Fun Activity This Week: Write each other an invitation for something special. Be creative! It can be as simple as time uninterrupted in the bedroom, to more complicated such as an entire evening or day of planned entertainment.
Week 18: Internet & Introspective
Internet: This is going to be brief because I will say more on the topic of pornography later on, and I previously addressed being accountable in the areas of Facebook and other social media sites. What I would like to add is that the Internet could be a wonderful tool used to serve the Lord alone or as a couple. Writing blogs, starting a Facebook and/or YouTube ministry page and simply sharing scriptures with family and friends are all great ways to minister for Christ.
On the flip side, the Internet is also a weapon of mass destruction. It destroys marriages and souls. If there are any web sites you feel you cannot view with your spouse sitting next to you, then that is a clear indicator that you should not be viewing it at all. Would you view it if Jesus was sitting next to you? Well, guess what, your spouse may not be ever-seeing or all-knowing, but God is!
Can anyone hide himself in secret places, so I shall not see him?” says the Lord; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord. Jeremiah 23:24
Set a time limit for computer time. I have known too many people who spend their spare time on-line when they could be interacting with their mate. Games and research can be fun, but not at the expense of a relationship with your loved one. I am not saying taking down time to de-stress on the Internet is wrong. Mel and I each have our own blogs and Facebook pages and work independently on them. However, even when working on different projects or even just playing games we still take time out to interact in-between (or even in the midst of) tasks. We are not strangers sitting side by side; we still chat, flirt, and discuss what we are working on. Simply stated, do not become so engrossed in personal playtime, that your mate feels like last place in your priorities.
Introspective: Take time out to ponder seriously over what you could be doing to be a better mate. Pray over these issues and ask God to reveal what you need to change. In addition, ask your spouse for honest feedback and do not use this time to fight, but to listen and do all you can to make changes. These issues can be from the simple request of wearing lingerie more often, to having more homemade meals and less frozen ones, to changing how you make fun of him/her in front of your friends. This is not a time to be demanding or a bully, but to work on communication on where you think improvements can be made within your marriage. You both need to feel comfortable with all changes discussed and make sure they match up with the principles in the Bible.
If you do not want your partner's opinions because your mate can be overly critical, then, as suggested, still take time for self-examination at least once a month. What can you do that is more helpful? What in your marriage do you feel needs work? This is not the time to play the blame game; this is all about what you are responsible for in making your marriage as good as it can possibly be. I know I like to "boast" that my marriage is pretty close to perfect, but I also know that I can always be a better wife. I often ask Mel what I can do to be better. He always says I am a perfect wife and there is nothing he would change. I am certain he is just being sweet, as I know I am flawed and there is always room for improvement.
It is also a good idea as a couple to ask yourselves how you can improve in your spiritual walk. Could you spend more time in prayer and worship, read The Bible more often, give up ungodly entertainment, etc.? As with marriage, there is always room for improvement in our walks with God and we should never cease wanting to make it better.
Anyone who knew me prior to 2012 would have seen I had a faith in God, but I was not as spiritual as I could have been. I laughed at some filthy jokes, watched movies and television shows filled with violence, sex, and occultism, and talked about people behind their backs. I knew I needed more than my own desire to be a better person; I needed a strong, spiritual man to be my influence and guide.
I wrote a list in 2006 asking God for specifics in what I wanted in the man I would marry. It is amazing that Mel fits that exact list, even in physical description! I want to focus on part of one paragraph I wrote six years before I met Mel: "Spirituality: This is the most important. This I absolutely will not compromise on: He must be a Christian. I want someone who has a fire in his belly for God that will help challenge my faith and we will help each other’s spiritual walk grow. We will have awesome spiritual discussions and our marriage will be extremely Christ-based."
Since I have been married to Mel, he has truly been a wonderful influence on me. I am a much calmer person than I was ten years ago. He is not a bully but has gently helped me realize what things in my life were a hindrance not only to my spiritual walk, but to my personality as well. I have given up all forms of entertainment that have any aspect of witchcraft in them, are violent, sexual in nature, or have profanity in them. I want to number one please God, but I also very much want to please Mel and make him proud to be my husband. That alone makes it easy to want to do what is right.
Asking God will change you is one thing, being willing to change is a completely different animal entirely! Do not just say, “God has been dealing with me on...” and continue in sin. You have to actually change your behavior, not just feel guilt over doing what you know hurts others. Our daily prayers are honestly and humbly, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit,” (Psalm 51:10-12) and then eliminating the areas in our lives we feel are stumbling blocks. Prayer is not passive; it is being active and proactive. Moreover, so is marriage. It is actively helping your mate change where he/she feels he/she needs it.
Let me just clarify that too. Helping your mate be introspective is not an excuse to be critical. I see too many spouses correct their mate for things like bad grammar usage, how to drive, etc. This is genuine change that needs to take place such as alcoholism, gambling, gossiping, lying, etc.
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Internet: Unless it is for work or an emergency, pretend the World Wide Web does not exist at least for one day, all weekend, or even for the entire week. Do not substitute Facebook (or other social media outlets) for texting or you are missing the point of this exercise. Exchange the time you would usually give to the net with time spent with your mate. If he/she is at work when you are usually on-line, then find something else to do. Read, enjoy a hobby, or try a new recipe for dinner that you have wanted to try but have been too busy to attempt. The point is to let the world pass you by and let it revolve around you and your mate instead.
Art Project Idea: Although I just suggested you take a break from the Internet for one or more days, you can do this without being connected to the web. Create something on the computer that you and your mate can show off on his/her (or preferably your combined) social media page, blog(s), or just to e-mail to friends after you complete your Internet break. You can embellish a photograph with some loving words or write a poem and interpose it onto a fancy background. Be creative but fight the urge to use an existing design someone else made and simply sharing it. Make it personal and put some time and effort into it to show off how much you love your soul mate.
I will show you a few of my ideas in my next post. By the way, you do not need a fancy computer program; I simply used a combination of Microsoft Publisher and the Paint program that is standard on most computers to insert the backgrounds, photos, words, hearts, etc. The other thing I have done more than once, and that is to use a set of themed pictures (such as wedding or a special event/location) and add romantic music to it and play a slide show for your mate.
Note: If you do not know how to create designs on a computer, no problem! You can create something off the computer and take a photo of it to share with your friends & family.
Introspective: Ask each other the hard questions this week such as, “Where do you think I need to improve in my walk with the Lord?” and, “How can I be a better partner?” Do not be on the defensive to the answers and take the time to listen and try to improve in the areas suggested. When it is your turn to answer the questions, do not be critical, but offer up the truth in love.
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