Fun Activity This Week: Dance with your partner! I do not endorse ungodly environments such as bars/clubs, so I am only suggesting dancing around your own house. Play romantic music or hum your own tune. Sway in each other’s embrace and enjoy the romance!
Week 7: Desire & Dig Deep
Desire: Desire in your marriage is a very good thing. A healthy sexual relationship will make your marriage much happier and bind your union with chords that will not be broken. As I have stated before, I have no degrees or professional accolades, but my marriage is very joyful and very stable, so all I write about is from the perspective of a marriage that is satisfied is every single way.
In order to maintain desire in your marriage, try to find romance in even the simple things. Once while eating a bowl of "ABC's & 123's" I took the time to spell out, “Mel Julie 4Ever.” Totally silly, but also romantic! Mel and I are very loving with one another and find romance everywhere. My favorites are (not necessarily original): writing our names in the sand, drawing romantic sayings on him with my finger, whispering sweet and suggestive things in his ear in public places, writing poems (yes, "naughty" poems included), giving him mushy cards, singing silly songs with our names, writing messages on the bathroom mirror with dry-erase marker (wipes clean with a paper towel), drawing hearts with the ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce, taking lots of pictures of each other, simply holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes, and a million other things!
Also consider spicing it up in the bedroom around once a month. After all, God gave us our spouses for pleasure, so enjoy each other! Although I believe what happens in the bedroom should be private, I cannot write a book on marital advice without giving away a few of our bedroom secrets. Therefore, in order to offer some suggestions that add the spice of desire to your love life, I will have to break my own rule for the sake of this blog. One idea I have come up with is finding a theme and having a lot of fun with it. Begin with a nice meal, decorate your bedroom with some sort of fun accessories, dress up in a unique outfit, play music (if you do not have a CD with matching music, stream it from the Internet), and if you can afford it, give a gift that is related. One way to do this is to play with an international theme. If you cannot spend money on specific themed lingerie, try using stickers (or your own artwork) to place strategically on yourself (train stickers and a conductor's hat - think about what gets said when you hear a train whistle), or gift bows placed on yourself for his/her birthday, and body paint is fun too! The idea is to be creative and make your love life fun, romantic, and exciting.
Ask and answer questions about each other’s fantasies and attempt to fulfill the fantasies as closely as possible. If he has always wanted to be intimate on a boat, you may not literally be able to fulfill that wish, so decorate your room to look like a ship (I used a blue sheet, hand-drew fish, and played ocean sounds). Have an outdoor fantasy but live in a crowded neighborhood, then make the room look like the outdoors (think green blanket, real and fake flowers, and even animal decorations and outdoor sounds). You can draw or buy decorations to simulate water, flowers, stars, etc. Places, outfits, decorations, music, scents, lighting… use your imagination and make it special and unique.
Just to be clear: I absolutely do not endorse anything perverted or immoral and there are obvious lines not to cross. However, if you truly plan to spend forever with your spouse, it is a good idea not to ever let him/her get bored. There is NEVER any excuse to cheat, but it is also wise to make sure you both feel desired and are satisfied in every area of your marriage. Ask questions, be honest telling him/her what you do and do not like.
Be creative with showing your spouse just how much you desire your best friend, soul mate, and lover. Be respectful, be romantic, and have fun!
Dig Deep: When you are dating, you want to know everything about each other. You ask all about each other’s childhood, jobs, and, even if you really do not want to know, you will ask about past relationships. Just because you are married, that does not mean the questions should stop. Nor should you stop sharing information. Even after almost twelve years of marriage, Mel and I are still discovering and telling new stories.
Doctors never stop studying and learning all they can know about their profession; it is essential to their career that they keep up to date on all there is to know about medicine. Consider yourself a perpetual student of your mate. Digging in deep to know all about your spouse does not just mean knowing about the past, but about daily emotions as well. It is a good idea to check in with each other on a regular basis and ask how the other is doing. When necessary, ask what you can do to help and do your very best to follow through. You honor your marriage by knowing all there is to know about each other and not taking your honey for granted just because you have a ring on your finger.
Digging in deep goes beyond the two of you. Dig in deep in your relationship with the Lord. Bible studies may be difficult to do every day but commit to a minimum of once a week and pray together at the same time. You can increase it from there as your hunger for the things of God grows. You may find you want to set aside at least one day a month for fasting and praying on your knees. You may even choose to set aside several days a month where you shut off the Internet and other forms of secular entertainment, stay away from all negative influences, and focus only on God’s Voice. You could even include an extended fast during this time. Just as you do not want your martial relationship to grow stale, you absolutely do not ever want your spiritual relationship to diminish.
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Desire: Make certain your lover feels desired this week. Ask each other about your fantasies and do your best to fulfill one this week.
Art Project Option: Using plain or scrapbook paper draw (or print one from the computer) a small tree and write the words, “Welcome to the Garden of Allowable Fruit,” on it. Include apples (or other fruit), flowers, and/or leaves as well (stencils are a big help). Write, “Enjoy” on at least one of the apples. Now, you could place these on your bedroom wall by your bed later on if you so choose, but first, what is even more fun is to tape them to yourself in strategic locations!
Also, on this blog site I have post questions I created titled "Conversations of Love." So, if you are stuck on how to dig deeper in your conversations, please search the search bar for "conversations of love" at the top of this blog site and use the questions created to help your marriage grow stronger.
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