Introduction

Welcome to the sixth year of The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage!  I will be starting over with the letter A on December 24, 2023, but for my new readers, I wanted to repost the introduction.  I took a year off of reposting these writings, and a lot happened in 2022, including having two surgeries for two different cancers.  These blogs will be repeats of the first year I wrote this series, yet as I have grown (hopefully) wiser, I am certain there will be new edits here and there.  If you have already read these writings, feel free to read them again!  

The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage Introduction

Live joyfully with the [spouse] whom thou lovest all the days of the life... which he hath given thee under the sun... for that is thy portion in this life. Ecclesiastics 9:9

 

Why write this particular book?

By writing an instructional book on marriage, one must consider him or herself an expert on such matters.  A degree in psychology validates such a claim.  Publish an article and a few books, and one creates a credible reputation.  Since I cannot claim any degrees or any published items, what makes me think I should write a manual on successful marriage?  I was three months away from turning forty before I entered into the land of matrimony with my perfect match, Mel.  Therefore, I spent many years as a keen observer of all the marriages surrounding me, and I have been able to see what works and what does not.  Before I even met my precious Mel, I knew what kind of wife I wished to be as well as not to be.  There were no false or unfair expectations placed on him or our marriage.  Everyone claimed marriage was hard work, and even the experts say most fall out of love within a year of marrying.  Guess what?  They are all wrong!  Although marriage can sometimes be a challenge, in general, I have not found marriage to be difficult, and after more than eleven years with my soul mate, I have fallen more and more in love (On June 10, 2024, we will have been married for 12 years.).  This is why I must write my own book!  I want to encourage you to believe you are NOT doomed to a loveless marriage immersed in strife. 

Let’s face it, Satan desires that all our marriages will fail, and he is working hard to assure his plans succeed.  I also designed this book to teach you to thwart the schemes of the evil one so that your marriage can be an example of what God intended. 

It does not take a fancy degree to tell you how to have a successful marriage.  It takes life experience.  Even more so, it takes God!  I based this book on the principles of Jesus Christ.   If we study and read His holy words, we will see how all of the teachings of Jesus relate to how we should treat our spouse.  When we follow the words of our Heavenly teacher, we can have a peaceful and romantic marriage. 

What does this book contain?

Although there are 104 words, I have divided them into 52 chapters for the sake of a weekly devotional.  However, you do not have to take a year to read this book, nor start in January.  It is entirely up to you on how fast or slow you wish to absorb the material.  The words are not in order of importance, but merely alphabetical!

I know I repeat myself at times, especially using the same Bible verses.  Although I feel all the points I try to make in this book are vital, I reemphasize several issues to help you remember them better and give you multiple ways in which you can put them into use. 

I am a natural storyteller, so sometimes I may tell you a story from my life rather than write an article pertaining to one or both of the words that week.  I want to show you that I practice what I preach, and I am not just writing all these lessons based on empty theories.  I know that following the principles of Jesus work because I have a marriage full of love, romance, peace, and joy. 

I have included suggestions on how to apply the two words of the week to enhance your marriage.  I designed these simple concepts to stretch your way of thinking for the week, with the hopes it will create new habits that stick around.  

Each chapter also includes an easy, optional art project as a memento to show that you are willing to enhance your marriage.  I realize that some husbands may not want to do the art projects, but they are all very easy, so I hope the men will at least consider it.  Most of these projects you can do as a couple unless it is as a surprise.  But, husbands, please do not dismiss this book for women only just because I include artsy fun; I list these projects all as optional for men and women alike and you can pick and choose which ones to do or do none at all!  Either way, just know that your spouse will love that your effort shows off your love, no matter how the project looks!

I chose homemade suggestions for several reasons.  The main one is that it does not take money to show your love.  I have read too many marriage books where the majority of the romance tips require the bank account of a wealthy person.  I find this frustrating because not everyone can afford a surprise trip or even a hotel or fancy dinner.  Most of us live on a tight budget, which means not being able to afford spontaneous romantic events.  Therefore, I have written my tips for the average person and not just for the wealthy. 

You also do not need to be creative or consider yourself talented.  I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler (Really!), but I still love to make fun things.  I kept the projects easy to save time as I know many people are busy and do not have a lot of time for leisure, and I do not want these projects to be a stress, but a joy!  You can make these projects as fancy or as plain as you like, and I am certain there are those out there that can much improve upon my ideas as well as come up with ideas of your own.  I also tend to give you multiple options as I want you to make it the best way that suits you and your mate’s personalities. 

I made most of my projects with items I already had at home.  In case you need to stock up, I would suggest keeping the following items on hand: plain, scrapbook, wrapping, and/ or construction paper; scissors; glue; embroidery thread, yarn, or ribbon; a hole punch; markers, crayons, coloring pencils, and/or coloring pens; and boxes roughly the size of a shoe or tissue box (you can reuse the same box).  Note: you can also use empty oatmeal canisters, coffee cans, etc.  for any of the projects that require boxes.  Stencils, stickers, and glitter are helpful, but optional.  If you do not like to draw, you can always print pictures from the Internet, or cut out pictures from magazines.  I also save cardboard from shipping boxes, pizza box inserts, and the like.

You will notice I often suggest framing the art projects and/or placing them on display.  This does not mean you have to permanently put anything on display or buy a bunch of frames.  The suggestion to frame is mostly just for that week unless you choose otherwise.  You can rotate the art and just have it on view long enough to let the message of the week sink in!

In addition to the tips listed at the end of the chapter, I have added a piece of my artwork every week.  I know I am not very talented, but I am not attempting illuminous cottages, just some simple caricatures for visual effect.  More important than the lighthearted artwork is the included idea for a fun activity to try every week.  I realize that some of these are seasonal and if you start this book in January (for example), you will not be able to pick apples at an orchard as suggested with the letter A.  Or there may not be snow on the ground when it comes to the suggestion for letter S.  I realize you may not have time every week for extra fun, but most of these do not take much time.  You can shuffle the ideas around and do them as you are able.  The point is to try something fun and maybe even new-to-you every week or so.  Of course, you do not need to stick with my ideas, but come up with your own.  If you have children, you can include them in most of the fun or just make it a date for the two of you.  Some suggestions may cost money, but with minimal amounts.  You can also be creative by interpreting the ideas your own way.  Say, for the letter C, if you cannot afford a fee for camping (or if it is the wrong time of year), you can build a tent in your bedroom with blankets and use flameless candles to simulate fire (We have done this, and it is fun!), or if you have a tent, set it up in the living room.  You get the idea!    

Who is the intended audience?

I tried to make the advice gender neutral.  Based on conversations with my spouse, I attempt to write from both points of view so that both genders will enjoy the book.  My goal would be for you to read this as a couple, but if not, I hope both husbands and wives will feel free to read this book and use the tips to enhance your marriage! 

This book is for all marriages in all stages.  Engaged, newlyweds, and oldie-weds.  Whether you consider your marriage perfect or needing some help, you should still be able to use the tips and advice to help you see your relationship in a new way.

I also encourage single people to read this as well, even if you have no prospects for marriage at the present.  By reading this book pre-marriage, you can see in advance that marriage is not as all the stereotypes state, and you may very well go into all relationships with a more positive perspective.

And, yes, this book is for adults only.  Sex is a big part of marriage, so I do delve into the subject unabashedly.  While I am not graphic, I make my point clear that God has designed us for pleasure and heterosexual married sex is a gift straight from heaven.

 

What do I hope to accomplish?

My number one goal is to help you realize that by placing God at the head of your marriage and practicing the principles taught by Jesus, you would have a joyful, romantic, and peaceful marriage.

I realize there are some marriages that cannot be easily fixed by reading a book.  The reality is that there are many who are married to one who needs professional help.  There is never any shame in seeking outside assistance.  Yet, just reading this book and admitting where your marriage needs help is the first step to a better marriage. 

If you are married to a partner that can be cold and unresponsive, be encouraged and do not refuse to follow these ideas just because your mate may not appreciate your efforts.  Acts of love and kindness are never a waste of time, and you never know when even a simple act will soften the ice around your mate’s heart.  I often give handmade or home-baked gifts to friends and family, but not all appreciate the work that goes into the gifts, and I do not always receive a thank-you.  However, I still enjoy making things as an act of love and sometimes the action of making something for someone a bit cold is a healing project for my own heart.  Same concept here.  Making something for your mate can be healing for you, even if it ends up in the garbage.  Just being proactive will help you focus on your mate’s heart instead of focusing only on your own feelings.  It will also allow you to feel more compassion and less criticism towards your chosen one. 

Please pray before and/or after each chapter and ask God to speak to your heart on where you need to improve and pray God will heal your marriage as needed. 

Acknowledgments:

 

As with everything I do, this book is all for the glory of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.  God is the author of the ideal marriage. 

I also dedicate this book to my precious husband, Mel.  He inspires all I do.  He is my support, my best friend, soul mate, and passion.  With Mel, life is full of meaning and purpose.  I do my best to practice what I preach because Mel deserves a Biblical wife willing to give him a life full of peace, joy, romance, and love.  Afterall, it is exactly what he gives me!

I pray this book will enhance your marriage and help encourage you to live your marriage all for the glory of God!

All Scripture verses used in are King James Version unless otherwise noted.