Fun Activity This Week: Exercise together; even something simple, such as going for a walk. Remind each other that being healthy will allow you to have each other as long as possible.
Week 10: Expectations& Eye Candy
Expectations: Although it is wonderful to have excited expectations to see your spouse again when separated, this week is about negative expectations spouses tend to place on one another.
Do not expect your spouse to be a carbon copy of anyone else, especially of a parent or previous spouse. It is a popular theory that we marry a mate that has a similar personality to our parent of the same sex as our mate. Gratefully for me, I had a great relationship with my father, so I married a man that, yes, has similar traits to my dad. Both lost their fathers at early ages, both are ministers, both are tender-hearted and kind, have a good sense of humor, are loyal to their wives, etc. They also share some negative traits as well (as Mel knows so this is not speaking behind his back), but I choose to focus on the positive. However, I am very aware that my dad and Mel are two different men with different personalities, and I never expect Mel to behave a certain way just because my dad did. Some people had a very negative experience with a mother and/or father and may expect their honey to be a be a bully or a cheater as their parent was. But do not assume all men and women are the same.
Second marriages can sometimes be tricky when you expect the new spouse to react in the same way the ex- or deceased mate did (good or bad). Do not expect a spouse to slam doors when angry just because the former mate did as such. Also, the first spouse may have been more romantic than the current one, but do not berate the second mate for not buying flowers (etc.) but let him/her show you love in a way that makes him/her comfortable. Try not to ever make the second marriage feel like a competition to the first one. It is a different marriage, not a repeat or continuation of the previous one. Remember you are no longer married to the first person and let the second spouse make his/her own mistakes and perform good deeds without the expectations of the way the former mate acted. As a second spouse myself (Mel’s first wife died), I know it can sometimes be a sensitive issue but talk through all your emotions. Your lover may not realize he/she is expecting you to act a certain way based on the former marriage, so you may need to lovingly remind him/her that this marriage is the one that matters now. Mel, by the way, only made a few negative comparisons in the first year or so, but he is now very aware how different I am from his first wife, so this is a reminder that talking things through works wonders!
God designed us all differently we should allow our mate to be an individual, not a robotic duplicate of anyone else. Celebrate each other just for who God made him/her to be!
Eye Candy: God is a creative genius, and beauty is everywhere we look, including in people. It is in our human nature to be attracted to good-looking people, but there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it.
First, please keep this verse in mind: Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Please take that verse seriously! It is not the quick glance that is harmful, it is the second and beyond glance, and it is the thoughts going through your mind while you are looking. There is nothing wrong with finding someone other than your spouse attractive, but that is absolutely where it should end. You should not dwell on anyone else. In other words, do not keep looking. If you feel tempted to keep gawking, turn your head, move your chair, leave the room, (if you watch television) change the channel - whatever it takes! And no matter what, do not continue to obsess about this person.
There is never any excuse to fantasize about anyone other than your spouse. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that finding another person attractive means you are cheating, but it is never okay to place that person above your spouse in your thoughts or actions. I really hate it when I hear married people go on and on about how someone other than their spouse is attractive. Do not insult your mate this way by discussing how attracted you are to someone else, especially not a celebrity. As I said, it is dwelling on another person that makes it wrong, and this includes so-called casual talk with your buddies.
I do not like the excuse that you cannot control how you feel. You absolutely can! If you find yourself drawn to someone other than your mate, pray and ask God to remove your lustful thoughts. You can immediately replace those thoughts with those of your spouse. It truly is a conscious choice to dishonor your vows. If you work with this person, do your best to switch shifts but if you cannot, never allow yourself to be alone with him/her. If this person is on television, quit watching that show, even if you have to explain to your spouse why you cannot watch that show any longer. It is better to embarrasses yourself and be honest than to betray your spouse. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." In other words, there is always a way out - it is your own fault if you choose to ignore it.
I know that in today's society, the way women dress begs for attention. The short shorts, miniskirts, skintight pants/leggings, low cut tops, crop tops, and all bathing suits are designed to show off as much as possible for no other reason than to stir up lust in the opposite sex. Men are turned on by sight alone, and women are not naïve enough to let this fact pass over her head. Women like to tease and titillate. Why do you think pornography is a million (or is it billion) dollar industry? Because women are vain and love the attention. I am not one of those women, and hopefully neither are you! I do not want to be eye candy for anyone other than Mel. I do not want any man gawking at me, thinking twice about me, and certainty not lusting after me other than my husband. It makes both my husband and me very angry when anyone openly stares at either one of us. I am sure it makes you mad when anyone looks lustfully at your spouse as well. So why would you give anyone a second thought other than your spouse?
When I say we need to honor our souse with our bodies, I am not just talking about sex. When you get married, it is, as Genesis 2:23-24 states, becoming one flesh. You belong to each other. We may not be property in the literal sense, but in a way, we are each other’s property. My body belongs to Mel and Mel alone, and he belongs to me and me alone.
I wear makeup, try to dress feminine, and try to fix my hair to look nice, but I am not doing it to gain attention of other men. I always tell Mel that it is all only for him, which is also why I try to look nice even when we stay home (even if I am just wearing sweats at home, I still usually put on makeup and fix my hair).
Do not dress provocatively. The only man I want looking at me with lust is Mel. I cannot control who looks at me, but I can control the way I dress outside our home. I am not talking turtlenecks and only ankle-length skirts (although I feel decent length for skirts should be at least mid-calf length and shorts should be at least to your knees), but I use common sense on what would be considered inappropriate.
If you are in doubt, ask yourself, "Would I wear this if Jesus was in the room?" Because, guess what, He is always in the room!
Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Expectation: Are you placing any unfair expectations on how you expect your spouse to act based on your parent(s) and/or past spouse? Remember to see your loved one as an individual this week and not a carbon copy of anyone else.
Eye Candy: You may not like this one, but this issue is all about putting your marriage first. Go through your closet and seriously analyze your wardrobe. Anything too low cut, tight, short, or see-through? Learn to dress in layers to be more modest, or trash those raunchy clothes! I am all for donating to charity and I hate to waste anything I spent money on, but please do not pass these immodest clothes on to someone else and contribute to their improper wardrobe. (Unless you know how to sew and you can alter them.) I know we cannot all afford new clothes, but I shop at thrift stores and yard sales all the time and you can gradually rebuild your wardrobe to reflect a woman of God a little each month. And men, this also goes for you as I have known men who like to wear their clothing too-tight as well.
Art Project Option: This project could cost money, but does not have to if you use items you already own. Create a box out of a pre-existing one such as a shoebox, or use a basket you own, or even buy one. Decorate the outside with scrapbook or wrapping paper that has a candy design or even glue real candy to the outside (Keep glued candy away from children - LOL!). There are several options you could use to fill it. The number one idea, however, is lingerie for one or both of you. If you cannot afford to buy something new (thrift stores are also good sources for lingerie), use something you already have or find a way to be creative and turn existing clothing into something sexy. Such as a slip you may wear under a dress or even just underwear that’s in good condition. You could also add a bag of his/her favorite candies. Write a note on scrapbook paper and glue it to a Popsicle stick that sticks out of the basket. On the sign, write something like, “Let’s be each other’s eye candy” or “I only want to be eye candy for you!”
No comments:
Post a Comment