Week 3: Backup Short Video

Week 3: Backup Short Video

Note: I originally filmed this on Jan. 20, 2020. I hope it makes sense; I was getting over the flu and had a high fever the day I made the video (Perhaps it was even COVID??)! I actually filmed this at the job I had at that time because I knew as soon as I got home, I was going to crash into bed.  The cat behind me was Benji, one of our "clients"!

Week 3: Believe Art Project

 

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Week 3: Believe Art Project

This week's art project: Buy or use a thick notebook you currently own. Glue a decorative cover onto it with construction or scrapbook paper to create a unique journal for your spouse. For example, Mel is a preacher, so on top of some green wallpaper-style scrapbook paper, I wrote the words, “Mel’s Sermon Notes, Dreams, & Plans.” You could add artwork, stickers, or glitter if you like, but not too girly if this is a gift for your manly hubby! Your possibilities are endless from creating a book for poetry, to giving him/her a place to keep notes on ideas for a future business. The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!

This is actually the second notebook I made for Mel.  I mentioned the green notebook above, but I also made him this one for writing down his plans for the future.

This is obviously one of those super simple ideas, but as always, you can be as creative as you like and do much more with your notebook cover than I did.  You could even make one out of cloth if you like to sew or cross-stitch.  If you could afford it, you could even buy a journal and have it professionally personalized.

Week 3: Bedroom & Believe

Fun Activity This Week: Bake something together, preferably each other’s favorite cookie or dessert. Even if one of you does not know how to, or like to bake, you may discover that playing in the kitchen together is a lot of fun! Even if the treats turn out bad, just the fun of it will be worth the effort. If you really do not want to bake, then buy each other’s favorite treat! (P.S. If you are on a diet, you can always make a half or quarter batch of cookies or try a healthier version of a favorite recipe.)


Week 3: Bedroom & Believe

Bedroom: Since I will be addressing the issue of romance in the bedroom in other articles, I wanted to address a specific question this week: Is it okay for spouses not to share a bedroom? My answer is, "Yes!" Let me tell you a story!

When Mel and I married in June 2012, we started off sharing a bed until about August. I have Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, which means I kick like a mule and punch like a boxer in my sleep. After keeping my poor hubby awake for several months, he finally spoke up. He had not wanted to hurt my feelings but needed his rest. We pulled a bed out of the spare room and squeezed both beds into the same room. It was a tight fit, but at least Mel was no longer getting kicked and punched!

Unfortunately, PLMD is not the only issue I have that makes me an annoying roommate! I snore like a large man. Mel tried so very hard for two and a half years to deal with this fact. He bought several types of ear plugs guaranteed to drown out snoring, but they did not work. Then I got the idea to use white noise on an MP3 player, combined with a sound machine in the room; this mostly drowned me out, but the constant use of the earbuds gave Mel ear infections. Several months after we moved, Mel finally spoke up again, and suggested we have separate rooms. So, from then on, we have had different rooms. It has not hindered our romantic life in any way, and since it has helped my hubby sleep better, I learned to be okay with it.

Now, if you want a separate room from your spouse for immoral reasons, such as to watch porn, or sneak in another person, then obviously different rooms are wrong. Or if you just feel you want space from your partner, for no other reason than lack of love or selfishness, then you need to reconsider different rooms/beds. In fact, you may need counseling if you feel the need to be apart.

Other than issues such as snoring or PLMD that keeps your loved one from getting the rest his/her body needs, you really should try to share a bed and/or bedroom. I miss sharing a bed with Mel as it made me feel safer and more secure being next to him, but as being apart only at night has not affected how bonded we are during the day, I can learn to live with it! I was always so worried my snoring and PLMD would keep Mel awake, that it made it difficult for me to sleep. Getting a good night's rest is imperative for our health, so when your health is involved, then, yes, it is okay for spouses not to share a bedroom.

Believe: It is important that we believe in our spouse. Our faith must first be in God, of course, but we must have faith in our spouse as well. We must support him/her in all he/she does and believe he/she is capable of doing all things. Encourage each other in all efforts and never say, "Oh, you can't do that!" Instead say, "Sweetie, I know you can do all things through Christ that gives you strength." (see Philippians 4:13)

Believe that God sent the right person to you to be your life partner. Quite often, there are signs that Christ chose you for one another. Do not doubt or downplay those signs. Believe that your marriage is truly a gift from your Heavenly Father. It is true that some people marry outside of God's will, but as long as you are married, believe that you can, with God's help, make the marriage work.

Do not give in to listening to other people’s negative views of your spouse. Believe you know your mate better than anyone and ignore all poisonous words spoken against your loved one.


Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Bedroom: If you are blessed enough to share a bedroom, celebrate it. Find a fun way to decorate or buy something new for the room (as your budget allows) that showcases your romance. Even if you are not able to share a room, the same advice still applies! Celebrate the fact that even if you cannot be together all night, you can still have plenty of romance!


Believe: Show your best friend you believe in all he/she does. Is he thinking of going back to college? Buy him a new backpack. Does she love to draw? Buy her a sketchpad and/or art supplies. For both of those ambitions, you could inexpensively find pens or pencils with (or without) his/her name in it. Or any other ideas you can think of that celebrates and encourages your mate's hobbies and goals.

Art Project Option: Buy or use a thick notebook you currently own. Glue a decorative cover onto it with construction or scrapbook paper to create a unique journal for your spouse. You could add artwork, stickers, or glitter if you like, but not too girly if this is a gift for your manly hubby! Your possibilities are endless from creating a book for poetry, to giving him/her a place to keep notes on ideas for a future business. The point is to show you believe in and support all your soul mate’s dreams!

Week 2: Fun Activity for Authoring

Week 2: Fun Activity for Authoring

This week's fun activity was "Author something together.  Anything from a blog, a letter to family & friends, a Bible study, a blog, or even a story or poem.  Just make sure you both contribute, even if one writes and the other furnishes the ideas."

Although we maintain separate blogs, my husband and I occasionally write either one blog or a series together.  Here is one example of a blog we wrote from our "Armor of God Series." 

The Armor of God: Introduction

Written by my Husband and Me

(Ephesians 6:10) Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 

If you find it difficult to successfully battle the "wiles of the devil" it could be because you have not put on the "whole armor of God," but just one or two pieces.  This is why I feel it is so important to study each article of armor individually and how it relates to our walk with the Lord. This will be a series written by my husband and me as we look at each individual piece of armor.

(Ephesians 6:11) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 

In order to understand the importance of the armor of God, you need to understand that spiritual warfare is very real, and not just an allegorical term created by the apostle Paul. Although we are not to become obsessed with them, demons and angels are real, and they are in a continual battle for your soul.  In Luke 22:31, Jesus told Simon Peter that Satan, "desired to have [him], that he may sift [him] as wheat."  Just as with each of us, Satan wanted Peter's soul and was fighting against him. However, the good news is, just as with Peter, God is also with us and for us! Jesus assures His disciple in Luke 22:32, "But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." The Lord and His angels fight for us, but we must daily do our part and actively put on the whole armor of God. 

(Romans 13:11-14) And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.  

Romans 13 describes the armor of God as an "armor of light."  Such a beautiful description and such a perfect way to explain why it is so important to us as Christians and what we must do to stay clothed in God's armor.  

It is very important for the Christian to understand spiritual warfare, since we have an adversary seeking our destruction. God’s Word tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Satan is also referred to as the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. One of Satan’s tactics is to stir people up in anger towards God. Many people blame God for the problems that they experience in this life, and they are oblivious to the fact, that there are two opposing kingdoms at work in the earth.... The truth is that we live in a war zone, and the battle is over the souls of men. If you belong to Christ, then you are in the Lord’s army, and Satan’s kingdom has declared all-out war against you. But the good news is, greater is He that is within you than he that is in the world, and if you remain in Christ until the end, you will inherit eternal life. If you have received the baptism in the Holy Spirit, then you have the power to live an overcoming life, as well as the authority to put the devil to flight. In these last days, it is crucial that all Christians receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit, in order to be able to stand firm in Christ, against the many snares of the devil.    

(Ephesians 6:12-18) Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints. 

Week 2: Accountability Short Video

 

Week 2: Accountability Short Video

Week 2: Attitude Art Project

 

 

Week 2: Attitude Art Project

Week 2's art project was to "take an old coffee can (or something similar) and wrap any type of paper around it that says, “Replace bad attitudes with prayers!” or simply "Prayers!” Each time you start to feel anger, resentment or other bad feelings for anyone, even a stranger, replace that bad attitude with a prayer for that person. ... "

I used a picture from last year's calendar to cover the can and the scripture verse Luke 6:28 " Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."

Week 2: Apologize & Attitude

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Author something together.  Anything from a blog, a letter to family & friends, a Bible study, a blog, or even a story or poem.  Just make sure you both contribute, even if one writes and the other furnishes the ideas.

 

Week 2: Apologize & Attitude

 

Apologize:  When you are in the wrong, it is always a good thing to admit, but the admission of guilt must be sincere, or you are wasting your breath.  Whenever you start an apology with, “I’m sorry, but…” this is always a huge red flag that you do not feel any remorse for your actions.  Your words will be full of justifications and there is no penitence involved.  It is just as bad to deflect your guilt by then listing all the things your spouse has done wrong.  For example, if you were confessing a lie, this would be a very poor apology: “I am sorry I lied to you, but I felt I had no other choice because you would be mad if I told the truth.  Besides, you lied to me before, remember?”  When you read that just now, did it cause a flare up of anger from such a confession you have received?  There was no sincerity in the words.  So why would you say such a thing to your mate?

I am not speaking of small tiffs here and there (although we should still apologize for being snippy with each other), but this article is about major fights or if a harmful secret has been revealed.  This is also not about physical violence, for if you ever strike your spouse, you need to do more than apologize, you need serious counseling before you end up in jail and/or divorced.

Do not make your spouse feel guilty for whatever reaction he/she may have, such as anger or hurt.  Let him/her cry or yell (within reason) and do not make your mate feel like the offender for an honest reaction to your poor choices.  Give him/her space as needed until he/she is ready to talk.

An apology should be genuine and humble.  Since I was a teenager, I have always told people not to apologize to me if they did not mean it.  I still feel that way.  I would rather have silence than shallow words.  Please think seriously about whatever you have done that caused your loved one harm.  If you are not feeling true guilt, try placing yourself in his/her shoes and think of how he/she would feel if the situation was reversed, and how you would feel if he/she was the offender instead of you.  Try saying, “I realize you must feel betrayed by my actions,” or, “If you had done this to me, I would feel unloved right now.”

The bottom line is not to take the act of apologizing lightly.  Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”  I am much quicker to forgive an offense when there is a sincere apology behind the guilty eyes.  Whatever you can do to make up the error, do your best to try.  Trust can be lost, and permanent damage done when your mate does not feel like you think you did anything wrong.  Sincere repentance can restore a multitude of wounds.  

You may feel the need to give a peace offering after a major fight or confession of an offense.  Gifts are not wrong but are unnecessary.  When you have hurt your loved one, pretty flowers, jewelry, or other gifts will not erase the wounds and often ends up feeling more like manipulation.  You do not need to buy your mate’s forgiveness.  However, once the air is clear, and you are both feeling that all issues are resolved, going out to a nice dinner or dessert to clear your hearts and heads can be a good idea. If you still feel the need to buy a gift, do it a few days later with a note reiterating your desire to keep your marriage peaceful.

When you cause your mate harm, whether irrational or not, your partner will feel like your love must be less than you claim.  Therefore, you should follow up the apology with an assurance of your love.  Also, make a humble vow that you will not repeat the same mistake because you never want to hurt him/her again.  Most of all, do your utmost best to keep that promise.

Attitude:  Have you ever had to work with someone who always had a bad attitude?  Someone who was constantly critical, and nothing was ever right.  They always seem grumpy and rarely smile.  Those are usually your least favorite co-workers.  You know how frustrating these sorts of people are to work with, so why would you want to have this kind of insolence around your mate?  It is very important to have a good attitude with your loved one.  I have seen too many husbands and wives who continually nag and complain, and nothing their spouse does is ever good enough. 

While showing respect to each other is instrumental to promoting a happy marriage, I will address that issue in more detail later.  It is also good practice to maintain a non-critical attitude with others in your life.  When you can learn to spend more time talking positively, you will be in a better mood, which will make you a better spouse.  You may think you are being each other’s sounding board by listening to critical talk of others, but in fact, constant negativity is detrimental to your marriage.  Going on and on about how so-and-so wronged you adds a gnarled and tangled thread of bitterness to your hearts.  It is much better to spend your time dwelling on true, noble, just, pure, and lovely things (see Philippians 4:8).

Mel and I have a rule: whenever one of us is feeling negative, we will ask for prayer and change the subject to focus on positive issues.  We may even take the time to sing a praise song or two.  This shift not only allows us to display the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, and temperance (see Galatians 5:22-23) with one easy change in attitude, but it invites the Holy Spirit to bless us with God’s presence.  We open the door even wider for God’s bounty when we refuse to let pessimism fester.   

  The truth is people in general are rude, selfish, greedy, jealous, dishonest, and full of carnality.  Based on all the above reasons, the people closest to us can be the cause for the deepest wounds.  The cruel and heartless actions of others are the excuses we use to justify the anger and resentment that is so difficult to get rid of.  However, we are not responsible for any one’s sins other than our own.  We cannot control our friends’, co-workers’, or family members’ actions.  Instead, we can allow the Holy Spirit to guide and control our own hearts and forgive those that have harmed our spouse or us.  We do not have to let harmful people back into our lives, but we do have to remove the root of bitterness choking out our relationship with Jesus Christ.  This may be very difficult, and we can only be successful when we admit and confess that this is an issue of sin in our lives, repent, and then allow the love of Jesus to rule our hearts and let Him change us.  In turn, we will be a calmer partner, our attitudes will improve, and we will be much easier to live with! 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

 

Apologize:  Do some serious soul-searching this week.  Are there any issues for which you need to apologize, or even re-apologize with more sincerity?  Make certain there are no barriers between you and your mate.  Come clean, be accountable, and take responsibility for your actions.  Be humble and make an effort to live your marriage with complete honesty.

 

Attitude:  Make an effort this week to keep your attitude in check.  Do not nag or criticize each other.  Also, make a pact to keep each other accountable in steering your conversations away from berating other people, and replace it with praying for those who have hurt you.

Art Project Option:  Take an old coffee can, mason jar, or something similar and wrap any type of paper around it that says, “Replace bad attitudes with prayers!” or simply "Prayers!”  Each time you start to feel anger, resentment or other bad feelings for anyone, even a stranger, replace that bad attitude with a prayer for that person.  Either write a specific prayer for the person or just their name and place it in the can, jar, or box.  At the end of each week, pray again for that person. You will soon find your heart soften in ways you did not expect. Decorate it whichever way you would like: praying hands, hearts, scriptures, etc.  

Week 1: Fun Activity for Apples

 

Week 1: Fun Activity for Apples

This week's fun activity idea is: Pick apples (or any other fruit or veggie) at an orchard.  Wrong time of year or no orchard in your area: go out to eat and just order apple pie or make a main dish or dessert using apples (or any other fruit or veggie)! 

Well, it's been raining pretty non-stop here, so an outdoor activity is not an option this week, and I don't think there is a place to pick apples this time of year anyway. So, I chose the other option.  I created my own recipe and made us a few loaves of apple/sweet potato bread with melted honey-cinnamon butter, and we enjoyed it with apple spice tea! Yum!

Week 1: Accommodating Short Video

 

Week 1: Accommodating Short Video

Week 1: Admiration Art Project

 

Week 1: Admiration Art Project

This week's art project is: Art Project Option: Cut pieces of plain computer or construction paper into fourths.  Make a 26-page booklet (one page for each letter) using stencils, your own artwork, or computer printouts.  You could even cut out each letter from a variety of scrapbook paper patterns and glue them to the pages.  You can add stickers (especially fun alphabet stickers) if you wish. Make a nice cover for it (you could use scrapbook paper for the cover). One idea is to title it, “The ABCs of What I Love About You.” Punch holes in the sheets of paper then tie them together with embroidery thread, yarn, or even rubber bands.  Be careful to dwell on all the personality traits you admire this week, and not on shallow things, although at least one listed trait should flatter your spouse's looks as well.  When the booklet is finished, take the time to read it together.

Here are a few pages from my project.  I deiced to make circles, just for different. I used scrapbook paper and letter stickers, and I tied it all together with a piece of embroidery thread.

Week 1: Admiration & Affection

Fun activity this week: Pick apples (or any other fruit or veggie) at an orchard.  Wrong time of year or no orchard in your area: go out to eat and just order apple pie or make a main dish or dessert using apples (or any other fruit or veggie)!

Week 1: Admiration & Affection

 

Admiration:  You should more than like whom you married but truly admire him/her as a person.  Obviously, there are going to be things about each other that may be frustrating, but that should never stop us from loving one another.  Yet if you cannot say you admire your spouse for more than looks or what is in the bank account, then you will have problems in your marriage.

Loving someone is beyond wonderful, but if there are too many personality traits that you do not like, it is very probable you will feel miserable and possibly even trapped with someone you never expected would be the one with whom you would rather be apart from.  It is why so many spouses choose to work long hours or even get a job where they travel.  They love their mate, so in order to prevent constant fighting or a divorce, they find it better to spend less time together.  This may seem like a logical solution, but it is not necessarily the right one.  You did not get married to be apart.  Genesis 2:24 says we “shall become one flesh” with our mate when we marry.  It does not say the two remained two. 

If you cannot say you admire your partner’s values, heart, or other important issues in his/her personality, then you need to figure out why.  Are you being too overly critical or does your loved one need help? If you are a neat freak and you hate that she only vacuums once a week, then that is not serious, and you need to quit being so picky.  If you cannot stand the fact that he drinks too much, then definitely that issue needs attention. I always recommend talking things out as a couple first, but there is never any shame in seeking a counselor.  There is more honor in saving your marriage than refusing professional help.

One thing I really cannot abide is a nagging spouse.  Proverbs 19:13 says, “the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.”  This makes me think of an annoying leaky faucet that is so loud it disturbs one’s sleep.  Quit focusing on the negative!  I strongly believe on concentrating on the positive in your spouse and letting minor issues go.  Does she sing off key or have an annoying laugh?  Does that really matter if she is a faithful, gentle, affectionate, Godly wife?  Of course not!  Focus on the issues that really matter such as she would rather buy shoes than pay the bills.  That issue should be up for discussion. 

Let’s be honest, no one is perfect, and there will be negative issues that arise.  When such an issue needs to be addressed, keep in the back of your mind all the things you greatly admire about your soul mate that caused you to fall in love in the first place.  The admiration you have for your spouse should out-weigh the negatives to the point that the negatives do not even add up.  You can learn to let the petty things go.  Save your words for praising your spouse for all he is and all she does for you.  Say it, write it, or even mime it, but let him/her know how much you admire your honey as a husband/wife, parent, lover, and friend. 

Affection:  I am so glad God gave me a man who loves to kiss, hug, and snuggle.  A friend warned me before I got married that I might not find an affectionate man because not all men are so; I should not expect such fantasies.  I ignored that negativity and still asked God for a romantic man.  Mel and I both say, "I love you," innumerable times a day and there is no limit to how much we hug and kiss.  Mel will never turn me down or reject me when I throw my arms around him for a big bear hug and kiss.  In addition, I will never lack kisses, hugs, or compliments from Mel.   

I know there are days you do not feel attractive, you are feeling angry with your mate, or you are pressed for time.  And, yes, women, there are certain times of the month, we are too grouchy to even want to kiss (especially after menopause).  During adverse times, being intimate with your spouse can feel more like a chore than a privilege.  While it is best to be honest with your feelings, try to put your negativity aside and focus on your mate.  Often you may not think you are “in the mood,” but once you begin bonding with each other, the less-than-sexy feelings vanish as you give in to the pleasure.  You do not have to spend a long time in the bedroom to show affection, and even a quick make-out session can make you feel connected.  I have some medical issues that cause a lot of pain and weakness, so if I am feeling too poorly to be too romantically active, I am honest with Mel, and he is respectful in not expecting more than I can handle.    

We can all feel rejected and take it personally when our lover is less than enthusiastic in the bedroom more than once and a while.  Making each other feel desired is a huge relationship booster for a marriage.  If you have difficulty being intimate with your spouse more than a few times a month, you may need to seek medical help or psychological counseling to find out why.  Although marriage is not only about sex, it is a big part of it.  It should the cherry on top, not the dirty dishes in the sink.

You should always respect your mate when he/she is not feeling romantic.  Do not make him/her feel guilty.  Talk things out, and when you both feel better, resume your normal routine. 

There is nothing wrong with telling him/her you would rather wait for intimate time until later but do your best not to deprive one another.  Even The Bible suggests the same.

(1 Corinthians 7:3-5) Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  

When I speak of affection, I do not just mean sex.  Little gestures such as a kiss to greet each other and say good-bye are affirming ways to start and end your day.  Hugs, kisses, flirting, and holding hands are things you should do all throughout each day.  Even simple touching will make you feel loved and connected to each other.  People who feel loved and accepted have much happier marriages and are less likely to stray.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Admiration: Inventory all the things you admire about your mate.  One option is to use the theme of this book and make your list at least one attribute from A-Z.  Present it to your spouse as a list on notebook paper, turn it into a poem, or... 

Art Project Option: Cut pieces of plain computer or construction paper into fourths.  Make a 26-page booklet (one page for each letter) using stencils, your own artwork, or computer printouts.  You could even cut out each letter from a variety of scrapbook paper patterns and glue them to the pages.  You can add stickers (especially fun alphabet stickers) if you wish. Make a nice cover for it (you could use scrapbook paper for the cover). One idea is to title it, “The ABCs of What I Love About You.” Punch holes in the sheets of paper then tie them together with embroidery thread, yarn, or even rubber bands.  Be careful to dwell on all the personality traits you admire this week, and not on shallow things, although at least one listed trait should flatter your spouse's looks as well.  When the booklet is finished, take the time to read it together.

 

Affection:  Public affection is another way to make your mate feel desirable.  Sit on the same side of the booth or table every time you go out to eat.  Use discretion but make it clear to the whole world you are a couple in love.  When out at a restaurant, whisper sweet nothings in his/her ear that cause each other to blush.  Write sexy notes on a napkin (or keep pre-written love notes in your wallet) and slip it to him/her with a flirtatious smile.  Offer to be each other’s dessert!

Make it a point this week not to turn down any affectionate gesture.  If you are too busy for intimacy, do not say no, but promise to make time later and follow through. Sometimes just taking a quick shower together in the mornings is enough to keep you feeling bonded all day.

 

Introduction

 

Introduction

Welcome to the eighth year of The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage!  I will be starting over with the letter A on January 4, 2026, but for my new readers, I wanted to repost the introduction.  If you have already read these writings, feel free to read them again!  

The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage Introduction

(Ecclesiastics 9:9) Live joyfully with the [spouse] whom thou lovest all the days of the life... which he hath given thee under the sun... for that is thy portion in this life. 

 

Why write this particular book?

By writing an instructional book on marriage, one must consider him or herself an expert on such matters.  A degree in psychology validates such a claim.  Publish an article and a few books, and one creates a credible reputation.  Since I cannot claim any degrees or any published items, what makes me think I should write a manual on successful marriage?  I was three months away from turning forty before I entered into the land of matrimony with my perfect match, Mel.  Therefore, I spent many years as a keen observer of all the marriages surrounding me, and I have been able to see what works and what does not.  Before I even met my precious Mel, I knew what kind of wife I wished to be as well as not to be.  There were no false or unfair expectations placed on him or our marriage.  Everyone claimed marriage was hard work, and even the experts say most fall out of love within a year of marrying.  Guess what?  They are all wrong!  Although marriage can sometimes be a challenge, in general, I have not found marriage to be difficult, and after more than thirteen years with my soul mate, I have fallen more and more in love (On June 10, 2026, we will have been married for 14 years.).  This is why I must write my own book!  I want to encourage you to believe you are NOT doomed to a loveless marriage immersed in strife. 

Let’s face it, Satan desires that all our marriages will fail, and he is working hard to assure his plans succeed.  I also designed this book to teach you to thwart the schemes of the evil one so that your marriage can be an example of what God intended. 

It does not take a fancy degree to tell you how to have a successful marriage.  It takes life experience.  Even more so, it takes God!  I based this book on the principles of Jesus Christ.   If we study and read His holy words, we will see how all of the teachings of Jesus relate to how we should treat our spouse.  When we follow the words of our Heavenly teacher, we can have a peaceful and romantic marriage. 

What does this book contain?

Although there are 104 words, I have divided them into 52 chapters for the sake of a weekly devotional.  However, you do not have to take a year to read this book, nor start in January.  It is entirely up to you on how fast or slow you wish to absorb the material.  The words are not in order of importance, but merely alphabetical!

I know I repeat myself at times, especially using the same Bible verses.  Although I feel all the points I try to make in this book are vital, I reemphasize several issues to help you remember them better and give you multiple ways in which you can put them into use. 

I am a natural storyteller, so sometimes I may tell you a story from my life rather than write an article pertaining to one or both of the words that week.  I want to show you that I practice what I preach, and I am not just writing all these lessons based on empty theories.  I know that following the principles of Jesus work because I have a marriage full of love, romance, peace, and joy. 

I have included suggestions on how to apply the two words of the week to enhance your marriage.  I designed these simple concepts to stretch your way of thinking for the week, with the hopes it will create new habits that stick around.  

Each chapter also includes an easy, optional art project as a memento to show that you are willing to enhance your marriage.  I realize that some husbands may not want to do the art projects, but they are all very easy, so I hope the men will at least consider it.  Most of these projects you can do as a couple unless it is as a surprise.  But, husbands, please do not dismiss this book for women only just because I include artsy fun; I list these projects all as optional for men and women alike and you can pick and choose which ones to do or do none at all!  Either way, just know that your spouse will love that your effort shows off your love, no matter how the project looks!  Mine certainly are not perfect!

I chose homemade suggestions for several reasons.  The main one is that it does not take money to show your love.  I have read too many marriage books where the majority of the romance tips require the bank account of a wealthy person.  I find this frustrating because not everyone can afford a surprise trip or even a hotel or fancy dinner.  Most of us live on a tight budget, which means not being able to afford spontaneous romantic events.  Therefore, I have written my tips for the average person and not just for the wealthy. 

You also do not need to be creative or consider yourself talented.  I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler (Really!), but I still love to make fun things.  I kept the projects easy to save time as I know many people are busy and do not have a lot of time for leisure, and I do not want these projects to be a stress, but a joy!  You can make these projects as fancy or as plain as you like, and I am certain there are those out there that can much improve upon my ideas as well as come up with ideas of your own.  I also tend to give you multiple options as I want you to make it the best way that suits you and your mate’s personalities. 

I made most of my projects with items I already had at home.  In case you need to stock up, I would suggest keeping the following items on hand: plain, scrapbook, wrapping, and/ or construction paper; scissors; glue; embroidery thread, yarn, or ribbon; a hole punch; markers, crayons, coloring pencils, and/or coloring pens; and boxes roughly the size of a shoe or tissue box (you can reuse the same box).  Note: you can also use empty oatmeal canisters, coffee cans, etc.  for any of the projects that require boxes.  Stencils, stickers, and glitter are helpful, but optional.  If you do not like to draw, you can always print pictures from the Internet, or cut out pictures from magazines.  I also save cardboard from shipping boxes, pizza box inserts, and the like.

You will notice I often suggest framing the art projects and/or placing them on display.  This does not mean you have to permanently put anything on display or buy a bunch of frames.  The suggestion to frame is mostly just for that week unless you choose otherwise.  You can rotate the art and just have it on view long enough to let the message of the week sink in!

In addition to the tips listed at the end of the chapter, I have added a piece of my artwork every week.  I know I am not very talented, but I am not attempting illuminous cottages, just some simple caricatures for visual effect.  More important than the lighthearted artwork is the included idea for a fun activity to try every week.  I realize that some of these are seasonal and if you start this book in January (for example), you will not be able to pick apples at an orchard as suggested with the letter A.  Or there may not be snow on the ground when it comes to the suggestion for letter S.  I realize you may not have time every week for extra fun, but most of these do not take much time.  You can shuffle the ideas around and do them as you are able.  The point is to try something fun and maybe even new-to-you every week or so.  Of course, you do not need to stick with my ideas, but come up with your own.  If you have children, you can include them in most of the fun or just make it a date for the two of you.  Some suggestions may cost money, but with minimal amounts.  You can also be creative by interpreting the ideas your own way.  Say, for the letter C, if you cannot afford a fee for camping (or if it is the wrong time of year), you can build a tent in your bedroom with blankets and use flameless candles to simulate fire (We have done this, and it is fun!), or if you have a tent, set it up in the living room.  You get the idea!    

Who is the intended audience?

I tried to make the advice gender neutral.  Based on conversations with my spouse, I attempt to write from both points of view so that both genders will enjoy the book.  My goal would be for you to read this as a couple, but if not, I hope both husbands and wives will feel free to read this book and use the tips to enhance your marriage! 

This book is for all marriages in all stages.  Engaged, newlyweds, and oldie-weds.  Whether you consider your marriage perfect or needing some help, you should still be able to use the tips and advice to help you see your relationship in a new way.

I also encourage single people to read this as well, even if you have no prospects for marriage at the present.  By reading this book pre-marriage, you can see in advance that marriage is not as all the stereotypes state, and you may very well go into all relationships with a more positive perspective.

And, yes, this book is for adults only.  Sex is a big part of marriage, so I do delve into the subject unabashedly.  While I am not graphic, I make my point clear that God has designed us for pleasure and heterosexual married sex is a gift straight from heaven.

 

What do I hope to accomplish?

My number one goal is to help you realize that by placing God at the head of your marriage and practicing the principles taught by Jesus, you would have a joyful, romantic, and peaceful marriage.

I realize there are some marriages that cannot be easily fixed by reading a book.  The reality is that there are many who are married to one who needs professional help.  There is never any shame in seeking outside assistance.  Yet, just reading this book and admitting where your marriage needs help is the first step to a better marriage. 

If you are married to a partner that can be cold and unresponsive, be encouraged and do not refuse to follow these ideas just because your mate may not appreciate your efforts.  Acts of love and kindness are never a waste of time, and you never know when even a simple act will soften the ice around your mate’s heart.  I often give handmade or home-baked gifts to friends and family, but not all appreciate the work that goes into the gifts, and I do not always receive a thank-you.  However, I still enjoy making things as an act of love and sometimes the action of making something for someone a bit cold is a healing project for my own heart.  Same concept here.  Making something for your mate can be healing for you, even if it ends up in the garbage.  Just being proactive will help you focus on your mate’s heart instead of focusing only on your own feelings.  It will also allow you to feel more compassion and less criticism towards your chosen one. 

Please pray before and/or after each chapter and ask God to speak to your heart on where you need to improve and pray God will heal your marriage as needed. 

Acknowledgments:

 

As with everything I do, this book is all for the glory of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.  God is the author of the ideal marriage. 

I also dedicate this book to my precious husband, Mel.  He inspires all I do.  He is my support, my best friend, soul mate, and passion.  With Mel, life is full of meaning and purpose.  I do my best to practice what I preach because Mel deserves a Biblical wife willing to give him a life full of peace, joy, romance, and love.  Afterall, it is exactly what he gives me!

I pray this book will enhance your marriage and help encourage you to live your marriage all for the glory of God!

All Scripture verses used in are King James Version unless otherwise noted.