Week 29: Observant & Old-Fashioned

 

Fun Activity This Week: Dress in your best outfits and go out for a night on the town.  If it is not in the budget for a nice restaurant, you could just go out for dessert, eat at a fast-food place, or just walk around town (or even at a mall) and wish shop.  The point is to have fun dressing up and spending a joyful night outside the house! Another option is simply dressing up in your best outfits at home and prepare a nice dinner (or have it delivered), and later go outside for a walk. (P.S. It is okay to wear comfy, non-dressy shoes for the walk!)

Week 29: Observant & Old-Fashioned

Observant:  Be observant and be aware when your spouse is hurting.  Sometimes your mate may not feel like talking, but you should know even the subtle signals your honey gives that alert you to when he/she is not quite right.  This can be something as simple as a bad day at work, to the beginning symptoms of a cold, flu, or something serious.  Before your sweetie asks, you can offer a hand to hold, a listening ear, or some chicken soup.  Being observant may also help you notice something more urgent that may require professional attention.   

As I previously mentioned, I spent seven years in law enforcement.  The first two years, four months were as a dispatcher.  We were trained to know the officers’ personalities and nuances in their voices so well that we could detect danger in the tones they used; we could send another officer their way to assist before they asked based on the slightest shift in their tone of voice.  As a husband or wife, we should be just as in tuned to every change in our partner’s facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, etc.   

Not only is this good for your loved one’s mental state, but you could well save his/her life!  For example, I have heard numerous stories of a husband or wife noticing their spouse acting a little “off,” and even though they could not put their finger on the exact problem, they insisted on a doctor’s visit.  These conscientious spouses recognized the early signs of a stroke and/or a heart attack and saved the lives of their mates.

I highly recommend reading up on the warning signs of a stroke and heart attack so you can be your partner’s first line of defense.  You should also know the warning signs of depression and suicidal tendencies so you can seek help as soon as possible.

I am certainly not trying to scare anyone but encouraging you to be vigilant in looking out for one another in all areas of your marriage.  Be your lover’s hero by being observant.

Old-Fashioned:  People who choose not to drink, smoke, sleep with those to whom they not married, take drugs, cheat, lie, etc., are often referred to as squares, goody-two-shoes, and very often called self-righteous. I would much rather have a reputation as a bore and called every single name in the book that insults moralistic behavior, than live with regrets. I may be old-fashioned, but my marriage is joyful, healthy, successful, and full of romance.

Some of our beliefs are unpopular and go against the more common ways of society. I will try to keep this as simple as possible and stick to just a few issues that the world considers as old-fashioned, but we see as a recipe for an enduring marriage.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.  I Corinthians 6:19-20

The Bible does not say drinking alcohol is wrong. What is does say is that one is not to get drunk. However, even one drink can make one uninhibited and cause them to get another drink they thought they did not want, and then another and so on.  Even a slight buzz affects judgements more than one realizes.  Getting drunk causes one to act inappropriately and do things they would not normally do. You all know the list from minor things to excessive laughing or crying to major things like having sex with someone you are not married to and driving so reckless you take a life. Why take that chance? It is better to abstain from both alcohol and even so-called harmless drugs and remove even the slightest possibility of doing something you cannot take back. The addictive qualities of alcohol and drugs are enormous and such addictions destroy families. Working in law enforcement taught me for a fact that there is no such thing as a "harmless" drug, so do not fool yourself into thinking something such as marijuana is no big deal. It is just as much the cause of crimes, death, and family crisis as any other drug.

But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

I will address pornography in two weeks, and I have already mentioned inappropriate clothing.  It is not healthy to watch movies with nudity or sex scenes. I will take this one step further and say you should even turn the movie off if the characters are dressed too provocatively. Allowing yourself to be sexually stirred up by someone other than your spouse is a line that should not be crossed. Be brutally honest with yourself, and if you are feeling titillated by watching a movie star, talk show host/ news anchor, etc. show off way too much flesh, have the courage to turn off whatever it is you are watching. Your spouse will not chastise you for admitting to these feelings and will be grateful you are so loyal to him/her, that you are willing to say, "Enough!" to smut.  More on television in ten weeks.

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-3

We do not believe in hugging people of the opposite sex (with the exception of relatives). That may seem odd to some, but it is a Biblical principal. What Paul was saying (in the above verse) is that it is not wise to tempt yourself with the flesh of someone not your spouse, and that we should save our affections for only our mate. Not everyone who wants a hug has bad intentions, but many men have admitted that hugging any woman is a turn on to them. Mel over-heard men in his former church say they could not wait until the part of the service when the pastor suggested hugging other church members because there were several women they were anxious to get their arms around. The only person Mel and I want to stimulate is each other. If someone tries to hug you, quickly offer a friendly handshake. It is better to rule on the side of caution and risk hurting a few feelings. Whenever we have offered a hand over a hug, no one has been offended. Even if one is put off, it is better to offend them than insult your spouse by allowing another person to find pleasure in your embrace.  Or risk that you would be the one stimulated (I have known plenty women just as guilty of lustful desires that does not include their husband, so I am not excluding women in this).

To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent. Proverbs 6:24-29

It is worth saying again that affairs are toxic. Even friendships with the opposite sex are dangerous, and I strongly suggest that once you get married, you have the rule never to spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, and this includes over the phone or computer. If you have the need to confide in someone other than your mate (which I do not recommend as you and your spouse should be open and upfront with each other about all things), make sure that person is of the same sex unless a parent, sibling, or other blood relative. If you desire a girls' only or guys' only night out, that is fine, but be sure it is truly JUST the girls or guys and that the activity you participate in does not compromise your marriage.      

"For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts.  Malachi 2:16

Divorce is not an option other than over the issue of an affair or abuse (this includes your children). People today would much rather call it quits than to work things out. When people choose the option on the divorce papers that says, "Irreconcilable Differences," they are simply saying they refuse to try to fix things. I have said many times that there is no shame in seeking counseling if you cannot work things out on your own. I Corinthians 7:10-16 says that it is better to stay together even if one of the spouses is not a believer, as your faith very well may win him/her over.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church…  “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh...” let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33

I am saving this issue for last, because if you stick to this principal first and foremost, everything else will naturally fall into place for a joyful and peaceful marriage. The world says that it is okay for the wife to rule the family and bully her husband. In fact, Hollywood shows most marriages with the women nagging her husband while he complies but later complains to his buddies, and then drools over other women behind her back. Being submissive to your spouse and allowing him to be the leader is probably the most old-fashioned value of all the above, and yet the most important. I wrote more about this in week 21.

With all this said, I want to make it clear that Iam in no way claiming perfection in any area of my life, and I could be even more old-fashioned and have even less of the world in me. However, the point is that following the principles from The Bible may seem old-fashioned, but they are a sure formula for a wonderful, lasting, fun, delightful, and satisfying marriage!

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Observant:  How well do you know your mate?  Be extra observant this week and even play a sort of "game" with yourself to see if you can guess what your honey is feeling before he/she tells you.  Hone in on all your partner’s non-verbal clues.  How does his/her voice sound when he/she is happy, sad, anxious, scared, sick, etc.  What facial expressions are normal and what would be considered a warning sign that you may need to seek counseling or call an ambulance?  If you cannot answer all of these questions or are unsure, please ask your mate and show how much you care about one another. 

Also, if you have never done so, consider taking a CPR/First Aid class (include your children if they are old enough); some cities offer this class for free or at a low rate.  If it is something you cannot afford, at least watch a video on-line and/or buy a book on basic First Aid. Also, as I mentioned above, study up on the signs someone may be suicidal as mental health can be just as important as physical.

Here are some helpful links:

Signs of a stroke: https://www.cdc.gov/stroke/signs_symptoms.htm

Signs of a heart attack: https://www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/heart_attack.htm

Signs of suicidal tendencies: https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention/

Art Project Option: Show your mate that you are observant to all that is important to him/her.  If you want to spend money you can buy an item or two that he/she collects.  But to keep this within your weekly budget, you can create this week’s art project.  Go through your pictures and choose the ones that show you and/or your mate doing something he/she loves.  For example, my husband loves trains, and whenever we are near a train, even if it is just a lawn decoration, I take a picture of him next to it.  You could either buy a collage picture frame or turn these photos into a scrapbook page to frame, decorated with paper and/or stickers to match the theme.  If your honey is into a specific sports team, you could make the collage of him/her wearing clothing that represents that team, even if it is just the colors and not a specific hat or shirt with the team’s logo.  If your mate is into something he has never been around such as whales, lighthouses, castles, rockets, etc. but you have never seen one in person and/or you have no pictures to frame, you could choose pictures of them off the internet or from magazines and frame them instead. You do not have to make a collage of course but find a way to use your husband/wife's favorite things to make any type of art project you choose this week.

Old-Fashioned:  In what ways do you feel you may be walking too much in the world?  Is there anything you need to give up this week: alcohol, pornography, physical contact with the opposite sex?  Be old-fashioned together and your marriage will feel shiny and new!

    One suggestion this week is to have an old-fashioned day (include the kids if you so choose).  Spend approximately twelve hours without modern conveniences.  Walk or bike ride to your destination (if possible), enjoy an activity outside such as a park (or in your own backyard) where you can cook your meal over a barbecue grill or campfire.  Turn off electronic entertainment and read together or play sports or board games.  If you can afford it and it is the right time of year, you may even consider this a fun time to enjoy at least one day of primitive camping (Air-mattresses and other convinces are okay, of course, and it doesn't have to be in a tent.).  Whatever you choose, end the day by candlelight or by the light of a fireplace or campfire, and remind yourselves of how old-fashioned values do not include living in a tent every day or giving up electricity, but will absolutely enhance your family life.