spouse will each carry a half with you when you are apart such as placing it on your desk at work or home, on a dresser, or even on the refrigerator.  You could also make a tiny one (with just the verse reference since the words will not fit) and you can each keep half in a wallet or pocket.   

Note:  Of course, you can always spend the money to buy a Mizpah in jewelry (or keychain) form if you so choose.  

Evangelize: Find a fun way to share your faith together this week.  Tell your server you are about to pray over your meal and ask her if she has any prayer requests.  Tell the clerk at the store you appreciate his hard work and smile and offer to pray for him.  Or if he is grouchy, tell him you are sorry he is having a bad day (without using sarcasm) and offer to pray.  Want to take it a step farther?  Mel and I have written a series of gospel tracks.  If you would like any of our tracts, please contact me through a Facebook message (click or tap on the link on the right side of this blog site), and I will gladly send you a free copy you can print out.

Week 8 Short Video

When I made this video in 2019, I was trying out my web cam for the first time. Sorry for the weird angle, LOL! 

Also, on another note, in this video I mentioned I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. After my initial diagnosis in 2019, in 2022 my neurologist later recanted his findings and said he did not know what type of neurological disorder I have and now refuses to classify my condition as MS. It is a very long and frustrating story, but 4 1/2 years later, I still do not have a definitive diagnosis, other than confirmed lesions in my brain, a long list of issues all down the length of my neck and spine, and every symptom of MS. After dealing with 2 types of cancer last year, I no longer stress over a neurological diagnosis, and just deal with living in God's strength one day at a time.

Week 8 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to "create a new notebook (or scrapbook) that is about the dreams you share together."  This is the cover of ours.

Week 8: Divorce & Dream

Fun Activity This Week:  Donate time, money, food and/or any miscellaneous items to charity.

Week 8: Divorce & Dream 

Divorce:  "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16

If there are issues that cause you and/or your children physical or sexual harm, you do not need to stick around for the illegal and immoral actions of a partner that refuses to change.  However, most other problems can be resolved, even, in some cases, adultery.  The first step is for both of you to commit your marriage to Jesus and promise to follow His principles.

Admitting you have a problem is step number two.  If you need to seek counseling, please do so. Even if you are leery of being too personal with a stranger, then please realize that being vulnerable very well may prevent a divorce. Do not refuse reconciliation because you are scared of opening up to explore your faults or sins. You need to face your fears to save your marriage.  Choose an unbiased party such as a pastor from a church you do not attend or a seek out a (preferably) Christian counselor.

The worst thing you can do is give up.  In addition to counseling, there are other courses of action I would suggest.  Even if just for a day, take a trip together, away from the kids and other outside influences.  There are many resources on the Internet and in books but be careful whom to trust.  Not all people that label themselves as a Christian ministry are of God.  If they suggest you do anything that does not line up with Biblical principles, walk away. 

Even if you are not in danger of divorce, I still highly recommend seeking out any kind of couple’s retreat or conference hosted by a Biblically sound church (even if you have to drive a little out of your way).  If you cannot afford their fees, most offer scholarships.  Do not be embarrassed to ask for financial help, think of it as a priceless way of helping your marriage.

Additionally, you may assume that if you are currently unequally yoked with an unbeliever that you must get divorced, but it is clear that the Lord does not expect you to get a divorce, but just the opposite. (More on this in week 49.)

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed.  I Corinthians 7:10-16 & 27

Dream:  It is a bonding experience to dream with your mate.  When you share your deepest dreams and desires with one another, you learn all about your mate’s heart.  Mel and I both have the dream to travel.  Traveling abroad would be wonderful, but not very affordable, and not always safe.  Therefore, our dream is to discover more of our own country.  I started a notebook around seven years ago with fifty-one sections, one for each state, the extra one is a page for Washington, DC.  Each time we find free travel magazines, we snatch them up.  I began cutting out pages and articles on all the places we would love to see.  

Beyond just the dream of travel, Mel and I have always dreamed of being used for the Lord.  We want to help win souls for eternity.  We are both writers and want to use our gifts to help others.  We support each other’s books, blogs, Facebook pages, and write together on occasion.  Knowing that God has given us the same dreams and desires to help people in the same ways has enhanced our marriage.

There are times when your dreams may entice you to go in the opposite direction from your spouse.  Say you want to open a BBQ restaurant in Kansas City, but your wife wants to start a bed and breakfast in Maine.  Do not split up and go your separate ways even temporality.  While I believe both partners have a right to follow their dreams, your ultimate goal is to keep your marriage together.  This is where the art of compromise will come into play.  If neither one is willing to yield on location, the couple with two locations in mind could split the difference and live somewhere in the middle and open a bed and breakfast that specializes in succulent BBQ.  (Sign me up for that place!)

What you should not do when your dreams do not line up is to try to manipulate the other into changing his/her mind, as you would not want this tactic used on you.  Do not pout until you get your own way, but calmly learn to talk about your plans or let the issue go altogether.  The best thing to do, however, is to pray that both of you are within God’s will and that He will open all the right doors to your dreams He deems acceptable.  

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

 Divorce:  Take the time to examine your marriage this week.  Whatever you need to do to divorce-proof your relationship, please do so.  (Week 9 will give more ideas on this.)  Plan at least one full day this week apart from work and kids to reconnect.  If you can afford it, go to a hotel on neutral territory.  If not, try to send the kids to friends’ homes, turn off all electronic devices, and focus on each other; make the goal to fix whatever is tempting to split you apart. Problem solve as necessary but do your very best not to fight.  Be rational and listen to what the other has to say. P.S. Getting away for at least twenty-four hours is revitalizing to do even if you are not in danger of divorce.   

 

Dream:  Five weeks ago, for the word, “believe,” I suggested giving your spouse a notebook that shows you believe in his/her ambitions.  Now is a good time to go over the notebook(s) and continue to show your support. 

Art Project Option: You can now create a new notebook (or scrapbook) that is about the dreams you share together.  Be specific when you create the cover and name your dream in the title of the book such as, “Our Dream to see all 50 States,” “Our Dream Ministry,” “Our Dream House,” or “Our Dream for Children,” etc.  You can cut out pictures from magazines to paste onto the pages, or simply write about your dreams and track your progress. 

Week 7 Short Video

 

Week 7 Art Project

The art project this week was to "draw (or print one from the computer) a small tree and write the words, 'Welcome to the Garden of Allowable Fruit,' on it.  Include apples (or other fruit), flowers, and/or leaves as well (stencils are a big help).  Write, 'Enjoy' on at least one of the apples.  Now, you could place these on your bedroom wall by your bed later on if you so choose, but first, what is even more fun is to tape them to yourself in strategic locations!"  P.S. Sorry for the bad photo quality.

Week 7: Desire & Dig Deep

Fun Activity This Week:  Dance with your partner!  I do not endorse ungodly environments such as bars/clubs, so I am only suggesting dancing around your own house.  Play romantic music or hum your own tune.  Sway in each other’s embrace and enjoy the romance!

Week 7: Desire & Dig Deep

 

Desire:  Desire in your marriage is a very good thing.  A healthy sexual relationship will make your marriage much happier and bind your union with chords that will not be broken.  As I have stated before, I have no degrees or professional accolades, but my marriage is very joyful and very stable, so all I write about is from the perspective of a marriage that is satisfied is every single way.

In order to maintain desire in your marriage, try to find romance in even the simple things.  Once while eating a bowl of "ABC's & 123's" I took the time to spell out, “Mel Julie 4Ever.”  Totally silly, but also romantic!  Mel and I are very loving with one another and find romance everywhere. My favorites are (not necessarily original): writing our names in the sand, drawing romantic sayings on him with my finger, whispering sweet and suggestive things in his ear in public places, writing poems (yes, "naughty" poems included), giving him mushy cards, singing silly songs with our names, writing messages on the bathroom mirror with dry-erase marker (wipes clean with a paper towel), drawing hearts with the ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce, taking lots of pictures of each other, simply holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes, and a million other things!

Also consider spicing it up in the bedroom around once a month.  After all, God gave us our spouses for pleasure, so enjoy each other!  Although I believe what happens in the bedroom should be private, I cannot write a book on marital advice without giving away a few of our bedroom secrets.  Therefore, in order to offer some suggestions that add the spice of desire to your love life, I will have to break my own rule for the sake of this blog.  One idea I have come up with is finding a theme and having a lot of fun with it.  Begin with a nice meal, decorate your bedroom with some sort of fun accessories, dress up in a unique outfit, play music (if you do not have a CD with matching music, stream it from the Internet), and if you can afford it, give a gift that is related.  One way to do this is to play with an international theme.  If you cannot spend money on specific themed lingerie, try using stickers (or your own artwork) to place strategically on yourself (train stickers and a conductor's hat - think about what gets said when you hear a train whistle), or gift bows placed on yourself for his/her birthday, and body paint is fun too!  The idea is to be creative and make your love life fun, romantic, and exciting.  

Ask and answer questions about each other’s fantasies and attempt to fulfill the fantasies as closely as possible.  If he has always wanted to be intimate on a boat, you may not literally be able to fulfill that wish, so decorate your room to look like a ship (I used a blue sheet, hand-drew fish, and played ocean sounds).  Have an outdoor fantasy but live in a crowded neighborhood, then make the room look like the outdoors (think green blanket, real and fake flowers, and even animal decorations and outdoor sounds).  You can draw or buy decorations to simulate water, flowers, stars, etc.   Places, outfits, decorations, music, scents, lighting… use your imagination and make it special and unique. 

Just to be clear: I absolutely do not endorse anything perverted or immoral and there are obvious lines not to cross.  However, if you truly plan to spend forever with your spouse, it is a good idea not to ever let him/her get bored.  There is NEVER any excuse to cheat, but it is also wise to make sure you both feel desired and are satisfied in every area of your marriage.  Ask questions, be honest telling him/her what you do and do not like.

Be creative with showing your spouse just how much you desire your best friend, soul mate, and lover.  Be respectful, be romantic, and have fun!   

Dig Deep:  When you are dating, you want to know everything about each other.  You ask all about each other’s childhood, jobs, and, even if you really do not want to know, you will ask about past relationships.  Just because you are married, that does not mean the questions should stop.  Nor should you stop sharing information.  Even after almost twelve years of marriage, Mel and I are still discovering and telling new stories. 

Doctors never stop studying and learning all they can know about their profession; it is essential to their career that they keep up to date on all there is to know about medicine.  Consider yourself a perpetual student of your mate.  Digging in deep to know all about your spouse does not just mean knowing about the past, but about daily emotions as well.  It is a good idea to check in with each other on a regular basis and ask how the other is doing.  When necessary, ask what you can do to help and do your very best to follow through.  You honor your marriage by knowing all there is to know about each other and not taking your honey for granted just because you have a ring on your finger. 

Digging in deep goes beyond the two of you.  Dig in deep in your relationship with the Lord.  Bible studies may be difficult to do every day but commit to a minimum of once a week and pray together at the same time.  You can increase it from there as your hunger for the things of God grows.  You may find you want to set aside at least one day a month for fasting and praying on your knees.  You may even choose to set aside several days a month where you shut off the Internet and other forms of secular entertainment, stay away from all negative influences, and focus only on God’s Voice.  You could even include an extended fast during this time.  Just as you do not want your martial relationship to grow stale, you absolutely do not ever want your spiritual relationship to diminish.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Desire:  Make certain your lover feels desired this week.  Ask each other about your fantasies and do your best to fulfill one this week. 

Art Project Option:   Using plain or scrapbook paper draw (or print one from the computer) a small tree and write the words, “Welcome to the Garden of Allowable Fruit,” on it.  Include apples (or other fruit), flowers, and/or leaves as well (stencils are a big help).  Write, “Enjoy” on at least one of the apples.  Now, you could place these on your bedroom wall by your bed later on if you so choose, but first, what is even more fun is to tape them to yourself in strategic locations!

 

Dig Deep:  Create for each other a fun game of trivia.  Write (or verbally ask) around ten questions about you.  Make at least half of them questions you think he/she will not know the answer to and use this time to open up about something new.  Do not use this time to berate each other for things he/she has forgotten or does not know, simply (and calmly) relate the facts that may have slipped his/her mind.  Find a fun way to reward correct answers such as a sexy kiss, a snack food item, or anything else you can think of (if you combine this with the above word you could turn this into a more intimate game).  After completing the questionnaires about yourselves, ask around ten questions you would like answered.  Do not be shy about digging deep and being personal.  Afterall, this is your lifetime partner, and the more you know the richer the marriage!   

Also, on this blog site I have post questions I created titled "Conversations of Love." So, if you are stuck on how to dig deeper in your conversations, please search the search bar for "conversations of love" at the top of this blog site and use the questions created to help your marriage grow stronger.

Week 6 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to create a collage from your collection of photos or other memorabilia.  We made these 6 collages and used picture frames Mel had gotten for free at a yard sale.

Week 6 Short Video

 

Week 6 Art Project

 

"In order to celebrate the ways in which you complement each other," this week's art project was to "create a poster and say silly things such as, “We go together like bagels and cream cheese. Use a piece of poster board or cardboard." I used a grocery store flyer and a cardboard pizza insert to make my project.

Week 6: Compassion & Complement

Fun Activity This Week:  Compile a collection of memorabilia and make a collage.  If you do not want to take on an additional art project this week, then just spend time with your honey and look through old photos and keepsakes, and the take an enjoyable trip down memory lane.

Week 6: Compassion & Complement:

 

Compassion:   It is important to have compassion for your spouse even when you cannot relate to what he/she is going through.  Do not ever make your loved one feel weak for crying or feeling down.  Instead, encourage each other and pray for one another.  If your spouse cannot feel comfortable coming to you with problems because he/she feels you may downplay his/her feelings or simply not listen, this could lead to more serious issues down the road.  Be there for one another in good times and bad.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

When I was a receptionist at a veterinary clinic (not the same one where I was a veterinary technician), I observed one of the saddest displays of spousal disrespect I have ever seen.  When a husband and wife came in to pick up their deceased dog's ashes, the wife was in tears as soon as she saw the urn.  Instead of the husband embracing his wife, saying a kind word, or even patting her on the shoulder, he roughly said, "I should have left you at home."  I immediately saw a look of even worse pain come over the wife's face.  One can only assume this husband was an even worse bully in private if he was so willing to show such an ugly, heartless side in public.  I felt very badly for the wife.  Even if he could not relate to her pain because he did not love the dog, or thought it was "just" as pet, he still should have showed compassion.  Instead, he made her feel worse, and, I am certain, very much alone.  More than ten years later, recalling that moment still makes my chest tighten in grief for that poor woman. 

It is so very important to show compassion to your spouse even when you have no idea what he/she is feeling.  Mel's tears are my tears, and his joy is my joy. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

Go the extra mile and buy flowers or stuffed animal, etc. or give (or make) a card to show your compassion.  I know material items are not an instant fix to a broken heart, but just knowing your mate genuinely cares about your hurt, makes the pain more bearable.  Less than two years into our marriage we lost a dog and then a cat that had both been mine long before I married Mel.  Both times Mel brought me to Build-A-Bear, one of my favorite stores, and suggested I make a stuffed animal to represent the losses. Mel’s compassion was a great comfort during my grief.

With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bear one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

Please remember to be sensitive to your spouse's emotions.  Do not ever make him/her feel it is wrong to be sad or scared.  Instead, hold his /her hand, cry, and pray together. 

Be sensitive to physical pain as well.  Some people have a higher tolerance for pain than others and/or were taught not to complain.  While others are more dramatic either because the literally feel the pain worse or want the attention.  It is not up to you to judge which is the case.  (However, if this sounds like you, remember over-exaggerating pain is the same as lying.  Do not manipulate your spouse by pretending.)  Show compassion and do all you can to help ease the pain, and do not ignore the cries of physical discomfort.  If you only offer sincere words of kindness to show you feel bad for your mate’s discomfort, that can be enough.  However, bringing your mate his/her medication, going to the doctor together, and helping with tasks that may be difficult, and buying or preparing comfort foods are also welcome acts of compassion.   

 

Complement:  This is not about paying compliments, but about learning to use your personalities to complement one another.  In other words, accepting how well you balance each other out.  Celebrate the areas in which you are like-minded, but also embrace your differences.

Mel and I are very much alike.  Our fathers were pastors, we both love history and museums, we have the same taste in music and books, we love animals, we love the outdoors, we crave travel, we love toys and antiques, we have the same sense of humor, we both desire to please the Lord, and the list goes on.  The main area where we are different is that he loves to be surrounded by lots of people, where I tend to be an isolationist.

When I met Mel, the first thing I admired about him was his boldness for and obedience to Christ. His spirituality was what drew me to him and made me want to get to know him better.  I am still impressed by his wealth of knowledge and his fearless willingness to stand up for what he believes. He has taught home groups, has been involved in street ministry, and was the associate pastor at the first church we attended as a couple, where he was also the overseer of evangelism and outreaches.  

            I, on the other hand, am a shy little mouse. I sometimes dislike that about myself. As Mark 14:38 states, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." I know this verse has to do with temptation, but for me it has to do with my willingness to serve Christ but being afraid to speak in public. I truly want to be a vessel to be used for His kingdom, but I am so shy, I shrink like a wallflower every time I am around people. I pray for boldness often.

Yet I also believe that God does not make mistakes for as Isaiah 43:1 says, "But now, thus says the Lord, who created you... And He who formed you.'" And Isaiah 44:2, "Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb." Therefore, I have to believe God did not design me to be the leader-type. This is why I am very comfortable behind the scenes, and why God has called me to write.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor." Therefore, I know for absolute certain that Mel and I are a perfect pair. His boldness helps my shyness. I lean on him for strength. I am his helpmate as I very much love being.  I am meant to be my husband's support system and I am pleased to accept the mission! I will be his shoulder to lean on, his prayer warrior, and his hand to hold.  As much as I can, I will gladly stand by his side and assist him, but I know my main goal is being his cheerleader. Go, Mel! Mel says he loves that I am shy and quiet. He said he even prayed for a shy woman that was a gentle peacemaker and not interested in shallow social scenes. See, another sign we were made for each other! Especially since I prayed for a man that would be very Godly and would be my spiritual leader.  (P.S., I never once felt shy around Mel, not even on the day we met, which is extremely rare for me, and further proof we were destined to be together!) 

I am certain many of you can relate to my story.  While your differences may be entirely unlike ours, we all have at least one area where we see things in a different light from our mate.  I do not like to think of them as strengths and weaknesses, but rather as the way God made us.  We can use our separate personalities to complete each other.  When you become one with your partner in marriage, it only makes sense that he/she fills in the gaps.  Think of it as being two sides of one a priceless coin, and praise God for having enough wisdom to lead you to your perfect match! 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Compassion:  Check in with your mate this week and see if there is anything on his/her mind that needs to be discussed.  There may be an issue pent up inside for months that your honey has been afraid to talk about for fear of your reaction.  Let your sweetie know you want him/her to unburden him/herself to you, and you will be his/her rock.  Listen without judgment and with a heart full of compassion.  Be ready to lend a shoulder and supply the tissues.

Also ask about physical needs and offer to take him/her to the doctor if necessary.  Do whatever you can that helps lessen his/her pain by taking on chores, etc.

Complement: Art Project Option: In order to celebrate the ways in which you complement each other, create a poster and say silly things such as, “We go together like bagels and cream cheese.” Use a piece of poster board or cardboard (I like to take apart packing boxes or use clean pizza boxes). Illustrate it if you wish or cut out the labels to the items you are using, such as for the phrase, “We go together like toothpaste and mouthwash,” you could be the labels from a box of Crest and a bottle of Scope.  Use a wrapper from a fast-food burger (restaurants will usually give you a clean one for free) and a jar of pickles for going together like “hamburgers and pickles.”   The ideas are endless but try to personalize it to include inside jokes such as, “We go together like tacos and salsa” because he is a fan of Mexican food.  Or “We go together like blueberries and cheesecake” because that is her favorite dessert.  You can also go on-line and print out logos or type the list with fun fonts.  Glue your fun ideas onto the piece of cardboard or whatever you choose.