Week 49 Short Video

 

Week 49 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to create and "send your mate a creative invitation for some spicy romance. " Here are two different versions I made. What I wrote on the inside is private ;)

Week 49: Yen & Yoke

 

 Fun Activity This Week: Plan a yummy outing full of your favorite foods.  Have a BBQ and/or picnic, even if it’s in your own backyard.  Too cold to enjoy the great outdoors, then set up a picnic atmosphere in the kitchen or living room complete with paper plates, plastic ware, and other items you would bring to a park for a yummy feast (if you can afford them, if not, it really doesn’t matter).  You could even throw a blanket on the bedroom or living room floor and eat in there just for different! However you choose to spend your yummy treats day (it can even just be snacky foods), the point is just to enjoy time together.

Week 49:Yen & Yoke

Yen:  You should have a real yen (urge, desire, longing) to be with your spouse.  The need for independence in marriage causes real problems.  It can lead to feeling isolated from your mate and can even lead to an affair.  There is NEVER a good excuse for cheating, so if you feel this way, then please talk things out with your honey.  

It is important to give your spouse room to breathe and not interfere with appropriate friendships and hobbies as long as he/she is not choosing them over you.  However, with that said, striving to be too independent from your spouse is not healthy.  The world and even several Christian marriage ministries say we need to be individuals in our marriages, and we should not be clingy to our mates.  Yes, we are individuals and Mel and I fully respect that concept, but we are one flesh, and we hate being separated from one another.  If we are apart for more than an hour or less, we miss each other.  This is actually a healthier way to be and needing to be near your soulmate is more beneficial than the need to be away from him/her.

I hope you have a sincere yen to want to be with your mate.  If you both have the same hours free, why would you spend those separated?  Why would you not spend time having a Bible study together, playing games, spend time with friends together, enjoy a hobby together, or have intimate time when you are both available?  The majority of your time should be devoted to the one you chose to marry.  Your number one desire should be for your mate, not for your buddies or hobbies.  

My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him.  Song of Solomon 5:4

Yoke:   2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers,” but what if the unbeliever is your spouse?

I know I have used these verses in other chapters, but it is very fitting for this week’s theme as well:

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed.  I Corinthians 7:10-16 & 27

Also consider:

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV)

If single, you should not choose to marry a non-Christian, but if you are currently unequally yoked with an unbeliever, it is clear that the Lord does not expect you to get a divorce, but just the opposite.  Live your life by a good example, and you very well may lead your mate to Christ.  Do not be a nag when it comes to differing beliefs because that will just drive a deeper wedge between you.  Stand firm in your faith and do not compromise in your love for the Lord (one of the few areas I would suggest not practicing the art of compromise).   Most importantly, do not give up praying for him/her.  There have been many instances where the believer’s kindness and patience paid off, and their loved one eventually became a Christian as well.  Unless your partner is doing something immoral, illegal, or causing you and/or your children harm (in which cases, divorce is acceptable), stick to your wedding vows and follow the principles of the Bible to be type of spouse God wishes you to be.    

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Yen:  Show your mate that you have a real yen for him/her.  Send your mate a creative invitation for some spicy romance.  If your spouse works outside the home, consider mailing him the invitation to his/her job, but first make sure no one else (such as a secretary) opens your spouse's mail!  You could also slip it in a lunch bag or briefcase, but make sure he is the only one with access to these things.  If you leave first or if your mate stays at home, leave the invitation on a pillow when you leave the house.  You could buy a generic invitation and add your own words or:

Art Project Option: When you create your invitation for sex, make it seem like a special occasion, and be creative with it.  One of the best times to create an invitation is if it has been more than a week since your intimate time due to illness, time of the month, or other reasons, and you are both anticipating a time you can be closer again.  Make your invitation specific to the two of you and be as creative as you can to show your mate how much you yen for him/her! 

Yoke:  If you are unequally yoked with your mate, do not give up praying for him/her!  Continue to be a witness without being a self-righteous or judgmental nuisance that only pushes your loved one farther away from the things of God.  Also, if you have not done so in a while, consider inviting him/her to church this week, and/or offer to pray for your mate’s specific prayer requests (silently or out loud, it is up to you) to show your love and compassion for his/her needs.  If it would not cause dissention, consider hosting or leading a Bible study group at your home for a few weeks or months (even if it is for youth or a gender-specific group) as your mate may be more likely to attend (or at least overhear) what it being taught in the safety and privacy of his/her own home.

Week 48 Short Video

 

Week 48 Art Project

 

Week 48: X Marks the Spot (To Finding Treasure) & X-Ray

 Fun Activity This Week: Enjoy lots and lots of X’s and O’s (hugs and kisses).  I realize you are probably doing this every day but make an effort this week to spend some meaningful time bonding in a physical way. Turn off your phones and just focus on each other, even if only for a few minutes for a long embrace. Let all cares go and use this time to connect and if needed, let go of any minor issues you may have in your marriage (major issues need more work than just X's and O's, of course). Make romantic time a priority!  

Week 48: X Marks the Spot (To Finding Treasure) & X-Ray: 

X Marks the Spot (To Finding Treasure): If you want to find the greatest treasure you can utilize that will guarantee you a joyful marriage, you do not need to go on an elaborate treasure hunt.  To know where X marks the spot to the greatest resource to help your marriage, you need to look no farther than the Bible.  If you read only one instructional book on how to have a good marriage, the absolute best Book you should read is the Bible.  You may think you can only find great teachings on how to be a good spouse in Proverbs 31 and Ephesians 5.  Yet, countless other passages in the Bible offer excellent advice not just on married life, but also on how to treat people with morality, kindness, humility, patience, and so on.  Because your spouse is a people, you can apply all verses on how to treat each other with loving kindness to your mate! ;)  In other words, The Bible is a perfect marriage counselor!

The Bible is also great for encouragement.  It reminds us of how much Christ loves us and wants only the best for His children.  It is the best resource on informing us how to live right and holy lives.  Reading God’s instructions daily will help keep you accountable and honorable.  The more moral you try to live your life, the happier and more stable your marriage will be.

It reminds us that God created us for pleasure and gives us freedom to enjoy our spouses sexually.  The Biblical book of the Song of Solomon clearly lets us know that God fully intended our marriages to be enjoyable in many ways.  

The entire Bible is worth reading and especially worth reading with your spouse.  It is a proven fact that spouses who spend time reading the Bible together on a regular basis and apply what they read to their lives (not just being a hearer only, but a doer as well, see James 1:22), along with praying together, have much better marriages (more faithful and less conflict) than those that only read once in a while or not at all.   

If you have difficulty reading, I highly recommend buying the Bible on CD (I would suggest skipping the Hollywood versions for obvious reasons).  Or have your Kindle or other electronic device read it to you (YouTube also has audio versions). When I was a veterinary technician, I worked long shifts and was in the car for at least an hour a day due to the commute back and forth.  I usually spent my drive to work praying, but I listened to The Bible on my way home from a job that was physically, emotionally, and mentally challenging.  Instead of rehashing all the stressful things that had happened during the day, I was encouraged by the Word of God.  By the time I got home, I was much calmer than when I had left work.  I was single then, but I can imagine the benefit that would have been to a marriage when I would have been able to greet my husband with a positive attitude after a long day of stress.  So, consider the Bible a good attitude adjuster as well!

X-Ray:  When I was a veterinary technician, I loved looking at X-rays and ultrasounds. I wished I had worked in a clinic with MRI and CT scan equipment so I could have viewed even more.  All that lies under the surface of what we cannot see is truly amazing as well as fascinating.  

Do not make your spouse guess at what is going on inside of you.  Be as transparent as an X-ray.  Be honest and be yourself.  When you have nothing to hide, you will have a happier, more peaceful marriage.  Besides, we all know that when one assumes to know what the other is feeling, it can cause problems.  

When you speak your feelings to your mate rather than holding your feelings in, it increases your trust in one another.  The more you talk, the more comfortable you will be in sharing everything.  Of course, not every thought in your head needs to be shared, but when you have an issue of which you cannot let go, or you have fears that need comforting, being transparent with your mate and let him/her know what is on your mind.  Do not just be negative, talk about the things that interest you as well as your hopes and dreams.  Share your likes and dislikes.  Bond over all the things you have in common and learn about the items you do not know about so that you can eventually bond over those items as well. Hint: Showing an interest in something that matters to your mate (learning and studying about it) such as a charity, a goal, or a hobby, is putting love into action.  

Revealing your heart and sharing your mind with your loved one without the aid of scientific technology is even more marvelous than looking at an X-ray film. 

And of course, keep no dangerous secrets from each other either. If you are trying to hide something from your spouse because you know he/she will not approve, you have serious issues that may require counseling. Remember, even if you never get caught, you cannot keep secrets from God.

 In the day when God shall judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ according to my gospel. Romans 2:16

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

X Marks the Spot (To Finding Treasure):  Each of you choose a favorite verse (or just one of you if you prefer), memorize it and recite it to your spouse.  Tell each other why this verse is a special treasure to you.  

Art Project Option: Glue construction or scrapbook paper on cardboard and write your favorite verse(s) with markers.  Decorate the cardboard with glitter, ribbons, buttons, etc. if you would like.  If you like to sew, you can cross-stitch or embroider the verse(s) on cloth and frame them.  Hang them on the refrigerator or somewhere else you frequently pass.  The verse(s) will remind you of God’s goodness as well as what is important to your loved one’s soul. I realize that several of my art project ideas are similar, but it is so very important to our marriages to have scripture verses continually in view and in our hearts to remind us to be the kind of spouse God intended us to be!

X-Ray:  Are you being open and honest with your honey, or does he/she have to guess what you are feeling?  Do your best to let go of reticent patterns and be transparent with your partner.

Week 47 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was: Explore a state or city park near you... Although we are at the end of November, some state parks may still be open for hiking or just sitting at a table.  If this is not an option, then explore a city park, even if you’ve been there before.  I realize this is the wrong time of year for camping or a picnic/BBQ, so you can also always save this activity for later. "  

We literally have 100s of photos of us throughout the years at various city, state, and federal parks in both Idaho and Washington. Here are a few examples. Some include our shelter rescue dog, Dresden, who we very sadly lost on September 1, 2025.

Week 47 Short Video

 

Week 47 Art Project

 

This week's art project was: This project requires spending money, but the cheapest suggestion costs roughly $2.  Buy a little basket, use one you already own (or a shoebox), or make one out of cardboard.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper preferably with a bee or honeycomb design, but any will do (or you can draw bees/flowers on plain paper). Fill it with lip balm made with honey or beeswax (or any other pampering item made from honey), a bottle of honey, and/or candy made from honey.  You could include a variety of other items such as honeysuckle-scented items (think candles or body spray), honeycomb cereal, or use your imagination; the ideas are limitless.  You could even make or buy a dessert with honey as an ingredient.  (Inexpensive option: just buy one item.)   After your basket is complete, copy (handwrite or computer print) one or both of the below scripture verses onto a piece of plain or printed paper, glue it onto a decorated popsicle stick or straw attached to a piece of cardboard and insert it in the basket so that it is the centerpiece.  Make a promise to your honey that you will do your very best let sweetness drip from your lips, and not contention.

I made flowers out of tissue boxes and drew bees on them. I also drew bees on scrapbook paper and wrapped it around an empty mixed nut container. I included some honey lotion in the "flower" pot, and on the side included an IOU for a honey dessert taped on a bottle on honey, as well as a bag of honey mustard pretzels. I wrote Proverbs 16:24 (from above) on construction paper and included it in the container. I used the photo of the bees on flowers on the computer as a background for taking the photo and when presenting the gift to Mel.

Week 47: seX & Xanthippe

 

 Fun Activity This Week: Explore a state or city park near you.  I worked for a state park in Idaho in 2018and really loved it.  Therefore, I highly recommend utilizing your state park, even if just for day use. Although we are at the end of November, some state parks may still be open for hiking or just sitting at a table.  If this is not an option, then explore a city park, even if you’ve been there before.  I realize this is the wrong time of year for camping or a picnic/BBQ, so you can also always save this activity for later.   

Week 47: seX & Xanthippe

seX:  A healthy sex life makes marriage so much sweeter.  Sex within marriage is a wonderful blessing so enjoy your God-given mate.  It should be both the icing and the cherry on top of an already blessed life. Although I would not write about sexual issues under any other context, speaking about sex within marriage is not lewd as long as you are not speaking about it to another person other than for marital advice such as this blog or to a trusted friend of the same gender, counselor, or pastor. 

God designed us for pleasure and a healthy sex life is within His perfect will.  Enjoying each other physically enhances your marriage and makes your bond grow stronger.  Talk about what things you enjoy and what makes you uncomfortable.  Discuss fantasies and be open to new ideas.   There are many ways to have fun with your sex life, but there are some ways you can cross over into ungodly perversion.  Never force something on your partner with which he/she feels uncomfortable.  I will just put it out there: I believe S & M is wrong, as it does not reflect a healthy sex life, and violence does NOT and will NOT ever equal love.  I also do not believe a couple should ever watch pornography alone or together as this would be displeasing to the Lord.  You should never fantasize about another person (Matthew 5:28).  In addition, never ever introduce a third (or more) person into your sex life.  

Many negative issues in one’s past can adversely affect your intimate time with your spouse.  If you have difficulty having sex because of past hurts, please seek counseling.  As I was a very naïve virgin when I married, I am certainly not an expert in the area of dysfunctional conditions that can ruin your love life.  What I can best recommend is seeking help from a medical or psychological doctor.  Marriage is not only about sex, but many marriages end in divorce because of problems in the bedroom.  Please ask for help rather than lose your marriage.  

There is more I could say about a healthy sex life within marriage, but I will just add that sex between you and your mate should be private (I even feel uncomfortable writing about it, but when writing a blog on marriage, it should be addressed).  With that said, if you would like a few general ideas on how to put a spark into your sex life, please refer back to week 7.

Xanthippe:  Xanthippe was the wife of Socrates, and her name became synonymous with being a “shrewish or scolding woman.”  Truthfully, I know no further details than what I looked up in the dictionary when seeking out one more x-word.  I could always research more about her, which I would not mind since I love history, but for the sake of this blog it is not necessary.  What I currently know is enough information to be a useful word this week.

I realize that the term nag typically refers to women, yet there are plenty of men that treat their wives in a disrespectful manner.  When you simply ask your spouse for a favor, that alone does not make you unpleasant.  Yet when you repeatedly ask, and your tone becomes more and more angry and rude, the bad behaviors begin.  If your mate is slow in putting out the garbage or forgot to pick up milk (or picked out what you consider to be the wrong kind) or has “failed” at performing some other task, that does not give you the right to berate your loved one.  You are married adults; do not treat each other like children.  You can simply put the trash out yourself or calmly explain to your honey that it would really be helpful if he/she would remember to put the trash out next time he/she goes out the door.  Usually, your mate is not being lazy but may have a lot on their mind and there is nothing wrong with being a bit absent-minded now and again.  Talk things through like rational adults and explain why when certain tasks are not completed, it puts an extra burden on you.  A simple tip here is that it is best to make the decision as a team as to the distribution of household duties (including yard work) as soon as you get married so that there is no confusion as to whom is responsible for what.  If the assignments are not working out, sit down and negotiate the tasks.

Besides being a Xanthippe when it comes to nagging over chores, I see both men and women who love to criticize just for the sake of being bossy.  Correcting grammar, complaining about where he parked, making fun of clothing choices, and the degrading behavior goes on.  I realize that some people are born bossy and sometimes being a leader can be a good quality to have.  However, anyone can learn to control aggressive tendencies and strive to treat each other with kindness and respect.  Past the age of five, not being able to control your tact is unacceptable.  Learn to think before you speak and ask yourself if you would like it if someone talked to you that way!

In 2016, I briefly worked for at a "Christian" campground/retreat center.  I worked in an office with three desks and a folding table (my desk was the table). There were no cubicles, and the desks were all crammed together in a space that had once been a storage closet!  There was anywhere from two to seven of us in that one tiny office throughout the day.  There were two sets of married couples that shared that office.  I’m happy to say that the managers displayed a wonderful example of marriage.  Yet the other couple that was married was the opposite.  They argued all the time, would go all day without speaking to one another, and created an uncomfortable and tense air in a very small space. 

Pastors from several different states often frequented the business in the summer months as volunteers.  One such pastor looked at this couple with shock as they argued all throughout lunch.  After a brief lull in their drama, the pastor calmly asked, “Do you two need counseling?”  They did not reply, but I believe all of us at the table could answer for them with a resounding, “Yes!”  The wife never ceased to nag at her husband as if he was her child.  She would tell him not to sit a certain way, not to speak about certain topics, insult his hairstyle, and even scolded him for not having a long enough conversation with his stepdaughter.  He did not tolerate being treated in such a way, but instead of talking things through, he would snap back and created endless cycles of bickering.  It was such an unpleasant environment that I resigned after less than three months.  I often wonder if that couple ever sought counseling to heal their dysfunctional marriage.   

I never expect you to only take my advice, but to apply the principles of The Bible to your conduct.  If you find yourself with a less than cordial tone this week, consider the scriptures that speak against being a cruel spouse (they apply to both men and women):

A gracious woman retains honor, but ruthless men retain riches. The merciful man does good for his own soul, But he who is cruel troubles his own flesh.  Proverbs 11:16-17

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.  Proverbs 25:24

For three things the earth is perturbed, Yes, for four it cannot bear up… A hateful woman when she is married. Proverbs 30:21 & 23

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

seX:  What better advice can I give this week than: enjoy your spouse in every single way God intended.  No excuses.  Find the time even if you have to schedule each other in.  There is nothing wrong with a quick session, but this week, make the time for the minimum of half an hour of pleasure (which could include a bath or shower together, and/or a massage).  Don’t rush.  Take your time, snuggle, bond, and enjoy all that married life has to offer! 

Xanthippe:  Do not be a Xanthippe!  Check your tone and your attitude.  One always knows when they are being rude, but if you are truly in doubt, ask your mate if you need to improve in the way you speak to him/her.  I have been guilty of a sarcastic tongue on more than one occasion.  However, since becoming a wife, I have tried to approve my attitude and whenever I catch even a slight acerbic tone, I quickly reverse my tone and treat my hubby the way he deserves to be treated.

Art project Option:  This project requires spending money, but the cheapest suggestion costs roughly $2.  Buy a little basket, use one you already own (or a shoebox), or make one out of cardboard.  Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper preferably with a bee or honeycomb design, but any will do (or you can draw bees/flowers on plain paper). Fill it with lip balm made with honey or beeswax (or any other pampering item made from honey), a bottle of honey, and/or candy made from honey.  You could include a variety of other items such as honeysuckle-scented items (think candles or body spray), honeycomb cereal, or use your imagination; the ideas are limitless.  You could even make or buy a dessert with honey as an ingredient.  (Inexpensive option: just buy one item.)   After your basket is complete, copy (handwrite or computer print) one or both of the below scripture verses onto a piece of plain or printed paper, glue it onto a decorated popsicle stick or straw attached to a piece of cardboard and insert it in the basket so that it is the centerpiece.  Make a promise to your honey that you will do your very best let sweetness drip from your lips, and not contention.

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Your lips, O my spouse, Drip as the honeycomb; Honey and milk are under your tongue.  Song of Solomon 4:11

Week 46 Short Video

 

Week 46 Art Project

This week's art project was: Choose a favorite verse or two from the Song of Solomon.  Write or print it out, mount it on patterned paper, and frame it (to be displayed in a private area such as your bedroom).  This book is full of descriptions you could choose to illustrate (or print pictures from the internet – I am NOT suggesting pornographic pictures from the Internet) such a pictures of gardens, gazelles, gates, etc.  Another option: If you sew, you could embroider or cross-stitch the verses.  

The drawings I made 5 years ago are still hanging on the back of the bedroom door.