Fun Activity This Week: Compile a collection of memorabilia and make a collage. If you do not want to take on an additional art project this week, then just spend time with your honey and look through old photos and keepsakes, and the take an enjoyable trip down memory lane.
Week 6: Compassion & Complement:
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
When I was a receptionist at a veterinary clinic (not the same one where I was a veterinary technician), I observed one of the saddest displays of spousal disrespect I have ever seen. When a husband and wife came in to pick up their deceased dog's ashes, the wife was in tears as soon as she saw the urn. Instead of the husband embracing his wife, saying a kind word, or even patting her on the shoulder, he roughly said, "I should have left you at home." I immediately saw a look of even worse pain come over the wife's face. One can only assume this husband was an even worse bully in private if he was so willing to show such an ugly, heartless side in public. I felt very badly for the wife. Even if he could not relate to her pain because he did not love the dog, or thought it was "just" as pet, he still should have showed compassion. Instead, he made her feel worse, and, I am certain, very much alone. More than ten years later, recalling that moment still makes my chest tighten in grief for that poor woman.
It is so very important to show compassion to your spouse even when you have no idea what he/she is feeling. Mel's tears are my tears, and his joy is my joy.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
Go the extra mile and buy flowers or stuffed animal, etc. or give (or make) a card to show your compassion. I know material items are not an instant fix to a broken heart, but just knowing your mate genuinely cares about your hurt, makes the pain more bearable. Less than two years into our marriage we lost a dog and then a cat that had both been mine long before I married Mel. Both times Mel brought me to Build-A-Bear, one of my favorite stores, and suggested I make a stuffed animal to represent the losses. Mel’s compassion was a great comfort during my grief.
With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bear one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3
Please remember to be sensitive to your spouse's emotions. Do not ever make him/her feel it is wrong to be sad or scared. Instead, hold his /her hand, cry, and pray together.
Be sensitive to physical pain as well. Some people have a higher tolerance for pain than others and/or were taught not to complain. While others are more dramatic either because the literally feel the pain worse or want the attention. It is not up to you to judge which is the case. (However, if this sounds like you, remember over-exaggerating pain is the same as lying. Do not manipulate your spouse by pretending.) Show compassion and do all you can to help ease the pain, and do not ignore the cries of physical discomfort. If you only offer sincere words of kindness to show you feel bad for your mate’s discomfort, that can be enough. However, bringing your mate his/her medication, going to the doctor together, and helping with tasks that may be difficult, and buying or preparing comfort foods are also welcome acts of compassion.
Complement: This is not about paying compliments, but about learning to use your personalities to complement one another. In other words, accepting how well you balance each other out. Celebrate the areas in which you are like-minded, but also embrace your differences.
Mel and I are very much alike. Our fathers were pastors, we both love history and museums, we have the same taste in music and books, we love animals, we love the outdoors, we crave travel, we love toys and antiques, we have the same sense of humor, we both desire to please the Lord, and the list goes on. The main area where we are different is that he loves to be surrounded by lots of people, where I tend to be an isolationist.
When I met Mel, the first thing I admired about him was his boldness for and obedience to Christ. His spirituality was what drew me to him and made me want to get to know him better. I am still impressed by his wealth of knowledge and his fearless willingness to stand up for what he believes. He has taught home groups, has been involved in street ministry, and was the associate pastor at the first church we attended as a couple, where he was also the overseer of evangelism and outreaches.
I, on the other hand, am a shy little mouse. I sometimes dislike that about myself. As Mark 14:38 states, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." I know this verse has to do with temptation, but for me it has to do with my willingness to serve Christ but being afraid to speak in public. I truly want to be a vessel to be used for His kingdom, but I am so shy, I shrink like a wallflower every time I am around people. I pray for boldness often.
Yet I also believe that God does not make mistakes for as Isaiah 43:1 says, "But now, thus says the Lord, who created you... And He who formed you.'" And Isaiah 44:2, "Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb." Therefore, I have to believe God did not design me to be the leader-type. This is why I am very comfortable behind the scenes, and why God has called me to write.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor." Therefore, I know for absolute certain that Mel and I are a perfect pair. His boldness helps my shyness. I lean on him for strength. I am his helpmate as I very much love being. I am meant to be my husband's support system and I am pleased to accept the mission! I will be his shoulder to lean on, his prayer warrior, and his hand to hold. As much as I can, I will gladly stand by his side and assist him, but I know my main goal is being his cheerleader. Go, Mel! Mel says he loves that I am shy and quiet. He said he even prayed for a shy woman that was a gentle peacemaker and not interested in shallow social scenes. See, another sign we were made for each other! Especially since I prayed for a man that would be very Godly and would be my spiritual leader. (P.S., I never once felt shy around Mel, not even on the day we met, which is extremely rare for me, and further proof we were destined to be together!)
I am certain many of you can relate to my story. While your differences may be entirely unlike ours, we all have at least one area where we see things in a different light from our mate. I do not like to think of them as strengths and weaknesses, but rather as the way God made us. We can use our separate personalities to complete each other. When you become one with your partner in marriage, it only makes sense that he/she fills in the gaps. Think of it as being two sides of one a priceless coin, and praise God for having enough wisdom to lead you to your perfect match!
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Compassion: Check in with your mate this week and see if there is anything on his/her mind that needs to be discussed. There may be an issue pent up inside for months that your honey has been afraid to talk about for fear of your reaction. Let your sweetie know you want him/her to unburden him/herself to you, and you will be his/her rock. Listen without judgment and with a heart full of compassion. Be ready to lend a shoulder and supply the tissues.
Also ask about physical needs and offer to take him/her to the doctor if necessary. Do whatever you can that helps lessen his/her pain by taking on chores, etc.
Complement: Art Project Option: In order to celebrate the ways in which you complement each other, create a poster and say silly things such as, “We go together like bagels and cream cheese.” Use a piece of poster board or cardboard (I like to take apart packing boxes or use clean pizza boxes). Illustrate it if you wish or cut out the labels to the items you are using, such as for the phrase, “We go together like toothpaste and mouthwash,” you could be the labels from a box of Crest and a bottle of Scope. Use a wrapper from a fast-food burger (restaurants will usually give you a clean one for free) and a jar of pickles for going together like “hamburgers and pickles.” The ideas are endless but try to personalize it to include inside jokes such as, “We go together like tacos and salsa” because he is a fan of Mexican food. Or “We go together like blueberries and cheesecake” because that is her favorite dessert. You can also go on-line and print out logos or type the list with fun fonts. Glue your fun ideas onto the piece of cardboard or whatever you choose.
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