Week 44 Short Video

 

Week 44 Art Project & Fun Activity

Both the art project and fun activity for this week were to make a collage of your wedding vows similar to week 32's art project.  Since we no longer have a printer, I cannot print our vows and make the project this week and will have to save it for another day. However, if you are interested, here is a copy of our wedding vows and the corresponding photos from our wedding on June 10, 2012!

Julie's Vows:

My sweet Mel, 

It is difficult for me to express how much I love you and how much you mean to me in a few short paragraphs. I could spend all day, every day thanking God for the gift of you and could still never express the gratitude that amazes and overwhelms my heart. 

As I write my marriage vows to you, I keep expecting to wake from a dream. I never thought I would be happy about being single for thirty-nine years, yet I finally understand why… I had to wait for you; and you are so worth the wait! I cannot tell you enough that you are my dream come true. You are more wonderful than I ever imagined my dream man would be. I am overwhelmed by my love for you and I am so moved by your love for me that I want to weep for joy. My heart is overflowing with love for you. I am amazed by you. You are the perfect man for me.

I love everything about you… your spirituality, your kind and tender heart, masculinity, gentleness, graciousness, compassion, chivalry, intelligence, sense of humor, your handsome face, patience, your strong and resilient heart, your humility, and your dimples melt my heart!

I promise to never let anger dictate my actions, never fail to speak the truth, and never walk away from this marriage. I will always be faithful to you, will respect and honor your opinions, will always fight for you and fight to keep you. I will always love all of you, completely, unabashedly, and without fear. I will put God first in our marriage and allow His wisdom to direct our path to a happy, healthy, romantic life together. I love you, Mel, and I give you all of me: mind, body and soul.

Mel's Vows:

Dearest Julie, 

You are like a rare diamond in the earth and I thank the Lord every day for you. I know that the Lord has brought us together for his divine plan. You are not only beautiful physically, but also spiritually. I admire that you kept yourself for me, as well as read your Bible daily. You are very kind, as well as compassionate. You put my needs before your own and show me love in many ways. I also love your sense of humor and the many jokes that we share. And your beautiful blue eyes and smile melt me!!

I promise to always be there for you in bad times as well as good. I will listen to you when you need to talk and lend you my shoulder when you need to cry. I will always provide for you, as well as be your guardian. I will be there for you in sickness, as well as health. I will always pray and read my Bible with you and the Lord Jesus Christ will be the center of our marriage. I will always talk to you and work out future problems rather than get angry. I promise to always love you and put your needs before my own. If necessary, I will be willing to give my life for you.

Julie, you are a dream come true as well as an answer to all of my prayers! I love you more than words can express and there is nothing that I would not do for you. I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you as we begin this wonderful journey together! 

Week 44: Vivacious & Vows

 

 Fun Activity This Week:  If you wrote your own wedding vows and still have copies of them, read them to each other again and recommit to those promises.  If you did not write vows then, consider writing them now.  Or if you have been married for a while, you may have a better understanding of married life and be able to better write wedding vows than what you wrote when you were still single.  Therefore, you may consider writing new ones and making all new promises that may be more relevant to your life today. 

Week 44: Vivacious & Vows

Vivacious:  Do not be a sour Sue or grouchy Gus, but be vivacious, bubbly, and full of energy for your spouse.  I know some days can be long and frustrating things happen, but do not take it out on your spouse.  If you see your mate is having a bad day, make a joke out of it and to try to make him/her smile.  Tell your honey he/she needs to change his/her grouchy pants for happy pants.  I am NOT suggesting that you demean what your loved one is feeling, if something serious is going on, he/she needs your prayers and understanding, not your jokes.  I am suggesting lightening the mood when you can tell your mate is grouchy due to a minor incident or just woke up that way. 

If you work and/or have children, I am sure your energy levels are not always up, and that is perfectly okay.  Sex is not always an option, but romance is not only about sex.  Taking the time to snuggle in each other arms feels wonderful and does not have to lead to anything more unless you want it to. 

Being vivacious can simply mean greeting your mate with a sweet smile and kiss every morning and each time you are reunited.  It can mean having a good attitude and sharing a friendly cup of coffee or tea while engaging in lively conversation.  Doing your best to be in a good mood will make you feel better.  Even if you start pretending to smile, you will feel better, and your smile will become sincere.  As I do not believe in being phony with your mate, I am NOT suggesting you fake a good mood, since that equivalent to being a liar; I am suggesting that, instead of giving into a foul mood, put on your happy pants and choose joy!  

Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!  Philippians 4:4

Vows:  We are in this marriage for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, and for better or worse.  Forever means forever.  

Whether you have said them yourself or heard them spoken, I think pretty much everyone knows the traditional wedding vows.  When Mel and I got married, we wrote our own vows as well as saying the standard ones (I will post our vows when I post the art project later this week).  We took every single word we vowed as a promise forever.  What we did NOT say was that we would only love each other and be kind to each other when things are all sunny and rosy.  We never said we would be rude to each other if our bank account showed a balance of less than $1.  We never said we would refuse to make love when we had no heat in our house. We never said we would turn our back if the other was frustrated, sad, scared, or lacking faith.  We never said we would laugh at the other's mistakes.  We never said we would refuse to listen to a concern spoken more than once.  Moreover, we absolutely never said we would file for divorce if we were behind on bills, and we thought we would be better off alone. 

What we promised was that we would love, support, cherish, and adore each other no matter what the circumstance!  We would hold each other, pray together, forgive, and not judge.  I have seen couples use adversity as an excuse for pushing the other away and even going as far as divorce.  In their warped mind, they had fewer problems when they were single and foolishly think their life will improve if they go backwards.  I have said it before, God hates divorce.  (see Malachi 2:16 & Matthew 19:1-9)

Even when we are facing tough times, Mel and I are kind to each other, madly in love, and full of joy in our marriage. Moreover, we truly trust we are in God's hands. It is normal in life to experience a little or a lot of stress. It is also normal for faith to suffer a little or a lot when frustrated. Prayer really helps, especially when praying together.  

I encourage you to focus on your vows when circumstances are getting you down.  They were not said in vain; they were a solid promise spoken before God.  I know I have said it many times before, God is your number one source of happiness and your spouse is your number two, not someone or something else.  Stick to and with one another; do not run away.  As I have also said before, two are better than one and you can face things head on so much better hand-in-hand than being at odds with the other.  Take it from someone who was single for nearly forty years, it is so much better to share the burden with your spouse than to face the tough times alone.  So do not use any crisis as an excuse to run away emotionally or physically.  I cannot say it enough, cling to your spouse, and trust God will take care of you both!      

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Vivacious:  When you find yourself feeling grouchy for no real reason or minor issues, remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for. This practice alone can help put things in perspective. Do not take your hard days out on your mate but talk things through. Depression can be a real medical issue, so seek professional help if you simply are not able to shake the blues. Praise God for the good things in life and you will find being vivacious is easier than you think!

Vows: If you wrote your own wedding vows and still have copies of them, read them to each other again and recommit to those promises.  If you did not write vows then, consider writing them now.  Or if you have been married for a while, you may have a better understanding of married life and be able to better write wedding vows than what you wrote when you were still single.  Therefore, you may consider writing new ones and making all new promises that may be more relevant to your life today. 

I know this is a repeat of the “Fun Activity Idea” for this week because I truly believe this is a wonderful way to enhance your marriage.  Don’t be surprised as you reread your vows and look into each other's eyes that you may see tears, as well as tear up yourself!)

Art Project Option:  As I suggested making a collage of marriage prayers in week 32, you could do the same this week with your wedding vows.  If you do not have personal vows and neither of you chooses to write them, just print the traditional version and paste them in your frame instead.  

Week 43 Short Video

 

Week 43 Art Project

 

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

 Fun Activity This Week:  Start a planning and saving for a fun vacation! It can be in your own state or another country, but set goals (for example, within 6 months, a year, or even five years), and do you best to stick with your plans.

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

Victory:  Claim the victory in Jesus' name for whatever circumstances you are facing.  I cannot stress enough that in times of personal or marital crisis trust that God has your best interest in mind.  Believe that God can heal and restore you and/or your marriage. Do not give up!

In the past, Mel and I were "scolded" by a friend trying to place us under unjustified condemnation.  This person kept telling us that the tough situations we were facing were God's punishment.  Let me assure you that, while God does chasten those he loves (Hebrews 12:7), His desire is that we prosper (Jeremiah 29:11).  By this I mean physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually, not always financially. When things go wrong or seem to take a long time to be resolved, it could simply be a timing issue.  That does not mean that we should fail in examining our lives to see what may need to be cleansed and assure our actions are not blocking our prayers (as I stated in week 23), but God is a loving God and longs to bless His children.  Mel and I waited more than four years to move near the ocean and be free from the oppressive price we paid for rent. During those long years of financial struggle, we daily examined our lives, and when we felt the Holy Spirit’s correction, we worked hard at changing where He prompted.  Let me point out that if we ever are financially secure, that does not mean that we will cease to ask for God’s continual guidance in our daily walk with Him, and we indeed still seek His holy face no matter what we are going through.  

If you are facing tough times, let me give you some encouraging words from one of my favorite verses.  It is difficult to put into words just how amazing these verses are.  We see here how the three, which are one, work together on our behalf.  Jesus himself prays for us with the aid of the Holy Spirit based on God's will for our lives.   

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Romans 8:26-28 & 34

Let us then follow the example of Jesus and practice interceding for each other and pray for whatever victory is needed individually and especially as a couple.      

Virtuous:  

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10

This is my description of what I feel the concept of a virtuous spouse (not just a wife but a husband also) should be.  I am going to be literal, use the definitions from dictionary.com, and then expand from there.

1) Moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.  This is a good start.  Obviously, "no one is good but One, that is God," (Matthew 19:17), but we should strive for righteousness, or living right.  To live a life set apart and holy (Romans 12:1-2 & II Corinthians 6:17).  I know I have said it before, but my number one goal in life is to please God and be a woman after His own heart, but my number two goal will always be to bring my husband honor by living a life that will never shame him.  I want to please Mel by being a wife that tries her best to live according to God's laws.  A spouse of virtue strives to bring his/her partner honor by living a pure life.

2) Conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude.  I am going to expand on the conformity issue.  There have been very few areas where I have changed my point of view since I married Mel. This is because, as I mentioned before, we saw and still see life pretty much the exact same way and there has been little to adjust.  The most important thing I wanted in a husband was that our religious beliefs were the same.  I hate the term "religion," but we are identical in our spiritual thought patterns.  I will say, when a certain issue came up early in our marriage, Mel lovingly pointed out to me that God never changes and, in human terms, is very old-fashioned.  Keep in mind, he is not a demanding husband, and merely makes respectful suggestions.  I have no problem conforming to my husband's beliefs (as long they are Biblical), as he is a Godly man and never a suppressive bully.  I conform because I love him so deeply and trust him to look out for my best interests.  A virtuous woman trusts her husband as her head and conforms when necessary and a virtuous husband will be respectful and not be a bully.

3) Chastity; virginity: to lose one's virtue.  I was indeed a virgin on my wedding night.  Let me tell you how very happy I am that Mel is the only man to whom I gave myself.  It is such an intimate, bonding, beautiful, pleasurable experience.  I am beyond grateful Mel will be the only man with whom I will ever have such experiences.  So, if any non-marrieds read this, please stay pure until you marry.  No matter how old you are, it will be worth the wait.  If you have made mistakes, God forgives, and so will a loving husband, but please do not stay living in sin.  And for the marrieds: please save sex for only your spouse.  There is never any excuse to cheat.  Sex is sacred.  Marriage is sacred.  A spouse of virtue gives his/her body only to his/her mate.

4)  A particular moral excellence. I will say it again, no one is perfect, but the goal as a spouse of virtue is to strive to live a life of "moral excellence."  How do we excel at anything? Practice, study, learn, and grow.  In other words, read The Bible, know the laws of Jesus, and follow them.  Know the character of Christ and make it your goal to imitate it.  Avoid temptations and cling to your honey.  Have amazing communication with your spouse every single day.  Talk about every issue you can think of and know where you both stand on every issue.  Keep each other accountable.  God is your number one source, but use your spouse is your number two moral compass.  Hopefully he/she is your spiritual leader as Mel is for me.  Follow each other’s good examples and ask him/her to help you as well.  A virtuous spouse seeks out excellence in his/her marriage and in his/her walk with God.

5) A good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one's weaknesses.  I have so many weaknesses I cannot count them all.  Mel and I know that, though we are perfect for each other, we are not perfect people.  I am not going to be self-deprecating and list all my faults, but I know what work I need to do in my life.  I know where I need to change.  Most of us usually do, even when we do not want to admit it.  Pray the prayer, "Change my heart oh, God, make it ever new," or "Create in me a clean heart, oh God and renew a right spirit within me."   Also, be ready for the honest discussions with your spouse and ask him/her to lovingly but honestly tell you where he/she thinks you need improvement.  Ask your partner to help you with areas you feel you need help.  Self-examination and a loving hand from your soul mate will help you become a more virtuous spouse. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Victory:  Pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17) for one another and for whatever issue is troublesome and claim the victory in Jesus’ name!

      Art Project Idea: Two great scripture verses on victory are: Matthew 12:20, “A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench, Till He sends forth justice to victory.” and I Corinthians 15:57, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”  I realize the second verse has to do with victory over death, but you can still apply it to this week’s art project.  Choose one or both of the above verses and write or computer print them out.  You can mount them on scrapbook paper and frame them and/or add a photograph or symbol of an instance where you and your spouse were (or even need to be) victorious.  Hang this where you can be reminded that Jesus is Lord of all, and He cares for Your needs and will always help you claim the victory in His name (as long as it is within His will).

Virtuous:  Reread the definition of virtue and see where what positive qualities you can identify in your mate.  Write him/her a letter and thank your sweetie for being a man or woman or virtue.

On the flip side, are there any areas where you are lacking in virtue?  Promise yourself that this is the week you will do your best to be the spouse God intended you to be.

Week 42 Short Video

 

Week 42 Art Project

 

Week 42: Unique & United

 Fun Activity This Week: Undertake a new task or project this week.  Whether it is something big such as renovating an entire room or something simple such as planting flowers, the point is to undergo this task together as an undivided, united team.  Many home improvement/garden stores offer free classes on Do-It-Yourself projects, and you can find all sorts of free videos to watch on YouTube. Additionally, taking a class together could be fun! Even if you do not have the finances for any type of home, yard, or other project right now, you can still take a free course and plan for the future.

Week 42: Unique & United

Unique:  My husband is truly one in 8.2 billion; he is unique.  He is so handsome and kind.  He is my rock and my spiritual leader.  He is my perfect match and my soulmate.  He is my best friend and lover.  He is my whole world.  Thank you, God, for creating Mel just for me!

Make everyone else want a marriage just like yours.  Be a unique example in this world of a happy marriage.  I say, “unique” not just for the sake of using a word for the letter U, but because marriages are so often negative.  Be uniquely positive and make it a goal to let the light of your marriage shine for Christ.

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

If you ever attended church, I am certain you have sung, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” When you think of this song, you probably automatically begin picturing all the hand motions, including covering and uncovering your “candle” (finger) to show you will not hide your light under a bushel.  Matthew 5 tells us we are not to keep our lights hidden.  We are boldly to display our relationship with Christ as a lighthouse, a beacon so those lost at sea can find their way to the Savior. 

One of the best ways we can be a good example of God’s love is through our marriage.  People frequently tell Mel and I how adorable we are in our interactions with one another.  We celebrated twelve years of marriage this June, but our love never wanes.  People still ask if we are newlyweds and tell us how much they enjoy seeing how loving and respectful we are with one another.  We have had strangers tell us so many times that they admire how we interact, that I cannot even count the number of compliments.  We keep our public affection decent, but we draw attention because of how we are so giving with one another.  We hold hands, hug, and (tactfully) kiss, we use loving terms with each other, we do not argue, and the selfless side to our relationship always comes across as we put the other’s needs first.  People take notice of our unique love.  We are not perfect, and sure we have grouchy moments, but we truly are not putting on a façade; we treat each other just as lovingly and respectfully in private as we do in public. 

The light shining forth from our marriage has often been a great opportunity to share the love of the Lord.  I was rarely approached for random dialogues when I was single, but when I am with Mel, strangers often start conversations with us, sometimes for thirty minutes or longer.  Although I am very shy and introverted and typically wary of people I do not know, when I am with Mel, I feel less self-conscious and can open up and be friendly to strangers.  Being married to a bold extrovert is good for me.  I can more easily share the love of Christ with a husband by my side that helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin.  We have offered to pray for several people because of personal issues they have shared with us.  Our willingness to listen and show compassion makes people feel safe around us and let their guards down.  I fully believe it is only after they see how joyful and respectful our unique marriage is that they feel comfortable enough to approach us.  They want to know more about why we radiate so much love.   

It is important to remember that someone is always watching, especially if you call yourself a Christian.  The way you and your spouse treat each other in public says a lot more than you realize.  You can either enhance or demean your testimony based on your public interactions. 

When others openly do not take their marriages seriously, they make a very loud statement that they do not believe in practicing the basic principles of The Bible.  They are a poor testimony of their faith.  Consider the following scripture verses and see if you follow these teachings when in public.  The first one has to do with remembering you are married and to be loyal to your spouse even with your eyes.  The second is a reminder to all those who like to wear short shorts, tight leggings, low cut tops, etc.  Remember you are someone’s wife!   

But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

…women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

Ephesians 5:22-33 says we are to treat each other with love and respect.  Each time someone insults their spouse in public or makes it clear they feel their mate is nothing more than a nag, they stomp all over The Bible and bury it in the ground.  And trust me, everyone notices when you belittle each other or fight in public.        

Again, remember other people are watching.  If those people are already critical of Christians, they are watching extra hard, waiting for any excuse to insult believers’ actions.  They are anxious to say, “If that’s what being a Christian looks like, I do not want any part of it.”  I want my light for Christ to shine even when I am alone, but especially when I am with my husband.  I want others to look at my marriage as a shining example of what pure, honest, respectful, and Godly love looks like.  In our uniqueness, I want them to see Jesus in us and intrigue them to want to know more.  Mel and I are both honored when we are approached, and strangers open up to us and God presents an opportunity for sharing His love. 

May your unique marriage be a beautiful way to shine for the Lord!  Try always to be thinking of more ways to be bold for Christ and let your marriage be your testimony.     

United:   Anyone who has ever worked a job even one day is certain to have heard the term "team player.”  Working hard and treating fellow employees with kindness and respect and striving to have a good work ethic no matter what is going on in the workplace will make you not just a good employee, but also a good witness. I often had 1 Corinthians 10:31 taped to my desk, which says, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  Since “whatever you do” includes your marriage, it should be your goal to be the ultimate team player with your spouse as well.  You should be united in all you do. 

One Sunday evening in 2012, after Mel and I were already in bed, Mel heard running water. He went into the bathroom and there was a mini flood on our floor.  Our toilet had cracked down the full length of the tank. It was too late to do anything except turn off the water and mop up the mess. The next morning, we went to Home Depot, who saved us a lot of money as they were very helpful to us. We thought we were going to have to hire a plumber or pay Home Depot to install it. However, a man there talked in great detail with us about how to install it ourselves (they were also very helpful later on when Mel called them and asked for more advice), so we decided to try. I will say that before we even tried, I knew we would be successful because we have had a very wonderful communication system ever since we first began dating. We talk about everything and are both great listeners as well as talkers. Also, Mel is very intelligent (even though he is too humble to admit it), and I knew we would work well together. Therefore, from around noon to 4:00 we spent removing the old toilet and installing the new one. 

Working on a big project such as this is a true test of a new (or not so new) marriage. So many people end up fighting and refusing to listen to the other person's opinions. By the time the project is done, they are so mad at each other, it is almost as if they were unsuccessful. Or they are at each other’s throats so much that the project never gets finished, and they have to spend money to hire someone to do it for them. Well, in absolutely honesty I can say that Mel and I make a terrific team; we work wonderful together, no arguing and truly respecting each other’s opinions.  Go Team Ludeke! He did probably 65% of the work, but I helped as much as I could, and he even listened to and respected my opinions on what I thought would be helpful in completing our project. You know what else we also did that assured our success? We both prayed before we began (as individuals as well as praying together). That was a huge key to our success as well. 

At first, when we turned on the water, it leaked and we had another small flood, but we did not panic. We came up with a few other solutions, took a dinner break, prayed again, and then got back to our project. Mel realized we simply needed to tighten the screws in the tank better, we did, and, ta-dah, we had a working toilet! 

If you have any kind of project to do with your spouse that could become frustrating and cause a potential fight, please remember your spouse is your team mate at all times and to respect each other as such. Be united as you work together.  Mel was so sweet to me and thanked me for my suggestions as we tried them. He even said I was "very helpful" and a "big help" to him. That is the way every spouse should be. Hopefully you married your honey for his/her mind and not just looks.  Remember to respect your mate’s brain power when struggling over any project and listen to suggestions on what to do next. If it does not work, at least you tried, and honoring each other’s opinions will accomplish more for your marriage than the results.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Unique:  What about your marriage do you consider unique?  Is it the way you met?  Are one or both of you from another country?  Do either of you possess a unique skill?  Or, most importantly, do you stand out because of your faith and morals?  Whatever it is, find a way to celebrate your unique qualities in each other as well as in your marriage.  If you choose, throw an inexpensive themed dinner party (with just the two of you or with friends) celebrating how unique you are.  Say you met in Africa building orphanages, throw an African-themed party, and invite your guests to donate to the same charity.  Maybe one or both of you are an accomplished musician; your party should include the type of instrument you play on a CD in the background and maybe decorate a cake with musical notes. The musicians could even perform one or two songs.  Want to celebrate your relationship with Jesus, then invite all your guests to share their testimonies (as well as sharing yours) before or after the gathering.      

United:  Whatever you do this week, do it as a united team.  Do not bicker but listen to suggestions and try all reasonable ideas.

Art Project Option: Create a banner similar to a sports or college banner.  You can use felt, paper, cardboard, or other material.  Decorate it in your favorite colors and use your last name in the wording on the banner.  For example, you could cut out felt letters that say, “Go Team…” (whatever your last name may be).  You could find a permanent place for it or just hang this up whenever you have a project to tackle to remind yourselves to work as teammates.