Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

 

Fun Idea This Week:  Go fly a kite!  If this is not an option, then just do something fun together outside!

Week 22: Kindle & Kingdom

Kindle:  No matter what you are going through, never let the flames of romance die.  In fact, keeping the kindling fires of romance alive during times of difficulty will make you feel much closer as well as make whatever you are going through more bearable.

Being and staying romantic is much easier than you think.  Here are some tips of keeping the fires burning.  I know that not all my ideas seem romantic, but they all have to do with strengthening your bond with your mate.  Trust me, the better your bond with your spouse, the more intense the romance.

Write your spouse a “naughty” poem (it is not really naughty when you are married).  Write a poem or short story that lets him/her know how much you enjoy your sexual life.  You do not have to be a good writer, just emphasize what you enjoy most about your intimate times.  This is not about writing smut for the sake of being sleazy; it is about letting your spouse know how much you desire each other.  Reading these together is a fun and creative way to set the mood! Worried God doesn't approve of steamy, respectful love in marriage? Just read the Song of Solomon, written between husband and wife, and you will see that God intended us to be romantic with our spouse (and ONLY our spouse)!

Remind each other why you fell in love.  Compliment each other often, and be specific.  Tell him how handsome he is.  Tell her what you love about her personality.  Look into each other’s eyes, hold hands, lean your head on his shoulder, or whatever you choose, do not rush through.  Truly make each other feel loved, adored, desired, wanted, and needed.

Listen to each other’s needs, and do not interrupt or talk about your needs.  This is about him/her.  If advice is wanted, freely offer it, but if not, be respectful and keep silent.  Hug, kiss, and comfort each other, or whatever is needed.  Offer to do whatever you can to help and follow through.  Most likely, your honey just wants to know you have his/her back and are willing to listen. So do not be thinking of what to fix for dinner or tomorrow’s meeting while your spouse is talking.  Be sympathetic and empathetic, and care about all that is said.  Your partner loves you enough that he/she is willing to come to you with his/her problems, do not betray that trust by minimalizing your loved one’s feelings. 

Pray aloud together.  In your prayers be sure you always thank God for sending you such a wonderful mate and thank God for such an amazing gift (even when you are upset with your mate, thanking God for your marriage can help ease tensions).  Ask God to help you be a Biblical husband and wife and respect, honor, love, and remain faithful.  Lay hands on each other and pray for each other’s needs. 

Wear something sexy in the bedroom around once a month.  You do not have to buy something new every month, especially if you are on a tight budget.  You can rotate through lingerie you already have, or do something creative with ribbons, bows, stickers, etc.  Ask what he/she likes, and if you are comfortable with it, try to match these requests.  You may not be comfortable dressing like a naughty nurse, but you can buy white lingerie and wear white stockings.  Bottom line is to be creative.  You will both benefit by adding spice to your sex life.  If you have never tried dressing in a flirty costume, try it, it is more fun than you think!  There are many ideas floating around!  The key here is not to be self-conscious, but to enjoy the mate God gave you! And, yes, there are lines that should not be crossed, so just to be clear, I DO NOT endorse S & M or anything that represents pedophilia, bestiality, or homosexuality.

Make a meal your spouse loves complete with dessert.  You do not always have to make the top five favorite dishes every week but ask each other’s opinion while planning the dinner menus/choosing the restaurant.  You know each other’s likes and dislikes.  Do not make sweets every night because it is not healthy but surprise each other once or twice a month with dessert (or a salty treat if that is the preference).  If you hate to cook or bake, or just are not very good at it (there is nothing wrong with either of those things), then buy a tasty meal or go to a favorite restaurant when you can afford it.  You could even ask a friend to make something special as they will probably charge you less than a restaurant (or you can swap favors).  For special occasions, go a bit overboard and make an extra special meal and dessert or custom order it.  It is also fun to surprise each other unexpectedly with a candle-lit meal or breakfast in bed! 

Write each other love letters.  Surprise your mate at random intervals with a romantic card.  It is up to you what to say on top of the mushy card.  You can let the card do all the talking and/or add your own message. You can also write love letters without the card.  Slip the card on his or her pillow and the two of you can read it together.  You will be pleased with the reactions to the affectionate, complimentary, romantic, and sexy things you write.

Make a genuine effort to spend time every day on an activity that requires interaction. Go for a walk, play a game, read a novel together, or just have a great conversation while sipping your coffee in the morning.  No matter how busy you are, you can always find the time.

Flirt, tease, and joke every day!  Remember how much fun it was to flirt when dating?  Do not stop now!  Mel still makes me blush.  I love it when he teases and flirts with me, and I love to return the favor.

Do not be afraid of public affection.  Let the whole world know you are very much spoken for! Hold hands, snuggle, and sit on the same side of the table when out to eat.  Keep it clean (especially if kids are around), but there is nothing wrong with kissing your mate in public.  You will get more smiles than frowns and those that complain are just jealous.  So, I say, make them jealous: enjoy married life! 

Every idea above that may seem like it costs money, does not have to cost a penny.  Mel and I have been on an extremely tight budget for most of our marriage, but that does not mean we stop spoiling each other.  You can hand write cards or use items around the house.  Make each other something from items you already own or that only cost a little.  You can even write love coupons for a future date.  Packing a picnic, giving massages, making love, and spending quality time in conversation talking of the past, present, and future are all wonderful ways not to spend money while kindling your marriage!      

Kingdom:  No matter what your housing situation may be, make your home your kingdom and treat each other like royalty.  As I just stated above, spoiling each other does not have to cost money.  It can include treating each other respectfully or giving each other lots of snuggles.  Sure, it is fun to buy each other little gifts as money allows, but do not let the lack of money be an excuse not to spoil one another.  Never be so materialistic that if your spouse cannot treat you to a nice dinner or a small gift that it causes hard feelings.  Love has nothing whatsoever to do with money!  I know plenty of wealthy people who have unhappy marriages because money and possessions take precedence over their mate.  They have to spend so much time at work trying to pay for all their “toys” that their marriage suffers.

My husband treats me like a queen by talking to me with respect and continually telling me how beautiful I am.  He tells me all day long that he loves me.  He honors me with his actions by being faithful.  He also listens to me when I talk, consoles me when I am sad, romances me all the time, takes care of me when I am sick, and our time together is focused only on us.  I am definitely a spoiled queen in my castle! 

Mel is the king of our castle and I treat him as such.  He is the head of our home and I give him all the respect he deserves.  I honor his decisions and have no desire to try to take control of the castle away from him.  I make sure he is satisfied in every single way and try to be his helpmate as much as I possibly can. 

The gift of ourselves to one another is what makes our castle a true stronghold of love, loyalty, and happiness.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Kindle:  In order to kindle your romantic fires this week, use any of the ideas from above to show your mate a little extra love.

Kingdom:  Let each other know you respect the other as the king and queen of your castle.

Art Project Option:  Create a castle out of cardboard, paper, boxes, Legos, or whatever you choose.  I made our castle out of a cardboard box and cut the top to look like a castle. I then glued on artwork of a price/knight and princess. Create flags for the towers out of felt, paper, or anything else and design a symbol for the flag that is unique to the two of you.  I just used a heart with the letter L (for our last name).  Use this symbol to tell each other you are the king and queen of each other’s hearts.

Or instead of the castle, or in addition to it, simply draw (or print out) your images as a king and queen a use the words something along the line of "Our Home is a Kingdom of Love," with the artwork.