Week 5 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to "create a can or box out of anything you choose... to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving... Save up" as long as you choose and then donate to a reliable charity.  Our charity of choice is World Vision and I decorated the can from one of their catalogs as well as using a picture of the sweet boy we have sponsored since 2019 (In the red shirt when he was 6 years old.)

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

Fun Activity This Week:  Go camping!  Wrong time of year or no place to go: Set up a tent in your living room, complete with flameless candles to imitate a campfire.  No tent: Create one out of blankets like you did as a kid.  Don’t forget the marshmallows!  Indoor camping: you can still make S’mores by toasting the marshmallows or over the stovetop on a long-handled fork but watch closely for messy drips! I have also made s'mores in an air fryer by melting the chocolate (I used white chocolate chips) and the marshmallows onto the graham crackers on a tray in the air fryer. (Note: Since I am posting this in January, you can always put this activity on a checklist and save it for warmer weather.) 

 

Week 5: Charity & Commiserate

 

Charity:  I am a big believer in donating to charity (this will also be clear when you see the fun idea suggested for week 8).  I am not ashamed to admit for most of our marriage, Mel and I have relied heavily upon food banks and heating assistance in the winter.  During this time my attitude changed toward people in need.  Sure, I had worked at soup kitchens before and even delved into our meager budget to make meals to feed the homeless.  I have donated to my own favorite charities since I first started working at the age of seventeen.  Yet somehow, I still held the same negative perception I see in nearly all of our everyone I know against the poor.  Are they lazy and just taking advantage of free assistance?  After the first week of standing line with the same type of people I once looked down upon, and after hearing one too many judgmental person spout off to me with, “Don’t you want to work?” my heart has been forever changed.  It is not our place to judge those who ask for help; it is our job to try to meet their needs or point them in the right direction toward an organization that can help. (On a side note, I do actually work as often as I can, and when unemployed I am continually seeking another job that my health issues can handle.  I have even worked jobs I knew would be physically difficult, but stayed as long as I could until my condition insisted I leave.)

But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? I John 3:17

Donations do not have to cost money when you are also in need.  You can give your time as well as clothing and other items in good condition.  When you give as a couple, and practice the principles of Jesus Christ, it will strengthen your bond.  When I worked at the state park, I befriended an eighty-year-old lonely widow, so Mel and I made sure we spoiled her by treating her to a nice dinner.   This is something you can do, or even babysit for free, make dinner and/or dessert for a lonely neighbor, or other things to help someone with a physical or emotional need. Often, just listening to someone and praying with them is a huge blessing to them.

If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.  James 2:15-17

Commiserate:  Too many people are quick to dismiss their partner’s negative personality traits as nothing more than a personality flaw.  Yet, when you can learn to commiserate with your honey’s past, you will be a lot more understanding.

We all have things in our past that have caused us pain.  Some things may seem small to one person but monumental to another.  Do not dismiss the way a difficult past affects your spouse just because you do not believe you would handle the situation the same way.

Ask each other to be open and honest with your pasts.  The more you know the more you can commiserate.  When you understand that a rejection complex is due to dealing with losing multiple family members, you will learn to be less defensive every time he/she thinks you are rejecting him/her.  If you know your mate has been abused, you should find yourself feeling less judgmental every time he/she overreacts to a simple correction or disagreement.

Pray to see each other through God’s eyes of love and compassion.  Romans 12:15-16 gives us this good advice, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.”  When you can place yourself in each other’s shoes and try to understand why certain things are triggers to bad moods or bad habits, it will be easier to work through your problems.  You can then truly, “Be of the same mind toward one another.”

Do not assume all the anger or hurt is directed at you; you just happen to be the closest target, so the past becomes transferred onto you.  The more you can commiserate, however, the easier it will be to work through the problems so bad behaviors are not repeated. 

I am certainly not justifying bad behaviors just because one has faced a painful past.  We are always responsible for our actions toward others and must do our best to heal from the abuses of life, so we do not become the offender.  Oft times one is unaware he/she is taking out past hurts on others.   That is why it is best to talk things out and gently remind your mate his/her transference is not fair to you and remind each other to treat one another with kindness and respect.  And of, course, ask the Holy Spirit to heal all wounds, and seek professional help if needed. 

     

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Charity:  If you do not have one in mind already, use this week to research out a charity you would like to start supporting.  Make certain they are legitimate and represent your moral beliefs and local/global concerns.

Art Project Idea:  Create a can or box out of anything you choose (coffee can, oatmeal box, tissue box etc.) to collect all your loose change. Decorate with symbols of the charity or charities for which you are saving.   The fun activity for Week 8 will suggest donating to charity that week.  Save up until then (and even beyond). If you rarely use cash and therefore rarely have change, set aside a designated amount to put in the can each month by using an IOU slip of paper or however you choose the save the money.

 

Commiserate:  If you have not shared all of your past hurts with your mate, make it a priority this week to do just that so that he/she can commiserate with you and better understand why you tick the way you do. Do your very best not to turn your spouse into your scapegoat.  Rather than taking our past hurts on your honey, learn to deal with the real issues causing you pain so you can heal and be a better partner.

If you are the one wondering why your mate gets angry, standoffish, rude, defensive, or frightened at certain triggers, ask him/her about it and be quick to commiserate.  Be open and nonjudgmental to all your mate shares.  Pray that God will heal past wounds for the both of you.

Week 4 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity is to start a new (or continue a current) Bible Study together. We have decided to study the book of Isaiah. Our goal is to someday start a Bible study group with my husband as the leader or co-leader.

Week 4 Short Video

 

I apologize I made this week's video a few seconds too long (It is only 1 minute and 3 seconds long) and Blogger won't post it, but you can view it on the Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 4 Art Project

This week's art project was to create a poem out of the letters "bold" or "boldness" to show that you are always willing to boldly take a stand for your spouse and your marriage. To see the video associated with this week's art project, please see my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

Fun Activity This Week:  Start a Bible study together.  It can be any length on any subject.  If you regularly read the Bible together, you can still think of a new subject into which you would like to delve deeper and plan a new study as soon as you can.  Also, if you are comfortable with it, consider leading or hosting a study in your own home.  However, if you are the teacher, make sure God is calling you to be a leader and follow through on practicing what you preach! 

 

Week 4: Boldness & Bride of Christ

 

Boldness:  It is vital to the health of our marriage that we are bold in taking a stand for each other.  

Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.  The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.  Proverbs 31:10, 11, & 23

This is not, I am sure, the actual translation of these verses, but I believe what I am going to write about falls in the same category.  They do not specifically instruct the wife to boldly stand up for her husband when others mock him, but can’t you see where that would fit with the theme? I will explain further.  The virtuous woman’s husband “safely trusts her,” which means he can trust that her conversation behind his back will be pure and honorable.  She will not backstab him, and she will defend him when her friends or family speak ill of him.  This ties in with verse 23 as well.  To me this says her husband has a good reputation.  He is “known in the gates” and even “sits among the elders,” which could also mean he holds a position of authority.  Would a man be held in high regard if his wife gossiped about him to her friends and said nothing when others insulted him?  Of course not!  They would wonder why his wife was so disrespectful and he would most likely lose his place of honor.  These same principles apply for the husband in the way he treats his wife as well. 

The subjects that God puts on my heart to write about for this blog are not all based on personal circumstances, some are simply what come to my mind when I pray about what to write.  This subject, however, is both personal and God-inspired.  It comes in two parts:  

When Mel was posting scriptures and speaking out against the gay lifestyle on his blog and on Facebook, he got a lot of heat for speaking the Truth of scripture.  There were some people I had been friends with for a long time that came against my husband.  I was able to forgive what they said, but when someone turns against the man I love with hateful words/actions, they are no longer welcome in my life.  Of course, I agree with my husband’s Biblical views against homosexuality, and I will always take a stand for Christ, but this was just as much about boldly showing solidarity with my spouse.  Mel and I are of one mind as we are one.  I am very proud of my hubby; his boldness and strength of character are some of the things that made me fall in love with him!

Now I come to the second part of why I wanted to write on this topic.  We had some issues with friends not supporting our marriage.  There were quite a lot of instances, but for the sake of not dwelling on the negative (all issues have been forgiven), I will not go into specifics.  The point is that these people dishonored our marriage when they were disrespectful to my husband.  I will not tolerate that from anyone, nor does God expect me (or you) to.  My husband and I are one.  If you insult him, you insult me.  When he hurts, I hurt.  If you make it clear you do not want to be around him and make him feel unwanted, then I have no desire to be with you. 

I know this may sound harsh, but I believe that a Biblical couple stands up for each other and stands by each other’s side no matter what!  Therefore, I will speak the Truth in love, and hope all of you boldly stand up for your spouse when others criticize him/her or your marriage.  I did not marry my friends or even family members, I married Mel, the love of my life, and he is whom I will defend. 

Just one quick note to make things clear: This week is only from the perspective of standing up for a Godly spouse that is being unfairly treated for whatever reason and being loyal to him/her above anyone else.  I would never tell anyone to stand up for a spouse doing anything immoral or illegal.  Obviously, if your spouse needs to be punished by the law, you must do the right thing and alert the police, especially if it involves injury to you, a child, or another adult!  

Bride of Christ:  I am aware that when The Bible speaks of the bride of Christ, it has to do with the church.  However, the idea that formulated in my heart revolves around more of a personal relationship as an individual bride. 

I was prompted to write on this topic while Mel and I were both miserably suffering with a flu that lasted longer than two weeks (this was around 2017, long before COVID).  It was one of those flus where all we could do was sleep for twenty hours a day and everything hurt.  I was running a 102-degree fever for four days, and Mel ended up in the emergency room because he passed out twice.  Not fun!  In a rare moment when I was awake and somewhat alert, I started thinking of how frustrating it can be to live in a fallen world where such potentially deadly flus exist.  Just because we make Jesus Lord of our lives, it does not make us exempt from such things.  Life happens, and we have to learn to roll with the punches.   Part of such an attitude is thinking of my relationship with Christ as I do my wedding vows.  I will be loyal to God in sickness and in health and in richer and poorer.  The good news is, I do not have to add, “Until death do us part,” because God has given us the gift of eternal life with Him if we repent of our sins and daily walk in ways of holiness.

Just as I will always be faithful to my precious earthly husband, I always want to be an honorable bride for my heavenly husband as well.  Jesus will come back for a bride who has done her best to live a life separated from the world, daily died to the flesh, followed the teachings and attributes of Christ, and placed Jesus as Lord of her life above all others.  We are not expected to be perfect, but we must choose to cast off our old natures and sins, and desire to be the best we can be in order to be a Light for others and please our Creator. 

That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:27

Being a loving wife to my Mel does not end after the honeymoon, I must make the right daily choices to be respectful, romantic, and kind. And, yes, it is a daily choice with my relationship with Christ as well, not a one-time prayer.  Getting on your knees to ask Jesus into your heart is not a prayer of salvation, it is a prayer of new beginnings.  Only those who endure to the end will be saved, salvation is a free gift, but you have to choose to accept it, and it can be lost (at the very least, read Revelation chapters 2 & 3), just as earthly marriages can be lost to infidelity, abuse, and lack of love and respect. 

In June 2024, Mel and I will have been married for twelve years, but people still tell us how cute we are and think we are newlyweds.  Our bond grows stronger because we put forth the effort to communicate and never stop learning about each other.  We are still discovering and telling new stories of our pasts.  Even telling or hearing the same stories multiple times reemphasizes how well we know each other when we realize how well we know a particular story.  (In other words, don’t be rude when your spouse repeats something; smile that you know exactly what he/she is going to say next because you two are so bonded.)  We are best friends and spend hours a day talking, going for walks, playing games, reading, and praising the Lord.  If we ignored each other all day, let the romance fade, and spent the majority of our time apart, our marriage would fizzle.  Instead, we keep the flames of love and romance alive because we are so much in love, we never want to extinguish our inferno.  The same is very true in my approach with my walk in the Lord.  I want to make certain I never cease trying to learn all I can about His teachings.  I read my Bible to remind myself of His Truths.  Even after hearing or reading the Word of God for more than fifty-one years, I still discover new things I never considered or simply overlooked.  Just as I keep the lines of communication open with Mel, I make sure to tell God how I feel. 

One of the best ways to show Mel I love and accept him is to pay him compliments.  As you know, I am very much against spouses being nags.  Treat your honey like a cherished partner, not like your child.  I have made the majority of the same art projects I suggest in this book for my hubby as well other items not listed here.  It is a fun and romantic way to show Mel each week how much I love him and how much he means to me.  Although I am obviously not going to make art projects for the Lord, I should still put forth the effort to always tell God how much I love Him and appreciate all He does for me; tell God I love Him just for Who He is.  Prayer, praise, and worship are the best ways to show Jesus how much I love Him, as well as using my talents to bring glory to His name.

For scripture verses on being the “literal” bride of Christ, or more specifically, the verses that relate to the church see Revelation 21:1-7 & Revelation 22:16-17.  You can make these personal and apply them to your individual actions.

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Boldness:  Make a conscious effort this week to keep your ears open for any negative talk about your spouse.  Be quick to boldly defend each other, no matter who the speaker may be.  In addition, make sure you are not being a hypocrite; do not speak behind each other’s back unless it is to plan a surprise or unless you are saying words of commendation.

Art Project Option:  Create a word poem out of the letters in the word BOLD or BOLDNESS.  You can use the simple one I wrote or write your own personalized version.  You can make the letters out of patterned paper, use stencils, or even simply write it or type it and print it out.  Here is the one I wrote.  It is not really a poem, but each letter is advice meant to inspire boldness in your marriage.

 

Honey, I will:

Boldly and

Openly

Learn to be

Daring;

Never let anyone

Ever harm you; I will

Stand up for you and I will

Stand up for our marriage!

 

Bride of Christ: Are there any ways in which you are not reflecting the image of a bride of Christ to your husband or others?  Do your words and actions represent Christ?  If not, ask your mate to help you work on changing your behaviors to help you be a better Christian and a better spouse.

Week 3 Fun Activity

 

Originally posted on 01/22/20: This week's fun activity was to bake one or both of your favorite desserts together.  Instead of baking for each other, we made cookies for my boss' husband's birthday! I love to bake for my friends' birthdays, and we decided to turn this week's fun activity into baking for my good friend's husband. He requested dark chocolate chip cookies, and he also likes walnuts and coconut, so we added both to these cookies. Yum! You can also choose to share the "wealth" of your fun time in the kitchen with your friends by giving baked goods as gifts! Of course, be sure to keep a few for yourselves as well! (P.S. That first photo is of us in our aprons.)

Week 3 Short Video

 

Note: I originally filmed this on Jan. 20, 2020. I hope it makes sense; I was getting over the flu and had a high fever the day I made the video! I actually filmed this at the job I had at that time because I knew as soon as I got home, I was going to crash into bed.  The cat behind me was Benji, one of our clients!

Week 3 Art Project

 

This week's art project was to "create a unique journal for your spouse... The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!"   To see the video associated with this week's art project, please see my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 3: Bedroom & Believe

Fun Activity This Week:  Bake something together, preferably each other’s favorite cookie or dessert.  Even if one of you does not know how to, or like to bake, you may discover that playing in the kitchen together is a lot of fun!  Even if the treats turn out bad, just the fun of it will be worth the effort.  If you really do not want to bake, then buy each other’s favorite treat! (P.S. If you are on a diet, you can always make a half or quarter batch of cookies or try a new healthier version of a favorite recipe.)

Week 3: Bedroom & Believe

Since I will be addressing the issue of romance in the bedroom in other articles, I wanted to address a specific question this week: Is it okay for spouses not to share a bedroom?  My answer is, "Yes!"  Let me tell you a story!  

When Mel and I married in June 2012, we started off sharing a bed until about August.  I have Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, which means I kick like a mule and punch like a boxer in my sleep.  After keeping my poor hubby awake for several months, he finally spoke up.  He had not wanted to hurt my feelings but needed his rest.  We pulled a bed out of the spare room and squeezed both beds into the same room.  It was a tight fit, but at least Mel was no longer getting kicked and punched!

Unfortunately, PLMD is not the only issue I have that makes me an annoying roommate!  I snore like a large man.  Mel tried so very hard for two and a half years to deal with this fact.  He bought several types of ear plugs guaranteed to drown out snoring, but they did not work.  Then I got the idea to use white noise on an MP3 player, combined with a sound machine in the room, this mostly drowned me out, but the constant use of the earbuds gave Mel ear infections.  Several months after we moved, Mel finally spoke up again, and suggested we have separate rooms.  So, from then on, we have had different rooms.  It has not hindered our romantic life in any way, and since it has helped my hubby sleep better, I learned to be okay with it.

Now, if you want a separate room from your spouse for immoral reasons, such as to watch porn, or sneak in another person, then obviously different rooms are wrong.  Or if you just feel you want space from your partner, for no other reason than lack of love or selfishness, then I consider you need to reconsider different rooms/beds.  In fact, you may need counseling if you feel the need to be apart.

Other than issues such as snoring or PLMD that keeps your loved one from getting the rest his/her body needs, you really should try to share a bed and/or bedroom.  I miss sharing a bed with Mel as it made me feel safer and more secure being next to him, but as being apart only at night has not affected how bonded we are during the day, I can learn to live with it!  I was always so worried my snoring and PLMD would keep Mel awake, that it made it difficult for me to sleep.  Getting a good night's rest is imperative for our health, so when your health is involved, then, yes, it is okay for spouses not to share a bedroom.

Believe:  It is important that we believe in our spouse.  Our faith must first be in God, of course, but we must have faith in our spouse as well.  We must support him/her in all he/she does and believe he/she is capable of doing all things.  Encourage each other in all efforts and never say, "Oh, you can't do that!"  Instead say, "Sweetie, I know you can do all things through Christ that gives you strength."  (Philippians 4:13)

Believe that God sent the right person to you to be your life partner.  Quite often, there are signs that Christ chose you for one another.  Do not doubt or downplay those signs.  Believe that your marriage is truly a gift from your Heavenly Father.  It is true that some people marry outside of God's will, but as long as you are married, believe that you can, with God's help, make the marriage work. 

Do not give in to listening to other people’s negative views of your spouse.  Believe you know your mate better than anyone and ignore all poisonous words spoken against your loved one.    

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Bedroom:  If you are blessed enough to share a bedroom, celebrate it.  Find a fun way to decorate or buy something new for the room (as your budget allows) that showcases your romance.  Even if you are not able to share a room, the same advice still applies! Celebrate the fact that even if you cannot be together all night, you can still have plenty of romance!

Believe:  Show your best friend you believe in all he/she does.  Is he thinking of going back to college?  Buy him a new backpack.  Does she love to draw?  Buy her a sketchpad and/or art supplies.  For both of those ambitions, you could inexpensively find pens or pencils with (or without) his/her name in it. 

Art Project Option: Buy or use a thick notebook you currently own.  Glue a decorative cover onto it with construction or scrapbook paper to create a unique journal for your spouse.  For example, Mel is a preacher, so on top of some green wallpaper-style scrapbook paper, I wrote the words, “Mel’s Sermon Notes, Dreams, & Plans.”  You could add artwork, stickers, or glitter if you like, but not too girly if this is a gift for your manly hubby!  Your possibilities are endless from creating a book for poetry, to giving him/her a place to keep notes on ideas for a future business.  The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!   

Week 2 Short Video

 

Week 2 Art Project

 

Week 2's art project was to "take an old coffee can (or something similar) and wrap any type of paper around it that says, “Replace bad attitudes with prayers!” or simply "Prayers!” Each time you start to feel anger, resentment or other bad feelings for anyone, even a stranger, replace that bad attitude with a prayer for that person. ... " I used a picture from last year's calendar to cover the can and the scripture verse Luke 6:28 " Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."

Week 2: Apologize & Attitude

Fun Activity This Week:  Author something together.  Anything from a blog, a letter to family & friends, or even a story or poem.  Just make sure you both contribute, even if one writes and the other furnishes the ideas.

 

Week 2: Apologize & Attitude

 

Apologize:  When you are in the wrong, it is always a good thing to admit, but the admission of guilt must be sincere, or you are wasting your breath.  Whenever you start an apology with, “I’m sorry, but…” this is always a huge red flag that you do not feel any remorse for your actions.  Your words will be full of justifications and there is no penitence involved.  It is just as bad to deflect your guilt by then listing all the things your spouse has done wrong.  For example, if you were confessing a lie, this would be a very poor apology: “I am sorry I lied to you, but I felt I had no other choice because you would be mad if I told the truth.  Besides, you lied to me before, remember?”  When you read that just now, did it cause a flare up of anger from such a confession you have received?  There was no sincerity in the words.  So why would you say such a thing to your mate?

Do not make your spouse feel guilty for whatever reaction he/she may have, such as anger or hurt.  Let him/her cry or yell (within reason) and do not make your mate feel like the offender for an honest reaction to your poor choices.  Give him/her space as needed until he/she is ready to talk.

An apology should be genuine and humble.  Since I was a teenager, I have always told people not to apologize to me if they did not mean it.  I still feel that way.  I would rather have silence than shallow words.  Please think seriously about whatever you have done that caused your loved one harm.  If you are not feeling true guilt, try placing yourself in his/her shoes and think of how he/she would feel if the situation was reversed, and how you would feel if he/she was the offender instead of you.  Try saying, “I realize you must feel betrayed by my actions,” or, “If you had done this to me, I would feel unloved right now.”

Bottom line here is not to take the act of apologizing lightly.  Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”  I am much quicker to forgive an offense when there is a sincere apology behind the guilty eyes.  Whatever you can do to make up the error, do your best to try.  Trust can be lost, and permanent damage done when your mate does not feel like you think you did anything wrong.  Sincere repentance can restore a multitude of wounds.  

Gifts are not wrong but are unnecessary.  When wounded, pretty flowers or a jewelry will not mend a serious offense but ends up feeling more like manipulation.  You do not need to buy your mate’s forgiveness.  However, once the air is clear, and you are both feeling that all issues are resolved, going out to a nice dinner or dessert to clear your heads would be a good idea. If you still feel the need to buy a gift, do it a few days later with a note reiterating your desire to keep your marriage peaceful.

When you cause your mate harm, whether irrational or not, your partner will feel like your love must be less than you claim.  Therefore, you should follow up the apology with an assurance of your love.  Also, make a humble vow that you will not repeat the same mistake because you never want to hurt him/her again.  Most of all, do your utmost best to keep that promise.

Attitude:  Have you ever had to work with someone who always had a bad attitude?  Someone who was constantly critical, and nothing was ever right.  They always seem grumpy and rarely smile.  Those are usually your least favorite co-workers.  You know how frustrating these sorts of people are to work with, so why would you want to have this kind of insolence around your mate?  It is very important to have a good attitude with your loved one.  I have seen too many husbands and wives who continually nag and complain, and nothing their spouse does is ever good enough. 

While showing respect to each other is instrumental to promoting a happy marriage, I will address that issue in more detail later.  It is also good practice to maintain a non-critical attitude with others in your life.  When you can learn to spend more time talking positively, you will be in a better mood, which will make you a better spouse.  You may think you are being each other’s sounding board by listening to critical talk of others, but in fact, constant negativity is detrimental to your marriage.  Going on and on about how so-and-so wronged you adds a gnarled and tangled thread of bitterness to your hearts.  It is much better to spend your time dwelling on true, noble, just, pure, and lovely things (Philippians 4:8).

Mel and I have a rule: whenever one of us is feeling negative, we will ask for prayer, and change the subject to focus on positive issues.  We may even take the time to sing a praise song or two.  This shift not only allows us to display the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, and temperance (Galatians 5:22-23) with one easy change in attitude, but it invites the Holy Spirit to bless us with God’s presence.  We open the door even wider for God’s bounty when we refuse to let pessimism fester.   

  The truth is people in general are rude, selfish, greedy, jealous, dishonest, and full of carnality.  Based on all the above reasons, the people closest to us can be the cause for the deepest wounds.  The cruel and heartless actions of others are the excuses we use to justify the anger and resentment that is so difficult to get rid of.  However, we are not responsible for any one’s sins other than our own.  We cannot control our friends’, co-workers’, or family members’ actions.  Instead, we can allow the Holy Spirit to guide and control our own hearts and forgive those that have harmed our spouse or us.  We do not have to let harmful people back into our lives, but we do have to remove the root of bitterness choking out our relationship with Jesus Christ.  This is very difficult, and we can only be successful when we admit and confess that this is an issue of sin in our lives, repent, and then allow the love of Jesus to rule our hearts and let Him change us.  In turn, we will be a calmer partner, our attitudes will improve, and we will be much easier to live with! 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Apologize:  Do some serious soul-searching this week.  Are there any issues for which you need to apologize, or even re-apologize with more sincerity?  Make certain there are no barriers between you and your mate.  Come clean, be accountable, and take responsibility for your actions.  Be humble and make an effort to live your marriage with complete honesty.

 

Attitude:  Make an effort this week to keep your attitude in check.  Do not nag or criticize each other.  Also, make a pact to keep each other accountable in steering your conversations away from berating other people, and replace it with praying for those who have hurt you.

Art Project Option:  Take an old coffee can (or something similar) and wrap any type of paper around it that says, “Replace bad attitudes with prayers!” or simply "Prayers!”  Each time you start to feel anger, resentment or other bad feelings for anyone, even a stranger, replace that bad attitude with a prayer for that person.  Either write a specific prayer for the person or just their name and place it in the jar or box.  At the end of each week, pray again for that person. You will soon find your heart soften in ways you did not expect. Decorate it whichever way you would like: praying hands, hearts, scriptures, etc.