Week 44: Vivacious & Vows

 Fun Activity This Week:  If you wrote your own vows and still have copies of them, read them to each other again and recommit to those promises.  If you did not write vows then, consider writing them now.  Or if you have been married for a while, you may have a better understanding of married life and be able to better write wedding vows than what you wrote when you were still single.  Whether you have older vows or not, consider writing new ones and making all new promises that may be more relevant to your life today. 

Week 44: Vivacious & Vows

Vivacious:  Do not be a sourpuss or grouchy pants, but be vivacious, bubbly, and full of energy for your spouse.  I know some days can be long and frustrating things happen, but do not take it out on your spouse.  If you see your mate is having a bad day, make a joke out of it and to try to make him/her smile.  Tell your honey he/she needs to change his/her grouchy pants for happy pants or threaten to paint a big yellow smiley face on his/her rear end.  I am NOT suggesting that you demean what your loved one is feeling, if something serious is going on, he/she needs your prayers and understanding, not your jokes.  I am suggesting lightening the mood when you can tell your mate is grouchy due to a minor incident or just woke up that way. 

If you work and/or have children, I am sure your energy levels are not always up, and that is perfectly okay.  Sex is not always an option, but romance is not only about sex.  Taking the time to snuggle in each other arms feels wonderful (especially while lying down) and does not have to lead to anything more unless you want it to.  And if one or both of you need a release, I am sure you know there are some forms of marital pleasure that do not require a lot of time.

Being vivacious can simply mean greeting your mate with a sweet smile and kiss every morning and each time you are reunited.  It can mean having a good attitude and sharing a friendly cup of coffee or tea while engaging in lively conversation.  Doing your best to be in a good mood will make you feel better.  Even if you start pretending to smile, you will feel better, and your smile will become sincere.  As I do not believe in being phony with your mate, I am NOT suggesting you fake a good mood; I am suggesting that, instead of giving into a foul mood, put on your happy pants and choose joy!  

Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!  Philippians 4:4

Vows:  We are in this marriage for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, and for better or worse.  Forever means forever.  

Whether you have said them yourself or heard them spoken, I think pretty much everyone knows the traditional wedding vows.  When Mel and I got married, we wrote our own vows as well as saying the standard ones (I will post our vows when I post the finished art project later this week).  We took every single word we vowed as a promise forever.  What we did NOT say was that we would only love each other and be kind to each other when things are all sunny and rosy.  We never said we would be rude to each other if our bank account showed a balance of less than $1.  We never said we would refuse to make love when we had no heat in our house. We never said we would turn our back if the other was frustrated, sad, scared, or lacking faith.  We never said we would laugh at the other's mistakes.  We never said we would refuse to listen to a concern spoken more than once.  Moreover, we absolutely never said we would file for divorce if we were behind on bills, and we thought we would be better off alone. 

What we promised was that we would love, support, cherish, and adore each other no matter what the circumstance!  We would hold each other, pray together, forgive, and not judge.  I have seen couples use adversity as an excuse for pushing the other away and even going as far as divorce.  In their warped mind, they had fewer problems when they were single and foolishly think their life will improve if they go backwards.  I have said it before, God hates divorce.  (Malachi 2:16)

Even when we are facing tough times, Mel and I are kind to each other, madly in love, and full of joy in our marriage. Moreover, we truly trust we are in God's hands. It is normal in life to experience a little or a lot of stress. It is also normal for faith to suffer a little or a lot when frustrated. Prayer really helps, especially when praying together.  

I encourage you to focus on your vows when circumstances are getting you down.  They were not said in vain; they were a solid promise spoken before God.  I know I have said it many times before, God is number your number one source of happiness and your spouse is your number two, not someone or something else.  Stick to and with one another; do not run away.  As I have also said before, two are better than one and you can face things head on so much better hand-in-hand than being at odds with the other.  Take it from someone who was single for nearly forty years, it is so much better to share the burden with your spouse than to face the tough times alone.  So do not use any crisis as an excuse to run away emotionally or physically.  I cannot say it enough, cling to your spouse, and trust God will take care of you both!      

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Vivacious:  When you find yourself feeling grouchy for no real reason or minor issues, remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for. This practice alone can help put things in perspective. Do not take your hard days out in your mate but talk things through. Depression can be a real medical issue, so seek professional help if you simply are not able to shake the blues. Praise God for the good things in life and you will find being vivacious is easier than you think!

Vows:   If you wrote your own vows and still have them, read them to each other again and recommit to those promises.  If you did not write vows then, consider writing them now.  Or if you have been married for a while, you may have a better understanding of married life and be able to better write wedding vows than what you wrote when you were still single.  Whether you have older vows or not, consider writing new ones and making all new promises that may be more relevant to your life today. (I know this is a repeat of the “Fun Activity Idea” for this week because I truly believe this is a wonderful way to enhance your marriage this week.  Don’t be surprised as you reread your vows and look into each other's eyes that you may see tears, as well as tear up yourself!)

Art Project Option:  As I suggested making a collage of marriage prayers in week 32, you could do the same this week with your wedding vows.  If you do not have personal vows and neither of you chooses to write them, just print the traditional version and paste them in your frame instead.  

Week 43 Short Video

 

Week 43 Art Project

 

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

 Fun Activity This Week:  Start a planning and saving for a fun vacation! It can be in your own state or another country, but set goals (for example, within 6 months, a year, or even five years), and do you best to stick with your plans.

Week 43: Victory & Virtuous

Victory:  Claim the victory in Jesus' name for whatever circumstances you are facing.  I cannot stress enough that in times of personal or marital crisis trust that God has your best interest in mind.  Believe that God can heal and restore you and/or your marriage.  Do not give up!

In the past, Mel and I were "scolded" by a friend trying to place us under unjustified condemnation.  This person kept telling us that the tough situations we were facing were God's punishment.  Let me assure you that, while God does chasten those he loves (Hebrews 12:7), His desire is that we prosper (Jeremiah 29:11).  When things go wrong or seem to take a long time to be resolved, it could simply be a timing issue.  That does not mean that we should fail in examining our lives to see what may need to be cleansed and assure our actions are not blocking our prayers (as I stated in week 23), but God is a loving God and longs to bless His children.  Mel and I waited more than four years to move near the ocean and be free from the oppressive price we paid for rent. During those long years of financial struggle, we daily examined our lives, and when we felt the Holy Spirit’s correction, we worked hard at changing where He prompted.  Let me point out that if we ever are financially secure, that does not mean that we will cease to ask for God’s continual guidance in our daily walk with Him.  

If you are facing tough times, let me give you some encouraging words from one of my favorite verses.  It is difficult to put into words just how amazing these verses are.  We see here how the three, which are one, work together on our behalf.  Jesus himself prays for us with the aid of the Holy Spirit based on God's will for our lives.   

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Romans 8:26-28 & 34

Let us then follow the example of Jesus and practice interceding for each other and pray for whatever victory is needed individually and especially as a couple.      

Virtuous:  

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10

This is my description of what I feel the concept of a virtuous spouse (not just a wife but a husband also) should be.  I am going to be literal, use the definitions from dictionary.com, and then expand from there.

1) Moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.  This is a good start.  Obviously, "no one is good but One, that is God," (Matthew 19:17), but we should strive for righteousness, or living right.  To live a life set apart and holy (Romans 12:1-2 & II Corinthians 6:17).  I know I have said it before, but my number one goal in life is to please God and be a woman after His own heart, but my number two goal will always be to bring my husband honor by living a life that will never shame him.  I want to please Mel by being a wife that tries her best to live according to God's laws.  A spouse of virtue strives to bring his/her partner honor by living a pure life.

2) Conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude.  I am going to expand on the conformity issue.  There have been very few areas where I have changed my point of view since I married Mel. This is because, as I mentioned before, we saw and still see life pretty much the exact same way and there has been little to adjust.  The most important thing I wanted in a husband was that our religious beliefs were the same.  I hate the term "religion," but we are identical in our spiritual thought patterns.  I will say, when a certain issue came up early in our marriage, Mel lovingly pointed out to me that God never changes and, in human terms, is very old-fashioned.  Keep in mind, he is not a demanding husband, and merely makes respectful suggestions.  I have no problem conforming to my husband's beliefs (as long they are Biblical), as he is a Godly man and never a suppressive bully.  I conform because I love him so deeply and trust him to look out for my best interests.  A virtuous woman trusts her husband as her head and conforms when necessary and a virtuous husband will be respectful and not be a bully.

3) Chastity; virginity: to lose one's virtue.  I was indeed a virgin on my wedding night.  Let me tell you how very happy I am that Mel is the only man to whom I gave myself.  It is such an intimate, bonding, beautiful, pleasurable experience.  I am beyond grateful Mel will be the only man with whom I will ever have such experiences.  So, if any non-marrieds read this, please stay pure until you marry.  No matter how old you are, it will be worth the wait.  If you have made mistakes, God forgives, and so will a loving husband, but please do not stay living in sin.  And for the marrieds: please save sex for only your spouse.  There is never any excuse to cheat.  Sex is sacred.  Marriage is sacred.  A spouse of virtue gives his/her body only to his/her mate.

4)  A particular moral excellence. I will say it again, no one is perfect, but the goal as a spouse of virtue is to strive to live a life of "moral excellence."  How do we excel at anything? Practice, study, learn, and grow.  In other words, read The Bible, know the laws of Jesus, and follow them.  Know the character of Christ and make it your goal to imitate it.  Avoid temptations and cling to your honey.  Have amazing communication with your spouse every single day.  Talk about every issue you can think of and know where you both stand on every issue.  Keep each other accountable.  God is your number one source, but use your spouse is your number two moral compass.  Hopefully he/she is your spiritual leader as Mel is for me.  Follow each other’s good examples and ask him/her to help you as well.  A virtuous spouse seeks out excellence in his/her marriage and in his/her walk with God.

5) A good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one's weaknesses.  I have so many weaknesses I cannot count them all.  Mel and I know that, though we are perfect for each other, we are not perfect people.  I am not going to be self-deprecating and list all my faults, but I know what work I need to do in my life.  I know where I need to change.  Most of us usually do, even when we do not want to admit it.  Pray the prayer, "Change my heart oh, God, make it ever new," or "Create in me a clean heart, oh God and renew a right spirit within me."   Also, be ready for the honest discussions with your spouse and ask him/her to lovingly but honestly tell you where he/she thinks you need improvement.  Ask your partner to help you with areas you feel you need help.  Self-examination and a loving hand from your soul mate will help you become a more virtuous spouse. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Victory:  Pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17) for one another and for whatever issue is troublesome and claim the victory in Jesus’ name!

      Art Project Idea: Two great scripture verses on victory are: Matthew 12:20, “A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench, Till He sends forth justice to victory.” and I Corinthians 15:57, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”  I realize the second verse has to do with victory over death, but you can still apply it to this week’s art project.  Choose one or both of the above verses and write or computer print them out.  You can mount them on scrapbook paper and frame them and/or add a photograph or symbol of an instance where you and your spouse were (or even need to be) victorious.  Hang this where you can be reminded that Jesus is Lord of all, and He cares for Your needs and will always help you claim the victory in His name (as long as it is within His will).

Virtuous:  Reread the definition of virtue and see where what positive qualities you can identify in your mate.  Write him/her a letter and thank your sweetie for being a man or woman or virtue.

On the flip side, are there any areas where you are lacking in virtue?  Promise yourself that this is the week you will do your best to be the spouse God intended you to be.

Week 42 Short Video

 

Week 42 Art Project

 

Week 42: Unique & United

 Fun Activity This Week: Undertake a new task or project this week.  Whether it is something big such as renovating an entire room or something simple such as planting flowers, the point is to undergo this task together as an undivided, united team.  Many home improvement/garden stores offer free classes on Do-It-Yourself projects, and you can find all sorts of free videos to watch on YouTube. Additionally, taking a class together could be fun! Even if you do not have the finances for any type of home, yard, or other project right now, you can still take a free course and plan for the future.

Week 42: Unique & United

Unique:  My husband is truly one in 7.7 billion; he is unique.  He is so handsome and kind.  He is my rock and my spiritual leader.  He is my perfect match and my soulmate.  He is my best friend and lover.  He is my whole world.  Thank you, God, for creating Mel just for me!

Make everyone else want a marriage just like yours.  Be a unique example in this world of a happy marriage.  I say, “unique” not just for the sake of using a word for the letter U, but because marriages are so often negative.  Be uniquely positive and make it a goal to let the light of your marriage shine for Christ.

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

If you ever attended church, I am certain you have sung, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” When you think of this song, you probably automatically begin picturing all the hand motions, including covering and uncovering your “candle” (finger) to show you will not hide your light under a bushel.  Matthew 5 tells us we are not to keep our lights hidden.  We are boldly to display our relationship with Christ as a lighthouse, a beacon so those lost at sea can find their way to the Savior. 

One of the best ways we can be a good example of God’s love is through our marriage.  People frequently tell Mel and I are how adorable we are in our interactions with one another.  We celebrated ten years of marriage this June, but our love never wanes.  People still ask if we are newlyweds and tell us how much they enjoy seeing how loving and respectful we are with one another.  We have had strangers tell us so many times that they admire how we interact, that I cannot even count the number of compliments.  We keep our public affection decent, but we draw attention because of how we are so giving with one another.  We hold hands, hug, and (tactfully) kiss, we use loving terms with each other, we do not argue, and the selfless side to our relationship always comes across as we put the other’s needs first.  People take notice of our unique love.  We are not perfect, and sure we have grouchy moments, but we truly are not putting on a façade; we treat each other just as lovingly and respectfully in private as we do in public. 

The light shining forth from our marriage has often been a great opportunity to share the love of the Lord.  I was rarely approached for random dialogues when I was single, but when I am with Mel, strangers often start conversations with us, sometimes for thirty minutes or longer.  Although I am very shy and introverted and typically wary of people I do not know, when I am with Mel, I feel less self-conscious and can open up and be friendly to strangers.  Being married to a bold extrovert is good for me.  I can more easily share the love of Christ with a husband by my side that helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin.  We have offered to pray for several people because of personal issues they have shared with us.  Our willingness to listen and show compassion makes people feel safe around us and let their guards down.  I fully believe it is only after they see how joyful and respectful our unique marriage is that they feel comfortable enough to approach us.  They want to know more about why we radiate so much love.   

It is important to remember that someone is always watching, especially if you call yourself a Christian.  The way you and your spouse treat each other in public says a lot more than you realize.  You can either enhance or demean your testimony based on your public interactions. 

When others openly do not take their marriages seriously, they make a very loud statement that they do not believe in practicing the basic principles of The Bible.  They are a poor testimony of their faith.  Consider the following scripture verses and see if you follow these teachings when in public.  The first one has to do with remembering you are married and to be loyal to your spouse even with your eyes.  The second is a reminder to all those who like to wear short shorts, tight leggings, low cut tops, etc.  Remember you are someone’s wife!   

But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

…women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation… which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

Ephesians 5:22-33 says we are to treat each other with love and respect.  Each time someone insults their spouse in public or makes it clear they feel their mate is nothing more than a nag, they stomp all over The Bible and bury it in the ground.  And trust me, everyone notices when you belittle each other or fight in public.        

Again, remember other people are watching.  If those people are already critical of Christians, they are watching extra hard, waiting for any excuse to insult believers’ actions.  They are anxious to say, “If that’s what being a Christian looks like, I do not want any part of it.”  I want my light for Christ to shine even when I am alone, but especially when I am with my husband.  I want others to look at my marriage as a shining example of what pure, honest, respectful, and Godly love looks like.  In our uniqueness, I want them to see Jesus in us and intrigue them to want to know more.  Mel and I are both honored when we are approached, and strangers open up to us and God presents an opportunity for sharing His love. 

May your unique marriage be a beautiful way to shine for the Lord!  Try always to be thinking of more ways to be bold for Christ and let your marriage be your testimony.     

United:   Anyone who has ever worked a job even one day is certain to have heard the term "team player.”  Working hard and treating fellow employees with kindness and respect and striving to have a good work ethic no matter what is going on in the workplace will make you not just a good employee, but also a good witness. I often had I Corinthians 10:31 taped to my desk, which says, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  Since “whatever you do” includes your marriage, it should be your goal to be the ultimate team player with your spouse as well.  You should be united in all you do. 

One Sunday evening in 2012, after Mel and I were already in bed, Mel heard running water. He went into the bathroom and there was a mini flood on our floor.  Our toilet had cracked down the full length of the tank. It was too late to do anything except turn off the water and mop up the mess. The next morning we went to Home Depot, who saved us a lot of money as they were very helpful to us. We thought we were going to have to hire a plumber or pay Home Depot to install it. However, a man there talked in great detail with us about how to install it ourselves (they were also very helpful later on when Mel called them and asked for more advice), so we decided to try. I will say that before we even tried, I knew we would be successful because we have had a very wonderful communication system ever since we first began dating. We talk about everything and are both great listeners as well as talkers. Also, Mel is very intelligent (even though he is too humble to admit it), and I knew we would work well together. Therefore, from around noon to 4:00 we spent removing the old toilet and installing the new one. 

Working on a big project such as this is a true test of a new (or not so new) marriage. So many people end up fighting and refusing to listen to the other person's opinions. By the time the project is done, they are so mad at each other, it is almost as if they were unsuccessful. Or they are at each other’s throats so much that the project never gets finished and they have to spend money to hire someone to do it for them. Well, in absolutely honesty I can say that Mel and I make a terrific team; we work wonderful together, no arguing and truly respecting each other’s opinions.  Go Team Ludeke! He did probably 60-70% of the work, but I helped as much as I could, and he even listened to and respected my opinions on what I thought would be helpful in completing our project. You know what else we also did that assured our success? We both prayed before we began (as individuals as well as praying together). That was a huge key to our success as well. 

At first, when we turned on the water, it leaked and we had another small flood, but we did not panic. We came up with a few other solutions, took a dinner break, prayed again, and then got back to our project. Mel realized we simply needed to tighten the screws in the tank better, we did, and, ta-dah, we had a working toilet! 

If you have any kind of project to do with your spouse that could become frustrating and cause a potential fight, please remember your spouse is your team mate at all times and to respect each other as such. Be united as you work together.  Mel was so sweet to me and thanked me for my suggestions as we tried them. He even said I was "very helpful" and a "big help" to him. That is the way every spouse should be. Hopefully you married your honey for his/her mind and not just looks.  Remember to respect your mate’s brain power when going crazy over any project and listen to suggestions on what to do next. If it does not work, at least you tried, and honoring each other’s opinions will accomplish more for your marriage than the results.

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Unique:  What about your marriage do you consider unique?  Is it the way you met?  Are one or both of you from another country?  Do either of you possess a unique skill?  Or do you stand out because of your faith and morals?  Whatever it is, find a way to celebrate your unique qualities in each other as well as in your marriage.  If you choose, throw an inexpensive themed dinner party (with just the two of you or with friends) celebrating how unique you are.  Say you met in Africa building orphanages, throw an African-themed party, and invite your guests to donate to the same charity.  Maybe one or both of you are an accomplished musician; your party should include the type of instrument you play on a CD in the background and maybe decorate a cake with musical notes. The musicians could even perform one or two songs.  Want to celebrate your relationship with Jesus, then invite all your guests to share their testimonies (as well as sharing yours) before or after the gathering.      

United:  Whatever you do this week, do it as a united team.  Do not bicker but listen to suggestions and try all reasonable ideas.

Art Project Option: Create a banner similar to a sports or college banner.  You can use felt, paper, cardboard, or other material.  Decorate it in your favorite colors and use your last name in the wording on the banner.  For example, you could cut out felt letters that say “Go Team…” (whatever your last name may be).  You could find a permanent place for it or just hang this up whenever you have a project to tackle to remind yourselves to work as teammates. 

Week 41 Short Video

 

Week 41 Art Project

 Here is a photo of this week's art project with week 13. They look nice together:

Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

 

Fun Activity This Week: Take a walk in the rain and snuggle under one umbrella. We moved to the state of Washington in April 2019 where we are now in the beginning of the rainy season. Therefore, taking a walk under an umbrella around here will be an easy task to accomplish.  If you live in an area (such where we moved from), where it rarely rains, or it is not the rainy season, then save this task for another day, and/or simply take a romantic walk outside no matter what the weather and enjoy the fresh air!

Week 41: Undefiled & Undivided

Undefiled:  Keeping the marriage bed pure before and during your marriage will make your sex life that much more special, sweeter, romantic, and much more enjoyable! 

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4

If you are single are involved in pre-marital sex (or even considering it), please choose abstinence until you are married.  Besides the fact that pre-marital sex is not pleasing to God, I have read that those that wait to have sex until after they are married have a much better love life.  I can honestly tell you that I was a thirty-nine-year-old virgin the day I got married.  So do not use your age as an excuse to start having sex before you get married.  After finally knowing what sexual intimacy was all about, I am very grateful that I waited.  If you have made a mistake, repent of your sins and do not continue to live in sin.  God forgives and God heals. 

And, of course, after you are married, there is never any excuse to cheat.   

Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! They also do no iniquity; They walk in His ways. Psalm 119:1-3

Choosing to have an undefiled marriage is saying you both strive to live pure lives, holy and acceptable, and pleasing unto the Lord (Romans 12:1-2).  When you have such a goal, your marriage is certain to be happy and successful.  

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

I am a person who finds it difficult to trust others. I have been burnt by every friend I have ever had, and that is not an exaggeration. I never thought it would be possible to trust anyone. Without trust, true love does not exist. Yet, I trust Mel 100%. If I did not, I never could have fallen in love with him, and of course, never would have married him. I can put my entire life in his hands and know I am safe: body, mind, and soul. What an incredible honor to have him trust me in return! The husband of a virtuous woman "safely trusts her." The same goes for the virtuous man.  I want to always be worthy of Mel's trust and would never forgive myself if I betrayed his trust in me. I will always be faithful to him physically, but I need to also earn his trust in every other way as well. 

This ties in perfectly with verse 12. In order to maintain my husband's trust, I would always do "him good and not evil all the days of [my] life." To me, this is so simple. I would not cheat on him, lie to him, or steal from him. Those are obvious. However, doing your husband "good" is more than following the commandments. You can defile your marriage with more than just sexual sins. Honor him with your body (which includes NOT dressing proactively), learn to compromise, submit, and honor him as your spiritual leader and head of your house, and do not talk behind his back. 

Having an undefiled marriage cannot exist without trust in all areas, which is the basis for the two scriptures in Proverbs. One of the most important issues in a marriage is making yourself trustworthy. If you are doing something that causes your spouse not to trust you, I would say that means you are doing him/her "evil." Trust can be re-earned over time, but it is far better not to break this trust to begin with! If you have, first seek forgiveness from Christ, then your partner, and sincerely work on fixing your marriage. I hope I never betray my sweet love's trust and do him "evil." I know my goal will always be to do him "good all the days of [my] life." 

Undivided:  No matter what situations you may face, do not let it cause a rift between you and your spouse.  Stay strong, stay rock solid, stay undivided.

When Mel and I were nearly homeless in 2014, it was the most fearful situation our marriage faced.  In the midst of extreme stress, we talked about our fears often and prayed several times a day to try to keep our spirits up.  We had a very real conversation one night where we admitted we were both terrified that if God chose not to grant us a miracle, that it could change our marriage (God did grant us a miracle by providing a rental literally days before we lost our home.).  More than worrying about living in our vehicle, we are worried about losing one another. Not in the sense of divorce, but in being forced to live in separate locations. We love each other so much that the idea of any kind of separation is worse than anything else we could face.  We never want to be divided.  We were determined that we were not going to let our circumstances tear us apart.  We were (and still are) committed to our wedding vows.  I can preach at you to stay bonded to your mate and talk things through, but I am living proof that scary situations do not have to divide you.  You do not have to be at each other's throats or place blame.  You can pray and cry together and cling even tighter to one another.

Other than facing homelessness, for some strange reason, Mel and I have faced constant opposition. Even on the fourth day we were dating, a woman we were having dinner with went behind my back and told Mel he should not be with me. I will not go into all the details of what was said then or what she later did to further try to tear us apart, but it was very harsh. The day I found out all she had said and done to try to turn him against me, I was so devastated, it caused me to break down and cry. Now understand, I rarely cry, but this hurt so deeply, I openly cried in front of my new boyfriend just one day after we began talking marriage and had confessed our love to each other. I knew he was the man I desperately loved and wanted to marry, and I was terrified I would lose him. Gratefully, Mel saw right through this woman’s schemes, and did not listen to her strange and false accusations; he knew I was the one he was meant to marry.  Mel compassionately held me in his arms and our bond only grew tighter. We knew then that no one would ever divide us.

What we did not expect was that the antagonism against us would remain constant. I will not go into details because it would take far too long, and I do not want to dwell on negativity, but it seems there is an ever-present target on our heads. Friends and even family members have tried to come between us. We have faced (these are issues from other people, not us): lies, lust, false “prophecies,” backstabbing, jealousy in many forms, manipulation, false condemnation, and even theft and vandalism. However, Mel and I have amazing communication, and we talked things through and we were able to put these issues where they belong: in the trash!

So why are we the focus of so many dangerous plots to come between us? Are we just paranoid? Are we having shared delusions? No, of course not! We know it is because God has been preparing us for a big ministry since before we were born. We are a light the enemy wishes to snuff out. He will use every means he can to try to defeat us which includes trying to destroy our marriage. 

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

With God’s help, Mel and I are stronger than the enemy and all who oppose us. Every time we face attacks that try to come between us, it only brings us closer together. For one thing, we are both very analytical and logical, and we are able to reason through all the supposed truths we have been fed. We can recognize when someone or something is being used to try to place a rift between us. Yet, we will not be divided because we believe in Mark 10:9 that says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” We 100% believe God has put us together forever. Nothing or no one will ever tear us apart. 

I pray that all who read this can say the same about their marriages, that you do not allow anyone or anything to divide you. Talk things through and cling together. It is amazing how Mel and I love each other more and more every day, and our bond only grows and grows. God had bound us together with chords that cannot be broken. Our love is undivided and eternal, and, therefore, so is our marriage. 

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:  

Undefiled:  Be honest with yourself, are there any areas in your marriage where you know you could be purer?  Evaluate yourself not just in areas of sex, but in all areas of your marriage and spiritual life.  Use this week to repent of any areas that need improving and do your best to walk undefiled. 

Undivided:  It is quite common to deal with outside forces that may try to come between you and your mate.  However, we sometimes choose to turn a blind or ignorant eye to the harm caused by friends or family.  Show love to all but make up your mind this week not to put up with anyone who tries to divide you and your soul mate.    

Art Project Idea:  When I use the thesaurus feature in Microsoft Word for the word undivided, I am presented with, “complete, entire, whole, total, full, exclusive, and unbroken.”  Then my mind wanders to the song, “Will the Circle be Unbroken?”  While this song has to do with Heaven, the title inspired this week’s art project.

Draw a circle of any size out of any material.  You could even cover a sheet of paper with multiple circles of various patterns and sizes.  However you choose to do it, write the words to Mark 10:9 in the center of your biggest circle (or divide the words among all the circles if you choose), “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”  The King James Version states, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man tear asunder.”  Therefore, I like to rephrase the last few words as, “…let no one tear apart,” which is a more accurate definition of the word asunder.   You could even use the words, “Our circle will not be unbroken.”

To make this project more interesting, make a collage of pictures of various years together (be sure to include at least one wedding picture), and glue a circle under each photo, use scrapbook paper with a circle design, or both.  Still include the words to the scripture in a prominent place in the collage. Frame and hang it where all who come to your house gets the clear message that no one can ever come between you and your chosen one!