Week 12: Fruitful & Fun

Fun Activity This Week:  Take photos of yourselves making funny faces.  If you want to show your family & friends what a fun-loving couple you are, post the funny photos on Facebook or other social media, or just save them for yourselves.

 

Week 12: Fruitful & Fun

 

Fruitful:  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23

When we display the fruits of the spirit, we automatically invite a spirit of harmony into our home.  Although this is a rich subject and could easily be a separate book, I have summed up very briefly on how to bring these fruits into your married life.

Love:  The root of all the other actions is love.  Think of it as the tree that grows all the other fruits from its magnificent branches.  When you love your mate, your actions will (or should) reflect your feelings.  For when your love is sincere, you care more about your partner’s happiness than your own, and you would never do anything to cause your honey harm. 

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them.  Matthew 7:12

Joy:  Having joy does not mean life is all sunshine and roses. For more than four years Mel and I were renters in a home where only the boiler worked in the oven, the sink leaked so bad that the kitchen became flooded every time I washed dishes, the dryer only blew cold air, and the water heater went out during our last two years there!  Yes, it was the property owner’s responsibility to fix these things, but we learned the first year that he would go up on the rent any time he was forced to make repairs, and we were too poor to fix them ourselves.  Of course, there were times we fumed over these issues.  Yet we learned to focus on the positive and find joy everywhere else.  Number one, we had the love of and for the Lord, and we had each other.  We could continue to count all of our blessings and find joy even while sloshing across the kitchen floor and taking ice cold showers! And now we rejoice because, in April 2019, God granted our desire and we moved to our own house!  

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  Philippians 4:4 & 11-12 (NIV)

Peace:  As with joy, we can have peace even when all seems to be going against us.  I can declare this with all certainty as I had two different kinds of cancer in 2023 and yet was filled with God's peace through it all. I see having peace as being synonymous with having faith.  When you place your marriage in God’s hands and trust that He is in control of it all, you can be filled with peace even in the midst of the storm.  Whenever one or both of us are facing anxiety, we pray the following over one another:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 

Longsuffering:  To be longsuffering in marriage means we are to find patience and forgiveness with our spouse.  More on this next week.  We need to let go of the small things and seek professional help for the larger ones. 

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.  Matthew 6:14-15

Kindness: Being kind is more than just being nice when everything is going great.  We should strive to be kind even when we have had a bad day and not take out our negative attitude on our mate.  Being kind is also showing compassion for what your honey is going through.  

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Goodness: What does being a good spouse mean to you?  Treat your loved one the way you wish to be treated and not demand perfection from each other.  When you say to a child, “be good,” you are essentially telling him to behave and not cause trouble.  When you follow the principles of The Bible, you are certain to be a good spouse. 

Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  Matthew 7:17

Faithfulness:  In context of the Bible, faithfulness has to do with faithfulness to God and living a clean life, which is vital to a joyful marriage, but for the sake of this blog I will also use it in the context of faithfulness in marriage. As I wrote last week, being a faithful partner is God’s command for all marriages.  There is NEVER an excuse to cheat.

You shall not commit adultery.  Exodus 20:14

Gentleness:  Being gentle does not equate weakness.  Being tender and gentle when your spouse is hurting turns you into a very powerful rock for your mate.  Being gentle when disagreements arise will make you an immovable force of wisdom.   

And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all.  II Timothy 2:24

Self-Control: There are numerous ways in which we can exercise self-control: in sexual perversion, in temperament, and even in our spending habits.  When you think only of what pleases you and do not worry how your actions affect others, you are lacking self-control, in other words, you are being self-centered and selfish.  When you refuse to give in to wrong behaviors, you are showing respect for your spouse and therefore, being a selfless partner.  

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. II Peter 1:5-8 

Fun:   It is important to take time out for fun.  Life can be so serious and draining, that it is essential to the health of your marriage to stop to release tensions.  Yes, sex is the most wonderful way to do this, but there are many other ways to have fun as well.  Play indoor or outdoor games, go for walks, have a picnic, etc.  Start a new hobby together or learn a new skill together.  Take time out to laugh every single day and even when times are tough, you will still find a smile on your faces!   

One of the best qualities you can have in a marriage is a sense of humor. Mel and I love to laugh, and we have such a great time. The second day we knew each other we went to the Idaho Historical Museum, and we had the best time! It was where I learned he had a very goofy sense of humor exactly like mine. We had so much fun looking at old photographs and making up what we thought the people were thinking when the photos were taken. We were laughing so hard I thought we were going to be kicked out! Truly, after that date I felt this was a man I could marry because I knew we would always have a great time laughing. 

He who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.  Proverbs 15:15

We have many silly inside jokes together and have fun creating crazy stories. It is fun to surprise each other with silliness like romantic "sneak kiss attacks" and such. Just be careful you still respect each other’s space and if you are into practical jokes, be sure no one gets hurt physically or emotionally and know where each other's boundaries lie. 

A cheerful heart does good like medicine. Proverbs 17:22

We often say we are both silly and romantic (sometimes at the same time), so we say we are "sillantic!" Being goofy together is a bonding experience and makes you feel closer because you know you can trust the other one to be yourself and let your hair down, and therefore, adds to great romance! Especially when you are laughing and relaxed in your lover's arms!

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. Proverbs 15:13

Seven months into our marriage, I took a bunch of photos one night when I was feeling extra silly and just started snapping pictures of Mel at weird angles. I even said, "I hope I'm not driving you crazy by being so goofy." But he gave me a big, beautiful smile and said he loved the fun side of me! Do not be afraid to let loose and be silly with each other. It is the most fun you can have with your clothes on!

 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Fruitful:  Bearing good fruit for the Lord’s sake is pleasing to our Creator as our first goal in life is to please Him.  When we learn to practice good works for our Lord, it will naturally spill over into our marriage.

Art Project Option:  Make a tree out of scrapbook or construction paper, or just draw and color one.  Draw either all the same fruits or a variety of them and write a separate fruit of the spirit on each one: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  (Note: Using patterned scrapbook paper makes for a unique and pretty tree; you can use stickers or stencils for the words.)  Then glue the fruits onto the tree.  Hang this tree somewhere you are sure to read them every day.  When you peruse your tree each day, take time out for self-examination and ask yourself where you succeeded and where you could do better.

The first time I made this, I hand drew it onto an insert from a pizza box because I was out of glue.  We were going through a time of self-realization that we both tended to be too critical of others, so we were (and still are) working on being more positive in our conversations.   I made the tree and fruits with markers and coloring pens and hung it on our living room wall where we could see it as we talked throughout the day.  There were indeed times I was being too negative, I would look over and see the words on the fruits, and I would immediately change my attitude and the topic of conversation to better reflect the fruits of God’s Spirit.     

Fun:  Lighten up!  Laugh a lot! Do something fun you have been yearning to do but felt too old or self-conscious to do.  Fly a kite, play in mud puddles, play miniature golf, eat foods you think are only for kids, or just hang out in your pajamas all day!   Old-fashioned “grown up” fun can also be enjoyable such as playing board games, having a nice meal, or taking a day off from work to snuggle with your sweetie all day!