Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

 

Fun Activity This Week: Take a walk in the rain and snuggle under one umbrella. We moved to the state of Washington in April 2019 where we are now in the beginning of the rainy season. Therefore, taking a walk under an umbrella around here will be an easy task to accomplish.  If you live in an area (such as where we moved from), where it rarely rains, or it is not the rainy season, then save this task for another day, and/or simply take a romantic walk outside no matter what the weather and enjoy the fresh air!

Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

Undefiled:  Keeping the marriage bed pure before and during your marriage will make your sex life that much more special, sweeter, romantic, and much more enjoyable! 

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4

If you are single are involved in pre-marital sex (or even considering it), please choose abstinence until you are married.  Besides the fact that pre-marital sex is not pleasing to God, I have read that those that wait to have sex until after they are married have a much better love life.  I can honestly tell you that I was a thirty-nine-year-old virgin the day I got married.  So do not use your age as an excuse to start having sex before you get married.  After finally knowing what sexual intimacy was all about, I am very grateful that I waited.  If you have made a mistake, repent of your sins and do not continue to live in sin.  God forgives and God heals. 

And, of course, after you are married, there is never any excuse to cheat.   

Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! They also do no iniquity; They walk in His ways. Psalm 119:1-3

Choosing to have an undefiled marriage is saying that you both strive to live pure lives, holy and acceptable, and pleasing unto the Lord (Romans 12:1-2).  When you have such a goal, your marriage is certain to be happy and successful.  

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

I am a person who finds it difficult to trust others. I have been burnt by every friend I have ever had, and that is not an exaggeration. I never thought it would be possible to trust anyone. Without trust, true love does not exist. Yet, I trust Mel 100%. If I did not, I never could have fallen in love with him, and of course, never would have married him. I can put my entire life in his hands and know I am safe: body, mind, and soul. What an incredible honor to have him trust me in return! The husband of a virtuous woman "safely trusts her." The same goes for the virtuous man.  I want to always be worthy of Mel's trust and would never forgive myself if I betrayed his trust in me. I will always be faithful to him physically, but I need to also earn his trust in every other way as well. 

This ties in perfectly with verse 12. In order to maintain my husband's trust, I would always do "him good and not evil all the days of [my] life." To me, this is so simple. I would not cheat on him, lie to him, or steal from him. Those are obvious. However, doing your husband "good" is more than following the commandments. You can defile your marriage with more than just sexual sins. Honor him with your body (which includes NOT dressing proactively), learn to compromise, submit when necessary, and honor him as your spiritual leader and head of your house, and do not talk behind his back. 

Having an undefiled marriage cannot exist without trust in all areas, which is the basis for the two scriptures in Proverbs. One of the most important issues in a marriage is making yourself trustworthy. If you are doing something that causes your spouse not to trust you, I would say that means you are doing him/her "evil." Trust can be re-earned over time, but it is far better not to break this trust to begin with! If you have, first seek forgiveness from Christ, then your partner, and sincerely work on fixing your marriage. I hope I never betray my sweet love's trust and do him "evil." I know my goal will always be to do him "good all the days of [my] life." 

Undivided:  No matter what situations you may face, do not let it cause a rift between you and your spouse.  Stay strong, stay rock solid, stay undivided.

When Mel and I were nearly homeless in 2014, it was the most fearful situation our marriage faced.  In the midst of extreme stress, we talked about our fears often and prayed several times a day to try to keep our spirits up.  We had a very real conversation one night where we admitted we were both terrified that if God chose not to grant us a miracle, that it could change our marriage (God did grant us a miracle by providing a rental literally 4 days before we lost our home.).  More than worrying about living in our vehicle, we are worried about losing one another. Not in the sense of divorce, but in being forced to live in separate locations. We love each other so much that the idea of any kind of separation is worse than anything else we could face.  We never want to be divided.  We were determined that we were not going to let our circumstances tear us apart.  We were (and still are) committed to our wedding vows.  I can preach at you to stay bonded to your mate and talk things through, but I am living proof that scary situations do not have to divide you.  You do not have to be at each other's throats or place blame.  You can pray and cry together and cling even tighter to one another.

Other than facing homelessness, for some strange reason, Mel and I have faced constant opposition. Even on the fourth day we were dating, a woman we were having dinner with went behind my back and told Mel he should not be with me. I will not go into all the details of what was said then or what she later did to further try to tear us apart, but it was very harsh. The day I found out all she had said and done to try to turn him against me, I was so devastated, it caused me to break down and cry. Now understand, I rarely cry, but this hurt so deeply, I openly cried in front of my new boyfriend just one day after we began talking marriage and had confessed our love to each other. I knew he was the man I desperately loved and wanted to marry, and I was terrified I would lose him. Gratefully, Mel saw right through this woman’s schemes, and did not listen to her strange and false accusations; he knew I was the one he was meant to marry.  Mel compassionately held me in his arms and our bond only grew tighter. We knew then that no one would ever divide us.

What we did not expect was that the antagonism against us would remain constant. I will not go into details because it would take far too long, and I do not want to dwell on negativity, but it seems there is an ever-present target on our heads. Friends and even family members have tried to come between us. We have faced (these are issues from other people, not us): lies, lust, false “prophecies,” backstabbing, jealousy in many forms, manipulation, false condemnation, and even theft and vandalism. However, Mel and I have amazing communication, and we talked things through, and we were able to put these issues where they belong: in the trash!

So why are we the focus of so many dangerous plots to come between us? Are we just paranoid? Are we having shared delusions? No, of course not! We know it is because God has been preparing us for a big ministry since before we were born. We are a light the enemy wishes to snuff out. He will use every means he can to try to defeat us which includes trying to destroy our marriage. 

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

With God’s help, Mel and I are stronger than the enemy and all who oppose us. Every time we face attacks that try to come between us, it only brings us closer together. For one thing, we are both very analytical and logical, and we are able to reason through all the supposed truths we have been fed. We can recognize when someone or something is being used to try to place a rift between us. Yet, we will not be divided because we believe in Mark 10:9 that says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” We 100% believe God has put us together forever. Nothing or no one will ever tear us apart. 

I pray that all who read this can say the same about their marriages, that you do not allow anyone or anything to divide you. Talk things through and cling together. It is amazing how Mel and I love each other more and more every day, and our bond only grows and grows. God had bound us together with chords that cannot be broken. Our love is undivided and eternal, and, therefore, so is our marriage. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Undefiled:  Be honest with yourself, are there any areas in your marriage where you know you could be purer?  Evaluate yourself not just in areas of sex, but in all areas of your marriage and spiritual life.  Use this week to repent of any areas that need improving and do your best to walk undefiled. 

Undivided:  It is quite common to deal with outside forces that may try to come between you and your mate.  However, we sometimes choose to turn a blind or ignorant eye to the harm caused by friends or family.  Show love to all but make up your mind this week not to put up with anyone who tries to divide you and your soul mate.    

Art Project Idea:  When I used a thesaurus for the word undivided, I was presented with, “complete, entire, whole, total, full, exclusive, and unbroken.”  Then my mind wanders to the song, “Will the Circle be Unbroken?”  While this song has to do with Heaven, the title inspired this week’s art project.

Draw a circle of any size out of any material.  You could even cover a sheet of paper with multiple circles of various patterns and sizes.  However you choose to do it, write the words to Mark 10:9 in the center of your biggest circle (or divide the words among all the circles if you choose), “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”  The King James Version states, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man tear asunder.”  Therefore, I like to rephrase the last few words as, “…let no one tear apart,” which is a more accurate definition of the word asunder.   You could even use the words, “Our circle will not be unbroken.”

To make this project more interesting, make a collage of pictures of various years together (be sure to include at least one wedding picture), and glue a circle under each photo, use scrapbook paper with a circle design, or both.  Still include the words to the scripture in a prominent place in the collage. Frame and hang it where all who come to your house gets the clear message that no one can ever come between you and your chosen one!