Week 16: Holiness & Honesty

Fun Activity This Week:  Go hiking together!  Pack a picnic and enjoy a day outside.  Nowhere to go: just have an indoor picnic (Even if doesn’t match the letter “H”, LOL!).  If it’s the wrong time of year, you can save this one for later.  Mel and I have been hiking in all sorts of crazy weather, so even when snow or rain is pouring on your heads, it can still be fun, but just be safe and avoid slippery areas. If you can't find a place to hike such as any wooded area or hillside, just "hike" around your neighborhood. Wherever you choose, be safe. If it's a remote location, let others know where you are going and when to expect you back.   

Week 16: Holiness & Honesty

Holiness:  The absolute best way to assure a joyful marriage is to practice the principles of The Bible. When you both strive to live holy lives, you will be more likely to have a peaceful marriage. 

In today's modern church, pastors have quit preaching lessons of repentance and holiness.  I am not saying every single pastor out there is preaching a lukewarm message, but sadly, the majority are.  They are preaching feel-good sermons that are putting the church to sleep, and in turn, are harming marriages. 

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light." Ephesians 5:8-14

A popular message of the church is that there is grace for everything, without first repenting of your sins.  Refusing to be accountable for your actions is detrimental to your marriage.  When we think there is grace for everything, and that our actions suffer no consequences because our salvation is guaranteed with one simple prayer, we can easily slip into a life of sin and comfortably stay there.  Yes, God is full of mercy, love, and grace, but we must ask for forgiveness, repent of our sins, give up habitual sins, and make the daily decision to continue to walk down paths of righteousness.  The free gift of salvation begins with the "sinner’s prayer," but does not end there.  It is the beginning of a wonderful walk with the Lord, but, as with any relationship, we must nurture it and work at producing good fruit.  

It is true that Christ accepts us as we are and He gave His life on the cross for our sins so we can have eternal life.  Yet it is also true that, though we may come just as we are with all our faults, God expects us to change.  Jesus is a loving Father who readily forgives our sins as long as our repentance is sincere and we do not continue to live in sin.  He is holy and it is His desire that we live holy lives if we are to follow Him.  That does not mean we have to be perfect, but we must seek out to destroy our sinful nature.

So how do we strive for holiness in marriage?  Studying God's Word daily is a wonderful start (or at a minimum, once a week outside of church).  Really devouring what you read and making sure you understand it will help you avoid falling for false teachings.  When you know what The Bible says on a certain subject, then you are less apt to fall for false doctrines. 

I never want you to take my word for anything.  Study on your own.  I am overly logical and highly skeptical on most subjects; I always want second and third opinions on everything. Many cunning and manipulative people will try to force or trick you to believe their way is the only way.  I am not one of those people.  God's way is the only way, so read His words, and really let them sink in. Pray before and/or after you read The Bible and/or attend church, that God will reveal His Truths to you. 

Honesty:  You may think it is no big deal to tell your wife you loved the new recipe she tried when you actually hated it.  However, it is unfair to lie, even over the little things. Soon it will be easier and easier to be dishonest, and the small things turn into much more harmful issues.  Of course, you should always use tact, and not be insulting. Although I appreciate his politeness, I always ask Mel to be honest when he does not like my cooking, so I do not waste my time and ingredients making it again. P.S.  If your mate is so unreasonable that he/she will throw a temper tantrum if you do not like what was prepared, this is an issue that requires help, maybe even professionally!  

There is never any excuse to lie to your spouse, and you will always end up with a mess on your hands.  You may justify your actions saying the truth hurts worse, or you are just sparing feelings.  We have all been lied to, and I can guarantee the lie never hurt less because the deceiver’s motivations were to keep me from getting hurt.  The ugly truth is that when people use that excuse, the only people they are attempting to protect are themselves!  As soon as the sin is exposed to the light, the pain of being lied to often hurts more than the truth.  Just one lie can ruin trust in a relationship.  You can forgive the action of dishonesty, but you will find yourself wondering for a long time after if he/she is telling you the truth or if he/she a master manipulator. This is very unhealthy for a marriage.  The obvious solution is for you not to lie to your mate.  All the negative things you think about when your mate lies, he/she will be certain to think of you.

Putting it bluntly, when you lie, you show your spouse disrespect, and you are basically saying you do not love your partner enough to tell him/her the truth.  Do you really want to convey the message to your mate that you do not love him/her enough to be honest?

If you have a chronic problem with being honest, please pray and ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse you of this habitual and damaging sin.  You may even need to seek counseling to get to the heart of why you have such a compulsion to lie.  Being dishonest can permanently damage any relationship in marriage, so please take this issue very seriously.  If you are willing to lie about whether or not you liked a dish your wife made to spare her feelings, you very well may graduate to bigger and bigger tales right down to whether or not you are attracted to someone else, and you may even find it no big deal to hide a flirtation or an affair.  Dishonesty is a cancer in marriage.  Get rid of this sin before it kills your relationship altogether!

Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13

Another thing to consider, keeping secrets from your mate is another form of dishonesty.  Unless you are planning a good surprise, it is wrong to keep secrets.  We have had more than one friend that would say things behind my back to Mel and then say to him, “Don’t tell Julie I said that.”  Because Mel and I do not keep secrets, it never worked because he always told me each and everything said behind my back and vice versa.  The only reason to keep a secret is to cover something you know is wrong.  If a friend tells one of you to keep something from your mate, tell them that you never withhold anything from one another.  If it is something confidential just be honest with that person that you will tell your mate, but that he/she will indeed keep their confidence as well.  The only exception to that rule is if you work for a company where you have to legally keep things only within the company such as a law or medical profession, so know I would never encourage you to break the law. 

For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light.  Mark 4:22

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Holiness:  Pray David’s Prayer in Psalm 139:23 together, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Make this a week of prayerful reflection and repentance, asking God where you can improve in ways of holiness.  Be accountable to one another and help each other in areas that need work.

Art Project Option:  To show that you are both committed to serving the Lord in holiness, create a piece of art using Joshua 24:15, As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  There are several ways in which you can do this:  Make a scrapbook page using photos of your family (include kids and even pets) with the scripture verse prominently displayed.  You can also draw your family, or just print the words from the computer.  If you can sew, you can embroider or cross-stitch the verse with or without a house and/or people that represent your household.  Frame and display where all your family can enjoy it and be reminded that you choose to follow God and practice the ways of righteousness. 

Honesty:  Is there anything you have been keeping from your mate?  Now is the time to have that serious talk.  Pray first and ask God to direct your words and ask that your spouse will have an open and forgiving heart.  Too afraid to speak eye-to-eye, it is okay to write a letter.  Without getting on the defensive, allow him/her to respond as he feels the need.  If you are on the receiving end, remember to be gracious and forgiving.