Week 28: Never Give Up & Nurture

Fun Activity This Week:  Read a novel out loud.  Take turns reading, use the “text-to-speech” option on your Kindle, or listen to an audio book.  I realize that a lot of books (not even the so-called Christian ones) are clean and innocent, so you need to use your own discernment and discretion on this one.  If you cannot make out the image I inserted into the artwork, it’s the book cover from one of my favorite books, "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard.

Week 28: Never Give Up & Nurture

Never Give Up:  As much as I love, desire, adore, cherish, and admire my husband, and as happy as our marriage is, our life has had struggles.  Let me make it clear that our marriage does not have any problems; we have always been very much united and in love.  Nevertheless, life has been difficult for the majority of our twelve years together.  Yet, no matter what we faced, we have always been committed to one another and have promised never to give up on each other or our marriage.

In 2014, Mel and I were facing losing our home.  I would lay awake at night worrying about our situation, and I even wondered what would happen to our marriage if we ended up homeless.  Just six days before we were to be evicted, we still did not know where we would live.  However, I fully believed that our marriage would survive the loss of our home, as I believed in our vows never to give up.  Did I turn on my husband and blame him?  Never!  I clung to him more than ever.  I relied on him to be my rock and in turn, I became his.  I was confused and angry with the Lord for several months, but I still held on to my Heavenly Father and trusted in His will and timing.  By the way, we never spent a single day homeless as God provided a rental for us in a very miraculous way.

I certainly do not enjoy dwelling on the negative, and I prefer to think of the best-case scenario instead of the worst.  However, I believe it is very important to ask yourself the question, “Will we give up when the going gets tough?” 

Marriages break up over anything from money issues, to not enough/too much sex, infidelity, abuse, grief, illness, alcoholism, etc.  Sometimes it is necessary to separate yourself from an unfaithful, abusive, immoral spouse.  Most non-abusive issues should be worked out, however; when you took wedding vows, you promised to make your marriage work, no matter what situation occurred. 

We all wish we would never have to face the tough times.  We think God will take care of every situation, but that is not always the case.  Bad things happen, and we cannot always understand the reason why, but this is not the time to turn away from your spouse.  This is the time to pull together and be strong for one another.   Instead of clinging to one another during hard times, most couples place blame, retreat inside, and/or turn to alcohol or other vises.  Rather than spending more time together in attempts to heal, they spend more time apart grieving alone. This would be the perfect example of utilizing a counselor to save your marriage even if you think you don't need one.

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes  4:9-12 

Hardships are not a time to go off and suffer alone.  It is a time to weep in your spouse's arms even when you cannot talk.  Take care of each other's needs as they arise.  Some experts say one of you will always be weak while the other is always strong, but this is a misleading assumption.  In a good marriage, you are both strong at the same time, and strong for each other every day.  Being strong DOES NOT mean that you never cry and have a bad day; it means you hold hands and pray for each other.  It means talking about your feelings.  It does not mean you have to try to fix everything, it means you promise to be there to hold each other and never let go.  Being sad or hurt does not mean you are weak! Let that really sink in!  Refusing to reach out to your spouse or let him/her be there for you or refusing to be there for your mate when he/she is down is unquestionably a sign of weakness.  Do not give up on each other emotionally.   

Seriously ask yourself (either alone or with your partner), “Will we give up when the going gets tough?”  If you do not know, or you think the answer is yes, then please try to figure out why.  There is no shame in seeking help from a pastor or counselor when needed.  I cannot guarantee happy circumstances for you or me.  I can guarantee that if you make God your number one source of strength, place God at the center of your marriage, pray together with your spouse, let God guide your life, and believe that no matter what comes your way you and your loved one will never give up, then you will have a joyful marriage!

Nurture: Take care of needs and wants as they arise.  Pamper one another and make your home a place of comfort.  Needs can include taking care of an ill spouse: getting him/her soup, rice, ginger ale, or even just stroking his/her hair to soothe him/her.  It could be the need to get out of the house and go for a drive because one or both of you are feeling too cooped up.  Wants can be anything from a cherry coke to sex. As long as it is a reasonable request, try your very best to meet needs and wants.  If I tell Mel I would really like a new Build-A-Bear, but we only have $25 for the rest of the month, and he lets me know it's not practical right now, I am not going to pout, I am going to respect his decision (Actually, I pay close attention to our budget, but this is just an example.).  Therefore, in instances such as these, it is acceptable to deny a request as long as it is done in a loving way, and you explain why you have said no. 

According to the dictionary, two of the definitions of nurture are: 1. to feed and protect; 2. to support and encourage.  I found it interesting that "to feed" was included.  This could literally mean fixing your spouse nourishing food and making sure he/she eats healthy. Although, pudding or ice cream when he/she is sick is perfectly acceptable! (Hint, hint!)  You should also nurture each other with spiritual food such as Bible study at least once a week.  I also like that the definition includes "protect."  That can literally mean with your life and/or with your words.  Protecting each other’s reputation by standing up for him/her is always important. 

Then there's the second part of the definition that says nurturing includes "support" and "encourage[ment]."  We should do our best to support and encourage each other even when we are down.  When you lift up your spouse even though you are full of fears and doubts, it actually boosts your spirits and makes you feel better, especially when you quote God’s Word.  You can also support and encourage him/her when he/she wants to try something new (or old).  Do not say "You can't do that because...”  Be each other’s cheerleader and do your best to be there for your sweetie no matter what.   

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Never Give Up:  When you get up tomorrow morning (or before you go to bed tonight) take the time to look each other in the eye and promise again that you will never give up on your marriage no matter what comes your way.  You can never assure or be assured too many times.

Nurture:  Ask your honey what needs you can meet this week and do your best to follow through.

Art Project Option: This idea does cost money, but you can buy the items over time if that’s easier or use items already in the house. Use a shoebox (or any kind of box) with a lid and decorate the outside any way you choose.  I like to use fun wrapping paper, as it is easier than cutting and piecing together bits of paper.  You can glue it if you like, but if you want to reuse the same box, it will come off easier with tape.  Make one or several boxes for nurturing your mate.  Husbands, one idea for your wife would be: bubble bath, lotion, candles, etc., for a relaxing soak in the tub. Wives, another idea is a man box: hot sauce, beef jerky, even masculine-scented candles and body wash for his own soothing bath.   Another idea is to have a box premade with items for when one of you is ill such as filling it with tissues, cough drops, flu medicine, tea bags, Jell-O and pudding mixes, snuggly socks, soup (you can use the dry versions of soup if the cans make the box too heavy), etc.  Another idea is a baking or cooking box for a specific recipe (or even just a cookbook if you don’t have one recipe in mind).  You can include some of the nonperishable items such as spices, herbs, baking chips, and include a spatula, whisk, or even a potholder.  Or plan a fun day trip box for a way to de stress and include a map, fun road trip snacks, guidebooks, etc.  Other box suggestions are: romance, hobby, favorite foods, seasonal, spiritual, cheering up, congratulations, etc.  The ideas are endless, so be creative and have fun!  If you are making multiple boxes, you may want to label them or choose a paper (or stickers) that fits the theme, so you know which box is which.