Week 42: Unique & United

 

Week 42: Unique & United

 Fun Activity This Week: Undertake a new task or project this week.  Whether it is something big such as renovating an entire room or something simple such as planting flowers, the point is to undergo this task together as an undivided, united team.  Many home improvement/garden stores offer free classes on Do-It-Yourself projects, and you can find all sorts of free videos to watch on YouTube. Additionally, taking a class together could be fun! Even if you do not have the finances for any type of home, yard, or other project right now, you can still take a free course and plan for the future.

Week 42: Unique & United

Unique:  My husband is truly one in 8.2 billion; he is unique.  He is so handsome and kind.  He is my rock and my spiritual leader.  He is my perfect match and my soulmate.  He is my best friend and lover.  He is my whole world.  Thank you, God, for creating Mel just for me!

Make everyone else want a marriage just like yours.  Be a unique example in this world of a happy marriage.  I say, “unique” not just for the sake of using a word for the letter U, but because marriages are so often negative.  Be uniquely positive and make it a goal to let the light of your marriage shine for Christ.

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

If you ever attended church, I am certain you have sung, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” When you think of this song, you probably automatically begin picturing all the hand motions, including covering and uncovering your “candle” (finger) to show you will not hide your light under a bushel.  Matthew 5 tells us we are not to keep our lights hidden.  We are boldly to display our relationship with Christ as a lighthouse, a beacon so those lost at sea can find their way to the Savior. 

One of the best ways we can be a good example of God’s love is through our marriage.  People frequently tell Mel and I how adorable we are in our interactions with one another.  We celebrated twelve years of marriage this June, but our love never wanes.  People still ask if we are newlyweds and tell us how much they enjoy seeing how loving and respectful we are with one another.  We have had strangers tell us so many times that they admire how we interact, that I cannot even count the number of compliments.  We keep our public affection decent, but we draw attention because of how we are so giving with one another.  We hold hands, hug, and (tactfully) kiss, we use loving terms with each other, we do not argue, and the selfless side to our relationship always comes across as we put the other’s needs first.  People take notice of our unique love.  We are not perfect, and sure we have grouchy moments, but we truly are not putting on a façade; we treat each other just as lovingly and respectfully in private as we do in public. 

The light shining forth from our marriage has often been a great opportunity to share the love of the Lord.  I was rarely approached for random dialogues when I was single, but when I am with Mel, strangers often start conversations with us, sometimes for thirty minutes or longer.  Although I am very shy and introverted and typically wary of people I do not know, when I am with Mel, I feel less self-conscious and can open up and be friendly to strangers.  Being married to a bold extrovert is good for me.  I can more easily share the love of Christ with a husband by my side that helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin.  We have offered to pray for several people because of personal issues they have shared with us.  Our willingness to listen and show compassion makes people feel safe around us and let their guards down.  I fully believe it is only after they see how joyful and respectful our unique marriage is that they feel comfortable enough to approach us.  They want to know more about why we radiate so much love.   

It is important to remember that someone is always watching, especially if you call yourself a Christian.  The way you and your spouse treat each other in public says a lot more than you realize.  You can either enhance or demean your testimony based on your public interactions. 

When others openly do not take their marriages seriously, they make a very loud statement that they do not believe in practicing the basic principles of The Bible.  They are a poor testimony of their faith.  Consider the following scripture verses and see if you follow these teachings when in public.  The first one has to do with remembering you are married and to be loyal to your spouse even with your eyes.  The second is a reminder to all those who like to wear short shorts, tight leggings, low cut tops, etc.  Remember you are someone’s wife!   

But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

…women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

Ephesians 5:22-33 says we are to treat each other with love and respect.  Each time someone insults their spouse in public or makes it clear they feel their mate is nothing more than a nag, they stomp all over The Bible and bury it in the ground.  And trust me, everyone notices when you belittle each other or fight in public.        

Again, remember other people are watching.  If those people are already critical of Christians, they are watching extra hard, waiting for any excuse to insult believers’ actions.  They are anxious to say, “If that’s what being a Christian looks like, I do not want any part of it.”  I want my light for Christ to shine even when I am alone, but especially when I am with my husband.  I want others to look at my marriage as a shining example of what pure, honest, respectful, and Godly love looks like.  In our uniqueness, I want them to see Jesus in us and intrigue them to want to know more.  Mel and I are both honored when we are approached, and strangers open up to us and God presents an opportunity for sharing His love. 

May your unique marriage be a beautiful way to shine for the Lord!  Try always to be thinking of more ways to be bold for Christ and let your marriage be your testimony.     

United:   Anyone who has ever worked a job even one day is certain to have heard the term "team player.”  Working hard and treating fellow employees with kindness and respect and striving to have a good work ethic no matter what is going on in the workplace will make you not just a good employee, but also a good witness. I often had 1 Corinthians 10:31 taped to my desk, which says, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  Since “whatever you do” includes your marriage, it should be your goal to be the ultimate team player with your spouse as well.  You should be united in all you do. 

One Sunday evening in 2012, after Mel and I were already in bed, Mel heard running water. He went into the bathroom and there was a mini flood on our floor.  Our toilet had cracked down the full length of the tank. It was too late to do anything except turn off the water and mop up the mess. The next morning, we went to Home Depot, who saved us a lot of money as they were very helpful to us. We thought we were going to have to hire a plumber or pay Home Depot to install it. However, a man there talked in great detail with us about how to install it ourselves (they were also very helpful later on when Mel called them and asked for more advice), so we decided to try. I will say that before we even tried, I knew we would be successful because we have had a very wonderful communication system ever since we first began dating. We talk about everything and are both great listeners as well as talkers. Also, Mel is very intelligent (even though he is too humble to admit it), and I knew we would work well together. Therefore, from around noon to 4:00 we spent removing the old toilet and installing the new one. 

Working on a big project such as this is a true test of a new (or not so new) marriage. So many people end up fighting and refusing to listen to the other person's opinions. By the time the project is done, they are so mad at each other, it is almost as if they were unsuccessful. Or they are at each other’s throats so much that the project never gets finished, and they have to spend money to hire someone to do it for them. Well, in absolutely honesty I can say that Mel and I make a terrific team; we work wonderful together, no arguing and truly respecting each other’s opinions.  Go Team Ludeke! He did probably 65% of the work, but I helped as much as I could, and he even listened to and respected my opinions on what I thought would be helpful in completing our project. You know what else we also did that assured our success? We both prayed before we began (as individuals as well as praying together). That was a huge key to our success as well. 

At first, when we turned on the water, it leaked and we had another small flood, but we did not panic. We came up with a few other solutions, took a dinner break, prayed again, and then got back to our project. Mel realized we simply needed to tighten the screws in the tank better, we did, and, ta-dah, we had a working toilet! 

If you have any kind of project to do with your spouse that could become frustrating and cause a potential fight, please remember your spouse is your team mate at all times and to respect each other as such. Be united as you work together.  Mel was so sweet to me and thanked me for my suggestions as we tried them. He even said I was "very helpful" and a "big help" to him. That is the way every spouse should be. Hopefully you married your honey for his/her mind and not just looks.  Remember to respect your mate’s brain power when struggling over any project and listen to suggestions on what to do next. If it does not work, at least you tried, and honoring each other’s opinions will accomplish more for your marriage than the results.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Unique:  What about your marriage do you consider unique?  Is it the way you met?  Are one or both of you from another country?  Do either of you possess a unique skill?  Or, most importantly, do you stand out because of your faith and morals?  Whatever it is, find a way to celebrate your unique qualities in each other as well as in your marriage.  If you choose, throw an inexpensive themed dinner party (with just the two of you or with friends) celebrating how unique you are.  Say you met in Africa building orphanages, throw an African-themed party, and invite your guests to donate to the same charity.  Maybe one or both of you are an accomplished musician; your party should include the type of instrument you play on a CD in the background and maybe decorate a cake with musical notes. The musicians could even perform one or two songs.  Want to celebrate your relationship with Jesus, then invite all your guests to share their testimonies (as well as sharing yours) before or after the gathering.      

United:  Whatever you do this week, do it as a united team.  Do not bicker but listen to suggestions and try all reasonable ideas.

Art Project Option: Create a banner similar to a sports or college banner.  You can use felt, paper, cardboard, or other material.  Decorate it in your favorite colors and use your last name in the wording on the banner.  For example, you could cut out felt letters that say, “Go Team…” (whatever your last name may be).  You could find a permanent place for it or just hang this up whenever you have a project to tackle to remind yourselves to work as teammates.

Week 41 Short Video

 

Week 41 Art Project

  

Here is a photo of this week's art project with week 13. They look nice together:

Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

 

Fun Activity This Week: Take a walk in the rain and snuggle under one umbrella. We moved to the state of Washington in April 2019 where we are now in the beginning of the rainy season. Therefore, taking a walk under an umbrella around here will be an easy task to accomplish.  If you live in an area (such as where we moved from), where it rarely rains, or it is not the rainy season, then save this task for another day, and/or simply take a romantic walk outside no matter what the weather and enjoy the fresh air!

Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

Undefiled:  Keeping the marriage bed pure before and during your marriage will make your sex life that much more special, sweeter, romantic, and much more enjoyable! 

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4

If you are single are involved in pre-marital sex (or even considering it), please choose abstinence until you are married.  Besides the fact that pre-marital sex is not pleasing to God, I have read that those that wait to have sex until after they are married have a much better love life.  I can honestly tell you that I was a thirty-nine-year-old virgin the day I got married.  So do not use your age as an excuse to start having sex before you get married.  After finally knowing what sexual intimacy was all about, I am very grateful that I waited.  If you have made a mistake, repent of your sins and do not continue to live in sin.  God forgives and God heals. 

And, of course, after you are married, there is never any excuse to cheat.   

Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! They also do no iniquity; They walk in His ways. Psalm 119:1-3

Choosing to have an undefiled marriage is saying that you both strive to live pure lives, holy and acceptable, and pleasing unto the Lord (Romans 12:1-2).  When you have such a goal, your marriage is certain to be happy and successful.  

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

I am a person who finds it difficult to trust others. I have been burnt by every friend I have ever had, and that is not an exaggeration. I never thought it would be possible to trust anyone. Without trust, true love does not exist. Yet, I trust Mel 100%. If I did not, I never could have fallen in love with him, and of course, never would have married him. I can put my entire life in his hands and know I am safe: body, mind, and soul. What an incredible honor to have him trust me in return! The husband of a virtuous woman "safely trusts her." The same goes for the virtuous man.  I want to always be worthy of Mel's trust and would never forgive myself if I betrayed his trust in me. I will always be faithful to him physically, but I need to also earn his trust in every other way as well. 

This ties in perfectly with verse 12. In order to maintain my husband's trust, I would always do "him good and not evil all the days of [my] life." To me, this is so simple. I would not cheat on him, lie to him, or steal from him. Those are obvious. However, doing your husband "good" is more than following the commandments. You can defile your marriage with more than just sexual sins. Honor him with your body (which includes NOT dressing proactively), learn to compromise, submit when necessary, and honor him as your spiritual leader and head of your house, and do not talk behind his back. 

Having an undefiled marriage cannot exist without trust in all areas, which is the basis for the two scriptures in Proverbs. One of the most important issues in a marriage is making yourself trustworthy. If you are doing something that causes your spouse not to trust you, I would say that means you are doing him/her "evil." Trust can be re-earned over time, but it is far better not to break this trust to begin with! If you have, first seek forgiveness from Christ, then your partner, and sincerely work on fixing your marriage. I hope I never betray my sweet love's trust and do him "evil." I know my goal will always be to do him "good all the days of [my] life." 

Undivided:  No matter what situations you may face, do not let it cause a rift between you and your spouse.  Stay strong, stay rock solid, stay undivided.

When Mel and I were nearly homeless in 2014, it was the most fearful situation our marriage faced.  In the midst of extreme stress, we talked about our fears often and prayed several times a day to try to keep our spirits up.  We had a very real conversation one night where we admitted we were both terrified that if God chose not to grant us a miracle, that it could change our marriage (God did grant us a miracle by providing a rental literally 4 days before we lost our home.).  More than worrying about living in our vehicle, we are worried about losing one another. Not in the sense of divorce, but in being forced to live in separate locations. We love each other so much that the idea of any kind of separation is worse than anything else we could face.  We never want to be divided.  We were determined that we were not going to let our circumstances tear us apart.  We were (and still are) committed to our wedding vows.  I can preach at you to stay bonded to your mate and talk things through, but I am living proof that scary situations do not have to divide you.  You do not have to be at each other's throats or place blame.  You can pray and cry together and cling even tighter to one another.

Other than facing homelessness, for some strange reason, Mel and I have faced constant opposition. Even on the fourth day we were dating, a woman we were having dinner with went behind my back and told Mel he should not be with me. I will not go into all the details of what was said then or what she later did to further try to tear us apart, but it was very harsh. The day I found out all she had said and done to try to turn him against me, I was so devastated, it caused me to break down and cry. Now understand, I rarely cry, but this hurt so deeply, I openly cried in front of my new boyfriend just one day after we began talking marriage and had confessed our love to each other. I knew he was the man I desperately loved and wanted to marry, and I was terrified I would lose him. Gratefully, Mel saw right through this woman’s schemes, and did not listen to her strange and false accusations; he knew I was the one he was meant to marry.  Mel compassionately held me in his arms and our bond only grew tighter. We knew then that no one would ever divide us.

What we did not expect was that the antagonism against us would remain constant. I will not go into details because it would take far too long, and I do not want to dwell on negativity, but it seems there is an ever-present target on our heads. Friends and even family members have tried to come between us. We have faced (these are issues from other people, not us): lies, lust, false “prophecies,” backstabbing, jealousy in many forms, manipulation, false condemnation, and even theft and vandalism. However, Mel and I have amazing communication, and we talked things through, and we were able to put these issues where they belong: in the trash!

So why are we the focus of so many dangerous plots to come between us? Are we just paranoid? Are we having shared delusions? No, of course not! We know it is because God has been preparing us for a big ministry since before we were born. We are a light the enemy wishes to snuff out. He will use every means he can to try to defeat us which includes trying to destroy our marriage. 

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

With God’s help, Mel and I are stronger than the enemy and all who oppose us. Every time we face attacks that try to come between us, it only brings us closer together. For one thing, we are both very analytical and logical, and we are able to reason through all the supposed truths we have been fed. We can recognize when someone or something is being used to try to place a rift between us. Yet, we will not be divided because we believe in Mark 10:9 that says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” We 100% believe God has put us together forever. Nothing or no one will ever tear us apart. 

I pray that all who read this can say the same about their marriages, that you do not allow anyone or anything to divide you. Talk things through and cling together. It is amazing how Mel and I love each other more and more every day, and our bond only grows and grows. God had bound us together with chords that cannot be broken. Our love is undivided and eternal, and, therefore, so is our marriage. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Undefiled:  Be honest with yourself, are there any areas in your marriage where you know you could be purer?  Evaluate yourself not just in areas of sex, but in all areas of your marriage and spiritual life.  Use this week to repent of any areas that need improving and do your best to walk undefiled. 

Undivided:  It is quite common to deal with outside forces that may try to come between you and your mate.  However, we sometimes choose to turn a blind or ignorant eye to the harm caused by friends or family.  Show love to all but make up your mind this week not to put up with anyone who tries to divide you and your soul mate.    

Art Project Idea:  When I used a thesaurus for the word undivided, I was presented with, “complete, entire, whole, total, full, exclusive, and unbroken.”  Then my mind wanders to the song, “Will the Circle be Unbroken?”  While this song has to do with Heaven, the title inspired this week’s art project.

Draw a circle of any size out of any material.  You could even cover a sheet of paper with multiple circles of various patterns and sizes.  However you choose to do it, write the words to Mark 10:9 in the center of your biggest circle (or divide the words among all the circles if you choose), “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”  The King James Version states, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man tear asunder.”  Therefore, I like to rephrase the last few words as, “…let no one tear apart,” which is a more accurate definition of the word asunder.   You could even use the words, “Our circle will not be unbroken.”

To make this project more interesting, make a collage of pictures of various years together (be sure to include at least one wedding picture), and glue a circle under each photo, use scrapbook paper with a circle design, or both.  Still include the words to the scripture in a prominent place in the collage. Frame and hang it where all who come to your house gets the clear message that no one can ever come between you and your chosen one!   

Week 40 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to have tea (or coffee) time together. Not our fanciest dishes (then again, we don't really have "fancy" dishes), but this is set up for a festive fall teatime!  The dessert I made turned out looking messy (the jelly inside the phyllo dough leaked out - LOL), but it sure tasted good! 

Week 40 Short Video

 

Week 40 Art Projects

 This week I listed 2 possible art projects.  I don't usually give you two art project options, but you could do one, both, or neither!  

Art project #1: "One way to keep God’s Words of faith at our fingertips is to have a favorite verse of encouragement on a bookmark.  You can simply write or print out such a verse, paste it to pretty paper, glue it on cardboard... and even punch a hole in the top and add a tassel made of yarn or thread if you like.  You could even include dried flowers, a photograph, or other thin items and have it laminated if this is an option.  If you can cross-stitch or sew, you can also choose this option." As you can see, I chose to cross-stich the bookmark. This is the front and the back of the bookmark I made for my hubby Mel.

Art Project #2: "Make a friendship bracelet out of three different colors. One to represent the husband, one for the wife, and the third for God. You can either wear them, put them on a keychain, hang them in your car, etc. but the idea is that each time you look at them, you will be reminded to make all the right decisions when you acknowledge that Jesus is a part of your marriage.  It will also be an encouraging reminder as well that you have the Lord God Almighty fighting for and with you and your marriage!  If you do not know to how make a bracelet, there are multiple examples on You Tube but here is the result of a search; you can choose which video(s) to watch: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+make+a+friendship+bracelet  " Here are the bracelets I made:

Week 40: Therapeutic & A Threefold Cord

Fun Activity This Week: Have a tea (or coffee) party and enjoy the time talking over all the events of the week.  I’m not suggesting simple tea (or coffee) time that you may do on a regular basis, but make this day stand out.  Use your best plates and cups, bake or buy yummy desserts, and maybe even buy a new kind of tea or coffee for the occasion (if the budget permits). You could even dress up if you choose, at least during teatime (not necessarily for the entire day). Turn off all phones during your special time.

Week 40: Therapeutic & A Threefold Cord

Therapeutic:  When I am having a bad day, Mel's hugs are very therapeutic.  The other day I was feeling very discouraged, and Mel took the time to give me a nice long hug.  I felt the weight of the world leave my shoulders and was in a much lighter mood for the rest of the day. I thank God for my husband's strong and loving embrace.

In May of 2013, I started work as a veterinary receptionist (not at the same place I had been a veterinary technician). Simply starting this job and being away from my husband caused me anxiety.  Mel's loving words and support eased my worries.  I put forth my best effort at that job, but the staff was full of lustful men and spiteful women.  Therefore (three friends of mine who had been prior employees of that place had warned me this might happen), the women turned against me and tried very hard to get me fired.  After a horrible and false evaluation four months later and after going to work crying every day, Mel held me in his arms and told me my happiness was much more important than a paycheck.  Consequently, I quit at the end of my shift the next day.  Financially it was scary, but Mel understood that my well-being was much more important.  I had even lost my appetite and could not sleep.  My precious man could not stand to see me suffer.

When you love someone as deeply as Mel and I love each other, their pain becomes your own.  I definitely would have encouraged him to quit if our situations had been reversed. Please never put money, success, or anything else above your spouse when you can clearly see he/she is suffering mental anguish.  Trust God will take care of you.  

This is slightly off topic, but I wanted to point out something else.  I could have easily quit on the spot the day I had my fraudulent evaluation.  However, since Mel and I are partners, I would not have made that big of a decision without him.  Moreover, I truly see him as the head of our house, so I knew I should include him in my choice. So please keep that in mind for any big decisions that need to be made, they must be made together, and, if you absolutely cannot come to an agreement or compromise (although in my opinion, most everything is negotiable), then ultimately, the husband has the final word.

A simple reminder to make your spouse's happiness a priority in your marriage.  God id our number one source of peace and joy, but it is also your responsibility to make him/her happy so do whatever you can to make that happen.  You are your honey’s therapist.  This does not just include talking things out but taking action to assure his/her life has mental stability.  If your loved one has a medical or psychological need that only medication can help, then be prudent enough to know when to support your spouse in seeking outside aid. Again, trust God to take care of you and everything else will fall into place!

A Threefold Cord:  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:12

The "threefold cord" to which Solomon was referring is God. In other words, when you include God in your marriage, your relationship is less likely to end up broken.  You are less likely to cause harm to one another when you want to please God with your actions.  When you follow Biblical principles, you are less likely to cheat, steal, lie, or participate in other dishonest and harmful actions that could ultimately break your marriage.

Also, note in the verse that it is easier to stand against something or someone wanting to cause harm to you and/or your marriage when you stand as a united team. Do not let adversity, tragedy, or opposition tear you apart. Stand united and allow God to help hold you and your marriage together.

The more you include God in your marriage in such things as Bible study, prayer, and praise time, the healthier and more joyful your marriage will be!

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Therapeutic:  If there is any area in your spouse’s life that is causing him/her great mental anguish, do what you can to help remove your honey from the harmful situation.  

Art Project Idea: One way we be therapeutic and help comfort a stressed-out spouse is to remind him/her of the promises of hope in the Word of God.  One way to keep God’s Words of faith at our fingertips is to have a favorite verse of encouragement on a bookmark.  You can simply write or print out such a verse, paste it to pretty paper, glue it on cardboard (thin enough not to make it too difficult to close the book), and even punch a hole in the top and add a tassel made of yarn or thread if you like.  You could even include dried flowers, a photograph, or other thin items and have it laminated if this is an option.  If you can cross-stitch or sew, you can also choose this option. 

 I am not going to suggest a specific verse this week because there far too many verses on hope and faith to narrow it down to just one.  If you are at a loss for which verse to choose search “hope” or “faith” on a Bible verse search engine or look through this blog and choose one I have previously listed.  The idea is to choose one that has special meaning to your spouse.

A Threefold Cord:  When making any major decisions this week, make sure you both pray about it.  When you consider God's will above both of your own and stop and think what Jesus would want you to do, you just may end up surprised how much better the results will be.

Art Project Idea: I don't usually give you two art project options, but here is another idea to choose from. You could do one, both, or neither! Make a friendship bracelet out of three different colors. One to represent the husband, one for the wife, and the third for God. You can either wear them, put them on a keychain, hang them in your car, etc. but the idea is that each time you look at them, you will be reminded to make all the right decisions when you acknowledge that Jesus is a part of your marriage.  It will also be an encouraging reminder as well that you have the Lord God Almighty fighting for and with you and your marriage!  If you do not know to how make a bracelet, there are multiple examples on You Tube (I've been making these since the 1980's!) but here is the result of a search; you can choose which video(s) to watch: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+make+a+friendship+bracelet