Fun Activity This Week: Bake something together, preferably each other’s favorite cookie or dessert. Even if one of you does not know how to, or like to bake, you may discover that playing in the kitchen together is a lot of fun! Even if the treats turn out bad, just the fun of it will be worth the effort. If you really do not want to bake, then buy each other’s favorite treat! (P.S. If you are on a diet, you can always make a half or quarter batch of cookies or try a new healthier version of a favorite recipe.)
Week 3: Bedroom & Believe
Since I will be addressing the issue of romance in the bedroom in other articles, I wanted to address a specific question this week: Is it okay for spouses not to share a bedroom? My answer is, "Yes!" Let me tell you a story!
When Mel and I married in June 2012, we started off sharing a bed until about August. I have Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, which means I kick like a mule and punch like a boxer in my sleep. After keeping my poor hubby awake for several months, he finally spoke up. He had not wanted to hurt my feelings but needed his rest. We pulled a bed out of the spare room and squeezed both beds into the same room. It was a tight fit, but at least Mel was no longer getting kicked and punched!
Unfortunately, PLMD is not the only issue I have that makes me an annoying roommate! I snore like a large man. Mel tried so very hard for two and a half years to deal with this fact. He bought several types of ear plugs guaranteed to drown out snoring, but they did not work. Then I got the idea to use white noise on an MP3 player, combined with a sound machine in the room, this mostly drowned me out, but the constant use of the earbuds gave Mel ear infections. Several months after we moved, Mel finally spoke up again, and suggested we have separate rooms. So, from then on, we have had different rooms. It has not hindered our romantic life in any way, and since it has helped my hubby sleep better, I learned to be okay with it.
Now, if you want a separate room from your spouse for immoral reasons, such as to watch porn, or sneak in another person, then obviously different rooms are wrong. Or if you just feel you want space from your partner, for no other reason than lack of love or selfishness, then I consider you need to reconsider different rooms/beds. In fact, you may need counseling if you feel the need to be apart.
Other than issues such as snoring or PLMD that keeps your loved one from getting the rest his/her body needs, you really should try to share a bed and/or bedroom. I miss sharing a bed with Mel as it made me feel safer and more secure being next to him, but as being apart only at night has not affected how bonded we are during the day, I can learn to live with it! I was always so worried my snoring and PLMD would keep Mel awake, that it made it difficult for me to sleep. Getting a good night's rest is imperative for our health, so when your health is involved, then, yes, it is okay for spouses not to share a bedroom.
Unfortunately, PLMD is not the only issue I have that makes me an annoying roommate! I snore like a large man. Mel tried so very hard for two and a half years to deal with this fact. He bought several types of ear plugs guaranteed to drown out snoring, but they did not work. Then I got the idea to use white noise on an MP3 player, combined with a sound machine in the room, this mostly drowned me out, but the constant use of the earbuds gave Mel ear infections. Several months after we moved, Mel finally spoke up again, and suggested we have separate rooms. So, from then on, we have had different rooms. It has not hindered our romantic life in any way, and since it has helped my hubby sleep better, I learned to be okay with it.
Now, if you want a separate room from your spouse for immoral reasons, such as to watch porn, or sneak in another person, then obviously different rooms are wrong. Or if you just feel you want space from your partner, for no other reason than lack of love or selfishness, then I consider you need to reconsider different rooms/beds. In fact, you may need counseling if you feel the need to be apart.
Other than issues such as snoring or PLMD that keeps your loved one from getting the rest his/her body needs, you really should try to share a bed and/or bedroom. I miss sharing a bed with Mel as it made me feel safer and more secure being next to him, but as being apart only at night has not affected how bonded we are during the day, I can learn to live with it! I was always so worried my snoring and PLMD would keep Mel awake, that it made it difficult for me to sleep. Getting a good night's rest is imperative for our health, so when your health is involved, then, yes, it is okay for spouses not to share a bedroom.
Believe: It is important that we believe in our spouse. Our faith must first be in God, of course, but we must have faith in our spouse as well. We must support him/her in all he/she does and believe he/she is capable of doing all things. Encourage each other in all efforts and never say, "Oh, you can't do that!" Instead say, "Sweetie, I know you can do all things through Christ that gives you strength." (Philippians 4:13)
Believe that God sent the right person to you to be your life partner. Quite often, there are signs that Christ chose you for one another. Do not doubt or downplay those signs. Believe that your marriage is truly a gift from your Heavenly Father. It is true that some people marry outside of God's will, but as long as you are married, believe that you can, with God's help, make the marriage work.
Do not give in to listening to other people’s negative views of your spouse. Believe you know your mate better than anyone and ignore all poisonous words spoken against your loved one.
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Bedroom: If you are blessed enough to share a bedroom, celebrate it. Find a fun way to decorate or buy something new for the room (as your budget allows) that showcases your romance. Even if you are not able to share a room, the same advice still applies! Celebrate the fact that even if you cannot be together all night, you can still have plenty of romance!
Believe: Show your best friend you believe in all he/she does. Is he thinking of going back to college? Buy him a new backpack. Does she love to draw? Buy her a sketchpad and/or art supplies. For both of those ambitions, you could inexpensively find pens or pencils with (or without) his/her name in it.
Art Project Option: Buy or use a thick notebook you currently own. Glue a decorative cover onto it with construction or scrapbook paper to create a unique journal for your spouse. For example, Mel is a preacher, so on top of some green wallpaper-style scrapbook paper, I wrote the words, “Mel’s Sermon Notes, Dreams, & Plans.” You could add artwork, stickers, or glitter if you like, but not too girly if this is a gift for your manly hubby! Your possibilities are endless from creating a book for poetry, to giving him/her a place to keep notes on ideas for a future business. The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!
Art Project Option: Buy or use a thick notebook you currently own. Glue a decorative cover onto it with construction or scrapbook paper to create a unique journal for your spouse. For example, Mel is a preacher, so on top of some green wallpaper-style scrapbook paper, I wrote the words, “Mel’s Sermon Notes, Dreams, & Plans.” You could add artwork, stickers, or glitter if you like, but not too girly if this is a gift for your manly hubby! Your possibilities are endless from creating a book for poetry, to giving him/her a place to keep notes on ideas for a future business. The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!
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