Fun Activity This Week: Learn any new skill you have always wanted to learn. Although it is fun to learn together, you do not have to choose the same thing. It can be something easy you learn in a day or two, to a life-long process. Be each other's encourager in whatever you choose to learn.
Week 24: Love & Loyalty
Love: I realize this entire blog is all about love, but this week I want to write about what it truly means when you say you are in love.
Many of the books on marriage are painting such a picture of doom and gloom that if I was not married, they would probably scare me away from it. In fact, as soon as we became engaged, and I read some of these books they did scare me! They make it sound as if marriage is a constant struggle and it requires so much effort that you practically need a Ph.D. just to survive a year without divorce. However, I am here to tell you that is ridiculous! Now I am not naïve enough to believe that all people are sweet, complacent, and respectful of their spouse. There are a lot of people that are very argumentative and always want to have the last word. There are also many bossy people that want to control everyone around them and refuse to listen to anyone’s opinion except their own. There are also a lot of emotional and physical bullies that suffocate the life out of everyone. All these types of people are going to be in difficult marriages that most likely will fail without seeking help and changing their ways. We will all go through hard times and have grouchy days but learning to respect each other and keep communicating no matter what you are going through makes a big difference.
I am going to tell you how I see love based on how I feel. This is my opinion alone. I am simply me, non-published, no degree, a childless housewife married since June 2012. But I am happy, and my marriage is full of peace and joy. Even though life is often difficult, my marriage is easy. I have made mistakes as a wife, but I would never intentionally harm my husband, and this is why:
I truly love Mel with all my body, mind, and soul, his happiness is more important than my own. I wish I could create a perfect cocoon of pleasure and bliss that he can live in forever, and where no harm will ever come to him. Because I am in love, the idea of fighting and conflict with him makes me sick to my stomach and I always want peace between us.
This does not mean never speaking up or having an opinion. However, being argumentative and always having to be right should not be my goal. It is listening to Mel's opinions and weighing all sides. I realize we are all human and even those madly in love will not always agree, and there are times I believe I am the one in the right, but that does not mean screaming at my spouse is the way to get my point across. Because I love him, I want to be so in tuned that we practically think in unison. That means I do not want conflict and do not have the need to be right all the time. I realize there are some issues I can let go. By the way, we actually agree on almost everything and have extremely few disagreements, and when we do, they are very minor and over quickly because we cannot stand to see the other upset.
Because I truly love Mel, I never want to see him in pain. Therefore, it is pretty obvious I would never intentionally cause him physical or emotional harm. I love Mel so much that I have told him many times that I would take on all his past, present, and future hurts as well as any physical pain he feels if only he could be pain-free forever. I mean that with all my heart.
Because I truly love Mel, I want to give him all of me. I want to make him enjoy his sex life and feel satisfied. And because I love him, he satisfies me, and I truly love our intimate time together. I love the pleasure side of our marriage because I am so madly in love with him. Our time of intimacy is very important to me, and not just for the physical side, but also for the romance and bonding it brings to our lives. Of course, Mel is honorable and would request anything in our love life that was immoral, or I would not go along with it. Love does not mean agreeing to go against the rules of the Bible or asking someone else to do so.
Because I truly love Mel, I trust him with my life, and I want to make sure he feels the same. This means I would never want to purposely deceive or cheat on him. I want that trust for a lifetime.
Love is not temporary; love is permanent. I say to Mel all the time, “I want you forever.” This is not a figure of speech. I literally want him for all eternity. This means I would never intentionally do anything that would cause a rift between us. I would never give him reason to leave me. I want my husband forever. Therefore, I will do my best to make our forever peaceful, compromising, effortless, relaxed, enjoyable, helpful, romantic, selfless, forgiving, gentle, hopeful, joyful, agreeable, diplomatic, truthful, and faithful!
Loyalty: This week is not just about standing up for sexual purity within marriage, or even just about the way one dresses. This week has more to do with vanity, or more specifically, being so vain you place your ego above your mate to the point you have become disloyal to your marriage.
Let's start with Facebook (and other social media). I see so many men and women who are married that have only a picture of themselves as a profile picture. This is not so bad, (although I believe husbands and wives should have a joint Facebook page) but what irritates me is when they are posed in a provocative way and/or dressed to show off their body. A look of, "Hey, everybody, check me out; aren't I cute!" is written all over their face. Rather than, "Look at my spouse and me; aren't we an adorable couple?" Simply including your mate in your profile picture says to the world that you are very happily spoken for, and you are proud of your marriage. In this case, I believe showing off is perfectly acceptable! In addition, do not try to out-shine your spouse in photos. Stand side by side, not one of you as the focus and the other somewhere behind you! You are partners, so show the world you view each other as equals!
As I have previously written, I do not like the way many women dress. It is bad enough to see a teenager with her rear end hanging out, but when I see a woman with a man (whether he is the husband or not) dressed in way that leaves little to the imagination, it really makes me sad (especially when they have kids with them). Mel has put it perfectly; he says that women like that are not ever going to be loyal. If she wants all men's eyes on her, then she is not honoring the man she is with, be it boyfriend, fiancé, or husband. Logic says if she is willing to show off plenty skin just to get attention, and does not care who she titillates, she is willing to cheat on her spouse. Whether you agree or not, any man or woman wanting to be eye candy for everyone else is a form of emotionally cheating on your spouse. It is okay to want to look nice, but it is wrong to want to be sexually provocative. If you do not want the attention, then why dress that way? You can be perfectly comfortable in a modest sundress, capris, and not a drop of cleavage needs to be showing even in 100-degree temperatures. Therefore, using the excuse that it is hot will not work; the truth is that it is all about vanity. And more importantly, single or not, dressing provocatively is displeasing to the Lord!
What it comes down to is whether you are more interested in seeking out the attention of the opposite sex because you know you have a good body and/or attractive face, and you really enjoy the ego boost, or do you love your spouse so much that you want only his/her eyes on you? I have seen many women dressed modestly and still be fashionable. I am fifty-one years old, and I need to lose weight, but even if I had the perfect figure and had the perfect sense of fashion, I would still dress discreetly.
You can also show loyalty to your spouse by the way you speak about each other when you are apart. Stand up for one another if anyone insults your honey, and never speak ill of your spouse behind his/her back. Sure, there will be times when you are frustrated during the course of your marriage, and you may feel the need to vent to someone and get a little sympathy. However, there is never any excuse for bad-mouthing your mate and making him/her look stupid, lazy, mean, incompetent, etc. Even insulting his/her cooking or the way he/she keeps house betrays your mate. If you really need someone to talk to, talk to God.
Chances are, whatever you feel like complaining about will be resolved in a short amount of time, and you will feel guilty for having said cruel things about the one you love above anyone or anything else. Moreover, it creates hard feelings towards your mate with those to whom you have gossiped. Long after you are over the issue, they are still seeing your spouse in a negative light. The Bible says we are to respect our spouse, and this absolutely means whether we are together or apart.
Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:
Love: This week is wide open! What can you do to show how much you love your mate? Cook a nice dinner, have a night out on the town, or just simply show kindness and respect. Whatever it is, use your imagination and make certain your mate never forgets how much in love you are!
Art Project Option: This is where saving boxes used for shipping or the cardboard inserts in pizza boxes comes in handy! Make a train out of cardboard or any other material (I made mine 2D, but you could make one 3D) with an engine that has a unique title. For example, my train for Mel was The Ludeke Express and the engine number was 0610 (our anniversary). Make as many cars as you would like and decorate each car with a unique theme that celebrates your love. You can see the train I made when I post the example in a few days. When the train is finished, punch holes (holes can be tricky in cardboard, but if it is thin enough it can be done) and tie the cars together with yarn, thread, ribbon, or even rubber bands. My hubby loves trains, and he loved this so much he hung it on the bedroom wall for several years.
This can be reimagined in many ways. You can use any type of paper instead of cardboard. You can print pictures of trains and the items that go in the boxcars from the internet rather than drawing. You could even buy a toy train and fill the cars with miniatures to represent your unique love.
I chose the train theme because Mel collects trains, but you could use any symbol you like that is unique to your marriage such as cars, wagons, or just plain boxes.
Loyalty: Is there any area you can recognize where you are placing your own vanity over the love of your spouse? Now is the time to come clean! Combine social media pages or at least include each other in your personal profile pictures. As I suggested in week 10, go through your wardrobe and get rid of your provocative clothing. And of course, make 100% certain there is no way you would ever cheat on your partner, and do whatever you need to assure your heart will always be loyal.
No comments:
Post a Comment