Week 26 Short Video

 

Week 26 Art Project

 

Week 26: Mercy & Money

Fun Activity This Week:  Visit an art or historical museum.  None in your area, or it is not in your budget, then look at books or photos on-line of beautiful art and/or historical items.  Many museums have photos on-line and some even have virtual tours.  Mel and I are both history buffs, and even looking at photos is interesting to us.

 

Week 26: Mercy & Money

Mercy:  Just as we expect others to be merciful toward us when we make mistakes, show the utmost mercy toward your spouse and always be ready to forgive.  Do not hold a grudge or later throw back in his/her face something done weeks or months ago.  Furthermore, do not plot how to get even.  Give your mate the benefit of the doubt and learn to talk things out and/or let the little things go.

If your spouse has done something that has offended you and you truly feel like you cannot let it go, then please find the time to talk about it before you go to sleep.  Ephesians 4:26 gives this excellent advice, “Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath."  It is best to confront things when fresh in your mind.  When you stew over something, it tends to get bigger rather than smaller.

I have said it before, and I promise it is true; Mel and I very rarely fight. I cannot even recall the last time we had a serious argument, but  I believe the last time we had a shouting match was in 2014.  Part of the reason we so rarely argue is because we communicate so well and because we do not let the little things get to us.  Neither one of us is prefect in any way, and there are things we do that irritate the other.  However, because we are so deeply in love and so truly respect one another, we do not keep a list of these things to throw back in the other's face.  If Mel does not feel like telling me right away that I did something to hurt his feelings in November, he is not going to say to me in December, "Well you bit my head off last month and I am still upset by it."  Nor am I going to say, "Well, you said something that hurt my feelings in June, July, and August!"  Of course not, because we let the little things go.  

I am certainly not suggesting you confront every little thing that irritates you. For one thing, as you know by now, that I cannot stand nagging wives or husbands.  For another, you may have woken up cranky and something big will seem much smaller once you have had your coffee. Only discuss the things you think could affect your marriage negatively.  If you truly think you will be over it in an hour or two and it is not worth stirring up angry feelings, let it go, and do not store it in your brain to confront your spouse with at a later date.  The Bible says it better: He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29, & So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19  

I Corinthians 13:5 gives us excellent advice by reminding us that love keeps no record of wrongs (NIV).  The New King James Version words I Corinthians 13:5 a little different and says, love “thinks no evil.” So keeping track of all the times your spouse has hurt your feelings is thinking evil toward one another.  Unless your partner has a pattern of abuse, chances are, he/she did not truly mean to hurt your feelings.  If it really bothers you that much then please let each other know and talk about it so the problem can be resolved. 

He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Money:  Although I talked about materialism last week, this week I will be more specific in matters of how to handle money issues in your marriage.  Statistics state that the number one reason couples fight and often even break up is over money.  If you follow a few simple ideas, there is no reason money should cause so much harm.  

I know several couples that have separate bank accounts.  One of the reasons was, sadly, that the husband was wasting their money on alcohol and the wife had to get a secret account so her family could eat.  Another reason was that the wife spent all of her money, then took her husband’s without asking, and gave it to her children from her first marriage.  Unless these are your issues, there is no reason to keep your money separate.  If your spouse is an irresponsible spender and cannot be trusted to waste money on frivolous or immoral things, you may need to seek professional help.  Genesis 2:24 says that we become one when we marry, that means we share all things.  

Mel and I very much have the attitude of “what’s mine is yours and yours is mine.”  We know what the other spends, and the only time a purchase is a secret is if it is for a happy surprise.  Even then, we have a rule (as many couples do) that we do not spend more than a set amount without clearing it with the other, even for gifts.  So choose an amount you want your partner to discuss with you before it is spent.

If one of you is better at organization, there is nothing wrong with designating one of you as the “banker” of the family.  I am the one responsible for budgeting, but because I enjoy creating lists and charts and being organized, I do not mind doing it.  However, if the banker is feeling overwhelmed, consider swapping roles on a rotating schedule.  I know of families where the one in charge of the checkbooks resented the role and it caused friction.  If neither of you is capable of keeping track, there is no shame in that.  Rather than find yourselves in the negative a little too often or short on money and struggling to survive at the end of the month, take a class in finance for help.  Churches quite often offer free or inexpensive money managing seminars.  Alternatively, if you can afford it, hire an accountant.

I am certainly not a financial adviser and made plenty of mistakes in my younger days, but God has since instilled in me the wisdom of planning and keeping a strict financial plan. We keep a tight budget for each month, and if we are worried we will go over (which is rare), we sit down together and discuss what adjustments need to be made to keep our funds where they need to be.  Figure out what is coming in versus what is going out (bills, necessities, and even fun money).  Find time together every day or two (you decide how often) to go over all money spent that day to assure there are no stresses or surprises in the budget.

Consider starting a savings account.  For the majority of our marriage, we had no savings as we barely lived paycheck to paycheck.  So if this is your situation, I understand.  However, even if you only set aside $5-$10 every two weeks, the money adds up, and it is a comfort just knowing you have a small cushion either for emergencies, a vacation, or something fun. In 2018 I worked a seasonal job from May-September, so every month we set aside enough money to help us pay our large winter power bill as well as making it possible for us to move in 2019.  The first year we had that extra savings to fall back on was a huge stress reliever.

Try your very best never to get into debt.  Homes and vehicles are inevitable debt manufacturers, but what I am referring to is credit cards.  Too often, one is tempted to use the card more and more and the bill becomes an added burden to your finances.  If you have credit cards, try to save it for real emergencies, not just for an ice cream craving.  And do your best to pay down the balance as quickly as possible since the fees paid on interest rates are usually money wasted.

If you follow all the above suggestions and still find yourselves fighting over money, please take a class on money management and/or talk to a counselor.  

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Mercy: Forgive past and present errors. Show mercy when wrongs are committed.  Do not hang past offenses over each other’s head.  Make a genuine effort to put the past where it belongs, and focus on today!   

Money: Put into practice at least one idea from the above writing, such as starting a savings account.  Whatever you choose to do (or even if none of the above), take time this week and discuss how your finances are handled and make certain you are on the same page.  If not, do your best to find a compromise that will make both of you happy.

Art Project Option:  Ironically enough, you might need to spend money for this project, but less than $2.00 if you utilize a thrift or dollar store.  But you don't have to, you can create your own fake money or buy a game that uses money (unless you own such a game and never play it) such as Monopoly, or buy play money, draw money, print a design off the Internet, or find scrapbook or wrapping paper that looks like money.  You are going to create a mobile.  For the top section, use a large piece of cardboard (you can glue some of the “money” here or cover it with plain paper), and write something like, “You are priceless to me,” or “Your love is worth more than all the money in the world.”  Now glue as many fake bills as you wish to individual pieces of cardboard.  On each bill, write a word or phrase that describes how priceless your mate is to you.  Punch holes in the top of the money and connect them to the larger cardboard and to each other with thread, yarn, or even rubber bands.  You can even use fake coins as decorations as you see fit.  Hang this near the area where you pay your bills so you can be reminded that love is more important that money. 

Week 25 Short Video

 

Week 25 Art Project

As always, you can view the video that goes with this art project on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/theabcsofajoyfulmarriage/ .

Week 25: Materialism & Menopause

Fun Activity This Week: Plan a menu of all your favorite foods, even if it is just for dessert.

Week 25: Materialism & Menopause

Materialism:  One of the main sources couples state for marital problems are issues over money (see next week for more advice on this issue).  Please do not make your marriage about things.  Mel and I are both collectors of various items, but hobbies are our lowest priority.  Rather than being caught up in things, we are certain to spend a lot of time with each other, not our “toys.”  

We have been married for ten years, and the majority of that time has been spent with a very tight budget.  I am actually grateful for the extremely lean times because we have learned to rely on God and each other, not money.

I learned long before I was married that it is very important to a man’s ego to be a good provider.  Now that I am married, what I have come to understand is what this truly means.  Yes, we need money to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads, but happiness has nothing to do with materialism.  So no matter how much money you make, you can never buy a successful marriage.  You can buy a sense of financial security, but you cannot buy love or true joy.

Let me paint you a picture.

I bought my first house at the age of twenty-five and worked jobs that allowed me to be financially secure.  I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.  Yet those fourteen years I spent living alone as an independent, self-sufficient woman did not bring me any sense of peace.  I felt like I was going through the motions, not really living life.  I was more like a vague shadow of myself living in black and white.  My smiles were shallow.  My days and nights were lonely.  My life felt empty and meaningless.  I felt like an ugly, unlovable, pointless waste of space.

Then March 6, 2012 came.  I met Mel (tears come to my eyes and a smile overtakes my face as I type this).  I had spent thirty-nine years as a shy wallflower, hating meeting new people, always uncomfortable around someone I did not know.  Yet, as determined as I was to put up walls and push Mel away before giving him a chance, he began melting the ice around my heart almost immediately.  As I sat and listened to him talk about the things of God, I could not keep my eyes off his captivating smile and adorable dimples.  And what beautiful two-tone eyes and sweet accent!  I would not have admitted it then, but I knew that day, in spite of all my fears of rejection and misgivings about marriage, this man was going to be in my life forever.  In less than a week, I was admittedly head over heels in love and could have married him on the spot.  What was even more surprising, this wonderful, miracle of a man was madly in love with me as well!  We were married ninety-six days after our first date!  Long gone are the days of feeling worthless. 

What has my husband provided for me that is worth far more than materialism?  Mel has brought color to my world.  He has given my life joy, meaning, happiness, self-worth, peace, and true security!  I feel like the ugly duckling that turned into a beautiful swan.  I do not mean that in a conceited sense, but I say that because Mel makes me feel like a queen.  I feel so much better about myself.  Before, when I looked ahead, all I ever saw was a thin, blank, dark book.  One I wanted closed shut and left on the shelf, not caring to know what was in the next chapter as I knew it would be exactly the same as the last.  Now I see a future full of sunshine and light.  A big, thick book I want to pull off the self, read, and add to daily.  I cannot wait to see where God takes us next!

I know this all seems a bit dramatic, but I promise this is all exactly as I have felt then and now.  Mel is indeed a good provider!  He has given me a completely new life!  No amount of money or things could provide the love, hope, and wonderment Mel brings me every day.  I Thank God every day for such a precious gift, and thank Mel for being the perfect provider!

           Now go and thank God and your spouse for all he/she brings you that money can never buy!  

Menopause: (If you are reading this before week 25, please note this section is "under construction" and I have not finished writing it yet!) Even if you are many years away from menopause, I believe you can still benefit from reading these few paragraphs.  This not a medical or science lecture, just relating my story and hope it helps both husbands and wives with dealing with this very real and often sensitive issue.

Hormonal changes , perio-meno etc, 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Materialism: Be non-materialistic this weekend or even for a full week.  Except for the necessities such as bills, groceries, gas, etc., buy nothing you want.  Try to find things to do free such as going for a walk or playing a board game.  If you do not drink your coffee at home, try skipping the over-priced latte this week to save money.  If it is an option, go home during your lunch break and eat together, or try free samples at the mall or grocery store for a fun lunch or snack.  The point is about remembering what is important – time together.  If you choose, extend this experiment to two weeks or longer.  You can even start a savings jar and place all the money you normally would have spent in the jar.  You can use the money for a nice dinner out, save for something special you have both been wanting, or donate the money to charity.

Menopause: Be

Art Project Option: 

Week 24 Short Video

 

Week 24 Art Project, Parts 1 & 2

 

       Part 1 in the above video, Part 2 Below:

As always, you can view the video (parts 1 and 2 combined) that goes with this art project on the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/theabcsofajoyfulmarriage/ .

Week 24: Love & Loyalty

Fun Activity This Week:  Learn any new skill you have always wanted to learn.  Although it is fun to learn together, you do not have to choose the same thing.  It can be something easy you learn in a day or two, to a life-long process.  Be each other's encourager in whatever you choose to learn.

Week 24: Love & Loyalty 

Love:  I realize this entire book is all about love, but this week I want to write about what it truly means when you say you are in love. 

Many of the books on marriage are painting such a picture of doom and gloom that if I was not married, they would probably scare me away from it. In fact, as soon as we became engaged, and I read some of these books they did scare me!  They make it sound as if marriage is a constant struggle and it requires so much effort that you practically need a Ph.D. just to survive a year without divorce.  However, I am here to tell you that is ridiculous!  Now I am not naïve enough to believe that all people are sweet, complacent, and respectful of their spouse.  There are a lot of people that are very argumentative and always want to have the last word.  There are also many bossy people that want to control everyone around them and refuse to listen to anyone’s opinion except their own.  There are also a lot of emotional and physical bullies that suffocate the life out of everyone.  All these types of people are going to be in difficult marriages that most likely will fail without seeking help and changing their ways. 

I am going to tell you how I see love based on how I feel.  This is my opinion alone.  I am simply me, non-published, no degree, just a simple housewife married since June 2012.  But I am happy, and my marriage is full of peace and joy.  Even though life is often difficult, my marriage is smooth and easy.  I have made mistakes as a wife, but I would never intentionally harm my husband, and this is why:

I truly love Mel with all my body, mind, and soul, his happiness is more important than my own.  I wish I could create a perfect cocoon of pleasure and bliss that he can live in forever, and where no harm will ever come to him.  Because I am in love, the idea of fighting and conflict with him makes me sick to my stomach and I always want peace between us. 

Being argumentative and always having to be right should not even enter my thought process.  I realize we are all human and even those madly in love will not always agree, and there are times I believe I am the one in the right, but that does not mean screaming at my spouse is the way to get my point across.  Because I love him, I want to be so in tuned that we practically think in unison.  That means I do not want conflict and do not have the need to be right all the time.  I realize there are some issues I can let go.  By the way, we actually agree on almost everything and have extremely few disagreements, and when we do, they are very minor and over quickly because we cannot stand to see the other upset.

Because I truly love Mel, I never want to see him in pain.  Therefore, it is pretty obvious I would never intentionally cause him physical or emotional harm.  I love Mel so much that I have told him many times that I would take on all his past, present, and future hurts as well as any physical pain he feels if only he could be pain-free forever.  I mean that with all my heart.   

Because I truly love Mel, I want to give him all of me.  I want to make him enjoy his sex life and feel satisfied.  And because I love him, he satisfies me, and I truly love our intimate time together.  I love the pleasure side of our marriage because I am so madly in love with him.  Our time of intimacy is very important to me, and not just for the physical side, but also for the romance and bonding it brings to our lives. 

Because I truly love Mel, I trust him with my life, and I want to make sure he feels the same.  This means I would never want to purposely deceive or cheat on him.  I want that trust for a lifetime.

Love is not temporary; love is permanent.  I say to Mel all the time, “I want you forever.”  This is not a figure of speech.  I literally want him for all eternity.  This means I would never intentionally do anything that would cause a rift between us.  I would never give him reason to leave me.  I want my husband forever.  Therefore, I will do my best to make our forever peaceful, compromising, effortless, relaxed, enjoyable, helpful, romantic, selfless, forgiving, gentle, hopeful, joyful, agreeable, diplomatic, truthful, and faithful! 

Loyalty: This week is not just about standing up for sexual purity within marriage, or even just about the way one dresses.  This week has more to do with vanity, or more specifically, being so vain you place your ego above your mate to the point you have become disloyal to your marriage.

Let's start with Facebook (and other social media).  I see so many men and women who are married that have only a picture of themselves as a profile picture.  This is not so bad, (although I believe husbands and wives should have a joint Facebook page) but what irritates me is when they are posed in a provocative way and/or dressed to show off their body.  A look of, "Hey, everybody, check me out; aren't I cute!" is written all over their face. Rather than, "Look at my spouse and me; aren't we an adorable couple?"  Simply including your mate in your profile picture says to the world that you are very happily spoken for, and you are proud of your marriage.  In this case, I believe showing off is perfectly acceptable!  In addition, do not try to out-shine your spouse in photos. Stand side by side, not one of you as the focus and the other somewhere behind you! You are partners, so show the world you view each other as equals!

As I have previously written, I do not like the way many women dress.  It is bad enough to see a teenager with her rear end hanging out, but when I see a woman with a man (whether he is the husband or not) dressed in way that leaves little to the imagination, it really makes me sad (especially when they have kids with them).  Mel has put it perfectly; he says that women like that are not ever going to be loyal.  If she wants all men's eyes on her, then she is not honoring the man she is with, be it boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.  Logic says if she is willing to show off plenty skin just to get attention, and does not care who she titillates, she is willing to cheat on her spouse.  If you do not want the attention, then why dress that way?  You can be perfectly comfortable in a modest sundress, capris, and not a drop of cleavage needs to be showing even in 100-degree temperatures.  Therefore, using the excuse that it is hot will not work; the truth is that it is all about vanity. And more importantly, single or not, dressing provocatively is displeasing to the Lord!

What it comes down to is whether you are more interested in seeking out the attention of the opposite sex because you know you have a good body and/or attractive face, and you really enjoy the ego boost, or do you love your spouse so much that you want only his/her eyes on you?  I have seen many women dressed modestly and still be fashionable.  I am forty-nine years old, and I need to lose weight, but even if I had the perfect figure and had the perfect sense of fashion, I would still dress discreetly. 

You can also show loyalty to your spouse by the way you speak about each other when you are apart.  Stand up for one another if anyone insults your honey, and never speak ill of your spouse behind his/her back.  Sure, there will be times when you are frustrated during the course of your marriage, and you may feel the need to vent to someone and get a little sympathy.  However, there is never any excuse for bad-mouthing your mate and making him/her look stupid, lazy, mean, incompetent, etc.  Even insulting his/her cooking or the way he/she keeps house betrays your mate.  If you really need someone to talk to, talk to God.  

Chances are, whatever you feel like complaining about will be resolved in a short amount of time, and you will feel guilty for having said cruel things about the one you love above anyone or anything else.  Moreover, it creates hard feelings towards your mate with those to whom you have gossiped.  Long after you are over the issue, they are still seeing your spouse in a negative light.  The Bible says we are to respect our spouses and this absolutely means whether we are together or apart. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Love:  This week is wide open!  What can you do to show how much you love your mate?  Cook a nice dinner, have a night out on the town, or just simply show kindness and respect.  Whatever it is, use your imagination and make certain your mate never forgets how much in love you are!

Art Project Option: This is where saving boxes used for shipping or the cardboard inserts in pizza boxes comes in handy!  Make a train out of cardboard or any other material (I made mine 2D, but you could make one 3D) with an engine that has a unique title.  For example, my train for Mel was The Ludeke Express and the engine number was 0610 (our anniversary).  Make as many cars as you would like and decorate each car with a unique theme that celebrates your love.  For example, our first boxcar stated “God’s Word” on it and I drew a bible sticking out of the car.  The last car said “Mel and Julie,” and I drew us riding on the top.  You can see the rest when I post it later this week. When the train is finished, punch holes (holes can be tricky in cardboard, but if it is thin enough it can be done) and tie the cars together with yarn, thread, ribbon, or even rubber bands.  My hubby loves trains, and he loved this so much he hung it on the bedroom wall.

This can be reimagined in many ways.  You can use any type of paper instead of cardboard.  You can print pictures of trains and the items that go in the boxcars from the internet rather than drawing.  You could even buy a toy train and fill the cars with miniatures to represent your unique love.

 I chose the train theme because Mel collects trains, but you could use any symbol you like that is unique to your marriage such as cars, wagons, or just plain boxes.

Loyalty:  Is there any area you can recognize where you are placing your own vanity over the love of your spouse?  Now is the time to come clean!  Combine social media pages or at least include each other in your personal profile pictures.  As I suggested in week 10, go through your wardrobe and get rid of your provocative clothing.  And of course, make 100% certain there is no way you would ever cheat on your partner, and do whatever you need to assure your heart will always be loyal.

Week 23 Short Video

 

Week 23 Art Project

 

Week 23: Loss & Lovable

Fun Idea This Week:  Spend a lot of time laughing at all your funny memories and create new ones too!

Week 23: Loss & Lovable

Loss:  In the course of one’s life, loss is inevitable.  My husband and I have both lost loved ones before we were married, and we both lost more family after.  Grief is a one of the most difficult emotions a marriage can endure, and when mishandled, has ended many marriages.

I have written about showing compassion toward one another and being each other’s healing instrument and those principles apply in the area of grief as well.   

We do not all grieve the same way.  You may know about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, we do not always follow these in order.  Keep that in mind when your spouse is experiencing a broken heart and do your very best to let your honey grieve in his/her own way and do what you can to be supportive.

One thing I have had difficulty adjusting to as a married woman is learning not to give in to old patterns I gave into when I was single. I am referring to my need to want to retreat into myself when I am hurting. My normal instinct when I am grieving is to want to be alone. There were days I fought getting in the car and driving off by myself for a few hours. This is no way means I love my precious Mel any less or that I think he is insensitive. In fact, he is extremely supportive and proves to me even more that he is the perfect man of my dreams. This is simply a need I have to want to withdraw into myself when my heart is breaking.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with needing a little bit of time alone. In fact, if this is how your mate chooses to deal with loss, please respect his/her need for temporary space, and allow the grieving process to run its natural course.  My concern is when one refuses to allow their mate to console them, and the retreat takes longer than a few hours or days but stretches into weeks or months. When one is married, you need to run to your spouse, not run away.  Cling to your spouse; be of one flesh and, as Galatians 6:2 states, “bear one another's burdens.”

Romans 12:15 says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." That not only means being there for my husband, which is easy, but allowing him to be there for me. I do not need to be stoic and strong. I can trust and honor my husband by leaning on him physically and emotionally.

Grief is never wrong, and even The Bible reminds us it is acceptable, so do not ever let anyone tell you tears are wrong. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5  & A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance.  Ecclesiastes 3:4  I suffered six great losses in 2014 that I still cry over from time to time, but with God’s help and Mel’s compassion, my sorrow does not overwhelm me any longer, and I can recall memories with less pain.  If you or your spouse cannot function after several months or after a year are still weeping every day, please seek professional help.  The sadness does not have to completely disappear, but the ability to function should get easier. 

When dealing with any kind of hurt (even a loss of a job, move, or friendship can be equated to grief), please allow yourself to lean into the arms of the spouse God granted you, and thank God every day you do not have to face it alone!　

Note: I originally wrote this in 2018. In January 2022, I lost my beloved father. I can now say with more clarity, that this above writing abut loss rings true. I was very close to him and miss my Daddy every day, but with the help of God and my husband, the grief as been more bearable than if I was alone or refused to let them be my comfort.

Lovable:  When we are going through times of stress, it is natural to lash out at the person closest to us, usually our spouse.  We take things out on each other because the one we live with is the easiest target.  Yet, no matter what you are going through, be lovable with your words and actions.  Do not ever make your mate wonder why he/she married you.  Do not let him think, "She seemed so sweet when we were dating, but now all she ever does is nag.  If I had known she was going to turn out to be so critical, I never would have married her."  You certainly do not want her to worry, "He seemed so happy and cheerful when we were dating.  He seems so depressed and moody now.  Doesn’t he love me?  What am I doing wrong?" 

We cannot help having grouchy or sad days now and again.  Men, whether you want to admit it or not, women truly have no control over their hormones, this includes both and PMS and menopause.  Rather than making snide comments during your wife’s time of the month, or saying every unhappy mood is hormone-related, try to be patient and do not take things personally.  Besides, men, you know you have your own masculine version of monthly mood swings and even male menopause as well.  Women, we can still check our attitude at the door and do our best to catch the way our tones sound even when it is difficult to fight the crabby days. 

Also, I realize there are some medical and psychological disorders that cause depression that one is not capable of controlling.  In these cases, please seek professional help, as there is nothing wrong with pursuing natural or doctor prescribed remedies.  There are even a number of medications that cause uncontrollable depression.  If a long-term medication is causing such side effects, do not be afraid to ask your doctor for a different remedy.  If you do not want to seek a doctor’s help for your own sake, then do it for the peace of your home life.

Other than instances we cannot control, we need to fight against the urge to blame and mistreat each other when we are angry, frustrated, or depressed.  When you cling to one another during times of crisis rather than bicker, your marriage will grow stronger and your bond will be unbreakable.

Do your utmost best to be lovable in good times and bad.  Even if you are facing scary, frustrating, angry, or sorrowful situations, continue to hug, kiss, snuggle, and tell each other how much you love each other.  When God sees you through the crisis you are facing, you will be very glad you kept your heart open and continued to treat your mate with lovable actions.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Loss:  Whether your loved one is dealing with past or present loss, allow him/her to open up to you and say all that is on his/her heart.  The best way to handle grief is to acknowledge it and allow your partner to heal at a natural pace.

Lovable:  Whatever situation you may be facing this week, please do not take it out on your mate.  You did not get married just to have someone on whom you can take out your frustrations.  Let your honey be your therapist and treat each other with kindness and love.

Art Project Option: To show your honey that you appreciate all his/her lovable qualities, write a list of all the things you love about your mate.  To turn this into an art project, cut out hearts either in different colored construction paper or scrapbook paper of varying patterns (you can even use plain paper and decorate as you choose).  Write on each of these hearts the phrase, “Love is…” and fill in the blank in big, bold letters underneath.  Make as many as you can think of, and hang them (scotch tape works fine) all over one section of the house  or scattered throughout the house.  The point is to get your honey’s attention that you appreciate all his/her lovable ways.  You do not have to use the above phrase, you could also say, “I see love in you when you…” or “You are lovable when…”, a combination of phrases, or any other phrase including the word love.

Week 22 Fun Activity

This week's fun activity was to fly a kite (or do something else fun outdoors).  Mel and I drove to Ocean Shores and flew a kite!  This was actually the first time we have flown a kite together, and the winds at the Pacific Ocean were prefect for it!  I also packed us a simple lunch of tuna sandwiches and granola bars.