Week 26: Mercy & Money

Fun Activity This Week:  Visit an art or historical museum.  None in your area, or it is not in your budget, then look at books or photos on-line of beautiful art and/or historical items.  Many museums have photos on-line and some even have virtual tours.  Mel and I are both history buffs, and even looking at photos is interesting to us.

 

Week 26: Mercy & Money

Mercy:  Just as we expect others to be merciful toward us when we make mistakes, show the utmost mercy toward your spouse and always be ready to forgive.  Do not hold a grudge or later throw back in his/her face something done weeks or months ago.  Furthermore, do not plot how to get even.  Give your mate the benefit of the doubt and learn to talk things out and/or let the little things go.

If your spouse has done something that has offended you and you truly feel like you cannot let it go, then please find the time to talk about it before you go to sleep.  Ephesians 4:26 gives this excellent advice, “Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath."  It is best to confront things when fresh in your mind.  When you stew over something, it tends to get bigger rather than smaller.

I have said it before, and I promise it is true; Mel and I very rarely fight. I cannot even recall the last time we had a serious argument, but I believe the last time we had a shouting match was in 2014.  Part of the reason we so rarely argue is because we communicate so well and because we do not let the little things get to us.  Neither one of us is prefect in any way, and there are things we do that irritate the other.  However, because we are so deeply in love and so truly respect one another, we do not keep a list of these things to throw back in the other's face.  If Mel does not feel like telling me right away that I did something to hurt his feelings in November, he is not going to say to me in December, "Well you bit my head off last month and I am still upset by it."  Nor am I going to say, "Well, you said something that hurt my feelings in June, July, and August!"  Of course not, because we let the little things go.  

I am certainly not suggesting you confront every little thing that irritates you. For one thing, as you know by now, that I cannot stand nagging wives or husbands.  For another, you may have woken up cranky and something big will seem much smaller once you have had your coffee. Only discuss the things you think could affect your marriage negatively.  If you truly think you will be over it in an hour or two and it is not worth stirring up angry feelings, let it go, and do not store it in your brain to confront your spouse with at a later date.  The Bible says it better: He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29, & So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19  

I Corinthians 13:5 gives us excellent advice by reminding us that love keeps no record of wrongs (NIV).  The New King James Version words I Corinthians 13:5 a little different and says, love “thinks no evil.” So, keeping track of all the times your spouse has hurt your feelings is thinking evil toward one another.  Unless your partner has a pattern of abuse, chances are, he/she did not truly mean to hurt your feelings.  If it really bothers you that much, then please let each other know and talk about it so the problem can be resolved. 

He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week: 

Money:  Although I talked about materialism last week, this week I will be more specific in matters of how to handle money issues in your marriage.  Statistics state that the number one reason couples fight and often even break up is over money.  If you follow a few simple ideas, there is no reason money should cause so much harm.  

I know several couples that have separate bank accounts.  One of the reasons was, sadly, that the husband was wasting their money on alcohol and the wife had to get a secret account so her family could eat.  Another reason was that the wife spent all of her money, then took her husband’s income without asking, and gave it to her children from her first marriage.  Unless these are your issues, there is no reason to keep your money separate.  If your spouse is an irresponsible spender and cannot be trusted to waste money on frivolous or immoral things, you may need to seek professional help.  Genesis 2:24 says that we become one when we marry, that means we share all things.  

Mel and I very much have the attitude of “what’s mine is yours and yours is mine.”  We know what the other spends, and the only time a purchase is a secret is if it is for a happy surprise.  Even then, we have a rule (as many couples do) that we do not spend more than a set amount without clearing it with the other, even for gifts.  So choose an amount you want your partner to discuss with you before it is spent.

If one of you is better at organization, there is nothing wrong with designating one of you as the “banker” of the family.  I am the one responsible for budgeting, but because I enjoy creating lists and charts and being organized, I do not mind doing it.  However, if the banker is feeling overwhelmed, consider swapping roles on a rotating schedule.  I know of families where the one in charge of the checkbooks resented the role and it caused friction.  If neither of you is capable of keeping track, there is no shame in that.  Rather than find yourselves in the negative a little too often or short on money and struggling to survive at the end of the month, take a class in finance for help.  Churches quite often offer free or inexpensive money managing seminars.  Alternatively, if you really feel it is a necessity and you can afford it, hire an accountant.

I am certainly not a financial adviser and made plenty of mistakes in my younger days, but God has since instilled in me the wisdom of planning and keeping a strict financial plan. We keep a tight budget for each month, and if we are worried we will go over (which is rare), we sit down together and discuss what adjustments need to be made to keep our funds where they need to be.  Figure out what is coming in versus what is going out (bills, necessities, and even fun money).  Find time together every day or two (you decide how often) to go over all money spent that day to assure there are no stresses or surprises in the budget.

Consider starting a savings account.  For the majority of our marriage, we had no savings as we barely live paycheck to paycheck.  If this is your situation, I understand.  However, even if you only set aside $5-$10 every two weeks, the money adds up, and it is a comfort just knowing you have a small cushion either for emergencies, a vacation, or something fun. In 2018 I worked a seasonal job from May-September, so every month we set aside enough money to help us pay our large winter power bill as well as making it possible for us to move in 2019.  The first year we had that extra savings to fall back on was a huge stress reliever.

Try your very best never to get into debt.  Homes and vehicles are inevitable debt manufacturers, but what I am referring to is credit cards.  Too often, one is tempted to use the card more and more and the bill becomes an added burden to your finances.  If you have credit cards, try to save it for real emergencies, not just for an ice cream craving.  And do your best to pay down the balance as quickly as possible since the fees paid on interest rates are usually money wasted.

If you follow all the above suggestions and still find yourselves fighting over money, please take a class on money management and/or talk to a counselor.  

Marriage-Enhancing Ideas for the Week:

Mercy: Forgive past and present errors. Show mercy when wrongs are committed.  Do not hang past offenses over each other’s head.  Make a genuine effort to put the past where it belongs and focus on today!   

Money: Put into practice at least one idea from the above writing, such as starting a savings account.  Whatever you choose to do (or even if none of the above), take time this week and discuss how your finances are handled and make certain you are on the same page.  If not, do your best to find a compromise that will make both of you happy.

Art Project Option:  Ironically enough, you might need to spend money for this project, but less than $2.00 if you utilize a thrift or dollar store.  But you don't have to, you can create your own fake money or buy a game that uses money (unless you own such a game and never play it) such as Monopoly, or buy play money, draw money, print a design off the Internet, or find scrapbook or wrapping paper that looks like money.  You are going to create a mobile.  For the top section, use a large piece of cardboard (you can glue some of the “money” here or cover it with plain paper), and write something like, “You are priceless to me,” or “Your love is worth more than all the money in the world.”  Now glue as many fake bills as you wish to individual pieces of cardboard.  On each bill, write a word or phrase that describes how priceless your mate is to you.  Punch holes in the top of the money and connect them to the larger cardboard and to each other with thread, yarn, or even rubber bands.  You can even use fake coins as decorations as you see fit.  Hang this near the area where you pay your bills so you can be reminded that love is more important that money.