Fun Activity This Week: Spend as much of your day as possible in your pajamas! Have a relaxed day, take it easy, and just enjoy being together! (If you have kids, they will probably enjoy a pajama day as well!)
Week 31: Passion & Pornography
Passion: It is important to have more than just a sexual passion in your marriage, but also a passion for making sure your marriage is successful. Sincerely work at your marriage with a positive attitude and do everything you can to make it a happy, safe, respectful place.
Of course, sexual passion is a lot of fun too!
On June 10, Mel and I celebrated our twelve-year anniversary! We do not have children, but no matter how busy we are, we still take the time for romance! No matter how tired we are, we still find enough time for pleasure. We have always had a phone-off policy during our intimate times do not let anything or anyone interfere with our time. We love having a full free morning of romance where we can simply focus on just the two of us and snuggle in each other’s arms.
We once knew a couple at our old church in Idaho that, even though they have five children, and several foster children, both have jobs and are active in the church three nights a week, they still made the time nearly every Wednesday to have dinner together at The Cheesecake Factory. What a great example they are. When they celebrated their 20th anniversary, they took a romantic trip for two!
Passion does not always have to include sex, especially if one or both of you are ill, or other circumstances beyond your control get in the way. Just spending time snuggling and simply showing love that lets your partner know that loving them has less to do with sex and more about the person you chose to marry. In that way, making each other feel secure and loved no matter what you are facing in life can show even more fiery passion than sex!
Mel and I have never lost our amazing love for one another, but that is also because we always take time out for passion. I have read and seen by example that regular romantic connections with your spouse will make you a better parent. Let's face it, good romantic, passionate times equal good moods. So, be in an amazing mood as often as you can!
Pornography: My husband Mel co-authored this subject with me.
First, we want to make several things clear: we do not believe men are the only offenders of viewing pornography. That brings us to the other thing we want to make clear: we do not see pornography as just naked pictures, but sex scenes in movies and books can be pornographic as well. Both sexes can be just as addicted to smutty movies/novels as well as to naked pictures.
Society will tell you it is the spouse’s fault if his/her mate looks at pornography. Julie once read a statement on a major news source website that said something like (not an exact quote), “your husband looks at pornography because you are not properly arousing him, and you must work harder to do so.” The writer of the article wrote a big lie! Just as it is NOT your fault if your spouse cheats, it is NOT your fault if he/she looks at porn! It is the offender who needs deliverance from sin.
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
Pornography is not a victimless sin. Your family will always suffer if you allow viewing such filth to corrupt you. If you make it clear that you do not see anything wrong with looking at naked people to whom you are not married, you are teaching your children it is okay to demean women and that their mother is not enough for you. You are raising them to be disrespectful of women and see women as only sexual objects and are teaching your children, especially your daughters, that it is okay for females to be overly sexualized and treated as objects not people with feelings. If you have a daughter, how would you feel if men were ogling her the way you lust over someone else’s child? And yes, even adults are obviously someone's son or daughter.
“Can anyone hide himself in secret places, So I shall not see him?” says the Lord; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord. Jeremiah 23:24
You may assume that most of the people in the magazines and web sites are there by their own choice. Yet, the viewer does not know this as absolute fact. That young-faced adult could very easily be a child forced into the sex trade very much against his/her will. Now, you are not only supporting smut, but you are also supporting robbing children of their innocence. Do you think those viewers ever think of that? They would if suddenly their missing child showed up on a pornography site. This does not just happen in foreign countries; sex trade for underage children of both genders and even adults is a very real problem in this country too.
For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light. Mark 4:22
It is a proven fact that pornography creates serial killers and rapists. Ted Bundy is a notorious serial murderer/rapist that admitted his addiction to porn is what piqued his interest in killing. We are not saying all who are addicted to porn become killers and/or rapists, but it is a very real trend. Just as an alcoholic needs more and more booze to get drunk, so the smut addict needs more and more provocative images to turn him on. He (or she) searches out other types of porn, often leading to live performances, and when he cannot get satisfaction (not even from his own wife), it is a very real possibility he will take it by force.
Pornography is so well accepted that men/women of all ages are walking around continually seeking visual stimulation. The way women dress becomes more and more obscene every year. Women and even children dress in shorts so short their rear ends hang out, their tops are see-through or low cut, and they have no problem bending over in a skirt so short you know what color underwear they have on, and the trend of leggings, showing off their behinds in such a disgusting manner, is designed only to titillate. There is very little modesty left in our society. It makes it very difficult for those who choose to dress modestly because men have been trained to believe that all women want to be drooled over and gawked at. We hate this because we are married and extremely loyal to one another.
Pornography is also a huge problem with Christians because the church has the culture well ingrained within it. Mel was shocked by a comment made by a leader of a home Bible study group. He asked the people, “Do you know why more than 60% of Pastors view some form of pornography? Because they are human, that’s why.” This man is the product of the modern-day lukewarm church that tolerates everything. God’s Word teaches us that we must repent of our sins and be born again in order to be saved. To be born again means to put off our old sinful nature and to become a new creation in Christ. God’s Word is clear that we must not touch what is unclean!
Therefore “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.” II Corinthians 6:17
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Passion: No matter what is going on this week, make time for passion. If you need to lose a little bit of sleep and get up early, then do it at least once. Or stay up a little later if need be. Better yet, if you can come home for a lunch break, why not skip the meal and go straight for dessert!
Art Project Option: Okay, so this one does not have to be an actual art project, but just a very fun activity. Create for your mate a treasure hunt where you are the treasure! I know other books may also offer this suggestion, but the end prize always costs money, or requires you to have two phones or two vehicles where one of you sends texts to the other that leads your mate in a chase all over town and ultimately to a restaurant and/or hotel. While this also sounds like a lot of fun, Mel and I have never had the money for two phones or two cars, so I created a much cheaper, but just as fun option (however, you can still do it the more costly way if you choose).
Here is where you can make it an art project. For each clue, write the instructions on a piece of cardboard, cardstock, or construction paper and include words, drawings, pictures, or a combination. For example, if clue #1 is to send your honey to clue #2 hidden behind a picture of your wedding day, you could draw a baseball pitcher (or a water pitcher) and wedding rings or veil or some other picture that depicts marriage. You can even use all scripture verses for clues. The idea is to send your partner all over the house from room to room (this even works in small houses) finding clues in obscure places. Think dryer drums, hampers, cat food container, refrigerator, a collectible item, piece of clothing, etc. The final clue should lead him/her to the bedroom where you have prepared a treasure of passion. Gifts are optional.
Pornography: The easiest advice I can give for this week is just walk away. If pornography is a sin in your life, do whatever you need to do to be rid of it. My husband had a friend that canceled his Internet service, quit watching television, and switched to a basic phone in order to help him deal with his addiction. Although I believe God can deliver someone from habitual sins if they are truly repentant, I strongly encourage counseling if you cannot let this issue go. You need to replace one addiction for another, so when you are tempted quote scriptures ort sing songs to Jesus and praise the Holy Spirit for His help in overcoming your sins.
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