Week 34: Quiet & Quintessential

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Write quizzes for each other to see how well you know each other.  Be creative with your questions.  You can ask the basics such as questioning your partner to see if he/she knows what your favorite things are (etc.) but also ask things such as, “How do you think I would react to…”  Do not criticize wrong answers but make this a time to discover or rediscover new facts about your loved one.   Find fun and romantic ways to reward correct answers. You can also quiz your mate about things you would like to know. Again, be creative and ask things such as, “What would you change about…” I have written a series of questions titled "Communications of Love," and I have posted some of them on the blog. You can search the blog for "Conversations of Love" if you would like to view those questions for examples.  

Week 34: Quiet & Quintessential

Quiet:  No matter how busy your schedules are, make sure you have quiet times in your marriage.  Take time to relax and enjoy one another's company.  Sometimes just having time for the two of you may be difficult if one or both of you work and especially if you have children.  Taking time out every day, even just to drink a cup of coffee together in the morning, is important.  Even if you have to schedule time together every day for a quiet moment with just the two of you, then write it in ink in your planners and stick to it.  I am not talking specifically about sex, although that is important too, I am talking about checking in with each other daily and making sure your mate is doing well spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  This is a great time to pray for one another before you head out the door and go your separate ways until dinnertime.  If you have any hard feelings, this is a good time to let things go.  Hug, kiss, and do not make your partner feel rushed and keep looking at the clock.  Set a timer if you need to but use the precious quiet times to focus just on each other, leaving work at work.

 

I want to hit on another topic that has to do with being quiet.  I am by nature a shy and quiet person.  When one on one with someone I have known for a while, I can open up and be chattier.  From day one, I never felt uncomfortable around Mel, which is one way I knew he was the perfect man for me.  Growing up, let me scratch that, my entire life (not just as a child) people have been offended when I am taciturn; they take it personally. I have been accused of being a snob, standoffish, anti-social, and rude.  It is not that I am any of those things, being shy is something I cannot control any more than I can suddenly quit being short and grow five inches.  My precious husband fully accepts this personality trait as the way God designed me; he sees it as an endearing feminine quality.  He never tells me to speak up or grow a backbone.  In fact, Mel specifically asked God for a shy wife and prefers my quiet personality.

Although with my soul mate, I am typically very verbal and not shy, I sometimes have quiet moods, and Mel accepts the days I am more pensive.  If your spouse has a quiet nature, please do not try to force him/her to participate in activities that make him/her uncomfortable.  On the other hand, if you are the quiet one, do not expect your mate to not be outgoing or tell him/her to be less talkative or less social.  Accept each other the way God created him/her to be.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)

Even if you are shy around others, with your mate, good communication skills are vital.  You see each other naked, so why should you feel embarrassed to share your heart.  Open up and let each other in; in areas of expressing emotion, do not be quiet.  If you truly cannot speak to your mate about what is important, then make up for it by writing letters.  Actions do sometimes speak louder than words, but never fail to say, “I love you,” at least once a day (Mel and I say it all day long, 365 days a year).  

Quintessential:  Be the quintessential mate for your lover.  In other words, be the person to whom you want to be married. If you cannot stand a nagging spouse, then do not be one.  If you do not like argumentative or negative personalities, then be peaceful and positive.  Too many times the things we criticize in others are reflections of our own bad attitudes.  I am guilty of this as well.  I do not like it when people are snippy to me, yet I struggle controlling a sarcastic tongue.

Think of it this way: before you got married, I am certain you had a list in your mind of your ideal mate.  I wrote my first list as a teenager.  Some of the things I told God I wanted was a man who was strongly devoted to God and firmly ground in faith; a man that would help me grow in my walk with the Lord.  He must love animals, he would be compassionate and selfless, romantic, be a good listener, he should be intelligent yet humble, have a goofy sense of humor, love nature and being outdoors, be positive but a realist, be creative, he will love me for me, and encourage my talents.  It is amazing how well Mel fits the lists I wrote of my ideal man!  It is my duty to also reflect this quintessential mate and do my best to be all that I would like Mel to be.     

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them.  Matthew 7:12

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Quiet: Have some down time just to be quiet together.  If needed, get up early or stay up later to do accomplish this.  If you need a nice long weekend alone, send off the kids to a babysitter or a friend’s house, and turn off all electronic devices.

Quintessential:  In addition to trying to reflect the “Golden Rule” (Matthew 7:12 above) this week, show your mate that he/she is your quintessential match.   

    During the first week Mel and I were dating (I think it was our third date), I was not bold enough yet to tell him how I felt.  However, when we were having brunch together and ordering coffee, I made the comment, “I like my coffee like I like my man, strong but sweet.”  Because I was not brave enough yet to blurt out that this was the way I saw him, I sheepishly elbowed him as if to say, This describes you!  He got the hint and grinned.  It is something we still joke about.

Art Project Idea: Create a large coffee mug out of cardboard.  You can make it 2-D or 3-D and it does not have to be cardboard, but could be of any material you wish, but if you want to display it, cardboard works best.  Color your mug in your honey’s favorite color (or you could use decorative paper and glue it on).  In the middle of the mug, draw a big heart that says something such as, “I like my coffee (or tea) like I like my man (or woman)...”  Fill in your own blank at the end for however you feel about your hot beverages and your mate!  (My former physical therapist said she likes her men and coffee tall and blonde.)  If you would like, you can write on the back of the mug, "Just like coffee and tea – only much, much better..." and fill in your own descriptions.

If you would like, include an invitation (or an IOU if money is currently too tight) to coffee and dessert out at a coffee house or restaurant.

P.S.  If you can afford it, you can always have your words stating how you see your mate similar to your favorite way to drink coffee or tea, professionally printed onto a real mug.  If you do, make certain you each have a mug for your quiet coffee times together.