Week 40: Therapeutic & A Threefold Cord

Fun Activity This Week: Have a tea (or coffee) party and enjoy the time talking over all the events of the week.  I’m not suggesting simple tea (or coffee) time that you may do on a regular basis, but make this day stand out.  Use your best plates and cups, bake or buy yummy desserts, and maybe even buy a new kind of tea or coffee for the occasion (if the budget permits). You could even dress up if you choose, at least during teatime (not necessarily for the entire day). Turn off all phones during your special time.

Week 40: Therapeutic & A Threefold Cord

Therapeutic:  When I am having a bad day, Mel's hugs are very therapeutic.  The other day I was feeling very discouraged, and Mel took the time to give me a nice long hug.  I felt the weight of the world leave my shoulders and was in a much lighter mood for the rest of the day. I thank God for my husband's strong and loving embrace.

In May of 2013, I started work as a veterinary receptionist (not at the same place I had been a veterinary technician). Simply starting this job and being away from my husband caused me anxiety.  Mel's loving words and support eased my worries.  I put forth my best effort at that job, but the staff was full of lustful men and spiteful women.  Therefore (three friends of mine who had been prior employees of that place had warned me this might happen), the women turned against me and tried very hard to get me fired.  After a horrible and false evaluation four months later and after going to work crying every day, Mel held me in his arms and told me my happiness was much more important than a paycheck.  Consequently, I quit at the end of my shift the next day.  Financially it was scary, but Mel understood that my well-being was much more important.  I had even lost my appetite and could not sleep.  My precious man could not stand to see me suffer.

When you love someone as deeply as Mel and I love each other, their pain becomes your own.  I definitely would have encouraged him to quit if our situations had been reversed. Please never put money, success, or anything else above your spouse when you can clearly see he/she is suffering mental anguish.  Trust God will take care of you.  

This is slightly off topic, but I wanted to point out something else.  I could have easily quit on the spot the day I had my fraudulent evaluation.  However, since Mel and I are partners, I would not have made that big of a decision without him.  Moreover, I truly see him as the head of our house, so I knew I should include him in my choice. So please keep that in mind for any big decisions that need to be made, they must be made together, and, if you absolutely cannot come to an agreement or compromise (although in my opinion, most everything is negotiable), then ultimately, the husband has the final word.

A simple reminder to make your spouse's happiness a priority in your marriage.  God id our number one source of peace and joy, but it is also your responsibility to make him/her happy so do whatever you can to make that happen.  You are your honey’s therapist.  This does not just include talking things out but taking action to assure his/her life has mental stability.  If your loved one has a medical or psychological need that only medication can help, then be prudent enough to know when to support your spouse in seeking outside aid. Again, trust God to take care of you and everything else will fall into place!

A Threefold Cord:  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:12

The "threefold cord" to which Solomon was referring is God. In other words, when you include God in your marriage, your relationship is less likely to end up broken.  You are less likely to cause harm to one another when you want to please God with your actions.  When you follow Biblical principles, you are less likely to cheat, steal, lie, or participate in other dishonest and harmful actions that could ultimately break your marriage.

Also, note in the verse that it is easier to stand against something or someone wanting to cause harm to you and/or your marriage when you stand as a united team. Do not let adversity, tragedy, or opposition tear you apart. Stand united and allow God to help hold you and your marriage together.

The more you include God in your marriage in such things as Bible study, prayer, and praise time, the healthier and more joyful your marriage will be!

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Therapeutic:  If there is any area in your spouse’s life that is causing him/her great mental anguish, do what you can to help remove your honey from the harmful situation.  

Art Project Idea: One way we be therapeutic and help comfort a stressed-out spouse is to remind him/her of the promises of hope in the Word of God.  One way to keep God’s Words of faith at our fingertips is to have a favorite verse of encouragement on a bookmark.  You can simply write or print out such a verse, paste it to pretty paper, glue it on cardboard (thin enough not to make it too difficult to close the book), and even punch a hole in the top and add a tassel made of yarn or thread if you like.  You could even include dried flowers, a photograph, or other thin items and have it laminated if this is an option.  If you can cross-stitch or sew, you can also choose this option. 

 I am not going to suggest a specific verse this week because there far too many verses on hope and faith to narrow it down to just one.  If you are at a loss for which verse to choose search “hope” or “faith” on a Bible verse search engine or look through this blog and choose one I have previously listed.  The idea is to choose one that has special meaning to your spouse.

A Threefold Cord:  When making any major decisions this week, make sure you both pray about it.  When you consider God's will above both of your own and stop and think what Jesus would want you to do, you just may end up surprised how much better the results will be.

Art Project Idea: I don't usually give you two art project options, but here is another idea to choose from. You could do one, both, or neither! Make a friendship bracelet out of three different colors. One to represent the husband, one for the wife, and the third for God. You can either wear them, put them on a keychain, hang them in your car, etc. but the idea is that each time you look at them, you will be reminded to make all the right decisions when you acknowledge that Jesus is a part of your marriage.  It will also be an encouraging reminder as well that you have the Lord God Almighty fighting for and with you and your marriage!  If you do not know to how make a bracelet, there are multiple examples on You Tube (I've been making these since the 1980's!) but here is the result of a search; you can choose which video(s) to watch: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+make+a+friendship+bracelet  

Week 39 Short Video

 

Week 39 Art Project

This week's Art Project was: "Instead of an art project, I would like to see both of you continue keeping the journal I mentioned. After a week with no Hollywood connection, reevaluate how you feel. Now that you have been television and movie-free for seven days, are you hearing God’s Voice more clearly? Connecting to your mate and kids better? Feeling more attractive now that the unnatural-looking women have been removed from your living room? After you realize you have not disintegrated from lack of immoral entertainment and realize how much better you feel emotionally and especially spiritually, prayerfully consider letting television and movies go for good!"

You can watch the video I made describing such a journal on my Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/people/The-ABCs-of-a-Joyful-Marriage/61554421138800/

Week 39: Talk & Television

Fun Activity This Week:  Create a treasure hunt.  In week 31, I suggested the same thing as an art project, so if you did this already, you can always reverse roles (the clue giver now becomes the seeker of treasure and vice versa), you could create a newly themed treasure hunt, or you can just find something else fun to do!  You can read what I wrote for week 31 here: https://abcsofajoyfulmarriage.blogspot.com/2024/07/week-31-passion-pornography.html

Week 39: Talk & Television 

Talk:  Time with your spouse should consist of more than just sitting side by side while you wordlessly watch television or spend time on the computer.  Take the time to have meaningful conversations and learn to be comfortable talking about any subject.

You will read more about this in the below section, but Mel and I quit watching television in 2015.  Since we quit watching, this leaves us much more time for each other.  I know some of you groan or roll your eyes at this, but it has been great for us.  We play board games more often, go for walks and drives more often, and read aloud together (or listen to an audio book) most nights.  Of course, we do not spend every second together as we each maintain Facebook pages, write blogs, etc., and always developing more projects to build our ministry.  We also have other hobbies we both enjoy. Yet even when we are working on separate projects, we are still in constant communication.  Truthfully, unless we are asleep or I am at work, we do not go more than 30 minutes without talking.  On the rare occasions we are not together, we continually communicate by phone.  

My point is that when we spend more time in conversation and less time staring at mindless "entertainment" it enhances our marriage as we learn more and more about one another.  Mel and I talk about things most people find embarrassing, but no subject is off limits.  We were even very open and honest with one another before we got married, which was why we fell in love so very quickly (we were married ninety-six days after we met).  So, talk, laugh, share, have fun, and make your marriage more enjoyable and less avoidable.

Television (and Movies):  Mel and I got rid of our television and gave up movies in 2015 due to the over-sexualized nature, the constant use of God's name in vain as well as other swear words, the justification of violence, occultism, and the LGBTQ agenda. However, we do watch the news, some documentaries, Christian concerts, and sermons from holiness preachers on YouTube. We tried to limit ourselves to "Christian" movies but even many of them are full of scantily clad women and swearing and have very watered-down messages.  Moreover, the “Biblical” movies are excessively violent and not accurate; they just confuse those not familiar with what the Bible truly says.  Truthfully, since 2015, we have considered several times since returning to TV/movies as long as we stuck with "innocent" or "spiritual" programs, but God ALWAYS speaks to one or both of us whenever we have chosen to go backwards and makes it very clear to get rid of Hollywood yet again. We know without any doubt that God is calling us to separate ourselves from this form of entertainment.  It really is not difficult when you think of it this way: would you still be watching your favorite programs if Jesus was sitting next to you? 

Before I get into this subject a little deeper, I want to give you an assignment that will go beyond this week.  Keep a television and movie viewing journal and record how you feel each time a sexy woman is on the screen.  Wives, do you feel ugly and inadequate? Men, are you titillated (remember Matthew 5:28)? Do sex scenes and nudity make you feel dirty or stir up unhealthy temptations to cheat?  How about when a violent scene is depicted.  Are you experiencing unexplained bouts of anger or depression?  What about programs that reverse gender roles?  Do you experience dissention in your home?  What about the shows glorifying witches, wizards, vampires, and other demons/false gods?  Is anyone in your home having nightmares?  Are you or your children in rebellion?  Feel like your prayers are blocked?  Record it all.  By the end of two weeks (or even go a full thirty days), read this week again, and you will see where I am coming from.

I am speaking out of experience.  I too was once obsessed with television and movies (and books), filled with the occult, violence, and carnality.  I was plagued with bad dreams, bad moods, and bad decisions.  We also let go of a large number of books along with television and movies. 

The below portion was written by my husband, Mel in 2014:

"The Lord has been dealing me on the issue of television. I felt that if I were careful to what programs I watched, everything would be okay. I became aware that television was an idol to me, as well as a compromise to my Christian faith. Television is filled with extreme violence, fornication, adultery, occultism, profanity, swearing, etc. I was filling my eye gates and ear gates with the trash that Hollywood produces. For the eyes and the ears are gates to the soul. Should Christians be filling their souls up with darkness?

"Even commercials have become X-rated. How much of this are we going to tolerate as Christians? Also, consider the heavy metal music played in the background of movies, shows, and commercials. Many claim that they would never allow this type of music to be played within their homes, but they are allowing it in their homes through television. After watching a show, how many times have you gone to bed and had undesirable music playing in your head? It has happened to me many times.

"Also, consider how the family structure is perverted by Hollywood. The children are always fussing or cussing at their parents. Women are always in charge of their husbands and belittling them. Men are always cheating on their wives. The homosexual agenda has really taken over as well as many shows feature gay parents raising children. In an effort to desensitize the American public, homosexuals are featured in most programs today (even gay children are depicted). And this type of brainwashing is working. 

"Also, consider the occultism within television and movies today. Witchcraft, Satanism, Buddhism, New Ageism, Hinduism, yoga, channeling, ghosts, reincarnation, Ouija boards, etc. are all being promoted. Even children's cartoons are filled with occultism.

"The Lord gave me some dreams, as well as words concerning television that reflects how serious this issue is to the Lord. The Lord said that I was cut off from Him due to compromise by watching television. The Lord showed me that watching television would prevent him from healing and blessing his children, as well as hinder a person's relationship with him. This is a very serious issue to the Lord.  The Lord showed me that even supposedly innocent shows were still wicked to him because they are produced by Hollywood. Everything from Hollywood is accursed to God.

"In a day and age when most people have television, these words may seem hard to believe, as they were for me at first. However, when God destroyed the earth with a flood, only Noah was found righteous in his eyes. So just because everybody else does it, does not make it right in God's eyes. God's standards do not change with our culture. God is still the Ancient of Days.”

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Talk:  I know this will sound redundant compared to other weeks, but practice makes perfect!  Make this a week of connecting through your words.  Stay up until sunrise talking, and then have a romantic breakfast in bed together.  Or stay up until sunset then take a hot bath together and go to sleep snuggled up all warm and toasty from the inside out!

Television (and Movies):  I know there will be resistance here but take the week off from television and movies. You can catch the news on the radio or Internet as I mentioned we do.  But do not use the Internet as a substitute for television to get your worldly fix.  

Art Project Option: Instead of an art project, I would like to see both of you continue keeping the journal I mentioned above.  After a week with no Hollywood connection, reevaluate how you feel.  Now that you have been television and movie-free for seven days, are you hearing God’s Voice more clearly?  Connecting to your mate and kids better?  Feeling more attractive now that the unnatural-looking women have been removed from your living room? After you realize you have not disintegrated from lack of immoral entertainment and realize how much better you feel emotionally and especially spiritually, prayerfully consider letting television and movies go for good!  

Week 38 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to: "Make a snowman together... This is one you can save for later, or you can be creative with this idea. You can make the snowman out of paper, clay, sand, or even marshmallows.  The idea is to have fun together creating a snowman (or woman or any creature) as a team!"

Here are a variety of our snowmen made at various time throughout the year. The first one I made just based on ingredients I had at home, marshmallows, dried blueberries (eyes), almonds, dried pineapple (nose), and sugar free candy (hat). Looks more like a penguin - LOL! The second and third are sand people, and the last is a very tiny snowman. 

Week 38 Short Video

 

Week 38 Art Project

 

Note: This video was filmed in 2020, I did eventually make the art project for week 37 and posted it last week.

Week 38: Spiritual Leader & Support

 Fun Activity This Week:  Make a snowman together.  Okay, so I realize this is being posted in September, so how are you supposed to make a snowman now?  This is one you can save for later, or you can be creative with this idea. You can make the snowman out of paper, clay, sand, or even marshmallows.  The idea is to have fun together creating a snowman (or woman or any creature) as a team!

Week 38: Spiritual Leader & Support

Spiritual Leader:  Husbands, you should take the reigns as the spiritual leader of the family.  Wives, you should let him lead and respect him as the head of the household. The husband does not always have to be the one to initiate prayer, worship, or Bible study, but let him lead prayer time and choose which subjects you will be studying.  Mel usually opens our prayer time, then I pray a closing.  When deciding which book of The Bible to study next, I always let Mel choose, but, since he is a good husband, he always asks for my opinion.  We take turns reading the scriptures (or listen to an audio version not produced by Hollywood), and we discuss together our feelings on what was read.  See Ephesians 5:22-24. Of course, if your husband is practicing a false religion and/or is not a true Christian, then this is a different issue that I will not address this week. I will cover more about unequally yoke spouses when we get to the letter Y.

I know this is neither a modern nor a popular concept, but it is a Biblical one.  Allowing the husband to be the leader in all things is the best way to keep peace.  I have written on this many times; I repeat myself because it the key to a successful and happy marriage.  If there is constant strife over who is in charge, your marriage can never be a happy one.  Just as jobs, cities, states, and countries all have a leader in order to hopefully keep chaos at bay (some leaders cause the chaos, but I digress), so should a marriage have a leader.  Of course, we all know that there are a lot of bad bosses and leaders out there.  Any man who misuses these verses is not, in my opinion, a good husband. There are also many dictatorial husbands that abuse the concept of Ephesians 5, which is why one must read the entire section in context.   See also Ephesians 5:25-32.  It clearly states the husband is to love his wife and take care of her as he would himself.   That does not describe a bully.  Also, it says the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and we all know Christ gave His very life for us. If a husband follows the ultimate example, then he will never be a selfish leader.  

Marriages are so poorly portrayed in entertainment.  Even in so-called Christian movies, the wives are disrespectful, materialistic, boss their husbands around, and dress provocatively. The husbands are wimpy, angry, stand-offish (to their wives, not their buddies), and over-sexed.  You very rarely see a marriage portrayed as romantic, loving, healthy, or even faithful.  Know why?  Because they do not practice the principles of Ephesians 5!

If you are confused at all on this subject or believe that a submissive wife is a negative thing, please continue reading.

When I was single (which was almost 40 years), I used to say I could never be married because there was no way I would submit to any man. I used to see submitting as most people do, as something negative and wimpy. I thought all I ever wanted was to be a strong and independent woman. However, those concepts are overrated! When you find the right man that view changes. Since I absolutely have the right man, I do not want to be independent, I fully love being dependent on Mel. In addition, I am a million times stronger with a supportive, wonderful husband by my side than I ever was as a single woman. I am still an individual, but, as cliché as this sounds, since I got married, I feel complete. Loving Mel makes me want to be a wife that honors and respects his opinions. I have changed the way I do several things based on Mel’s beliefs because He is a Godly man firmly grounded in God’s Word. Mel would never be a bully or demand I change for him. He loves me just as I am. When I choose to change a certain belief, he even tells me I do not have to change just to make him happy. Frankly, I would never have fallen in love with an antagonist, and Mel is the opposite of that word. He is considerate and thoughtful of my feelings and convictions. I submit to my husband out of the purest and strongest form of love I have ever known. It is actually very easy. His opinion is a precious gem to me, and I crave it. My number one goal in life is to make God happy and to be a woman after God’s heart, but my number two goal is to please my husband and bring him honor. 

Submitting to your husband as the spiritual leader does not mean you have no opinion or that you are spineless. It means you have a loving husband you want to make happy, and you have no problem compromising and bending your beliefs to match his (as long as they are Biblical). It also does not mean being phony, but truly examining his beliefs. If you do not 100% agree on an issue, it does NOT mean you have to change. A good husband will discuss and even debate lovingly (if you so choose) with you as mine does. He is open to change as well. Thankfully, Mel and I have not had any major issues come up where we are not in complete agreement. We disagreed about extremely little in the beginning, and the more we are together, I do not know that we have any serious areas on which we differ. That is how I know we are the perfect match. God truly granted me the gift of a kindred spirit, a soul mate, and a best friend. 

Support:  No matter what our mate is going through we must be our honey’s support system.  I know I have written about this before, but this week I am writing from the view based on Job's wife.  Hopefully you're all familiar with the story, but here is a very brief sum-up.  Because Job was “blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil,” (Job 1:1) God allowed Satan to tempt Job to fall.  Job suffered many trials including the death of his children, livestock, and the majority of his staff, and boils on his body (see Job chapters 1-2).  His friends were not much comfort, and his wife was just as bad.  In Job 2:9, she taunts, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

Let us never be this kind of spouse.  Our responsibility is to encourage our mate, no matter what he/she is going through.  Hold each other and let him/her cry on your shoulder.  Read scripture verses and pray together.  Whenever one of us is feeling down, the other will suggest, "Let's pray," and we will pray for peace and comfort.  That is how we should be to our partners.  Hold hands and pray, no matter what time of night and no matter how exhausted you both are, or even if you are annoyed with one another (praying will also help ease tensions between you).   Remind each other of God's amazing love and of all He has done.  Know what your spouse’s favorite scripture verses are and quote them often.  

When your loved one is discouraged, please do not tell him/her to "curse God" or to give up.  Help your mate and lift him/her up.  Make each other feel loved and comforted even when it seems darkest.  Remind him/her how much you adore each other and will always be there, no matter what the circumstance. You will walk through fire with him/her and live in a tent if need be.  You will never abandon one another and will always be right by his/her side. And most of all, tell your spouse to bless God and live!

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Spiritual Leader:  Wives, are there any areas where you are resisting allowing your husband to be the spiritual leader?  Husbands, are you dragging your feet to lead?  This week have the husband start prayer times and choose the Bible study subjects. 

Art Project Idea: Use these words from Colossians 3:18-19 to make any type of art project you choose (You could also choose the words from Ephesians 5:22-33, but this is a shorter version saying the same thing.). My suggestion, since this week is about remembering to allow the hubby to be the spiritual leader, make a bookmark with these words. That way, whenever you read your Bible alone or together, you will be reminded of the best way to make your marriage a joyful one! If not making a bookmark, be sure to hang these words wherever you see them daily.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:18-19

Support:  No matter what negative circumstances your spouse may be facing this week, be there for each other.  Do not make his/her pain about placing blame.  If it is an area that requires professional help, offer to go together and be a support as needed.

Week 11 Fun Activity - Out of Order

 As I often suggest, you do not have to do the fun activities in order.  Today, we finally got to complete the fun activity from week 11, which was "Go to a farm!  Feed the animals, gather eggs, milk a cow, or do whatever sounds fun to you.  No farm in the area that allows visitors: Look at books about farms, go to a farmer’s market, or anything else you can think of that celebrates the life and hard work of farming!"  These photos were taken at Firwood Farm Alpaca Rescue in Fife, WA.

Week 37 Short Video

 

Week 37 Art Project

 

This week's art project was "Using a piece of cardboard (the side flaps on a packing box are the perfect size for this), write something along the lines of, 'Time to De-Stress:  Good for a day of pampering.  Non-Expiring – Multiple Uses Are Encouraged.'   Make certain your spouse uses this coupon whenever he/she needs a stress reliever, or even just for some healthy bonding time.  If you would like, draw a clock on it and the word stress with a circle and line through it (to represent no stress).  Ladies, kiss the cardboard with a sexy shade of lipstick."

I only wear tinted lip balm with so my lipstick "kiss" isn't very dark, but you can always draw one if you so choose. Also, I used the cardboard flap that protects the tissues on a new box as it seemed like the perfect size.

Week 37: Safe & Servant

 

Fun Activity This Week:  Go outside at either sunrise or sunset.  Snuggle in each other’s arms and marvel at the beauty of God’s creation. 

Week 37: Safe & Servant

Safe:  True love is not hurtful, dangerous, or abusive, but makes you feel safe.  Make your home a place of safety and security.  Do not make your spouse dread wanting to come home because he/she will be nagged at all night after enduring a demanding boss all day.  Also, do not make your spouse dread it when you come home because you will scream if the dinner is not cooked perfect, the floors are dirty, or the kids (or pets) are getting on your nerves.  Make each other want to come home to a warm, inviting place where one feels he/she can relax and feel loved.  Greet each other with a hug and kiss.  Ask about how each other's day went.  Even if you both work, you can still come home to a peaceful, non-demanding home.  There is nothing wrong with frozen or boxed dinners or take-out if having to cook a meal is a demand that causes tension.  You can always negotiate how often one or both of you cook rather than adding dinner to the list of things that creates stress.  In fact, pretty much everything is negotiable when you love someone and want to make sure your home is one of peace and joy!

I have written about the importance of submitting to your husband as it states in Ephesians 5:22-23; this does not give the husband an excuse to act like a bully. A decent man would never use these scripture verses as a foundation for treating his wife poorly. For this same passage also states, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself." Neither men nor women should ever go along with anything immoral your spouse asks you to do.  This includes abuse towards you and/or your children. I know some women consider it abusive if their husband asks them to dress modestly or wants to know where they are going, but this just shows your husband cares about you (He doesn't want ungodly men lusting after and potentially harming his wife.), and you should be accountable to each other! However, I think we all know what real abuse is and that very obviously involves physical violence. I am not dismissing mental abuse, but unless your husband degrades you by saying you are fat or stupid, etc. (which also is NOT acceptable), then you need to evaluate him honestly and determine if he is truly being a bully or if he is showing his love for you by expressing genuine concern.   I do not mean to make it seem as if husbands are the only ones capable of abuse. I have known many marriages where the wife is the bully and/or it is mutual abuse. 

It is also very worrisome when spouses try to introduce another person into the marriage. I do not want to be vulgar, but you all know what I mean. Threesomes and swinging in marriages are very disturbing popular trends, and I know this is not anything new. The husband or wife says they need more sex to feel fulfilled. I even knew a wife who said she felt sorry for her husband because in Biblical times men had more than one wife. She used this justification as a way to give her husband permission to have an affair, and even allowed the other woman to move into her home. People may say their sex drive is stronger than what their spouse has to offer so they need a second partner. If you truly feel you could never be with only one partner and refuse to live a holy life, then do not get married! I heard a woman say it was a mid-life crisis that caused her to cheat. Or he did it, so I can too. I know there are many excuses that people use to justify affairs, but none of them justify sin. So, I am obviously saying what I have said many times before, there is never any excuse to cheat in God's eyes. However, my point is that you should not help your mate cheat. Do not agree to swinging, or a threesome or any other practice that you know in your heart is wrong. We are not living in the old covenant days, and in this modern day, marriage is meant to be one man and one woman. Besides, so-called open marriages that give each other permission to cheat always end up in divorce. 

If your spouse wants you to break the law by stealing, doing drugs, cheating on taxes, or even something simple that makes you feel uncomfortable; you do not have to do it. The Bible says to respect your husband, but it does not say to break the law if your spouse says it is okay. It did not work for Adam when he told God that Eve made him sin; he was still punished for his disobedience. It will not work today in court either. Telling a judge you are in love and just wanted to make your spouse happy will not make the judge tip his head and say, "Aww, how cute!" You will still be punished by man and by God!

It is our goal to make our spouses as happy as we can, but that does not mean we do it at the expense of our souls. Plus, if your mate really loves you, he/she would never ask you to break your moral code. True and pure love is not abusive and does not corrupt; it keeps you safe from ALL manner of harm. 

Servant:  I wrote about how God often pairs couples up with the perfect match so you can complement each other’s personalities. I want to expand a bit on that today in the area of serving as a team.

And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, "If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."  Mark 9:35

In our past church, Mel and I enjoyed serving our community through our church. We served (and I cooked) meals for the Salvation Army twice a month and ministered to the residents; Mel preached once a month and was the co-leader of a home Bible study group.  Whatever Mel planned with the church, I was at my husband's side as his eager and ever-present helpmate. I am not writing about this to brag about what we have done, I am writing about this as an encouragement to serve with your spouse. It will truly enhance your marriage and bring you closer together.     

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.  John 12:26

It is a humbling experience to help those less fortunate and truly allows me to be more grateful for what I have. Our marriage is pretty close to perfect, but there used to be other areas that were not. In the past, we lived in two different houses that were in bad shape.  We often ate cereal for dinner, utilized food banks, and would walk in bad weather to conserve on gas.  Yet when we served others, we could always see there were people worse off than we were and we were able to be grateful that we have always had a roof over our heads, some sort of food to eat, and most of all, we have each other. So, helping others also helps one to be more grateful for his/her life. In addition, having a grateful heart makes one a much better spouse!

But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth.  II Timothy 2:23-25

Being “a servant of the Lord” is bound to cause friction. I would much rather "avoid disputes" and just have peace. Why is it when we say we love people but have a difference in so-called religious issues that even family members feel the need to "quarrel"? Nonetheless, we will press forward with "humility" and continue to serve. Mel and I have been facing spiritual warfare from several different people since before we got married. God revealed to me that some of them are being used as a distraction and to discourage us, but that we are not to let either of those weapons be effective and to continue serving in the name of Jesus Christ no matter what. Facing such spiritual warfare will teach a couple of what they are made. Opposition has not torn us apart or made us less willing to serve but has caused us to bind even closer together. 

What is my reward then? That when I preach the gospel, I may present the gospel of Christ without charge, that I may not abuse my authority in the gospel. For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more.  I Corinthians 9:18-19

Another great reason to serve with your spouse is that you learn together where the rewards truly lie in this world. It is not money that drives us but winning souls and helping those in need. Every time someone says "thank you" at a place we have worked or comes to Bible Study, it truly blesses us to see we are touching hearts.

I must work the works of Him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.  John 9:4

Finally, what better reason to serve Christ together than simply because God wants us to occupy until He comes (Luke 19:13 NIV)? We will keep busy serving God right where we are. For as the last verse states, a time will come when we will no longer be able to do so.  Truly, serving even in a small way (which does not have to cost money) such as sitting with a grieving friend, babysitting for free, praying for needs, spending time with those who live alone, etc. are a great way to bond with the love of your life. Don't believe me? Spend a day hauling dirt and planting onions in a community garden and see how energized and alive you feel afterward. Humbling yourselves and taking on the heart of a servant is one of the top ways to feel closer with your best friend and soul mate! 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Safe:  Is there some way in which your mate is making you feel unsafe?  Talk about it and seek counseling if necessary.  On the flip side, whatever you can do this week to make your home feel like a safe and inviting place please do so.  

Art Project Option: One way to make your lover feel safe is to help him/her release tension.  Using a piece of cardboard (the side flaps on a packing box are the perfect size for this), write something along the lines of, “Time to De-Stress:  Good for a day of pampering.  Non-Expiring – Multiple Uses Are Encouraged.”   Make certain your spouse uses this coupon whenever he/she needs a stress reliever, or even just for some healthy bonding time.  If you would like, draw a clock on it and the word stress with a circle and line through it (to represent no stress).  Ladies, kiss the cardboard with a sexy shade of lipstick.  

In order to make each other feel extra safe and sheltered this week, the day of pampering could include: starting the day off with breakfast in bed, setting a warm bath with bubbles or something else scented for the other (even better to take the bath together if you have a tub big enough), then dry each other off with a warm and fluffy towel.  Add a massage before or after the bath for an extra special morning.  All throughout the day do little things that will make your mate feel pampered (you know what the other likes).  Ending the day by serving comfort foods (even if it is just dessert) under low lights will enhance your feeling of security even further!   

Servant:  Serve together this week.  Serve at a soup kitchen, pass out food at a food bank, volunteer at an animal shelter, contact your local senior center and see what needs they need met, or use your imagination.  You can simply this and even find one person in need and help in any way you are able. The possibilities are endless!